italics = flashbacks

/-/ = change of pov

~*~*~*~ = scene change

~Hidden Addiction~

:Confusion:

The curse was broken.

The silver-haired boy shook his head, closing his violet eyes and sighing. After living his whole life under the family curse, it didn't seem possible…every fear, every hope, every action and reaction he'd developed over the years were meaningless now. His fears, all unfounded. His hopes…well…all he'd ever really hoped for had happened. He was free from the curse. Now his life stretched before him, full of possibilities, opportunities, and chances…yet he had no idea what to do with it.

'No…' Yuki smiled wryly to himself, shaking his head. 'I am going to college in the fall. That's something I've planned for myself.' His smile slid from his face as another sigh escaped his lips. 'Something…but not much of something. I've no idea what I'm majoring in, no plans for afterward, no…' But here he stopped himself. He'd thought through this all before; it wasn't necessary to do it again. In fact, it'd only be depressing. So the silver-haired boy moved on. Opening his eyes once more, he let his gaze settle on the sun rising before him. Normally he'd never be awake this early, but since the curse had broken about a week ago, he couldn't seem to sleep. He'd slipped out of bed that morning, exhausted from tossing and turning all night, and snuck silently out of the house, toward the woods. If he couldn't sleep, he would think. Well, he'd think as best he could with his sleep-deprived brain.

It would have been nice to say that things slowly but steadily got better...that with the curse gone, the healing and 'normalness' they had all hoped for magically came to be. But reality was different...even freed from the curse, it seemed the Sohma family was unable to live a normal life. After the initial high was over, Yuki had found that he, along with most of the other zodiac members, had more to figure out than was previously thought. While some of the previously cursed cousins drew closer to their loved ones as they attempted to sort things out, others drifted away, distancing themselves. Yuki noted with a sort of cold amusement that he and Kyo had both been more distant with their respective girlfriends, while Hiro had drawn closer to Kisa, and Rin had been following Haru around constantly, almost completely forgoing her usual independant stance...

The rising sun filled the violet-eyed boy's vision; a giant ball of liquid fire, shimmering and unstable. It reminded him, strangely, of his orange-haired, crimson-eyed cousin...of whom he'd recently seen very little of. They both still lived in Shigure's house, but had been subconciously--or was it conciously?--avoiding each other. Their temporary truce had fallen into a semi-constant game of evasion.

"Yuki…" The voice was soft, almost uncertain, but still sounded slightly apathetic. Glancing down, Yuki forced a small smile. Here was another problem he'd have to deal with…sooner, he decided, rather than later. Right now, in fact.

"Hey, Machi…"

The quiet, brown-eyed girl simply looked at him, waiting. Her cheeks were tinged light pink; she looked radiant in the morning sun. Yuki felt his brow furrow; he couldn't do this…not now. She was finally coming out of her shell, showing her true self, becoming more confident…he couldn't do it now. He could deal with it a bit longer, couldn't he?

The thought slowly ripped his heart out. He couldn't wait any longer…besides, Machi could deal with it. She was stronger than she looked. Didn't he know that? And didn't he have enough experience with letting people down gently?

But still, she had only recently begun to trust people again…only recently been falling in love with the world again…only recently showed interest in the world…only recently begun to believe she was worth something…

Maybe he could wait a bit longer.

"Machi…" His mouth began again, and Yuki resignedly let his speech run it's course. He'd be leaving for college in the autumn; he'd best get it over with. "I'm glad I found you here. I need to tell you something--" He paused as he saw something flicker through Machi's eyes…fear?

"But you obviously came here for a reason as well." Yuki amended his speech, even as his heart constricted and his throat ached with the words he wanted so badly to say. Forcing himself to play the part he'd gotten so used to, Yuki managed to relax the muscles in his body, pulling his lips into a more convincing smile. "What is it?"

"I…I was just wondering if you were okay…you seem…tired." Machi took a deep breath, slowly releasing it. "And I wanted to clarify our…relationship…I thought…I was under the impression we were…together." Here the brunette blushed, her voice softer than normal. "Especially since you…well, after you…" Blushing even deeper, Machi shook her head. "But something's been...off...since then." Ending almost silently, Machi bowed her head, hiding an even more violent blush.

Yuki could feel his determination fading…the words he'd planned were dying inside of him as he stood there. How could he possibly say what he wanted now? Why…oh, why did Machi have to care this much? Why did he start something with her in the first place? The silence continued undisturbed, until Machi, silently dying inside, wondering why Yuki didn't so much as answer her, lifted her face to study his expression.

Yuki inhaled sharply at the sight of Machi's eyes. They were full of anxiety and brimming with tears. Instinctively, Yuki reached out and caught the first tear as it fell, brushing it off of her cheek. This sudden show of concern caught Machi off guard; acting purely on impulse, Machi leaned toward the silver-haired boy, arms outstretched, seeking comfort.

A girl.

Rushing toward him.

Arms outstretched.

It didn't take any thought; it was second nature. Catching Machi's head firmly between his hands, Yuki forcefully stopped the girl in her tracks, his eyes wide with fear and apprehension, his breath slightly irregular.

"Ah…" Yuki silently cursed in his head as he frantically searched for some excuse for his odd behavior. Only, it wasn't odd; it was perfectly normal behavior for him…or at least, the him that had been cursed…

But now? Now that 'second nature' only proved a hindrance to his recently acquired 'normal' life.

Machi caught her breath, slowly pulling back, her eyes glued to the dirt.

"Machi, I--"

"Don't." Machi interrupted softly, taking in a deep breath. "Just don't. I get it…I understand."

"Please, Machi…just let me--"

"I don't want to hear it!" Machi snapped, turning to go. Yuki felt his jaw tighten as his stomach clenched; the words he'd left unsaid dug painfully in his throat. He wasn't going to let this happen…whatever the consequences, this time he wasn't going to hide. Not behind a mask, not behind silence…

It took some effort, but the violet-eyed boy managed to unhinge his jaw as he grabbed Machi's forearm.

"Please. Just, let me explain." Yuki demanded softly. Machi paused, uncertain, wavering. Instead of waiting for permission to go ahead, Yuki forced himself to speak. Once he'd started, the words poured forth with increasing ease. The feeling was liberating.

"There's been a lot going on lately…a lot of family stuff. My life's been changed drastically ever since…" Yuki paused; even now, he couldn't speak about the curse. His throat naturally constricted, preventing the words from escaping. Shaking his head, Yuki continued. "I'm trying to figure a lot of things out…who I am, what I want--"

"Well, you've figured out you don't want me, apparently." Machi nearly sneered through clenched teeth. Yuki paused, the pain in her voice nearly silencing him.

"That isn't true…" Yuki spoke clearly, concisely. The control he held over his emotions surprised even him. "I'm not certain what I want, Machi…" Here he hesitated, not certain how he should phrase his next thought. Suddenly sick of caring, Yuki frowned, and almost absent-mindedly slipped into a character not his own…a character he'd often dealt with, sometimes admired, and now mimicked, hoping the brusqueness would ease the pain for both of them. Hadn't he heard it said, sooner done, sooner healed? What was the use, breaking it off slowly, carefully?

"I might want you. I might not. I don't know, and right now I don't really care. Since it's not fair to ask you to wait around while I decide--"

"I wasn't going to." Machi interrupted, wrenching her arm from the silver-haired boy's grasp. Without another word, she disappeared into the forest. Yuki watched her go, bitterness eating at his heart.

Well, at least he knew she was as strong as he'd thought.

Still…

That hadn't gone the way he'd planned at all.

But what did he expect by imitating the Cat?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She wasn't crying like he thought she would. Instead, she stood there, with an odd look on her face. It was a mixture of peace, relief, agreement, and…well, content.

In short, it wasn't at all what Kyo had expected.

He would have tugged on her hair, demanding to know if she'd understood him correctly, but since he'd explained things so thoroughly, he knew even she couldn't have misunderstood.

"Kyo-kun, I'm glad." She stated simply, looking up at him with those expressive dark eyes he'd come to know so well.

'Really…' Kyo thought to himself sarcastically. 'Anyone who saw your face would know that instantly.'

"I had been worried…because you had been acting distant lately…I wondered what was worrying you." The small, genuine smile never left her face. "I thought at first that you had begun to think I didn't like you…I do like you, Kyo-kun…a lot! Just, um…just not in the way that things were going…." Blushing, Tohru cleared her throat. "But I'm relieved to find that you were only trying to think of a way to tell me you didn't care for me in that way!" Her smile grew, her eyes shone. "Because now everything is perfect!"

"Yeah…" Kyo grunted, relieved but slightly put out. He'd liked Tohru; he really had. But after the curse had broken, so much confused him…he needed space and time to figure out what was going on. Ironically, it was only after the curse had broken that Kyo realized he'd be able to sort out his hither-to confusing life…sort of like how the real repairs can only occur after the storm has passed…Tohru would only fuss and worry about him when he needed it the least…he'd have to explain things to her that he'd rather not speak aloud…

A sudden blush overtook his face as he thought of just how many things he'd rather not say aloud…

Tohru was oblivious, too caught up in her own happiness. And Kyo didn't blame her…hadn't she paid him enough attention these past few years?

"I knew that you weren't really, truly upset or anything because you weren't yelling." Tohru stated, smiling. "When something really gets to you, you go into such a passion--I was surprised, but strangely happy to hear you tell me in such a calm manner!"

That wasn't what he'd been going for.

He'd accidentally stumbled onto the scene of Yuki, that damned Prince of a Rat, gently and gracefully declining the attentions of a girl multiple times. He knew the damned Rat's speech by heart. He'd figured it would come into use now…and it had…but it hadn't come across the way he'd meant it.

Running an agitated hand through his vibrant orange hair, Kyo blew his bangs out of his eyes and shook his head. Whenever Yuki rejected a girl, it seemed as though he was truly sorry and regretted having hurt her. When Kyo said it? It meant he didn't really even care…Go figure.

Why the hell had he tried to act like the damn Rat, anyway?

"I, uh, actually promised Momiji that I'd meet him soon." Tohru broke through Kyo's musings, her eyes inquiring.

"Uh? Oh. Yeah. Go ahead; I don't have anything else to say." Kyo nodded, smiling gently in spite of himself. He patted her head before watching her bounce off to meet his over-energetic blonde cousin.

Then, becoming lost in his own thoughts, Kyo meandered up to the roof.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yuki had come back to the house only as night fell, having spent the day restlessly wandering around the town. He hadn't come any closer to figuring out this new, strange, curse-less life he now led.

Taking off his shoes as he entered, Yuki was slightly surprised to find the house seemingly empty, except for a black-and-white haired boy, sitting on the couch, looking murderously at the television before him.

"Haru--?" Yuki began, stepping toward the younger teen and sighing inwardly. When would he stop being surprised at finding the Ox in his house? ...and where was Rin?

"Why didn't you tell me you wouldn't be home today, Love?" Haru interrupted venomously, still intently watching the blank screen of the television.

"I didn't know you'd come looking for me…" Yuki answered slightly peevishly; why should he have to tell the Ox where he was going anyway?

The black-and-white haired boy didn't answer. Insecurity combined with guilt grew in Yuki, and before he knew it, the silver-haired boy was walking toward his cousin, determined to find out and apologize for whatever had insulted the younger one.

"Haru, wha--" Yuki gasped as the younger teen grabbed his arm and pulled him close, smothering his inquiry with a kiss. Feeling the last of his patience snap, the violet-eyed boy pushed his cousin away with all his might…

But, to his surprise, Haru barely budged. Instead, the Ox snickered into Yuki's now open-with-shock mouth. Haru skillfully maneuvered his lighter, albeit older, cousin into a more reclined position, deepening the kiss and running his tongue playfully over the crevices of Yuki's mouth. Struggling in vain, the silver-haired boy tried once more to force his cousin off, but with no results. Changing tactics, Yuki wriggled desperately, trying to loosen the black-and-white haired boy's grasp on him. As a result, his left leg rubbed against the younger teen's crotch, earning the violet-eyed boy an erotic groan. Pulling away slightly, Haru smirked.

"You're good at this, Love…" He murmured, brushing his lips teasingly against the other boy's earlobe. The rush of hot breath against his skin caused Yuki to shudder. Haru chuckled, running his hands down Yuki's lightly toned abdomen, before lightly brushing his hands against the other's groin.

Memories Yuki had viciously been recounting moments before entering the house now sprang up fresh and painful in his mind. His thoughts were no longer harried and confused; he allowed his body to move on its own, performing the act he'd spent his whole life perfecting.

"Haru…" Yuki panted, turning his head and searching for his cousin's red lips. Catching them full on, the smaller teen nibbled and bit his way into the other's mouth, running his hands up the surprised boy's shirt, moaning deliciously into the black-and-white haired boy's body. When he felt the younger teen relaxing his grip, the silver-haired boy kneed his cousin in the abdomen with all his might.

Taken off guard, Haru froze momentarily. With his body still acting on its own, Yuki shoved his cousin off of his lean frame and onto the floor. Standing up and putting a fair distance in between himself and his dazed cousin, Yuki felt his face fall into the old familiar mask that had earned him his reputation as the Ice Prince.

"I've been patient enough with you all those years we shared the Curse of the Zodiac…" Yuki's voice filled the room, soft but deadly and cold, like a deceptively silent blizzard. "But there is nothing that binds us together anymore…and I am sick of looking at you. I never, ever want to see your face again Hatsuharu. Do you understand me?"

One glance at his cousin told Haru all he needed to know. The solid mask had fallen over the silver-haired boy's angel face; violet eyes were pools of poison, white skin looked hard as marble, silver hair gleamed like shards of ice.

Slamming his fist into the coffee table, Haru didn't answer, but stood slowly and walked out of the house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kyo jumped slightly at the sound of a table breaking. He'd dazed off on the roof, having spent most of the day up there, and now wondered vaguely who was inside the house breaking things. A second passed, and his rage built. Whoever it was, was going to own up to it…there was no way in hell he was going to let Shigure and the others blame another broken item on him!

Leaping up and stalking silently over to the edge of the roof, Kyo paused as the front door opened and Hatsuharu stormed out of the house.

"Yo." Kyo growled, attracting his younger cousin's attention. Haru only graced him with a moment's glance, however, before continuing on his way. Normally, Kyo would've jumped from the roof and demanded Haru answer him. Normally, Kyo would have been itching to punch the Ox's face into a bloody mess. However, the black-and-white haired boy had held a look in his eye that froze Kyo's heart.

But only momentarily.

Within seconds, white-hot rage seared through the crimson-eyed teen's body. White-hot rage spurred by what he'd spent the afternoon brooding over; white-hot rage strengthened by the familiar look he'd seen in Haru's eyes. White-hot rage developed especially for a certain damn Prince of the Rats…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yuki had collapsed on the couch moments after Haru had left. He was trembling, and he knew it. Why was he so weak? What had happened? His pale, slender hands shook in front of him, taunting him, reminding him. His heart was racing faster than it had in years.

That had been too close…the silver-haired boy shut his eyes tightly…it had been far too close. He couldn't seem to wipe away the memories he'd shared with a certain…

SLAM!!!

Startled, Yuki's eyes flew open as he leapt gracefully to his feet, head snapping in the direction of the front door.

Burning crimson eyes pierced his own violet gaze.

Kyo bit back a snarl as the boy before him disappeared once more behind that damned solid mask. He hadn't come to fight; he'd promised himself long ago that he wouldn't let himself be controlled so easily…he'd vowed to himself that he'd never succumb to artful manipulations of his too-ready emotions…maybe he'd slipped up a few times before…maybe he'd let his emotions be yanked around and toyed with before…but not tonight. Tonight, he would meet mask with mask. He'd be controlled…strong…he'd kill with indifference and apathy…

He'd make him understand how it felt to be nothing.

But crimson eyes went blind with rage as the Cat found himself once more staring into the frozen face of his cousin. Before he could think, before he could even take another breath, Kyo launched forward, lashing out at Yuki, his form perfect, his leg full of energy. By instinct, he gave it his all…nothing less would faze the silver-haired Ice Prince…

Yuki felt blood dripping down his lip and belatedly opened his mouth, wincing as his teeth broke free of his flesh. He'd been sent back several feet, sprawled on the floor, arms still raised in a basic block--instinct had saved him from broken ribs. Raising his eyes to meet the incredulous crimson gaze above him, Yuki moved a trembling hand to his lip and wiped away what blood he could.

"You…" Kyo stuttered, eyes widened in surprise.

"I…" Yuki spoke painfully, slowly moving to get up. "I have nothing to say to you. I'm going to bed."

Surprise fled from Kyo's face, scorched off by the white-hot rage that replaced it.

"Who do you think you ARE?! How can you SLEEP at night?!" The words tore through the guard Kyo thought he'd erected over his emotions. His silver-haired cousin paused, but Kyo didn't allow him to speak, the memories he'd brooded over coming, unbidden, fresh to his mind, spurring him on. "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO TOY WITH PEOPLE?! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST--?!"

"IT ISN'T ANY OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!" Searing pain ripped through Yuki's lips, but he was too enraged to care.

Kyo's fist made contact before either boy knew what was going on. Yuki instinctively blocked again, but was still shoved against the wall from the force of the blow.

Once again Kyo froze, dubious, his eyes wide. Yuki could feel his mask falling…he could feel the smarting sensation behind the bridge of his nose and at the corners of his eyes. Why was it that Kyo could do this to him so easily?

Keeping his head turned toward the wall, Yuki hid behind the cover of his bangs as hot tears slid down his cheeks.

Infuriated at the silence, Kyo could feel his throat constricting, preparing yet another tirade. Forcing himself to keep his voice down, Kyo allowed himself to speak.

"…Haru really cares for you, you damn Rat. He might be lecherous at times, but he CARES for you…" Stepping calmly closer to the silver-haired boy, Kyo leaned down to whisper in his cousin's ear. "I don't know why I'm bothering to explain this, though…it's not like the Ice Prince would know anything about caring for someone. After all, you're the perfect ice angel, right? Pretty to look at, deceivingly gentle, but hiding a dark abyss of emptiness…you're heartless, aren't you?" Grabbing Yuki's chin, Kyo forced the silver-haired boy to look at him.

He'd forgotten, as he always did, just how much power those violet eyes had over him. Swallowing hard, Kyo willed himself not to remember the last time he'd gazed into those eyes without having to worry about blocking the next punch…

'Because even when we hated each other,' Kyo thought bitterly, 'The damn Rat had to tease me any chance he got…'