Note: this takes place in chapter 178-ish; alternate universe; crack!fic; Mokona referred to as 'it' not 'she' or 'he' in this fic; inspired by TRC Forums

Pairings: mokona/seishirou; seishirou/Subaru ('cause you can't have a seishirou fic without it); syaorans/sakuras; fye/kurogane (sort of, but not really, and barely there)

Warning: Lots of crack and randomness ahead; SPOILERS for TRC, X, Tokyo Babylon (sort of); in order to fully understand this, you should have read the three manga listed before this, as well as the 'Does Syaoran Love Sakura?' thread in TRC Forums, which is full of sarcasm and crack

A/N: This idea wouldn't leave me alone, after I posted this pairing on the 'Scariest Crack!pairing' thread. And it was strangely easy to write Seishirou's lines. Damn it.

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Sometime during the inevitable swirling that was caused by the black substance which had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere to trap Sakura's companions, Mokona found itself in close proximity to Seishirou. Or, more specifically, Mokona found itself on top of Seishirou's head.

Being near Seishirou was always dangerous, but Mokona figured it was safe on top of his head. Anyways, everyone was too busy freaking out over the revelation that Sakura was a clone to really pay much attention to who-was-going-near-who sort of stuff.

"Hey," said Seishirou, because it was perfectly normal to make conversation with someone when you were both trapped in a plot device/mysterious black substance. "I've been thinking."

Mokona didn't respond. It was too busy trying to figure out when Seishirou had noticed it perched on his head. And then it was trying to figure out any possible escape routes. Mokona had heard of what happened to cute, fluffy things when placed next to Seishirou. Said cute, fluffy things generally ended up dead or suicidal.

(Like Subaru.)

I knew all these foods from different dimensions would cause me to gain weight, thought Mokona glumly. My weight gain was probably what caused Seishirou to notice me on his head…

(Mokona suddenly had a horrible image of Yuuko cackling, and announcing gleefully, "It's time for you to join the Weight Watchers!")

"Hey," said Seishirou again, very calmly. "Are you listening to me?" He smiled his patented Dangerous!Smile™.

"It's the food!" said Mokona uncontrollably. "It causes bloating! Mokona isn't normally this heavy!"

There was an awkward silence.

"Let's try that again. Are you listening to me?"

Mokona tried not to cringe. "Mokona is always happy to listen to others!" it chirped bravely.

"I've come to a conclusion," said Seishirou, still smiling his Dangerous!Smile™.

Mokona waited expectantly, but then realized it would have to contribute to the conversation.

It was so much easier not to get killed when you didn't participate in the conversation..."Yes?"

"I think I'm in love with you," said Seishirou seriously.

There was a pause. Mokona stared down at the top of Seishirou's head.

He has nice hair, thought Mokona.

"I'm not joking," said Seishirou, no longer smiling his Dangerous!Smile™, but instead, his CharmingSubaruOutofHisWits!Smile™, which was equally lethal.

"Mokona..." Mokona tried to say something, but couldn't think of anything to say. It was currently feeling very lucky to be on top of Seishirou's head, and not in front of Seishirou.

Mokona had the feeling that Seishirou's CharmingSubaruOutofHisWits!Smile™ was dangerous to look at directly, even if you weren't Subaru. Plus, Seishirou had that nasty ability of being able to lie with his eyes.

Luckily, Seishirou's hair, as beautifully wind-tousled as it was, wasn't capable of being used by Seishirou to charm anyone.

(Well...except for Subaru.)

Mokona snatched on to a stray thought. "Wait!" said Mokona, still trying for cheerfulness but only conveying desperation. "You have Subaru-kun!"

"Ah," said Seishirou, frowning for a moment. "That's true. I do have Subaru-kun to think of."

"So you couldn't possibly love me." Mokona was only partially successful in hiding the relief it felt.

There was a peaceful silence during which Seishirou seemed to be contemplating something very important, and Mokona wondered if it should take the opportunity to jump to Fuuma's head.

Fuuma was taller, and the plot device/black substance was rising up and engulfing people up to their shoulders...

Not to mention, Fuuma hadn't tried to hit on Mokona the last time it'd perched on his shoulder.

"No," said Seishirou suddenly, "I don't...love Subaru-kun."

Mokona gaped down at Seishirou's hair. "What?"

"I said, 'I don't love Subaru-kun.'"

Mokona felt the nasty urge to point out that when Seishirou had repeated his words a second time, he had left out the hesitation in his voice before saying 'love.'

"But you're soul mates!" cried Mokokna. "It's one of my 108 Skills to sense this!"

Seishirou smiled a very Amused!Smile™. "Really?"

"Yeah," said Mokona. "That's why Mokona was sent by Yuuko to go with Syaoran and Sakura and everyone else. They're all soul mates. Syaoran-kun with Sakura-chan, and Kuro-sama with Fye...They just don't know it yet." It waved its tiny arms desperately.

"Hmm," said Seishirou. "You're so cute, Mokona."

That deadly CharmingSubaruOutofHisWits!Smile™ appeared on Seishirou's face again, and Mokona cowered.

"But you still love Subaru-kun," said Mokona bravely, after recovering from its spate of shivering. Mokona suddenly noticed that one of Seishirou's hands was coming closer to its head, possibly in an attempt to pet it; Mokona viciously kicked away Seishirou's hand with a loud smack!, inwardly congratulating itself for making use of another one of its 108 secret skills.

"Aa," said Seishirou, cradling his injured hand, "You're so cruel to me, Moko-chan."

"Mokona is Mokona!" said Mokona testily, not approving of its nickname said by Seishirou. It paused, and then its eyes darkened (though no one could tell, because Mokona still had its eyes closed), and said angrily, "Mokona has figured out your ulterior motive, anyways!"

"I have no ulterior motive," said Seishirou sweetly, as birds twittered serenely behind him, and the sun broke out of its clouds to shine down at him. A rainbow also took the opportunity to form over Seishirou's head.

"Liar!" accused Mokona. "You just want Mokona so you can use Mokona's transporting-dimensions skills to hop from dimension to dimension, searching for Subaru-kun!"

For one brief moment, Seishirou looked severely displeased. The rainbow vanished in the face of his wrath, the sun hid behind the clouds again, and the birds simultaneously stopped chirping and were instantly swallowed by the mysterious black substance.

A few feeble chirps came from within the substance, and then all was silent.

"I'm not lying," said Seishirou, breaking the silence. "I really do love you." He even pasted on a very convincing smile.

"You're still lying. The only one you'll ever love...is Subaru-kun. Not me."

Seishirou looked displeased once again, before inexplicably bursting out, "I DON'T LOVE SUBARU-KUN! THE RAINBOW BRIDGE SCENE MEANT NOTHING! VOLUME 16 MEANS NOTHING! I'M NOT TEH GHEI!"

There was a paused, as everyone froze in their actions, and then swiveled their heads around to look at Seishirou. In Sakura's case, she hung limply on C!Syaoran's sword, and made a flopping motion.

Seishioru blinked. "One of those random dimensional warps..."

Everyone nodded understandingly and then went back to what they were doing before. In the background, Fuuma tried to doggy paddle through the black substance.

"So really, Moko-chan," said Seishirou earnestly. "I think we'd be perfect for each other."

"You have a bad history with cute and fluffy beings," said Mokona. "You sacrifice them for the backlash of your dark spells!"

Seishirou tilted his head, and then pointed out smilingly, "I don't cast any dark spells."

"I bet one of your dimensional selves does," shot back Mokona. "And I bet that he--which is the same as you, almost--uses fluffy beings like me as sacrifices!"

Somewhere, in another dimension, another Seishirou sneezed, and a fluffy puppy began to shiver uncontrollably.

"That's because you're so cute," said Seishioru gently. "How can I not torment you?"

Mokona stomped hard on top of Seishirou's head, disturbed by Seishirou's eerie smile.

"Ow!" Seishirou winced from Mokona's stomping.

"Yuuko doesn't approve of inter-species relationships!" said Mokona, over Seishioru's sounds of pain.

Seishirou smiled. "It's not like she'll find out unless we tell her."

"B-but!"

"Anyways," said Seishirou. He smiled a Gentle!Smile™. "Will you accept my love, Moko-chan?"

For a long moment, Mokona didn't reply. It was too busy thinking over its conversation with Seishirou.

Finally, Mokona said, "If we're going to be in a relationship, we have to set a few rules."

"I'm willing to listen," said Seishioru amiably.

"Firstly, no sacrificing," said Mokona clearly. It tried to glare down at Seishirou, before realizing that Seishirou couldn't see it from its position on his head. So it settled for stomping him again.

"Ow!"

"That was to let you know I'm serious," said Mokona gravely. "Secondly, no cheating. It's fine if you break up with me to go with Subaru-kun, but you can't have both me and Subaru-kun."

"That sounds reasonable." Seishirou smiled again, though this smile had a strangely scary feel to it. (In another dimension, this would be known as the I'mGoingToTormentSubaruAgain!Smile™.)

"Thirdly, no torturing or killing."

"None? None at all?" Seishirou sounded almost hopeful, but--

"No," confirmed Mokona. "None." It paused suspiciously. "You don't torture people do you?"

"Of course not," said Seishirou sweetly. Mokona waited for the rainbow, sun, and sounds of twittering birds but didn't see anything happen.

Mokona figured that the sun and rainbow had probably realized Seishirou'strue nature and would thus never be seen again in Seishirou's presence.

"You're sure you don't torture people?"

"I just play with them."

There was an ominous silence, before Mokona sighed and slumped down, exhausted, on Seishirou's head.

"That's it," said Mokona.

"Those are the only rules?"

"Those are just the basic rules," said Mokona crossly.

"Hmm," said Seishirou thoughtfully. Then he smiled, and said cheerfully, "I guess we should leave now, ne?"

Mokona glanced around.

Sakura was dying, Clone!Syaoran seemed to be in shock, Real!Syaoran was crying, both Kurogane and Fye were apparently frozen in horror, and Fuuma was...smiling. And doggy paddling.

"I should still stay," said Mokona. "I was given by Yuuko as the power to travel dimensions..."

"Oh goodness," said Seishioru, still smiling but managing to convey annoyance through his tone alone. "I really don't understand why this matters anymore." He waved at where the two Syaorans were. "I mean, there are two Syaorans, and two Sakura. One Syaoran can go with one Sakura. They can be happy with each other."

"One of the clones is dying," pointed out Mokona.

Seishirou blinked. "Oh. I see she is."

Mokona opened its mouth to angrily demand how Seishirou could not figure out Sakura was dying from being impaled by Clone!Syaoran's sword...and then closed its mouth. It really didn't want to know what went through Seishirou's head.

"Anyways, only one of us will be having an unhappy ending on this journey," said Seishirou cheerfully. He pointed at the clone Sakura. "It might be her! If she dies, she won't be with her loved one, and that really will be an unhappy ending."

"Haven't you considered it might be you who has the bad ending?"

Seishirou's face darkened. Mokona couldn't tell from its position on Seishioru's head that he was frowning, but it could see that the sudden thunderstorm and violent wind was a result of Seishirou being displeased.

"Since one of my dimensions is currently on hiatus and is stuck on volume 18.5," said Seishirou coldly, "I doubt that I will get the unhappy ending."

Mokona squeaked in fear.

"Anyways," said Seishirou, the sky suddenly clearing of dark ominous clouds, and returning to a cloudy state where the sun struggled to use the clouds as a shield, "Let's go to the next dimension."

Mokona jumped from Seishirou's head, opening its mouth wide as it prepared to bring Seishirou with it to the next dimension.

Before the two disappeared in a flash of glowing light, Mokona could be heard saying, "You know, Yuuko really won't be pleased..."

OWARI.