Name – Birds
Genre – Romance/Angst
Warnings – Yaoi
Main Pairing(s) – NaruNeji
One-sided Pairing(s) – Mentions of NaruSasu
Summary – On his way to the Hyuuga district Naruto comes across a dying dove and can't help but take it with him.
000
It had been raining. Naruto could smell it. The smell of fresh rain was something he cherished. It managed to calm him somewhat, washed away a few of his troubled thoughts as he walked a familiar path towards the Hyuuga district.
He knew it by heart. He'd be able to find his way from his apartment to the main house of the Hyuuga even if he were blind. The amount of times he's visited the main house…
Naruto's lost count. He'd visit Hinata, but mostly Neji. Because he had promised him something. He had told him that he would save him from the Hyuuga's cruel traditions. But after the years went by Neji seemed to have lost his faith in the promise.
Nowadays he pretended nothing was wrong. He grew cold and stoic which reminded Naruto so much of Sasuke that he feared he'd be too late if something didn't happen soon.
He didn't want to loose another friend. But looking at Neji these days hurt. Sometimes he'd space out during one of their conversations and see Sasuke instead of Neji sitting across from him. It was hard for him to return to the Hyuuga district ever since. But Naruto was determined to help the bitter shinobi.
Naruto stared at the moon's reflection in a pool of water on the street and he immediately thinks of Neji. His eyes emit the same sorrowful aura. With a sigh the blond continued his walk to the Hyuuga district, but got distracted once again when he saw something moving in an alley. Something white.
Curiosity killed the cat, after all, Naruto thought as he went to investigate. His wariness had been unnecessary however. Nothing dangerous had been laying in the shadows of the alley. Instead, on the ground, there was a white dove surrounded by it's own feathers with a nasty wound in it's neck. It was young. Very young. It had died before it even had a chance to fly.
The first thing that came to Naruto's mind was 'save it somehow' even though he knew he couldn't. He didn't know any medical jutsus and he was currently too far away from those who did. The second thought that entered his head was how much the dove resembled Neji. Ironically, birds had always fascinated the Hyuuga boy. To him they represented everything he wanted. Freedom, justice and serenity. So it wasn't odd that Naruto was reminded of him.
But what made this dove so much like Neji was the wound. Although Neji's wound was invisible to the naked eye, Naruto knew very well that just like the white bird he was hurt, suffering – maybe even dying. Something that had once been so pristine and pure was now impaired. It was this resemblance that made Naruto decide to take the dove with him.
He carefully picked up the bird and resumed his walk to the main house in the Hyuuga district. As he absently petted it's snow white feathers he wondered if like with the dove Neji was damaged beyond repair. Naruto sighed.
He ignored the other Hyuugas on the street, all whom were eyeing him strangely when they spotted the bird in his hands and confidently knocked on the door of the main house. A shy voice calling out an "I'm coming!" told him Hinata was home.
The pretty girl opened the door and blushed when she saw who was behind it. "N-naruto-kun."
Naruto forced a smile to his face as he skillfully hid the dove from Hinata's observant eyes. Sometimes, when he saw the innocence glistening in the eyes of the Hyuuga girl, he would wonder if Neji had been as pure as that once. Shaking his head, Naruto smiled at Hinata. 'Is Neji around?'
'H-he's in h-his room.' She stepped aside to let him in. With a nod of thanks Naruto walked the hall to Neji's room. He knocked several times, but there was no answer.
'Neji, it's me.' Naruto called in case he was being mistaken for someone else. This time he heard movement on the other side of the door. But it sounded nothing like usual.
Everything about Neji was controlled, calculated and precise. He wasted nothing. Not a blink, not a step, not a breath. He was fit, wary and ready for everything. As if he had never left the first battlefield, as if he couldn't bear to drop his sword and shield.
But the movements he heard suggested otherwise. They were tired, sluggish, done with effort. Finally, after five minutes, the door opened and Naruto's jaw dropped.
Neji's hair, usually bound in a tidy and neatly combed tail, was kept in a messy bun on top of his head. Several locks escaped it and framed the side of his face. The band that covered the cursed marked was missing. He wore an oversized shirt that hung off his right shoulder with black shorts. All in all, Neji looked… cute. And Hyuuga Neji was not supposed to be cute. He was serious, stoic, silent and maybe handsome, but not cute.
'What?' Neji snapped. Naruto shook his head, forcing his attention to the real world. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He was so discombobulated by this version of Neji he had never seen before that he simply looked down at the dove in his hands and hoped the Hyuuga would get the hint.
He did. Both of them stared at it for several moments. Naruto felt the air chill when the bird took it's last breath. Almost as if it sucked in all the warmth to join it in death with the last rise of it's chest. He looked up and almost took a step back. He had looked up to see the heavy sea of emotions in the white abyss of Neji's eyes, a look that knocked the air right out of his lungs, before Neji turned around and attempted shut the door closed.
Naruto stuck his foot in-between just in time. 'Ouch.' He whined.
Neji ignored him. He didn't even try to shut it for a second time. He simply turned his head towards him as if giving him permission to see the tears running down his pale cheeks. Naruto froze at the sight causing Neji to narrow his teary eyes. 'Did you come here just to mock me?'
Confusion became apparent on Naruto's face. 'What?'
'Don't play dumb, Uzumaki. You're not that stupid.' Neji snapped before sighing. He looked at the dove, laying lifelessly yet peacefully in Naruto's hands. He barely prevented himself from sobbing. 'Is that my future?'
Naruto said nothing. He glanced down at the bird. Never had he expected that it would have such an impact on Neji. He was honestly shell-shocked and had no idea what to say.
Neji didn't seem to notice as he walked back to his futon while shaking his head as if he were in denial, 'To die in the hands of a complete stranger? To waste away in the ground as the village praises me only for the wounds they could see?' His voice was calm, too calm.
'Neji.'
'You and I are nothing alike. We have not lived similar lives. We do not see the world with the same eyes. How could you of all people understand?' It was not an accusation or an insult. It was disbelief that Naruto heard in the question. 'Why do you even bother?'
'Because I care about you.' Naruto answered smoothly, stepping inside the room as well and walking over to where Neji had dropped himself on the floor. 'And if you weren't so busy trying to numb your emotions and suffering you'd see that I'm not the only one.'
'I am not--' Neji began.
'You are!' Naruto shouted more harshly than he intended. Neji flinched back in surprise. 'You're so busy ignoring the pain that you've practically stopped fighting for yourself. It's like you've given up, like you're accepting the curse you wear. Like you've become that twelve year old boy who refused to believe he couldn't make his own decisions again.'
Neji sat frozen for a moment before his eyes narrowed. 'I have not g--'
'Goddamnit, Neji!' Naruto crouched down in front of him. 'You are! You're closing yourself to the world, making them believe you don't even have a problem. Konoha's already lost one pretty boy, damnit! Who are the girls going to gawk at if you break down!'
Neji scowled at the attempt at humor, but Naruto continued shouting before he had a chance to voice it.
'Tell the world you're in pain, Neji. Tell them you're suffering. Tell them you're not okay. Tell them you want out. Tell them you can't take it anymore. Tell them you need help, want help. Tell me you want it.' By now their noses were almost touching and Naruto could count every eyelash and shade of white. This close his eyes were almost like diamonds.
'I-I..' Neji looked away. His eyes were wide and the tears threatened to fall again.
'Screw pride! Screw the image of Hyuuga you're forced to keep up and tell me!'
'I need you.' Neji whispered.
'Te--' Naruto froze. His heart beat against his ears and every muscle in his body tensed almost painfully.
'I don't want their help. I don't want their sympathy or comfort. I want, I need yours.' Neji said softly as if every word was a blow to his stomach. 'I want you to tell me I can make it. I want you to say I am okay. I want you to say I am strong enough, Naruto.'
Naruto's body jolted from the pressure of his muscle's tension. He stared at Neji, wishing he would look at him. 'But you're not.' He whispered, almost regretting his desire to tell the truth when Neji flinched and turned away from him completely.
'Get out.'
'No.'
'Get out!'
'No!' Naruto spat, getting angry and frustrated. 'I am not going to give up on you.'
'You just did!' Neji snapped, turning back around to glare at him.
'No, you're the one giving up. Not me, never me. You want me to tell you that you deserve the life you're living right now? Is that what you want? You want me to give my okay for you're suffering? You want me to be fine with the fact that can't enjoy your life. That you never smile.' Naruto was roaring. His voice bounced off the walls with a force that made Neji shiver. 'Well, you will never get it! I will never be fine with it! I will never approve of the strength you're wasting on being like HIM!'
Neji had never been more stunned than he was now. His mind raced with a whirlpool of emotions as sting after sting pierced through his chest. 'Like… him?'
Naruto's own eyes prickled with tears. 'Yes, him. Uchiha Sasuke.' He spat out the name as if it were an insult. 'Perfect from the tip of his toes to the hair on his stupid head! Look at what that-that perfection had done to him! Look!' Naruto shoved his hands forward, forcing Neji to look at them. The blood that had pooled out of the birds neck had stained his calloused fingers. 'Is this what you want to be?'
The room fell completely silent as Neji stared wide-eyed at the dove. His breathing quickened and his mouth was open like he wanted to say something but didn't know what.
Feeling rather heartless, Naruto withdrew his hands. Neji followed them until his eyes rested on Naruto's face. 'Yes.' He breathed.
The anger returned full-force. Naruto felt every cell in his being ignite with rage causing his limbs to tremble. Neji must've seen it because he flinched back in shock, Naruto ignored the look of fear in his eyes. He had only ever been this angry once. But his anger had not brought his beloved back. His blows, which held the full weight of his fury, had not changed Sasuke's mind.
With a gentleness that he wasn't feeling at that moment he carefully laid down the dove at the edge of the futon before turning back to Neji, grabbing him roughly by the hair and pulling him forward.
Naruto had had his share of kisses. Two from Sasuke, one from Sakura, one from that element-stealing kunoichi and one from that girl Jiraiya had introduced him to.
The girl had made him uncomfortable. She had a greedy touch to the way she kissed. Like she wanted to suck out his soul through his mouth.
Sakura had been shy, way too shy. Capturing his lips softly in hers before pulling away as if the whole thing had been an accident.
The kunoichi's lips had stung as if she was wearing toxic waste for lipstick. It burned his mouth and left a horrible aftertaste.
Sasuke… The first had been unexpected and totally unwanted on both behalves. But the second had been… it had been… just like this.
Anger, desperation, desire, fear, denial, disgust, pleasure, hate and love all rolled into one. They pushed him away before pulling him back and than pushing him away again. They grabbed at his arms, his neck, his shoulders, not knowing whether to wrap their arms around him or strangle him. They moaned, whined, growled and whimpered against him, trying to fight off like the emotions that he forced them to see.
In the end, Sasuke had pushed him away. In the end, Neji pulled him closer.
In the end, death had been the only thing that could save Uchiha Sasuke. In the end, Naruto made sure he was the one to save Hyuuga Neji.
Green finch and linnet bird,
Nightingale, blackbird
How it is you sing?
How can you jubilate
Sitting in cages
Never taking wing?
