Summary: Jack gets sick after getting bit by an alien. Ianto uses his supreme cuddle skills to keep Jack from having a meltdown. Rated G/PG.
A/N: This was originally written for a schmoop bingo challenge over at Live Journal. The schmoop is Cuddling While Sick.
Ianto came into the Hub a little later than usual. Even though it was already eight o'clock, he was still the first team member to arrive. As he went to make coffee for Jack, he looked up toward his office and was surprised to find that the lights were still off.
Ianto made his special blend just for Jack, as a way of saying he was sorry he was in late and for not staying over at the Hub last night. Yesterday had been a very trying day. He and Owen had been sent out to Newport to investigate a minor blip on the rift predictor. It turned out to be six small furry creatures, each about the size of a head of cabbage. They seemed harmless enough, but when Ianto crouched to examine one more closely, it had spit a vile green liquid onto his trouser leg. Within seconds, the fabric had three holes big enough to put several fingers through. His favorite Armani suit was a total loss. They had contained the creatures and returned with them to the Hub without further incident.
As Ianto was on his way out to go home and change clothes, Jack had sauntered out of his office and asked if he could stay late. "Just look at this suit Jack, it's a disaster." Jack knew better than to tease Ianto about the suit; clothes were a very serious business for Mr. Jones.
"Ok, go home and relax. Can I call you later and see if you are in the mood for company?" Ianto doubted he would be amenable but nodded his head 'yes' anyway.
After going home and changing (and taking one last look at his favorite suit before tossing it in the garbage bin) he made himself a sandwich and watched a little television. When he hadn't heard from Jack by eleven, Ianto sighed, shut off the TV, put on some sweat pants and headed to bed.
The phone rang startling Ianto out of a deep sleep. "'Lo."
"Ianto, I'm really sorry I didn't make it over tonight, there was a small rift alert which took longer for me to handle than I thought."
"'S OK. I'm too tired anyway."
"As long as you're not upset…."
"Sleepy. G'night Jack. See you tomorrow," Ianto mumbled almost asleep before he turned off his cell.
"Jack where are you?" Ianto asked looking around Jack's office.
"I'm down here," a sad and slightly petulant voice replied from under the office.
Ianto looked down into Jack's quarters and saw him in bed. That in itself was unusual enough. Jack rarely slept more than a couple hours a night and never as late as 8. But the fact that Jack had made no attempt to come up to his office as the smell of coffee wafted through the room was downright frightening.
"Are you alright?" Ianto asked in concern.
"No, 'm not. I don't feel too good," Jack said groaning loudly to punctuate his statement.
Ianto put Jack's coffee down on the desk and quickly made his way downstairs. Jack looked terrible. He was sweaty, his hair was plastered to his forehead and he had the cutest pout on his face. Ianto smiled. "Aw, does the captain have a stuffy wuffy head," Ianto teased.
"Pleez, Yantoe, I feel bad. Really, really bad. I hurtz everywhere."
As Ianto looked closer he was startled to see that Jack's face was covered in spots. Not like chicken pox, not like measles, but orderly lines of spots.
"Let me have a closer look at you," Ianto said pulling back the covers on the bed. Jack tried his best to keep them over him (yet another sign that something was amiss) but Ianto eventually wrestled them out of his grasp.
"My goodness, Jack, you look like someone painted rows of dots on you." Vertical lines of spots were covering him head to toe. As Ianto continued to examine him, he realized that the spots were everywhere, from his scalp to the bottom of his feet to body parts you definitely didn't want to see spots on.
"I think I gotz something from that alien I shot last night." Ianto raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "He was big, and mean, and he growled at me and bit me!"
OK, do you know what it was?"
"No."
"How big was it?"
"About the size of the SUV."
Ianto typed into his cell. "Testing a new program I designed – I'm calling it 'WACC' for 'What Alien Comes to Cardiff.' Now what color was it?"
"I think it was green." Ianto rolled his eyes. "It was dark so I couldn't see too good."
Ianto typed some more. "Ok, any distinguishing characteristics?"
Jack sniffled. "I don nooozzz! My spots hurt, make them stop hurting."
'Oh god,' thought Ianto, 'cranky Jack, there's nothing worse than cranky Jack.'
"Makes victim behave like a three year old," Ianto said out loud as he continued typing. A few second later, his cell began to play "Puff the Magic Dragon."
"Well we've got a hit. Your alien was probably a Lepardosis grouchyderm. That's what someone in the 1930s named it. Archival records indicate that while the bite is not fatal, it causes a vertical striped rash which itches intensely. The good news is that it's not contagious. The bad news," Ianto said, looking at Jack to gauge his reaction, "is that it lasts 72 hours."
"NOOOOOOOO!" Jack howled. "Make it stop Ianto, its itches."
"Ok, hang in there, I'm going to see if Owen is in." Fortunately for Ianto, Owen was in the medical bay. Hung over as usual, surly as usual, but present.
"Listen Owen…"
"Oi, teaboy, no listening until I get my coffee." Ianto started to speak again.
"Lalalalala can't hear you," Owen snarked. "Won't be able to hear until I get coffee."
Ianto held the bridge of his nose, willing himself not to kill a certain physician in frustration.
"ENOUGH!" Ianto roared. Owen looked shocked. Tosh looked over at the two men hiding a small smile. 'Good on you, Ianto. About time someone put Owen in his place.'
"Jack is sick. Don't you dare smirk Owen. I came in this morning and he was still in bed. And he's got a rash, or a pox or something."
"Hell, why didn't you say so," Owen said grabbing his medical kit and heading over to Jack's office. "Where is he?" Owen asked as he entered the empty office. Owen nodded toward the hole in the floor.
"Great. I get to visit Jack's private playground. Can't wait." Ianto practically pushed Owen down the ladder. "Hey, watch it; you trying to have me break my neck or something?"
"I couldn't get that lucky," Ianto mumbled under his breath. Owen shot him an angry look and started to retort until he saw Jack condition.
"My god Jack, that's the most spectacular rash I think I've ever seen."
"Itches, Owen."
Owen looked a bit puzzled by Jack's pouty face. "Alright, just let me take a closer look," Owen said grabbing Jack by the arm.
"STOPPPPPP! It hurtz!"
"I thought you said it itches."
"It does," Jack wailed.
Owen sighed. Dead patients were so much easier to deal with. "Ok, Jack. Does it itch or does it hurt?"
"It hurtz and it itches. Make it stop, Owen, make it stop!" Owen tried to examine Jack further, but Jack didn't want him to and began to kick his feet in frustration.
"Mr. Harkness," Ianto admonished, "you behave yourself or you won't get cuddle time today."
Jack looked horrified. "You wouldn't."
"I would. Now you do everything Dr. Owen tells you and then we'll have some cuddle time."
Jack scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, but allowed Owen to complete his examination. Ianto passed his phone to Owen and waited while Owen read the information about the bite of the Lepardosis grouchyderm. "Sounds about right," Owen grumbled.
While Owen rooted through his medical bag, Ianto took the opportunity to phone Gwen and ask her if she could pick up a few items on her way in. "Of course love, strange list, but OK." Ianto knew Gwen had a million questions, but he reckoned the answers would become apparent as soon as she arrived.
Owen took a large needle out of his kit and filled it with liquid from a small vial. Jack look terrified and even Ianto blanched when he saw the size of the bore.
What? It's cortisone. It will help the itching, Jack, I promise." Jack whimpered. "Come on then. Turn on your side. I have to put this in by your hip." Jack shook his head.
Ianto could see that Owen was losing his patience. Ianto sat on the bed next to Jack. He ignored Owen's eye rolling as he took Jack into a hug. "Ok, don't look," he said pushing Jack's head under his chin. Jack closed his eyes. "Yeah, once we're done with this, I'll read you a nice story and then you'll have a nap, and…"
"OW, OW, OW." While Jack was relaxing in Ianto's arms, Owen used the opportunity to administer the shot.
"Look, we're all done. And you were very brave," Ianto said kissing Jack on the forehead.
"Oi, listen up Nanny Ianto, he can have some antihistamines this afternoon if he's still itchy. Now I have work to do, dead patients to dissect, so don't be bothering me unless he takes a turn for the worse." Just before he turned away toward the ladder, Owen smiled, reached over, and tousled Jack's hair. 'You be good, right, no making Ianto crazy."
Gwen and Tosh were waiting for Owen up in Jack's office. He briefly explained what had happened to Jack and that Ianto would be in Jack's quarters for the rest of the day.
"I couldn't imagine why he asked me to pick up chocolate milk, tomato soup and peanut butter and jelly." They looked down the opening and saw that Jack was dozing while Ianto rocked him gently in his arms.
"That's so sweet," Tosh said smiling. "Ianto really does dote on Jack."
"Yeah, they really do care for each other," Gwen added. "I thought it was just some friendly shagging at first, but its more than that, isn't it?"
"Maybe they'll play naked hide and seek when Jack wakes up and we can catch them at it like we did last month," Owen teased. "That would be so nice."
"Owen!" Gwen and Tosh admonished him in unison.
"What, the way you girls act, you'd think they were a couple or something. Oh they're so romantic," Owen snarked, batting his eyelashes at them. "Oh I hope I get invited to the wedding." Tosh and Gwen glared at Owen. "Birds. All they ever think about is snagging some poor bloke and getting married," he said as he walked away.
At lunch time Ianto came into the kitchen and heated up the soup and made some sandwiches. As he carefully cut off the crusts from the bread, he explained, "Jack has spots inside his mouth. Yeah, and his nose. Anything that rubs against them is excruciatingly painful. I thought he might be able to get the sandwich down this way."
Ten minutes later Ianto was back in the kitchen trying to clean tomato soup off his shirt. "I thought he was a sloppy eater when he's an adult; you should see him as a petulant child."
Owen walked into the kitchen. "What happened to you? I thought that was blood for a moment."
"Just soup." Ianto sighed. "Three days, you don't think we could get lucky and have it disappear tonight."
"Having fun are we?"
"Not really, but he doesn't know he's behaving like a big baby."
"Oi, I can't wait…"
It took about a nanosecond for Ianto to be in Owen's face. "You will never say a word about this to him, unless he raises the issue," Ianto growled. "Understood."
Ianto's stalking had backed Owen up into the kitchen counter. "Ow, yeah I hear you. No teasing Jack or the teaboy about 'cuddle time.'" If looks could kill Owen knew he'd have been incinerated on the spot.
The rest of the afternoon passed quietly. Gwen, Tosh and Owen worked in silence until about 4 PM.
"What's the rift predictor say for the next twenty-four hours," Owen asked Tosh.
"Should be quiet until tomorrow evening. I'll route the signal to my phone tonight so that Ianto won't have to worry about being called out of the Hub. And if its something big" she said turning to Gwen and Owen, "I'll be calling both of you."
Owen nodded, "See ya tomorrow," he said as he walked toward the cog door.
"I'm just going to go tell Ianto what I've done and make sure they don't need anything before we go, OK?" Tosh told Gwen.
"Mind if I tag along so I can tell them goodbye?" Gwen asked. Tosh shrugged. Fine by her.
As they entered Jack's office they heard the sound of Ianto's voice. "Don't scratch those spots Jack. How about a story?" They could see Jack out of bed shaking his head 'no.' "Oh come on this is a really good story. I bet you haven't heard the one called "Captain Jack and the three Bears."
"Earth Story," Jack said pouting.
"Well, yes of course. Now stop that scratching and come here then." Jack scooted back into bed, snuggled up against Ianto and closed his eyes. In his arms was a pink bear with a heart on it. "Ah, I see you've brought Mr. Bear with you to hear the story…good idea."
Gwen and Tosh looked at each other rolling their eyes.
"Once upon a time there was a brave captain named Captain Jack." Jack snorted. "He came to Earth from far, far away, to find the famous Cardiff Bears. He looked for a long time until he found them. There was Ianto Bear, the dashingly handsome bear, Gwen Bear, the beautiful sweetheart bear, and little Tosh Bear, the smartest bear in all the land."
Tosh and Gwen covered their mouths to keep from bursting out laughing. They quietly backed away from the opening to Jack's quarters.
"There also was an evil sorcerer, Bad Owen, who was mean to everyone."
"This is a really good story. Are there monsters in the story?"
"Shhhh. Drink your chocolate milk and pay attention. And please stop scratching those spots!"