What if

by alexmonalisa

After a hasty but wrong decision, Rogue begans to wonder if she perhaps made the biggest mistake of her life and if it's too late to change it. POST X3 ROGAN.

A/N: Forgive the bunch of one-shots. I've been on holiday and have done a lot. Now, I'm just posting until more people vote in my poll. Yay me.
Dedicated to JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo for making an awesome ROGAN community. Song- WHat if by Kate Winslet.

Disclaimer Note: I own nothing.

Lyrics In Bold

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Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

It's been two years since I left the mansion. Staying there was just too complicated. A lot of things happened. Everyone was devastated when Jean died. Especially Logan and Scott. And then Jean came back. Killed the professor and then Logan had to kill her. We all thought she'd killed Scott but one day after things had settled down he and professor Xavier come back. The professor even got a new body. Long story, let's not go there.

I got the cure and was finally getting through life. Until that idiot Bobby decided to end up with Kitty. But it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I realised there was a reason I took the cure. It wasn't for some boy, it was for a man. Yup, for Logan. Of course since the whole Jean/Phoenix he changed. I think that's why he changed. I mean in the years that I've known him, he's always been Logan, that guy who I love unconditionally and who promised to protect me. And so far he's done a pretty good job. I mean look at me, I'm alive. Is that not proof?

Anyway, after awhile I kinda left the mansion like I said and have been alone for the past two years. Don't ask me why I left. I just did. Logan changed and I just had sudden urge to leave. Now I suddenly feel guilty, and wonder if I should have never left. I remember when I left. I didn't tell anyone. It was midnight and the only person who saw me off was the professor. He wished me luck and gave me some money. I always liked that man.

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

I did try to talk to Logan before I left but he seemed to like shrugging me off. So I was like screw that. I left like a coward, creeping away in the middle of the night. Headed home, found out my parents didn't really care whether I was human or mutant and started to live on my own.

By the way, fate has a funny sense of humour. I ended up working at the bar in Laughlin City. I also had my own house about ten minutes away. I luckily don't live alone. I live with Riley. She's thirteen and a runaway. I found her outside the bar one day and took her in. We went to see her only living relative which was her aunt. Apparently since her parents died she's been nothing but trouble. Her aunt didn't want her so after many stressful hours somehow I'm her guardian. Not complaining. She's nice to me because her aunt doesn't treat her like a human. Apparently her aunt never wanted children.

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Speaking of children, I wonder if Logan and I would have had children. Now, you may gave me a weird look and wonder if I'm going crazy but I actually have considered the whole having a child with the wild Wolverine. Actually there are many things I've considered doing with the Wolverine. Take a tumble or two if you catch my drift. What can I say, I'm a virgin. Not that I don't get so many pleasing offers in the bar. By the way, it's under new ownership. Luckily my boss accepts mutants, not that I am.

Sometimes I lay at night wondering what would have happened if I had stayed. I mean I didn't leave give Logan a chance. I kinda assumed he didn't want me. But I was just protecting my heart. Right?

I hate working late. As I enter the house I find Riley asleep on the couch. Her eyes are open and a tear is sliding down her face. Now, my Riley is not one to cry. So I'm scared shitless. I carefully crouch down so that my face is near hers.

'Honey, you okay?'

'Something happened.'

'At school?'

She shakes her head. I touch her forehead lightly. She's burning up.

'Where?'

'Here. Martin came over and we had a fight. A big one. I got angry and suddenly all the glass broke and things flew around…I think I did it.'

'Oh thank god.'

She gives me a shocked looked and I smile.

'Honey, I think you're powers just manifested. And by what you described it sounds like telekinesis.'

'So, I'm a mutant.'

'Yeah.'

She bit her lip and looked down. I realised it wouldn't be long before that stupid boy told people and while the bartender accepted mutants the rest of the village didn't.

'Marie, what should I do?'

'For now we need to leave here. You just need to stay calm.'

'Are my powers bad?'

'No, they're…amazing.'

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Ok, so it's morning right now. I've been driving for six hours straight. Don't worry I'm surviving and have had a coffee and three energy drinks. I've explained to Riley that she can stay with the x-men, I could train her or she could get the cure. The latter being under extreme circumstances. She wants to see this school and I'm trying to remember why I considered the option. I really don't want to be back. I wanted to turn around when we stopped awhile ago but it's too late now that I'm in Westchester.

Oh crap, I can see the mansion. Let me just stress that I didn't call ahead. I pull up to the front gate and roll down my window. I press the buzzer and wait. There's a crackling sound before someone answers.

'Name?'

That sounds like Jubilee.

'Hey Jubs.'

'Roguey? What's up chica?'

'Not much. I'm here to see the professor.'

'Okay, I'll buzz you in.'

There was another crackle and then the gates opened. I drove up to the front and parked. And sat. Riley touched my shoulder.

'It's nothing. I'm just nervous.'

'Me too.' she whispers.

'You have a reason.'

'Why are you nervous?'

'That was the Jubilee. By now the whole school will know I'm back.'

'And that's bad?'

'You have no idea.'

'Can we go in?'

'Yeah.'

I sigh and grab Riley's bag from the backseat. I grab mine too and walk to the front door. I gasp when the door is opened. Well, Bobby Drake has certainly grown. And bad luck about that ring on his finger.

'Hey Drake. Long time hey?'

'Hey Rogue. The professor is waiting.'

'Well, let's not keep him waiting.'

I smirk and toss our bags at Bobby. I take Riley's hand and lead her to Xavier's office. I walk fast so that I can avoid others.

Soon we enter the professors office and I see Storm. She immediately rushes over and hugs me.

'Oh Rogue. I've missed you. Don't you ever run off without saying goodbye.'

I smile sheepishly and push Riley forward.

'Um… this is-'

I'm stopped as the door slams open and Logan enters. My heart leaps and I stand rooted to the spot doing a good impression of a goldfish. Riley punches me lightly and I shake my head. Storm closes the door before coming to my side.

'Ah Logan, so glad you could join us.' Smile the professor.

A second before I get to talk Scott walks in looking all cheery. Oh! Scott must have brought him in here. I forget how newbie's get the x-men welcome. Okay, deep breath. Ignore stare from creepy Wolf man.

'Like I was saying this is Riley. Her powers have manifested and she needs help.'

I nudge Riley and she gives me a pleading look. The professor is still smiling. I am so creeped out.

'Welcome Riley. You are welcome to stay here.'

'I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to control it.' whispers Riley.

'What exactly can you do?' whispers Scott.

Riley looks at me and I nod. She looks pointedly at a chair before thrusting her arm out. The chair flies backwards and thuds against the professors desk. Riley squeaks and buries her in my chest. I stroke her hair softly.

'It's okay kiddo.'

'Riley, I don't know if Rogue told you but there was a woman with a talent like yours. She learned how to control it and it became a strong power. It's nothing to be ashamed of.'

'Marie told me.'

I smiled and patted her head. Then I looked at Logan who was simply looking out of the window. Bastard. I sigh and look at the professor.

'So, what now?'

'Well, Scott has volunteered to do special training sessions with her. You'll have to stay being her guardian.'

'I know, I know.'

I sigh and look at Logan who looks at me sideways. I smile at the professor and detach Riley.

'Okay kiddo. You need to talk to the professor. I'm going to go settle in. By the way, where am I staying?'

'Teacher's wing. I'll show you.'

I nod at Storm and follow her. It's going to be a long month.

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

I've been sitting on my bed for the past three hours and still no Logan. I've had Kitty as my first visitor. She felt obliged to inform me that my boyfriend, wait, ex-boyfriend, and her are now married and expecting. Ah bless. Not! That's my life! Well, it was until…

Anyway, then came Jubilee, Piotr, Warren and then Scott. Scott likes Riley. Everyone keeps asking about how I am the one to find a mutant with a power similar to Jean. They make it sound like I didn't like the woman. I did! Jean Grey was like a sister to me. And like all big sisters she got attention from my, well not my but you know, Logan and I was jealous. But just a little. No big thing. Anyway, Riley came to see me and told me she has the hots for Jimmy. Took the little minx about an hour. She is also loving the mansion and wants to stay forever. Yeah, right.

Why isn't he here? Why won't Logan come see me? I miss him. Have been since I left and yet the idiot just stays away from me. Does he like me? Maybe he's angry. I hope not.

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

I've been here for two days and have sorted out the basics of my life. I'm teaching Art, don't ask and I train with the x-men. Take a guess who is my trainer. Yeah, Logan. King of the ass kicking. My first session is in three hours. Whoopee. And he's still not talking to me.

It's like he has lost his spirit. Logan just lumbers around and looks with soulless eyes. Is this my fault? Should I not have left? Where is the Wolverine? I want that passionate growling hunk of handsome that makes me turn into a pile of gelo. I want to watch that sex on legs walk past me and then jump him. Instead I have a hunk of metal stomping around avoiding me like he's gonna get a prize for it.

Screw this I need a drink.

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine
'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

Oh dear. I'm in the danger room swaying and staring at a fuming Wolverine. I might add that I'm wearing a tank top and hot pants. Teeny tiny black ones that cling to my butt. I did not walk around the mansion like this, I actually had sweat pants over but pulled them off in the changing room. Logan looks pissed.

'Sorry I'm late.'

'Not only are you late Rogue but you're also drunk and inappropriately dressed.'

'I'm not drunk!'

'Oh really?'

'Yes, I can still say chemically imbalanced. And you're the one in- inappri- wrongly dressed.'

He raises an eyebrow and my legs cave as I fall on my buttocks. I'm not drunk, it's just all that leather and then that damn eyebrow.

'Marie, are you crying?'

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'

'Why?'

'Logan…'

I looked up and he was in front of me. But his expression didn't sit right. It wasn't Logan. It was still distant and cold.

'I'd do anything for a time machine. Wouldn't you?' I giggle.

'You're not making sense.'

'I never do. Come on, let's fight.'

I stand up and pop my neck. Okay, battle stance.

'Maybe we should-'

'Shut-up and fight.'

He growls and I almost faint.

We fight for half an hour before I fall down and can't get up again. I look up and he's staring at me.

'Tired?' he asks.

'I never get tired.'

'I do.'

'That's a lie.' I grunt.

He shrugs and starts to walk away. I latch onto his ankle with my hand.

'You changed. I want to know why?'

He tried to pull away and I grasp tighter.

'Answer me.'

'I learned about my past. All of it.'

'So?'

'If you get too close… Look kid, things happened and I lost people. I still lose people…'

'You mean Jean and Kayla.' I whisper.

He stares at me, shocked.

'You know?'

'Wanna know a secret. You're power grew really strong. And for some reason when the cure side effects kicked in instead of faint traces of my power coming back, I got faint traces of yours. I guess it's because I thought about you and willed myself to hold onto your psyche. I have faint healing and your memories.'

'You…'

'I should have told you.'

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

'Guess it's my fault.' I whisper.

'What?'

'That… well between us nothing happened. I never should of left but I was so afraid of how you'd changed.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Is it too late? I mean, I still love you but…'

I look up and he sighs. He sits next to me and touches a strand of my hair.

'I tried to push you away Marie, because I didn't want to lose you. Then I woke up one day and you were gone. I realised I'd lost you anyway. But I…'

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.

'I know.' I mutter.

'So, you picked your own kid.'

'I finally feel your pain.'

'Pain? No, it was a gift that I didn't deserve. 'Specially when I got a beautiful woman who loves me.'

'And I got one hot package. Speaking of packages…'

'Darlin' get your mind out of the gutter.'

'But why?'

I pout and bat my eyelashes. Logan growls and pins me down, his body on mine.

'We still have this room for another hour.' he whispers.

'What if-'

'No more what if's, let's just live. You trust me, right?'

'I love you more than I can say. And trust you with my life.

-xXx-