Chapter 1

Stan stood, looking into his empty locker, with a smile spread across his face. It was the first day of his sophomore year of high school, and he couldn't be happier. He had this feeling that this was going to be his best year yet. Last year, he had dominated as quarterback on the junior varsity squad, and was promised a spot on varsity, along with his best friend, Kyle. That meant they were now two of the most popular students in the school. He was getting pretty good grades. He wasn't a straight A student, but he got mostly A's and B's, which made his parents proud. But the best thing for Stan was that over the summer he had started dating one of the most beautiful girls in the school, Andie. Her long blonde hair bounced when she walked. Her eyes were a pale green color that Stan could stare into all day long. When she smiled at him, his heart would skip a beat. She was so perfect; Stan couldn't believe that she was his.

He was deep in thought as he unloaded his backpack into his locker.

"Hey dude," Kyle startled Stan to the point that he dropped his binder on the ground.

"Holy shit, Kyle. I didn't know you were here." Stan picked up his binder as Kyle dropped his backpack and started filling up the locker next to Stan's, with his own books.

"Sorry. Deep in thought about, Andie?" Kyle said her name with a mocking tone, as he fluttered his eyes.

"Shut up. She's amazing. She's unlike anyone I've ever dated before,"

"That's not saying much, since you've really only dated Wendy, which was in elementary school, and then a few girls in middle school which lasted what, a couple weeks at most?" At sound of the name Wendy, Stan paused for a split moment. Wendy was a name that neither he nor Kyle had said in a while. It just felt odd, unnatural.

When they were about to start their last year of elementary school, Wendy was offered the choice to skip a grade, and she took it, sending her to middle school without Stan. They said they'd still see each other on weekends, but then Wendy just got too busy with the middle school curriculum and she often cancelled their plans. They grew apart slowly, so it wasn't heartbreaking letting her go. By the time the year was over and he went to middle school, he and Wendy barley knew each other. She had new, older, friends. She was in so many clubs, from "Let's go Green" to the Honor Society, and was running for class president. They weren't mad at each other; they just accepted that they were different now. When they passed each other in the halls they would smile and nod, but that was they only indictor that they knew each other at all.

Still, when Kyle said her name, Stan paused for a split second and let the memories of their childhood come back. Kyle noticed Stan daze off, thinking he upset Stan, Kyle quickly added, "Jokes aside, dude, I actually think she's pretty awesome, and I think you guys make a good couple."

Just as quickly as the memories of Wendy came, they left, and his mind filled with memories of his amazing summer with Andie.

"Thanks, dude," Stan said with a smile. He grabbed his backpack off the floor and he and Kyle started walking to their first class of the day.

A couple months had passed and it was now late October. Stan was the star quarterback of the varsity team. They had only lost one game so far this season, and the score had been 14-13. Stan felt like a king at the school. When he walked the halls, guys would give him high fives, and girls would smile, blush and look away. He had everything he could ever ask for.

He was getting his books out of his locker for his next class, when he felt someone's arms wrap around his waist from the back. Andie kissed his cheek, and Stan melted. He turned around and kissed her on the lips.

"Am I still coming over after school?" Andie asked, subtly biting her lower lip, in a way that made Stan want to crumble.

"I love you, Andie," Stan said as he grabbed her and kissed her again.

Andie broke away and smiled, her perfect smile, "I love you too. I'll see you later." And she ran off to class, her hair bouncing around her waist.

Stan swung his backpack over his shoulder and started to walk to class. He was in a day dream about what Andie and he were going to do after school. He turned the corner sharply and smacked straight into another student. Startled he looked down and saw the familiar student scrambling to pick up all the books that she just dropped. Stan immediately dropped down to help her pick them up.

"Wendy, hi, I'm so sorry, let me help." Stan smashed together his words. He was talking so fast and he didn't know why, but he suddenly felt nervous. Wendy grabbed the books that he offered her, and didn't even look at him. She didn't say anything. She just got up and left as if Stan was just a pole she had walked into. Stan stared at her as he watched her go. He shuddered. When he had looked at her, something seemed wrong. She seemed distant, like she didn't even register her surroundings. For a second he debated if he should go ask her what's wrong, but decided against it. They hadn't had a conversation in years. It wasn't his business anymore, what she was feeling. He shook it off and walked to class, bringing his thoughts back to Andie. But the image of Wendy was still etched in the back of his mind, and that night it gave him nightmares.

The next morning, Stan felt exhausted. He got dressed, poured a bowl of cereal, threw his books into his backpack and walked to the school bus, grudgingly. When he arrived, things seemed different. There was a group of kids huddled in a circle, talking. One of them said, "It's true. My mom said that their neighbor told her that they saw the ambulance drive away from their house." Stan wasn't really curious what they had to say, he was used to hearing stupid gossip about the town. Still, something did not feel right. He saw Kyle walked up, looking at the ground, he seemed slower.

"Hey Kyle, what's up?" Stan asked. Kyle looked up at him. His eyes looked red, as if he had been crying.

"You haven't heard," Kyle said it as if asking a question, but really he was just making the statement, "Wendy tried to kill herself last night."

Stan felt like he had been punched in the gut. His knees gave out and he fell to the ground. Stan shook his head. "You're wrong. You have to be." Stand kept saying, knowing in his heart it was true. He thought of the way she looked yesterday and he became disgusted with himself. If he had just went after her. If he had asked her what was wrong, maybe things would be different. Maybe she'd be here right now. This was all too much for Stan. He sat in the snow and wrapped his arms around his legs. Kyle sat down next to him and said, "My mom sat me down and told me this morning. I mean we weren't really friends, but I was in a couple of her honors classes so we would small talk. We were in the middle of a group project we were working on. She was just at my house this past weekend to work on it. It's all so surreal, dude," All of sudden, Stan felt confused. Kyle had her in classes? Kyle talked to her still? She was at Kyle's house this past weekend? Stan assumed that Kyle hadn't talked to her since elementary school, like he had.

"You still talked to her?" Stan asked, almost in an accusing tone.

"Yeah. Like I said, we've had a few honors classes together"

"You never told me that," Stan said the words, as if he was disgusted by the fact.

"I didn't think I needed to. It's not like Wendy and I were friends. I don't understand what the issue is," Kyle sounded defensive. Stan realized he wasn't being rational. Stan hadn't shown any interest at all about Wendy's life, since she left for middle school. It wasn't like Kyle was hiding anything from Stan. Stan realized that he hadn't even been asking Kyle what he was doing on the weekends. Stan had been preoccupied with spending his time with Andie. Suddenly he felt like a terrible friend.

"I'm sorry, Kyle," Stan said, staring at the ground, "You said she tried to kill herself. That means she's still alive?" Stan had been afraid to ask, but he needed to know.

"Yeah, she's at the hospital. Her mom called my mom last night. They've become friends lately. I guess she was hysterical. She found Wendy passed out in the bathroom with an empty bottle of pills. Her parents aren't letting her have visitors right now, but it looks like she'll make a full recovery."

Stan felt a little better. She was going to be okay. He wiped the tears off his face. Kyle offered him a hand and helped him off the ground, just as the bus pulled up.

Once they reached school, everyone was talking about it. Stan was so thankful that Kyle had been the one to tell him and that he didn't find out this way. Stan saw Andie walk up to him, crying.

"Oh Stan, it's so awful. Have you heard the news? Some girl tried to kill herself. That really makes you think about life, and the importance of enjoying every moment. I'm just glad I have you. I don't know what I'd do," Stan instinctively put his arms around her, but felt weird about it. Here he was comforting his girlfriend, because his ex-girlfriend tried to kill herself, and Andie didn't even know her, not really. Suddenly, her tears seemed fake. Stan let go of Andie.

"Wendy," Stan said sternly.

"What?" Andie asked confused, blinking tears out of her eyes.

"You called her some girl, her name is Wendy and she is more than just, some girl"

"I'm, I'm sorry. I didn't know you knew her." Andie seemed a little annoyed. Stan realized he never even mentioned her to Andie. He never told her about his past.

"I used to date her, back in elementary school. I haven't talked to her since, but still," Stan trailed off his sentence. For a moment, Andie looked angry, but then her features softened.

"I'm sorry, Stan. That must have been hard when you found out," Andie hugged him and Stan felt bad for being angry with her. She was just being empathetic. He hugged her back. Her hair smelled like strawberries and it comforted him. He realized that everything was going to be fine. Wendy was okay, she'd be home soon, and her parents would get her help. He had a big game coming up that they were for sure going to win. He still had an incredible girlfriend and an amazing best friend. Things were going to be okay.

When Stan got home that night, there was a letter waiting for him. His name was printed with perfect handwriting, and there was no return address. Stan thought this was very odd. He only received letters on the occasional holiday and his birthday, and they were always from distant relatives. This was October, who would be sending him a letter? He took it up to his room, laid down on his bed and opened it. It was a handwritten note, and parts of the paper looked wrinkle, as if it had gotten wet, and then dried. His stomach turned, as he recognized the handwriting after all of these years.

Dear Stan,

By the time you get this letter, I will be dead. That feels weird to write, but it's true. I know we haven't spoken in years, but that doesn't mean I never think about you. When I went to middle school and we started to grow apart it broke my heart. I missed you every day, but I don't blame either of us. It's just the way life worked out. Lately, I've been wondering where we would be, if I never decided to skip a grade. Would we still be together? Would we, well would I be happy? You are happy. I can tell when I see you in the halls at school. You don't notice me anymore, but most people don't, so I don't blame you. But you're happy and I'm a terrible person, because instead of being happy for you, I'm jealous. I'm jealous of your happiness. I'm sorry, I went off topic. I am writing you this letter because, besides my family, you are the only person I had ever loved and I wanted you to know that. I am not writing this letter so you feel guilty. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! I want to emphasis that. You did everything right. I was the one who was wrong. I do not want you to think that I killed myself because I was jealous of Andie, or that I missed you so much. I did love you, but not anymore. And I am jealous of you, but I'm jealous of anyone who is happy, so don't take that personally. Like I said, I've been thinking a lot about the past, and the choices I made, and it compelled me to write this letter. I feel like I need to say goodbye to you. I loved you and for a time in my life, you made me very happy, so thank you. Thank you, Stan, for everything you did.

Goodbye,

Wendy

It took Stan a long time until he could get through the letter. He had to keep stopping because his eyes were filled with tears. He didn't sleep at all that night. He laid in bed holding the letter, thanking God that Wendy was still alive.