Title: Two Years and Ten Months
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jate
Disclaimer: If I owned LOST, we would not have had to wait until season 4.
Timeline: Between the flashbacks from Eggtown and Something Nice Back Home, or late July 2007.
Author's Note: My muse has been pretty dead lately, but after the downright amazingness of Thursday's episode, which I am still on a high from, I was really inspired and this came out. This is only my second time writing Jate, so comments are very appreciated. I hope you enjoy!
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He'd lasted two weeks.
Two weeks after he'd watched her drive away in a taxi, calling upon every ounce of his willpower to stop himself from running after her. After two weeks of sleepless nights during which he'd reiterated all of his excuses for not being with her, a practice he had grown quite good at over the years, something in him broke. Before he had the chance to talk himself out of it, he found himself driving through her development, the same one he often circled through in the middle of the night, never stopping, just passing by to see if her light was on. This time he only went around the block once before he pulled up to the curb and parked.
It had been two years and seven months since they'd left the island. Two years and seven months that had felt like an instant and a lifetime all at once. When they'd arrived home things had happened so fast. During the seemingly endless meetings in which the five adult members of the Oceanic 6 had been forced to agree on their story, he and Kate had some pretty heated disagreements over both her custody of Aaron and the many lies that they were being asked to tell. Then Kate had been taken away before they could really talk or resolve things. She had been released on bail to await her trial, but he hadn't gone to see her, and she hadn't tried to contact him. Amidst the shock of being back in the real world, he hadn't even known what he would say if she had. So he had tried to throw himself back into his work at the hospital, working overtime so that by the time he came home to his empty apartment, he was too tired to think about it.
Then a month ago her lawyer had called and just like that she was back in his life. Jack had jumped at the opportunity to testify, mainly because it gave him an excuse to see her again. And as soon as he had entered that courtroom and seen her sitting there, looking more beautiful than ever, the months that had passed without contact suddenly seemed insignificant and all of the feelings from the island came rushing back.
He removed the key from the ignition and stepped out of the car, locking it as he walked purposefully towards her door. He reached out and knocked, his mind reeling with self-doubt, seriously considering making a run for it before she could answer. After all, that was what they did; they ran from each other and from everything that might just be the key to their happiness. They had been so close two weeks ago after the trial, she had invited him back to her house and all he'd had to do was say yes, but he hadn't been able to.
But she opened the door before he could change his mind. She didn't look surprised to see him; she almost looked as if she somehow had been expecting him, like he showed up on her doorstep every day. They just stared at each other for a long moment. "Hey," she said finally, offering him a small smile that he couldn't help but notice seemed slightly guarded.
"Hey," he said. He paused. "I'm sorry for just showing up here like this, but there's something I need to say, and I should have said it a long time ago."
The smile disappeared from her face as she watched him, suddenly completely serious. He noticed that although she opened the door wider, she didn't invite him in.
"I know that after we came back things were...complicated. And I know it was probably weird for you when I just showed up in that courtroom, because believe me, it was for me too." He took a breath, gaining momentum and confidence as the words started to tumble out. "I can't stop thinking about you, Kate. And sometimes...sometimes I almost wish that we were back there, because even though it was never easy, it was just...us, and now that we're back here, I don't know if I fit in your life anymore. Hell, I don't know if I ever did. And I want to. Fit. That's all I've wanted for a really long time now. And I don't even know what I'm saying, I don't know why I'm asking for a second chance, because I sure as hell don't deserve one. So if you want to slam that door in my face, I wouldn't blame you," he finished.
She just stared at him for a moment. "Jack...nothing's changed. You made it very clear that you weren't comfortable with me raising Aaron-"
"That's because she died, Kate," Jack said, his voice louder. "She was my sister, and she died before I even found that out, and I couldn't save her. And every time I look at him...I see her, and I can't forgive myself."
Kate took a step back. "Well that's too bad, because we're a package deal, Jack. I committed to Aaron, I've turned my life around for him. He is my life now. And I'm not saying I don't want to be with you, because I can barely remember a time anymore when I didn't," she said, a tear escaping from the corner of her eye. "But I can't...get a cup of coffee with you, I can't see you. Unless you can get over yourself and your stupid hero complex and realize that Claire's death was not your fault and that I'm doing the best I can for her son, for your nephew, I think you should go." She started to close the door but he reached out and caught it with his hand.
"Kate..." he said. He pushed the door open again and took a step over the threshold as she backed up into the foyer. He just studied her for a second. "You're right."
She surprised him by laughing suddenly. "Excuse me?" She reached up and quickly wiped her tears away. "Did I just win an argument with you?"
He felt a smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Maybe. Look...I know it's wrong. I know that I should want to be a part of his life...I would hope that she would want that. But I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can be a dad."
She shook her head, studying him. "No one's asking you to be a dad, Jack."
He stared at her. "God, Kate." Without thinking he reached out and touched her hand, entwining her fingers with his. He saw her close her eyes at the contact as he slowly snaked his hand up her arm, and then before he could second-guess himself he was kissing her. She was rigid at first, but after a second she gave into him, and he felt her body crash into his as they let out two years and ten months of pent-up longing. At some point he kicked the door shut behind him and turned to pin her against it, their hands and lips roaming.
"Jack..." she moaned as he kissed her neck. Even though every inch of her body was screaming for her to just let go, she pulled back from him, pressing her hands against his chest. "Jack, what are we doing?"
"I don't know, but it's the only thing I've done in years that's felt right," he said, his voice low and husky. "I'm ready to try this, Kate. I don't want to live another day without you in it."
"And Aaron?" she asked, still breathing hard, still very aware of how close he was to her.
"Aaron too," he said simply. Standing here now, with her, it all seemed painfully obvious. How had he ever not wanted either of them?
The tears gathered in her eyes again as she stared at him in silence. They stayed like that in the dark hallway, her leaning against the closed door, hands clutching his shirt, as he waited for her to give him an answer.
She slowly pulled him back to her, giving it to him in the form of a kiss. He engulfed her in his arms, and after nearly three years they made love for the first time right there on the carpet by the stairs. It was far from glamorous or romantic, but their relationship had never been either. It was passionate and raw and as they lay collapsed in each other's arms the sound of their breathing filled the quiet house.
"I do have a bed, you know," Kate said quietly, grinning at him.
He kissed her. "There will be plenty of time for that."
She nestled herself against him, sighing. "God, Jack...what took us so long?"
He stared at the ceiling. "I don't know. But we're here now." And right then, as they lie there naked on the rug, entwined in each other's arms, that was enough.
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