A limit. Everything has one, and when someone tries to break those limits, be it a speed limit or personal boundary, bad things happen. People, like cars, crash when limits are crossed it's an unspoken factor of life but why, why we keep trying to do just that is unknown even to ourselves. We are mesmerized by our own end, tempted by that possibly fatal outcome and it causes us to push ourselves further than we could ever take and that in itself is the reason for our demise.
Perfection, that seems to be the initial drive to push one's self so far, but it always seems to grow to more of an obsession. It can get to a point where someone will even be against themselves simply to reach this unattainable goal. They are always so blinded they don't even see that in the process of doing this they block everyone out even those who want to help, everyone is competition to them till proved unworthy of being so. It is a vicious cycle of trusting no one, not evens yourself, of fighting yourself to a point where you feel you must fight others or the other way around. To the people on the outside it can be the most painful thing to know someone like this and yet in one's infatuation to try to get inside, to try and push themselves past their limits to keep up with this person it is also something very riveting.
That's why people put up with those unique and truly dangerous beings; it's why Matt puts up with Mello. The reason he sticks around through each time his temper flairs, and each time he beats up people to hide the fact that he does the same to himself. He knows Mello will be the death of him, will tear him from the inside out and yet, those small moments when he shows himself and when his limits have been reached and he crashes just to get back up a bit later because of his own stubborn strength, that is what makes it all worth it.
"Hey! Matt! Are you listening to me?" Matt started hearing the sound of his friend's voice his eyes going wide slightly. He hadn't realized he'd been so lost in his thoughts until he heard Mello's voice screaming at him, his face right in front of his own the scowl on those lips unmistakable.
"Y-yeah…" Mello stood straight again putting his hands on his lips and he pursed them in annoyance.
"Oh really, then what did I just say?" Matt blinked trying to rack his brain for the answer to that question but when he couldn't find one he just gave a sheepish smile that only managed to aggravate the boy further and so he dropped it staring at him warily not sure what was coming. Mello was one to be unpredictable at times like this when he'd probably been ranting for quite some time now. The blonde was bipolar, Matt would swear on it.
"I was saying," Mello put an annoyed emphasis on 'saying' to make Matt very much aware that he thought it rude that he hadn't been listening to him. "That fucking bastard Near is going to die! I swear he's cheating! There is no way he can get better grades then me without doing anything! I swear, one day I'm going to expose that twit for what he is!" Matt knew that the albino probably wasn't and was simply in more control than the blonde himself was making him more focused but he also knew better than to ever say anything about it, he had no intention of dying at the age of 12 in some orphanage where no one would even care, much less remember him.
It's that fight for perfection…he thought, it makes them uncaring about almost everything except their rankings. Matt sighed, this place sure was screwed up, there was a reason he didn't care about what number he was, he didn't have a wish to lose himself in competition; he just wasn't that type of guy. The only reason he kept third was because if he didn't then he wasn't allowed to smoke and that was one thing he would avoid at all costs.
"Matt! You're not listening again I can tell!" Matt looked Mello in the eyes and took a deep breath sighing to himself. It took a lot of work and patience to put up with his roommate and yet, in some weird possibly masochistic way, he honestly enjoyed it. Having the blonde as a friend was rewarding even if most people thought it suicidal. He stood up giving Mello a hug feeling the boy tense as he did so.
"M-Matt…" Mello stuttered, blue eyes as wide as saucers as he was caught completely off guard. Matt smiled a bit burying his head in Mello's hair his smile growing as Mello slowly, cautiously, hugged him back although his grip wasn't nearly as tight. The redhead closed his eyes in contentment for a moment.
Yes, being his friend certainly was dangerous he'd never deny it, but it was also the best decision he'd ever made.