Sotika: Alone in such company
It wasn't even a satisfied exhaustion. The battle had been won, but nothing seemed to go right for her. Sotika was feeling weak, for her performance was weak. No punch landed as hard as it should have, everything came at a higher cost then expected. The day had been filled with the feeling that no matter how hard she kicked, she'd never swim very far. It was quite lucky indeed that Vegeta had been there to fight with her. She was grateful, amidst her feelings of worthlessness sore from trying too hard, her best friend had been there for her … he always was when she needed him.
She watched him as he came and went from the little site they'd picked for their camp. He was at last satisfied that there was enough wood for the fire, and he set to the rest of his little boy scout chores of building up, and it was amusing enough for her. They didn't say much but she found herself lost in the thoughts of him. It's funny how someone who seemed such a small part of your life at first can turn to out have been on the main cast list all along.
Sotika stood up and wiped the dust from her legs as they took her to the other side of the fire. She sat down behind him and slipped her arms around his middle, laying her head on his shoulder. But no sooner had she done so then he raised it abruptly to bump her off. Sotika tightened her arms ever so slightly in a pout. Intent, however, Vegeta pushed her arms away. "Not now Tika." He said low
"Sorry" she replied, scooting to the left to sit by him, but she was only sorry that he was unresponsive. "Why not?"
Vegeta didn't even turn his eyes, just stared unseeing at the fire. "I'm just in a bad mood I guess."
Now she was thinking of more then herself. Something of the feminine nature she had the refused to die; she worried for the people she cared about. "What's wrong?" she asked turning a little toward him, hoping to catch his eye.
He had to be trying to avoid this to continue looking at nothing, but so he did. "It's nothing." He replied unconvincingly after a moment's silence.
"It's not nothing if-"
"Forget about it Tika, you wouldn't understand."
Now that was unfair, while Vegeta was always at least three steps ahead of her in things it wasn't like she was too far behind to see things the way the rest did. Maybe there was nothing she could do, actually it was more then likely that she'd never be able to touch the problems. But it always made her feel better to confide in him, and she cared for him, and wanted to be able to do the same for him. But she feared having her emotions stepped on, so she said none of this, simply "you might be surprised."
Vegeta scoffed "I doubt it, you'll just get all worried, forget about it."
"I worry because I love you" Sotika said softly
"No you don't." he said abruptly "You're young, you don't know what you're talking about."
Unwittingly, Vegeta had brought a whole new cause to Sotika, in what was showing signs of growing into an argument. He could think little of her perception of the world, and she could over look his thinking her unable to grasp whatever was the matter, but no one, not even he would tell her how she did and did not feel.
"Yes I do! Is that a problem? Going to listen to everything about who I am, tell me how I feel, and then never let me know who you are? What's wrong with you today?!"
"I said drop it, I don't want to go through this, with anyone, not just you."
"That's not fair! I'm your best friend, why don't you trust me?"
A long moment in which Vegeta's last window to please Sotika closed, and then "I don't trust anyone."
There was a feeling of tightening in her chest that only seemed to be caused by him. He was the only one who could make her feel so small, unworthy. Frustrated with the feelings of being emotionally drained with no compensation she stood up again. This time she did not think to wipe the dust off her legs. She no longer felt to look at him, after all he hadn't looked at her this whole time, and she didn't say goodbye.
Sotika was proud of herself at the swallowing of the tears. It had been a long time since she'd managed that. Oh, but she hated him! It was never going to be enough. She could love him through every problem he would never tell her and he would never believe her. She could give him heart and soul, and get nothing in return. And this could go on for the rest of her life. How strange it is to feel alone sometimes, when you sit by your best friend. Why did he want to keep to himself? Why wouldn't he let her in? And where was she to get the answers if he wouldn't talk?
It wasn't even a satisfied exhaustion. The battle had been won, but nothing seemed to go right for her. Sotika was feeling weak, for her performance was weak. No punch landed as hard as it should have, everything came at a higher cost then expected. The day had been filled with the feeling that no matter how hard she kicked, she'd never swim very far. It was quite lucky indeed that Vegeta had been there to fight with her. She was grateful, amidst her feelings of worthlessness sore from trying too hard, her best friend had been there for her … he always was when she needed him.
She watched him as he came and went from the little site they'd picked for their camp. He was at last satisfied that there was enough wood for the fire, and he set to the rest of his little boy scout chores of building up, and it was amusing enough for her. They didn't say much but she found herself lost in the thoughts of him. It's funny how someone who seemed such a small part of your life at first can turn to out have been on the main cast list all along.
Sotika stood up and wiped the dust from her legs as they took her to the other side of the fire. She sat down behind him and slipped her arms around his middle, laying her head on his shoulder. But no sooner had she done so then he raised it abruptly to bump her off. Sotika tightened her arms ever so slightly in a pout. Intent, however, Vegeta pushed her arms away. "Not now Tika." He said low
"Sorry" she replied, scooting to the left to sit by him, but she was only sorry that he was unresponsive. "Why not?"
Vegeta didn't even turn his eyes, just stared unseeing at the fire. "I'm just in a bad mood I guess."
Now she was thinking of more then herself. Something of the feminine nature she had the refused to die; she worried for the people she cared about. "What's wrong?" she asked turning a little toward him, hoping to catch his eye.
He had to be trying to avoid this to continue looking at nothing, but so he did. "It's nothing." He replied unconvincingly after a moment's silence.
"It's not nothing if-"
"Forget about it Tika, you wouldn't understand."
Now that was unfair, while Vegeta was always at least three steps ahead of her in things it wasn't like she was too far behind to see things the way the rest did. Maybe there was nothing she could do, actually it was more then likely that she'd never be able to touch the problems. But it always made her feel better to confide in him, and she cared for him, and wanted to be able to do the same for him. But she feared having her emotions stepped on, so she said none of this, simply "you might be surprised."
Vegeta scoffed "I doubt it, you'll just get all worried, forget about it."
"I worry because I love you" Sotika said softly
"No you don't." he said abruptly "You're young, you don't know what you're talking about."
Unwittingly, Vegeta had brought a whole new cause to Sotika, in what was showing signs of growing into an argument. He could think little of her perception of the world, and she could over look his thinking her unable to grasp whatever was the matter, but no one, not even he would tell her how she did and did not feel.
"Yes I do! Is that a problem? Going to listen to everything about who I am, tell me how I feel, and then never let me know who you are? What's wrong with you today?!"
"I said drop it, I don't want to go through this, with anyone, not just you."
"That's not fair! I'm your best friend, why don't you trust me?"
A long moment in which Vegeta's last window to please Sotika closed, and then "I don't trust anyone."
There was a feeling of tightening in her chest that only seemed to be caused by him. He was the only one who could make her feel so small, unworthy. Frustrated with the feelings of being emotionally drained with no compensation she stood up again. This time she did not think to wipe the dust off her legs. She no longer felt to look at him, after all he hadn't looked at her this whole time, and she didn't say goodbye.
Sotika was proud of herself at the swallowing of the tears. It had been a long time since she'd managed that. Oh, but she hated him! It was never going to be enough. She could love him through every problem he would never tell her and he would never believe her. She could give him heart and soul, and get nothing in return. And this could go on for the rest of her life. How strange it is to feel alone sometimes, when you sit by your best friend. Why did he want to keep to himself? Why wouldn't he let her in? And where was she to get the answers if he wouldn't talk?