Blood. So much blood on my hands, my face. So cold so red. Their faces, I can see them, hear them, smell them. The metallic smell, the smell of death. The field, it never leaves me, even now as I lay in my bed. I feel myself being swallowed by it. The memories, I wish they would just leave!

Ludwig got up slowly walking over to the bathroom gasping for breath. This happened every night now. It always starts with blood. He clutches the toilet throwing up. Tears fell from his eyes. He sat on his knees silently crying. Gilbert worried, he noticed Ludwig's sudden weight loss, how he seemed uninterested in everything. Everyday it was the same, head to the bathroom, get sick, dressed, go run. This was now Ludwig's life.

I can't let him know, let him know how bad it hurts. He tries to help, but nothing can help. Not the awesome Prussia, not the silly Italien. They tried, but they can't help. I can't even go to town without getting glares.

The first meting was hell, Poland, gott Poland… Feliks his cold eyes, they never left mine. The black eye, wounds, and swollen face. How could things go… so wrong? I wanted to help! My people where starving, thousands sick, than a man came to us. An Austrian man, who spoke of making Germany, mein Deutschland better. Now he is dead, he left me with the carnage, the hate.

Russians, Polish, Jews, Americans, Japanese, Italians… Italy, Japan my allies! Mein… Nein, they just wanted to expand, to be victorious.

Feliciano… he came to me, told me he wished this never happened. Kiku blamed me, told me I did something horrible. Killed innocent people. My one reponse was Pearl Harbor. His black eyes showed hate, as if I am the one who sent the Americans after his people.

Funny how this happens. World wars… funny how everyone always leaves just at the end, so they can blame someone else.

Syria… Austria-Hungary…. Russia… Italy… Japan… mein leader.

Always leaving just before the end.

Bruder tries to help, always there with me, never leaving. Never leaving….

Ludwig got up standing to take a long hot shower. He felt dead inside, felt cold, and empty.

"Bruder… we need to stop this, let me help you."

Ludwig laughed dryly.

"Gilbert… I'm sorry… it really is my fault. Everything."

Gilbert slammed his hand on the counter.

"Gottverdammt Ludwig! I am tired of this, everyday I hear you getting sick, blaimming yourself. You, Feliciano, Kiku, und ich are going to work this out. Scream it out if we need."

The shower stopped Ludwig stepped out with a towel around his waist. There was red lines and scars everywhere.

His back from the lashes for aidding the enemy. Fresh red lines from Ludwig's many attempts and many others from the years gone by.

Gilbert grabbed Ludwig's wrist turning it over.

"Bruder... gott... I am going to keep all the blades from you. I will help you shave than hide this. I can't loose mein kleinen Bruder."

Ludwig looked away guilt in his eyes. Gilbert grabbed another towel drying Ludwig's hair.

I can see the hurt, hear the sadness. I just... I want the pain to end. Gilbert shaved my face, and wrapped my arm. He hugs me tightly softly brushing my hair.

"We can make it bruder, I promise"

Gilbert took all of them, just as he said he would. My escape.

"DOITSUUUU~!"

A very excited Italien ran in hugging me tightly. „Ve doitsu, aren't you glad to see me?"

His face so warm, soft and gentle. I forced a fake smile. Feliciano can't know.

"Ja of course I am."

This is the truth, but I hurt him so badly. Kiku walked in silent as always not meeting my eyes.

Feliciano was still clinging to me when bruder walked in with pasta. Feliciano let go taking the pasta.

This is going to be a long meeting full of anger, and tears.

Author's note: Yay! Finally writting again! Sorry to all my readers, I have had a long year, I will update "Alfred Why" eventually. Thanks to my Italy for inspiring this fanfic hope you liked it please review to let me know what you think!

~Hungary-chan