As we walked out of the theater, laughing and talking about the movie I realized that I hadn't really laughed in so long. It almost felt wrong. It was like my cheeks had lost all muscle tone and were straining with the effort. When Angela had come over, and basically dragged me out of the house I didn't expect to actually enjoy myself, but here I was, two hours later feeling almost human again.

Angela spoke, breaking me out of my inner dialogue.

"Come on Bella! First rule of Zombieland: Cardio...I'll race you to the car!"

I chased after her, laughing and stumbling all over myself. I still couldn't stop giggling over the fact that the first movie I went to see in months was about zombies. Apparently the universe has a really good sense of humor. By the time I got to her car I was out of breath and could feel the burn in my legs. I guess all of that wallowing in my own self pity didn't do anything for my fitness level. Angela was totally fine, singing along with the radio softly in the driver's seat.

"Geez Bella, are you okay? ... get in the car already!" she said laughingly

"Sorry that I'm not a runner like you Ang."

I could see Angela thinking about something, fiddling with the zipper on her purse.

"It's hard to run when you never leave the house..."

My jaw dropped but I quickly snapped it shut, she was right after all.

"I'm sorry Bella...I have no idea what it must be like for you, with Edward leaving and all. I shouldn't have forced you to come"

"It's okay. I mean, I'm just, well ... I...Thanks actually. That's what I'm trying to say...thank you for getting me out tonight. I've actually been thinking I needed to do this. To be out in the world again."

"Oh, well, I'm glad. I was worried you might get mad at me or something!"

"No, you're too nice to get mad at...so...can we just...let's just not talk about any of this anymore okay?"

True to form Angela moved along to new topics without missing a beat. She was such a good person and I was glad to have her as a friend. I could tell she didn't hold my withdrawal from society against me. She understood.

The next morning I woke up late, exhausted just from the effort it took to be a social being again. I couldn't sleep very well last night. I kept having strange dreams. For so long I dreamt about the day that Edward left me, and the blinding pain that followed...but over the past few weeks those dreams were coming less and less and now new ones were taking their place. I couldn't really make sense of them. It was like having scenes of my life played back to me from a different angle.

"Bells! You up yet?"

"Yea Dad I'll be right out!"

Glancing at the clock I realized I only had 30 minutes to get to work. After racing through my shower, getting dressed and grabbing a granola bar I made it 2 minutes early. The store was slow all day, which meant that I was stocking shelves. Normally this made the time spent at Newtons drag on incredibly slowly, but today I was lost in my dreams from the past few weeks.

The Bella in my dreams was having doubts about Edward, which was just crazy. Literally insane, Edward was always so absolute in his love, there was no room for doubts in my mind. It was like my relationship with him was being played back as a reality show, with creative editing. Trying to portray Edward as the controlling, manipulative boyfriend. At first the dreams just made me angry, but slowly I started to understand my dream's point of view. It had always upset me when Edward would lie to me, to protect me. I hated that he treated me like a child, but I always saw it as selfless of him...but then again, he did leave me here. To die alone, wasting away in my emptiness. I never really truly believed we could be together forever. He was amazing and perfect and I was plain, clumsy, boring Bella. That didn't stop me from loving him, from hoping for forever.

I would never admit it to Edward but I felt guilty about asking him to change me. As much as I loved him, I never really meant it when I asked to be changed. It was just my only hope of showing him how much I loved him. But now...when I saw the hurt, scared look in Charlie's eyes while he watched me retreat into myself, I wondered how he would have dealt with me disappearing forever. If he was that upset about my emotional pain, how would he handle my absence? What about Renee? I knew she would be worried sick, frantic and anxious about my whereabouts. In some ways I could see that silver lining in Edward ripping my heart to shreds...at least I was the only one heartbroken in that scenario. At least my parents knew I was alive and that I could eventually move on.

I decided that day, among the hiking boots and sleeping bags that I needed to really try. I needed to claw my way out of this hole I'd been hiding in. Edward obviously wasn't coming back. None of the Cullens had contacted me at all. It had made Charlie so happy to see me going out with Angela, and even though she was the nicest person I'd made friends with it was still a little weird hanging out with her. It seemed like she was waiting for me to have a nervous breakdown. A legitimate fear, but nonetheless it made it awkward. So when I got home and Charlie said he was heading down to La Push to see Billy I asked if I could tag along.

"What? You want to go to La push with me?"

"Yea, guess I do dad."

"Well, alright Bells, lets go."

It had been months since I had been to La Push. Jake had called a few times but when I didn't answer he stopped trying. I knew he had always had a crush on me, but he was younger than me, and while I enjoyed spending time with him I never wanted to lead him on so I kept my distance. Still though, as we pulled up to the little red house I found myself smiling at the prospect of seeing the Blacks. Jacob always could make me forget about the world and just have a good time.

When I stepped out of Charlie's cruiser I didn't notice the huge rock that we had parked next to, and in typical Bella fashion I stepped right onto it. I felt my ankle turn and knew I was about to fall over, but just before I hit the ground I felt someone catch me. Someone with really warm, really large hands. It had been so long since anyone had touched me, and even longer that it had been a warm person that it was a jolt to my system. When I looked up I saw Jacob's face smiling down at me.

"Walk much Bells?"