Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, do you think I'd be sitting in my crappy wooden chair, typing out a story on some website?
Title: The Things We Overlook
Author: quibbler149
Summary: What happened in Light's life that made him the person he's become?
Characters: Light Y.
(o) - O - (o)
"There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."
-Carl Jung
(o) - O - (o)
Sometimes the sky is frowning.
He can tell it's frowning because the clouds are clotted together and the wind is crying and the whole air seems grey. He likes those days. Those are the days he stops pretending.
-
When he's eight years old, his parents buy him a television to prop in his room. Immediately, Sayu cries and screams that she wants one too. His mother asks if he would mind sharing the TV. He doesn't need to think twice before handing over the whole thing.
Light never shares with anyone. He doesn't do things by halves.
So they lug the stupid electronic device into his sister's room. He doesn't feel the need to point out that she's barely out of babyhood. True to word, Sayu grabs for the nearest ABC book and throws it at the screen.
There's a rush of glass. There's Sayu's crying. There's his mother's horrified yelp.
There's Light who calmly hands her a broom and observes the shattered fragments littering his sister's floor. It's an ugly kind of beautiful. He almost asks to look a little longer before it's all swept away. The satisfaction at being right is blinding.
Two weeks later there's a brand new TV sitting in his room.
The television never meant much to him anyway, but it nags at him that anything can be replaced so easily with something bright, shiny, new.
-
When he's ten, Light wins his first award.
It's large and rectangular, made of glossy cardboard, embellished with gold stars and words of approval. His parents are so proud. They hug him and tell him how smart he is.
Light throws the cardboard into the rubbish bin when he gets home.
It's just another scrap piece of paper. It is useless. And when his parents inquire about the location of his prestigious certificate, he shrugs and ambles off. They probably wanted to frame it.
When Sayu rootles around the rubbish she finds the award and quietly asks her brother why he threw it out.
His reply is to snatch back the piece of paper, ask her to leave his room and crumple up the worthless document.
They don't talk about it again.
-
When Light celebrates his twelfth birthday, he realizes something important.
He is not happy.
His friends seem to find excitement so easily. They laugh over the strangest jokes. Light can't see the funny side. There's boredom hovering anxiously beside his ear. No matter how hard he swats he can't just wave it away.
Nothing seems enough anymore.
For once, he is a little lost. He asks Sayu where he might find himself because she's there and he needs someone to talk to. She shrugs and tells him honestly that she doesn't know what he means. His parents don't want to understand. They can't comprehend some of his questions or the troubles of his day.
So Light pretends he doesn't want to understand either.
-
When Light turns fifteen, a group of girls start giggling whenever he walks past. It irks him for a long time. He learns to ignore most of his annoyance because there's so damn many of them and if he acts every time he is bothered, people would shy away.
There's a girl within that group. She's not ugly. In fact, through a complete outsider's point of view, she might be considered rather pretty. She always looks at Light, always pays him special attention, always manages to sidle up to him in class activities.
Light wishes she'd go away.
Sometime in the spring, she follows him on his way home. He swivels around to tell her (politely) to please go home. But before the words are out of his mouth, she's presenting him a letter. It's ironic, how happy the whole world looks. There's hope in the wind, blowing a caress onto their necks. This hope floats so delicately. It's too fragile and easy to crush.
Light gently takes the letter and the girl's eyes flare with pleasure.
Then he proceeds to venture home, the letter drooping out of his hand. He glances at the first few words before it ends up in the rubbish; just like that certificate many years ago.
Later, he realizes he doesn't even know her name.
-
Ryuk observes him curiously. "I'll kill you," he says. And Light laughs, a cacophony of malice and disbelief. The shinigami takes another bite out of his apple and says no more.
When Light finds the Death Note, it's like his heart starts beating again. There's color in his cheeks, there's warmth in his skin, there's ambition streaked in his eyes. He can taste the thrill.
With the Death Note comes danger, comes a devious game, comes fear, comes careful dodging. With the Death Note, Light can smile.
But neither Light nor the people around him notice that his smile is not what it used to be.
-
When Light goes to university, he is sure.
There is no other word for it. He is sure. He is steady. He is positive of where he's going. But one thread hangs loose from the tapestry's grand design.
He doesn't know who or where L is.
And as much as he would like to say nothing threatens him, he can't help but feel cautious of this intelligent stranger. He's learnt quickly not to underestimate his opponent. This sugar-obsessed man can match his step.
But it's the risks that electrify him. It's the risks that keep him alive. He's drunk on triumph and addicted to the chase. It's a vicious competition to see who will come out on top. Those standing in his path are expendable.
Somewhere along the way, he's lost a little of himself. The situation is speeding by and Light has no time to comprehend much before he's forced to move on. He's found a wonderful key that locks away all emotions and hints of his conscience.
He wishes this game would never end.
-
When L dies, he feels immense fulfillment.
But then the question comes: what next?
With L out of the way, everything is much easier. But now, Light finds that easy doesn't cut it for him. Easy is empty.
There must be more games to play, more cliff edges to avoid, more cat-and-mouse. He's got some difficulty balancing now. Some of his purpose seems drained away. If he didn't know any better, he might even think that he was missing L.
The sunrise seems darker than before, inking a bloody stain across the day. Light watches it, searching for something, anything, to find footing. Uneasiness stirs in the pit of his stomach. It's more than insecurity. He's afraid to put a name to it.
They all mourn the great detective. Unknowingly, Light does too.
-
The war call drums in his brain. He can sense his father hovering nervously somewhere to the right and Misa's bubbly presence to the left. He doesn't focus on them. They are unimportant. Right now, there's the rest of life to live and his sister to save.
Maybe it shouldn't be appropriate to feel elation at a time like this, but Light can't help the anticipation that illuminates his mind.
Another game begins.
-
AN: This was my first Death Note fic. I wanted to analyze Light's character with events from his childhood. What made him into what he was? So I focused on the BD (before Death Note) and AD (after Death Note). If there is anything akin to good, all credits go to my amazing beta, The One Called Demetra. Without her, this fic would suck more than Nixon after Watergate. I haven't finished all of Death Note yet, so the next part will come later after I do that.