Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction, so don't expect it to be perfect! Please give suggestions! This one is based on Squirrelflight's POV!
Disclaimer: Do I own Warriors? Ha. Wouldn't you like to know? Okay, so I don't.
Don't Want To Lose You
Oh Brambleclaw. My heart lies in ThunderClan, can't you see that? My heart is with you.
He has no idea how much I truly mean it. It wasn't an act of impulse, nor was it blurted out because I was a naïve young apprentice. Every single word was true. But he doesn't know. And he probably would never know.
All I wanted was to be happy, with Brambleclaw, and possibly, our future kits. Simple. And StarClan wouldn't even grant me that. The unexpected always happens. That logic makes sense now. What I expected never came true. Our friendship won't ever be rekindled. Maybe there's hope, but it's so tiny I can't see it.
I've given Brambleclaw so many chances… but he never took them seriously. Every night, I dream of rekindling the bond between me and him. And the next day, I feel better
And try to make up. But it never worked. There are always obstacles between us.
I crept through the crowds of cats, looking for the familiar face in the throng. Finally I saw it. Feeling a sense of thrill and optimism, I approached him with light steps. I turned around and bumped into another cat. "Oh, sorry, I was just looking for—oh, it's you." Yes, it was Hawkfrost. My excitement faded and replaced with disappointment.
That's right. That's what usually happens. And to think Brambleclaw sided with Hawkfrost at that Gathering instead of me.
It's not that I don't want to forgive him. He wouldn't let me. There was no other choice. But sometimes, I thought Brambleclaw really care about me. Please stop confusing me, Brambleclaw, please tell me if you truly care.
I have seen how he looks at me when I'm with Ashfur. Those sad eyes broke my heart but I am not going to give in that easily. Because I knew he wouldn't give up Hawkfrost for me that easily too.
Ashfur, I am so sorry. I do not feel anything for you. But I gave you the wrong idea. I know that, because your eyes were always shining when I'm with you. I am truly sorry. I wish I could tell you what I really feel, but I know how much it would hurt to you. Besides, feelings might change. Who knows? Maybe I will stop loving Brambleclaw and love you instead? But that is merely a thought. My heart tells me my feelings for Brambleclaw won't ever fade.
I really want to love freely once again. It's on my face whenever I look at him. But he never got the meaning. I miss him so much. I don't even know if he returns my love. Oh StarClan. How cruel you are. I was once the main character, with my head always full of stars. And without warning, I suddenly understood the other side of love. Love, which I always define as happiness, became a totally different word. I now understood it as pain.
Hawkfrost. Deep inside those blue eyes is an ambition hidden so well. A dangerous ambition. An ambition that sent shivers down my spine. Brambleclaw has always claimed to be smarter than me, so why is it that he couldn't see something I see? Why couldn't he understand?
Or are you accusing him because of who his father was?
Brambleclaw would never know how much those words hurt me. I had thought Brambleclaw knew me the best. But apparently, I was so wrong.
If that's what you think, then you don't know me at all!
That was my sharp reply. It sent a pang of sadness inside my heart just hearing myself said that. Why can't we go back to the old days? I missed the warmth of his fur against mine, and the sound of his voice near my ears.
I don't judge him by his father. I don't care at all who his father was. I care only for Brambleclaw, the warrior that led us through the journey, the humble warrior who only wishes to please his leader. I don't understand how he could change so much. And I didn't even notice him changing. It's simply overnight. One day I had everything I could wish for, with the perfect cat I want to be with. And the next day, everything is gone. The cat has changed. I don't grief because I lost love, I grief because I had forgotten what it was like to love without feeling any pain.
Love has never been that easy. But I never predicted it would be this hard. I entered the path of love unprepared.
It all comes down to trust. He trusts Hawkfrost more than he trusts me. I wish I could make him see how dangerous the cat is. He might be kin, but he has everything Tigerstar once hold. Leafpool think I'm overreacting. But that is not the case. I know myself why I am doing this.
I want to protect you Brambleclaw. He's dangerous. He's using you.
I do this because I love you, Brambleclaw.
And I don't want to lose you.
So how was it? Good? Awful? Please review and suggest if I should do more chapters. I might be doing Firestar, Ashfur and Shrewpaw.