It was as if only a day had passed when he laid eyes on her. He had to remind himself that it had been more than six years.
She stood there staring back at him, pale, wide-eyed and clearly too overwhelmed to verbally acknowledge his existence. After what seemed like another half a dozen years she managed to shyly create a mechanical smile.
He did not reciprocate the reaction. He merely said her name in a deep low voice, clearly caught off guard by the plethora of emotions that were now rushing into his lonely heart.
"Hol" he almost whispered again, testing the waters for a second time, as if he was not sure he was seeing things clearly _ after all he did have a history with the hallucinations' game.
"well well, Leroy Jethro Gibbs" she started and her aging eyes which undoubtedly were her only decent feature were now blurry and were stinging. "long time, no seeing" she continued in the same tone once she realized he was not ready to form words just yet. He was never one for words anyway. She waited for a minute and then she said the worse thing she could possibly say right then and there: "should we skip the you haven't changed a bit bull?"
His eyes widened impossibly, his pulse was rising uncontrollably and he was noticing a high pressure as if a brick was collapsing on his chest. Images of a redheaded creature with sparkly green eyes and hair in a bun flew over his thoughts. That phrasing was almost identical to the one Jen used the first time he saw her after Paris. He wondered if he was dreaming because , for a single millisecond, he looked straight ahead and he thought he saw his once probie turned to partner turned to lover turned to boss turned to his greatest regret looking at him sneakily and slyly as if she knew something he didn't.
He shut he eyes and then he opened them up again and this sweet, sweet break from reality was now a thing of the past, just like his Jenny was. He exhaled in disappointment and he tried to focus on maintaining his balance as he stood in front of retired Army Colonel Hollis Mann.
"Jethro are you okay?" she stated, her voice clear and full of worry. "Yeah' he said monosyllabically, giving her a blank expression as his mind craved to hear a deep husky, throaty voice that belonged to Jen. "yeah I'm good Hol" he continued purely out of an obligation. He suddenly felt like he owed her at least to pretend he was interested in conversing momentarily with her, even though she was waking up the one ghost of his past he had put to rest just yet.
She didn't seem to believe him. She entertained the idea that he missed her and he was rethinking the way they parted ways, but she knew better than that and , if history was any indicator, she was determined not to go down that slippery slope again, even if she was not over him, not completely anyway.
"I came over from Hawaii to visit an old friend and I figured I should pay you a visit as well, for old times' sake. Maybe I should have called first. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. " she was now turning to face the door. " cheer up gunny, I'm leaving" she finally said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"nah, Hol, wait, I'm glad to see that you are okay. It was good of you to visit. It's just that what you said about not saying that you have changed… well it sort of remained me of someone else. You generally made me think of…" he stopped abruptly. He didn't want to hurt her by mentioning Jen. She was smart enough back then to suspect that he had a thing for the Director but he was not going to be a bastard again. He knew better now than to toy with Hol's emotions like that.
"Director Jenny Shepard" he heard her mutter almost under her breath. She did not need him to confirm her suspicions. His look as she said the director's name was evidence enough, especially to her being both a trained investigator and a scorned woman all at once. Regardless, she asked almost like being forced by her inner-voice, " am I right?".
He nodded in the positive, his expression hurt, his features full of expression. She knew that look in his eyes. She had seen it before in the NCIS elevator but not whilst mentioning the director. It was when she had just found out about Shannon and she had confronted him. The exact same pained glare, the unmistakable hurt that comes with loss and regret and thought of what could have been but now never will.
She decided to speak again half-heartedly, her eyes stinging once more, " I read about her death a few months after I retired. Damn bad she died like that, in a fire I mean, such a tragic loss for America, she was a remarkable woman given all she had accomplished given the sort amount time she was at NCIS."
She seemed like she meant every word but no matter what she was saying he knew it could never really do justice to his Jen. He took a minute to debate whether he should elude to Hollis about the true circumstances involving Jen's death. He decided he needed to set the record straight about that one thing, so he replied:
"crime scene was staged, Director Shepard died in the line of duty. Ah well Jen was fighting bad guys 'till her last breath, serving her country, protecting me". As the words left his lips he felt his heart ache and pound intensely almost to the breaking point. He took his time to calm down and, only after he felt strong enough to take in more emotional reactions he raised his glare to the woman standing in front of him.
Retired Col. Mann seemed to be at a loss for words. A few tears had shamelessly escaped her wrinkled eyes and her mouth had taken a bizarre oval shape, that had the circumstances been different, it would make Gibbs at least half-smirk.
"Oh my God, I had no idea, Jethro I am so sorry. I know what she meant to you. I've always known, even back then, I think I knew on some level that there was something special between the two of you".
There was something about Jethro and his ghosts that made her feel so small after mentioning them. It had happened when she had accidentally heard Kelly's tape in Gibbs's basement and was happening again right this instance. She was never going to be important enough to provoke such reactions from him. She was suddenly well aware that she would never make any man as in love with her as Gibbs once was and probably forever will be with Jenny and that realization made her feel insignificant and even worse, jealous of Shepard. She might still be alive but she had definitely missed out. She momentarily wished she could trait places with his beloved redhead just to feel what it's like to be the receiver of such love.
Her mind wondered back to Jethro who continued to absent=mindedly look at her shoes, clearly reminiscing his beloved memories with Jenny. She knew it was time to collect herself and get out of there before her depression sucks the life out of her.
She swiped a few tears off her cheeks, cleared her throat and said" I better get goin', I have a couple of errands to run before my flight this afternoon. I t was good to see you Jethro."
She did not hear a word coming out of his mouth. He reached to her and kissed the area that a few seconds ago was occupied by tears.
Hours later, while he has alone at his beloved basement, Jethro was thankful for one single thing more than anything else: that one ghost of the past was still haunting him, Jen was always going to be on his mind one way or another, and the best part is that he wouldn't have it any other way.
A/N: just sth I came up with in light of the Colonel coming back this season.