Disclaimers: I do not own The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. J.R.R. Tolkien does.
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Another Halloween fanfic. :) This is heavily inspired by Saturday Night Live's "Vincent Price's Halloween Special". Some of this fanfic was also inspired by my roleplay with Adeleidhis. Enjoy. :)
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Balin looked at the audience in admiration. "Welcome to my Harvestmath Party. Now, I know there was a strange occurrence where my rude self decided to show up at the wrong time. Not to worry! We will make sure he is kicked off this set before something else happens to us."
"Why?" Balin's Rude Self showed up, wearing a black leather jacket. "My drunkenness has nothing to do with my intrigue in women and wine."
"Get out!" Balin chucked his rude self out the door.
"Wait. I'm not done yet!" Too late! Balin's Rude Self was outside, fuming over his disastrous exit by his Original Self.
Balin huffed. He smiled, deciding to do everything calmly. "Now, let's present our first guest, whose vampirism has taken its toll on him." He opened the other door, surprised to see the lights flicker on and off. "Huh. That's odd. Where did the vampire hobbit go?"
"Looking for me?" Vampire Frodo smiled sinisterly, grabbing a helpless female from the audience. "Now, how about we drain this one?"
"NO! No draining helpless females, Frodo!" Balin cried out in concern, apologizing to the woman and allowing her to return to her seat. The dwarf sighed, not enjoying this. "Now, what's next. Pumpkin carving or pumpkin pie?"
"Pumpkin pie? I love pumpkin pie!" Frodo called out in exuberance. He admitted a moment later, "Although, it doesn't do much for me."
Balin shook his head. "Is there anything you can eat that does help you out?"
"Why yes, there is." Frodo smiled again, wickedly. He turned to the audience, asking them in his silky, smooth voice, "Alright. Who wants me to drink their blood?"
He was welcomed by cheers and cries from the women in the audience.
"NO!" Balin cried, rightly concerned for his audience. "Can we please move on from the blood-sucking?"
"Awww!" Frodo groaned, making his way out the door.
"No, Frodo! Don't leave!" Balin called, watching the door close. He sighed, hoping this day would turn out better. He asked, politely, "Is there anyone else eager to get up on stage with me?" His question was answered when several pink rabbits jumped onto the stage, dancing and eating all the candy. Balin cried in terror, not liking this. He calmed down, turning to the audience again, "Well, that concludes our show. Have a pleasant spook-tacular night!"
The curtains closed and the lights turned on. The show was over.
Happy Halloween!
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Thanks for reading. :)