Ships in the night

Like ships in the night
You keep passing me by
We're just wasting time
Trying to prove who's right

December 2th, 2005- St. Mary's Hospital.

Morgana couldn't believe that she was holding her tiny little girl in her arms for the first time. She couldn't believe that a tiny human being was nested in her until this day, and that now it was a fully formed and ready for this world. The baby was barely a day old, all wrinkle-soft skin, eyes yet wide shut and dressed in a pink blanket. She was perfect, she smelled perfectly, and Morgana was going to be the best mother to her daughter, better than her own, and she was going to protect this baby from everything….and everyone.

-What are you going to name her? - asked Gwen, who was on the very uncomfortable chair besides Morgana since the beginning of the labor.

-I was thinking about Elizabeth? - said Morgana, looking over to Gwen, who made a face at hearing the name- C'mon, it's not that bad!

-No, it's just too common for a Pendragon. - said Gwen, laughing. Witch made Morgana chuckle siglity

- Thanks for being here Gwen. - Morgana's eyes saddle filling with water. Her only companion had been Gwen, her elder sister Morgause had went to France to pick up Morgana's mother, Vivienne, so they could see the baby. Morgana's father was coming from his business trip.

- Where's Arthur? - Morgana asked Gwen. She appreciated Gwen dearly, and she tried to make herself stronger, but she wanted her family with her so bad.

- He's…. coming from the office, you know how the traffic can be on December. - Gwen seemed eager to change subjects, almost as if she was hiding something.

A chilling thought passed by through Morgana's head.

He's not searching for Merlin, isn't he? - Morgana's voice had a dreadful tone. Gwen got up from her chair and started picking up Morganas stuff from the room to start packing up. It looked like she was hidden, Gwen was incredibility easy to read. - Gwen? - Morgana asked again.

Arthur and I both think that Merlin has the right to see his daughter- Gwen said while trying (and failing) to look busy

Morgana's memory took her back to the time where she also thought that. A time where Merlin was such a sweet, caring young boy, with wide blue eyes and a precious smile. This time has passed, the only good remaining was in her arms right now, sleeping peacefully.

Alright, but only if Arthur finds him….

Gwen smiled at that and stopped packing to come near Morgana and take the baby from her. Gwen holded the baby enough time for Morgana to change clothes with some help from the hospital nurses that came by at the right times.

When Morgana came back to her bed, Arthur entered the room. It was visible that he was useless when his wife didn't sleep in the house with him. His clothes were rippled, his hair was messier than normal. It looked like he barely slept. He came in holding a pink balloon written "IT'S A GIRL" and a bouquet of red roses in his other hand. He came in alone.

Here, this is for you – He handled the bouquet of roses to Morgana, smiling – For the mommy and this- he turned to the baby in Gwen's arm- is for my new niece- He handed the balloon to Gwen, as if the baby was going to take the balloon.

Morgana and Gwen laughed at this.

That's not how it works, love- Gwen said- Leave the balloon and sit down to take the baby.

Arthur did as he was told almost in a trance, he holded the baby near his heart, watching every corner of her face as if she was going to disappear.

How could this beauty come from Merlin and Morgana, I could never know- He whispered to Gwen, almost involuntary and instantly feeling guilty.

And did you find him? - Morgana inquired- Merlin, I mean.

Arthur changed a glare with Gwen before answering.

Apparently, Gaius finally got him into rehab- Arthur tried to smirk a little- So that a good think, right?

Morgana nodded. It was for the best. Arthur was still holding the baby as she was going to break.

Have you decided the name yet? – Arthur questioned.

Please, don't go for Elizabeth. - Gwen joked.

Ew, not Elizabeth, Morgana! - Arthur shared the fun on that.

No, it was just a thought – Morgana laughed at them- …. Her name is Wynn.

…...

June 13th,1991- Pendragon Mansion, Central London.

Morgana's 13th birthday started in an epic way. As usual, she woke up early and a pack with new clothing and shoes was waiting for her at the end of her bed. This was a normal present from her dad. Her birthday was the best one because it was right at the beginning of summer in London, which meant all her friends from Wycombe Abbey hadn't travel yet. This summer was even more special, it was the last summer before Morgause went to university and officially cutted relations to her childhood….to the plays with Morgana, Arthur and Merlin.

She dressed up in her new clothes and went to take her breakfast. As usual, Uther had already gone to work, but he always came back at night to take her (and only her) to a special dinner. But as usual Hunith, her and her siblings' nanny had made a breakfast to her and Arthur and Merlin were already eating (on the disgusting way the boys

Hey birthday lady, look at you- Hunith left the kitchen counter to fix her clothes better- I made an entire breakfast for you and Morgause was up until late fixing your all-girls party.

Thank you, Hunith- Morgana sited down on the table. She didn't want to tell Hunith that Morgause was up until late with her boyfriend. Arthur said a quick 'happy birthday" to Morgana with his mouth full of food.

Merlin, however, as he seemed to do often, glassed at Morgana with a full-on adoration look. He almost always looked flushed and shy when he was near Morgana. Now he looked starstrucked. Morgana smiled at him and Merlin deeply blushed.

The rest of the day passed normally. Arthur and Merlin were both 11 years old and the holidays had just begun, they were out of the house as soon as they could. Morgana stayed in, her friends from WA came by for lunch, where she would through a birthday lunch party on the party ball room of, he mansion.

The lunch party was, indeed, very beautiful decorate, full of pink and purple balloons and great food by Hunith, and she got tons of presents. The ball room was gigantic on a 13-year-old view and 25 pre-teen girls found it fascinating and sooo important. Morgause showed up to take "official" pictures and Morgana never had been as happy as this day.

The ball room door was always enormous and Hunith insisted in having it opened, so during one of the moments where Morgana could catch a break, she noticed that both Arthur and Merlin where sited by the end of the stairs looking adoring to the girls. They went away as soon as Morgana frowned at them.

When the party came to an end the ball room was incredible dirty and Morgana was exhausted. She and Morgause took all of her presents up to her room in 3 trips to the ball room. At the end of the last trip, Morgana finally went to take a bath and look at her presents until she could go dinner with Uther. However, she noticed that a present bag was on top of the present pile, that wasn't that before. She took the pack and opened it, revealing an old looking notebook with leather covers and yellow pages. Inside, it was written:" The story of Princess Morgana, and how she dominated all the dragons from the country of Albion" by Merlin Emrys. This was in Merlin's handwritten. Morgana never have gotten a better present.

…...

Morgana sends a photo of Wynn to the rehab center when she's 4 months old. She never gets an answer back.

…...

Like you watched at fourteen as it went down the drain
And pops stayed the same and your moms moved away

Morgana vowed that she would never be like her mother. She remembered that as har mother crawled Wynn in her arm. She recalled making this promise when she was 8 years old.

Vivienne Gorlois was a golden age French actress. She was born to be a diva, all blonde hair and brown eyes. The thoughts about marriage and children were thrown upon her and she wasn't ready to take it. She met Morgause's father at a Hollywood MET party, he was already married and in a lot of ways she only kept Morgause because she knew the man would hate it.

Uther fell for her as most people did: she was charming and had a French accent. They dated for over a year, enough time to have pictures in tabloids, to have a daughter and to Vivienne make Morgause's father jealous. So, when Morgana was only 2 months old, Vivienne eloped with Morgause's father (a huge scandal) and left her 2 daughters with Uther.

She was gone for 7 years and some months, send two postcards, one from Australia and one from Mexico. She wrote that she was traveling the globe, discovering herself, having the time of her live. Never once she wrote 'I miss you" or 'I love you'. The 7 years without her wasn't nearly enough time to heal. Morgana and Arthur hadn't known another mother beyond Hunith. In Morgause's time with her, Vivienne only spoke French with her, but when she left Morgause was so traumatized that she never (never ever) spoke French again, she also only started calling Uther 'Father" only 2 years ago.

She came back in 1986, in a Sunday, calm morning. Morgause, age 13, went to get the door and when she started to take a long time Uther went to get her with Morgana. It was just the strangest scenario; A beautiful woman by the door, surrounded by bags, asking "How are you honey?" and saying "I missed you so much' while Morgause was catatonic. Uther made the first thing a parent do to protect their children; he went to the door and blocked the view from the girls and started to discuss with Vivienne.

Morgause ran to her room, locked it and didn't came back. Morgana felt that she was numb, almost like she was an expector on her own life. She only remembers parts of that day. The thing she most remember is Vivienne saying, 'a Mother's right" and this phrase being screamed a lot. At some point, her mom finally managed to enter the house and bring the bags with her. She looked at Arthur and said she knew him; everybody knew when Uther Pendragon has a child. She recalls Vivienne toying with her, siting her in her lap and combing her hair, talking fast about the world, her presents to the girls, how her parents forgave her, and she was going back to France, with her parents. She recalled Uther's steel expression, saying 'You don't have the right!" and she is laughing at him.

Morgana didn't say a word. First time she felt like a puppet doll and she just couldn't say anything. She got tons of presents, from every part of the world and Uther got the promise to hear from Vivienne's lawyers. It was an amazing, scary experience.

It was worse for Morgause. She didn't go out from her room. Uther took her dinner upstairs, got into her room and only came out when Morgause fell asleep. She also didn't go to school on Monday and later that same week she went to a therapist.

Morgana would never be like her mom.

…

The worst of everything was the tabloids. They made a scarcel when Morgan showed up in a maternity dress in the Paris Fashion Week 2005 with no partner. But she was strong and her clothe brand "Avalon' had just been released. And when she came out of the Hospital, a sea of Paparazzi tried to take pictures of a 2 days old baby. Thank God that Arthur hired a security team.
They spend a beautiful week in the Pendragons mansion, Uther prepared an entire nursery for Wynn and redecorated Morganas room. His way of showing that he cared was spoiling his granddaughter rotten. Then Morgana went to her Penthouse in center London, where she had prepared Wynn's real nursery. She didn't release an official picture or the name, but Paparazzi took the baby's photos anyways and she than revealed Wynn's name with an entire new section of designed baby clothes with her name.

…...

Like ships in the night letting cannon balls fly
Say what you mean and it turns to a fight
Fist fly from my mouth as it turns south

August 11th,2007

Wynn's 16 months old when Morgana knows Merlin's out of the rehab and back to his home in Ealdor. She sented him another photo in Wynn's first birthday but she still got no response. Wynn Pendragon is perfect in all the possible ways. Her black hair is fluffy and tamed, she was the palest baby ever, with such a smooth skin. She has dimples and an adorable nose and huge, deep blue eyes. She had Merlin's lips and chin. And when she looks at Morgana, everything seems to make sense.

Merlin shows up when Wynn is 20 months old. He shows up at Morgana's penthouse, he has a suit on, his hair is tamed, and he shaved. He looks positively sober and clean, and he's holding a red rose bouquet in one hand and one bag in the other. Morgana lets him in, seriously, what she was supposed to do?

For a moment, she visualized all the possible scenarios. She saw her again at 8 years old, with her mom by the door and her sister at her room. And her father protecting them. Now, she's looking at Merlin at her own home, staring at him for 2 straight minutes until she could find her own voice. She thanked heaven for Wynn to be sleeping at her nursery.

Merlin was more hansom than ever. Last time she saw him (pregnant of 5 months, she went to see him in his old, cranky apartment to tell him that they would have a daughter), he was deadly skinny, dirty and just rest of clothes. She was staring at him too much; Merlin blushed and offered her the rose. Morgana wanted to get the rose, she really did, but what she saw herself doing was slapping Merlin's face. Hard.

Morgana was never a violent person, she never even raised her voice, she was an English lady. But when Merlin looked at her confused about the slap, she felt her blood boil. She remembered that feeling, the helpless feeling she felt when meeting Vivienne. But now she was not going to be toyed with. She was furious and nothing was going to stop her.

What the hell Morgana?!

How dare you…- She slowly got closer to him, the rose was on the ground (just like their relationship) and Merlin made some steps back with her fury. – How dare you to vanish for all this time and show up at my door, your asshole?

Morgana….

No, I do the talking- she interrupted him- I waited for you, God knows for how long- Now Merlin averted his eyes – Now you're back…. clean. And like nothing has happened.

I couldn't come back while on drugs, Morgana!

Great. So now you're 100% clean?

I am.- Merlin sounded pound of himself.

Morgana gave him a dry, sarcastic laugh.

Congratulations…So that qualifies you to meet the baby, hum?

Drop the act Morgana, that's not you. – Merlin said, looking put off.

No, I act the way I see better fit for my child!- She faced him, a hard expression on her face – And now your plan its probably to go to her room, make she love you and then leave her to mend her own heart.

I had my excuses to not see her until now, but she's our daughter….

No. She's MY daughter. I had her, I carried her for 9 months, I'm with her since her first day and I'll be until my last day. Can you promise that?

Merlin looked unsure but started to slowly approach her. It was easy, she thought, to just forget what he did and fall back at his arms, but now she always had to think about her daughter first.

I promise you, Morgana Fay Pendragon- Morgana looked deep into his eyes (he's beautiful and trustful eyes)- That I changed and that I won't abandon…your daughter.

Morgana eyes were filled with tears. But not because of what Merlin thought it was.

Yes, you will- Morgana gave a broken whisper – I know you better than yourself, and whenever you get scared you ran. But let tell me: More than half of the time being a parent is being scared. You get scared of streets, foods, high places, crowed places and whispers in the night. You must be braver than ever being a parent.

I will be…. I am being braver just to talk to you. Morgana, you know me well, do you think I want to be like my own father?

Morgana seized his image again. She reflected on herself, on how amazed she had been when Vivienne had come for her. Both Morgana and Merlin had similar stories with parents, but at least Vivienne eventually came around. Merlin's father, Balinor Smith, got Hunith in love and pregnant and then ditched her. He couldn't be a father, not now, not with her. Merlin found him when he was 18, in a cottage near Kent. What he found there was the most heartbreaking thing: Balinor was happily married and had twin baby girls. To be rejected by a parent, to not even being wanted hurts. And Morgana could see that was not the case. He had gone through a rough time, but he was her, he wanted his child.

Morgana stepped out, freeing Merlin's way to the nursery. He looked hopeful at the highest degree.

Don't even try to get on with me- She warned him- At this moment, she's more than what you deserve.

The look on Marlins face was of pre gratitude. Morgana watched as he went to Wynn's nursery. Well, she thought to herself, anything is better than nothing.

How many of our parents seem to make it anyway?