Summary: It's all because he's Chad Dylan Cooper, and he can't change. Not even for a second.
Disclaimer: I do not own SWAC.
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Feel
He really doesn't want to feel this way. He doesn't. In fact, he loathes the feeling more than he could ever adequately express. Because he looks at her from across the room and he sees the way her eyes light up when she laughs and he hears the ring in her voice and he knows she's happy.
And he can't take that away from her. He just can't.
....
She's standing right in front of him, arms crossed in front of her chest, eyes blazing. (they're starting to fill with tears)
"I pour my heart out to you and all you can say is "okay"?!" She's pissed, furious, more than she's ever been before and it hurts him.
But he always was a good actor.
"What do you want me to say, Sonny? Do you want me to tell you I feel the same way? That I've spent these years pining after you because of how much I love you in return?" He's ranting and wishes she knew he rants when he's lying. "Do you want me to lie to you?" He hopes she can hear it in his voice. But she's so mad (crushed) she's blinded.
"I want you to tell me all of that because it's the truth! Everyone can see it, Chad!" But she stopped believing herself. She's crying now, the salty tears streaming down her face and she can't stop them. He wants to hold her close to his chest and tell her he loves her with all of his heart, wants to wipe her tears away and never make them come again. He wants to make her stop hurting.
He takes a deep breath, ready to tell the biggest lie he's ever told.
"No it's not." He says, strong, resounding. Her chocolate brown (beautiful) eyes widen as a sob escapes her lips. "I don't love you, Sonny. Never have, never will."
She breaks in front of his eyes and he feels his heart break along with her. His heart hurts, kills.
"O-okay. I'll just leave then. I won't bother you anymore with my petty feelings." She turns then and leaves before he can tell her that he lied. (and she takes his heart with him)
He leans against the wall and slides down to sit on the floor, barely being able to breathe. He lets the tears fall, lets everything come drifting out of him because he's tired of keeping it in.
"I love you, Sonny." he whispers into the air, "But I'll only hurt you."
He knows she hurts now. He can see it written all across her face, but he knows. Oh he knows.
She's better off without him. He can't break her laugh or her smile or the sparkle in her eyes. But if he lets himself love her, he will.
So he lets her go, lets her walk away and lets her friends mend her broken heart.
Because he's Chad Dylan Cooper. And he can't change. Not even for a second.
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