Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist; this is only a fanfic.
Authors Notes: This is not what I imagined my first FMA fic to be. I had planned something much more serious than this piece. However, sometimes you have to go with the flow.
A special thanks to the two people that inspired this bit of wry parody. All this transpired after an evening of tomfoolery and watching a repeat of episode 13 "Fullmetal vs. Flame". Jazz and Mark I hope you read this; you guys really have some issues, but I so love refereeing your incredibly idiotic, yet hilarious disputes.
Please read, enjoy and leave a review!
Obedience Training
The thud of heavy boots approaching had the winsome pup lifting his head. As the steps drew closer, Black Hayate's plump body rose from his cushion and bounded over to wait at the front door.
Hearing the key inserted into the lock, the small pup sat on his hind legs and barked sharply. It was not a threatening bark, but one of welcome as his master had finally returned home.
Lt. Riza Hawkeye stepped through the opening and looked down on the bundle of dark fur at her feet. As her cinnamon gaze met the puppy's dark ones, she crouched on one knee and addressed her subordinate.
"Hello, Black Hayate," the lieutenant said as she reached down to scratched behind her pet's ear. "I trust you've been a good boy while I was away."
The pup barked the affirmative and wagged his tail in appreciation of her actions. Looking up, Hayate noticed the small package the woman had purchased on the way home.
The tail began to wave in earnest now. His strict, but lovable master had stopped at the local butchers shop and brought him a treat. Hayate began to bark excitedly and ran circles around Riza's legs as he awaited his prize.
"Calm down, boy," she ordered and the pup ceased all movement. Sitting back on his haunches, the little canine's bark was reduced to a whimper as he obeyed his master's command. He knew not to move until every scrap had been distributed into his bowl and she had stepped away.
As Riza stood, she watched the pup attack the bowl with vigor. Turning towards the living room, she removed the jacket of her military uniform and tossed it on the sofa. She was about to take a seat when she caught sight of something, which caused her to sigh with pleasure. It seemed she must have been a good girl too as Hayate was not the only one with a treat in store.
The military demeanor was shed; her face relaxed and her eyes softened as she headed for the bathroom. With a smile, she pushed open the door, looked down and froze in her tracks.
The low, animal like, growl alerted Hayate that his master was not pleased. The pup reluctantly lifted his face from the bowl to stare at the woman standing in the open doorway.
The mask had returned and with it the commanding air that had earned her the rank of 'First Lieutenant'. Hayate gulped; he knew what was coming. Lifting a paw as if to ward off a blow, the pup began retreating from the half finished bowl.
"I've warned you," Riza said with dead calm as she reached inside her shoulder holster and pulled out her gun.
The pup watched wide eyed as she released the safety on the weapon. Turning tail, Hayate went scurrying in fright as the sound of the cocked barrel echoed through the room. The little guy headed straight for the bedroom and his safe haven.
Cowering under the bed, the pup heard the heavy footsteps and then saw his master's boots appear in entryway. On all fours and with his bottom in the air, Hayate backed further into the darkness.
With feet planted firmly apart, Riza's eyes locked on her target. Raising the gun, she took aim and fired four warning shots into the wall behind the bed.
"Hmph!" She smiled smugly at the trembling figure. "I guess you won't be doing that again; will you, boy?"
"Riza!"
Colonel Roy Mustang's partially clad form flew from the bed with the headboard now riddled with bullet holes. His face was set in a frown and his dark eyes glittered as he stalked towards his second in command.
"Have you lost your mind?!" he shouted as he came toe to toe with his 'highly classified' intended.
"Need I remind you that here… in my quarters, I outrank you, colonel," Riza said to her superior. Replacing the safety, she lowered the gun to her side. Placing her free hand on Roy's bare chest, she pushed him back until the back of his knees came in contact with the foot of the bed.
"Here… I expect my orders to be obeyed and carried out efficiently," Riza stated. "The same as you at your office in Central." Riza moved close and rubbed suggestively against her superior officer. "If you leave the seat up in the latrine one more time, I shall personally execute you."
"Yes, sir!" Mustang gave a mock salute before removing the gun from Riza's hand and pulling her down of the bed. Feeling his lieutenant's lush breast pressed against him he corrected in a seductive voice. "Yes, ma'am!"
From under the bed, Hayate watched articles of clothing hit the floor. With the two human's occupied, as soon as the pup was able he slid from his hiding place and silently exited the room.
Returning to his bowl, the canine knew that for now he was safe. His master was so involved with the human's mistake that she had completely overlooked his. Although the treat was undeserved, the pup continued to munch happily.
Unlike his master's companion, Black Hayate had left his own puddle of bodily fluids on the bathroom floor, somewhere between the sink and the toilet.
The End