This Time

"Miketsukami-kun! That was when I still knew nothing... About what was an act, and what was true... And that the hand stretched out towards me, would be the one to ultimately betray me." - Shirakiin Ririchiyo

There was a slight chill to the air as the tiny girl stood still as a statue in her place, violet eyes fixed ahead. It was still and so peaceful here in this small out of the way spot. There was really no sound coming from anywhere, nothing but the sound of the wind rolling over the land. Ririchiyo's silken scarf swayed at her neck, her long raven hair sliding and catching around her small curved horns. This place, with the Nine-Tailed Fox standing before her should have been perfect, if not for the memories this place held. The half youkai looked so much more serine in his white, blue, and black yukata rather than his SS uniform. Looking at him could nearly make her forget again, but not quite. This place haunted her in the dark and vulnerable hours of the night. Its beauty now did nothing to cover up what had taken place here, nothing at all. Her breaths were shallow as she tried her best to remain calm. The tiny, doll-like Atavist knew she could not show emotion in the sight of the second boy here, someone she never wanted to face again. She dared not look at him, focusing her eyes on the familiar and calming presence. This place had ruined her life and everyone she cared about, and for that, she hated it. Beyond that, she had come here knowing something similar was going to happen again, but hoping against hope she could stop it.

His white furry tails swayed gently in the wind, overhead flower petals and leaves falling lightly through the air. The smell of the blooming sakura was strong around him in this place. White ears flicked absently, irritated by the wind as he stood still. Soushi's duel colored blue and gold eyes stared placidly at her, reminding her of looking into still pools of water back at the Shirakiin household. Her head spun just a little as her stomach tied itself in knots. No matter what, that handsome face could get her every time, but now it was simply painful.

Ever so slightly, her hands trembled at her sides, weapon clutched so tightly her knuckles were white. What was it Kagero had said? Something like: "The Soushi you are looking at is not this Soushi." As if she did not know that already! Did they think she really did not remember? She remembered everything the night Sonorinozuka arrived. The mind was a funny thing, it decided what it wanted to see and blocked out what it did not. If you could not handle something, the mind rewrote it for you into something you could accept. However, that did not mean you did not know the truth deep down in your core. All along, she knew the truth, she simply had no desire to believe it. It was easier to believe in a reality that was kind and painless. The truth simply hurt too much. He told her to face it and live in the "now." But she did not want to live in the now, the now without Miketsukami-kun! She did not want to live with the guilt of knowing how and why he died! Her heart skipped a few beats, eyes widening slightly at the images those thoughts brought her.

Of course, she knew it was wrong. A "convenient memory" was what Kagero called it, and he was right, no matter how much she loathed saying so. Everything he said about her was true, and she knew that. Did he think she did not hate herself every second for it? The fact that it was ill advised and wrong was not lost on her, it was just all she had strength for until this day. She was a coward, always desperate to protect herself from too much pain. Her teeth sank into her lower lip for a moment to keep herself composed. Would things have been different if he had called her on her stupidity earlier? It was clearer than ever before, she should have been strong enough to face the truth, now that she saw this scene.

What had she done? That question made her knees waver, nearly bringing her to the ground, only kept upright by sheer stubbornness. This Soushi... If only she knew everything, from before, and now. She should have taken the time to understand this one as well. She had been so self absorbed! It was clear that he was not here to help her considering the strange boy with the black sandals and striped socks, the one that was there on that day, already explained as much - Polite and sickly sweet words covered his black heart... that was all she could think of while he spoke. This Miketsukami was no longer on her side, or any of them, for that matter. His katana was drawn and he had already attacked her once... even without being ordered to. Granted, it was a weak attack, meant only to hold her in place. He hated her, it seemed.

The message that brought her here was given to her by none but her own SS. That message spoke of avoiding the events of the past, but now that she was here, it seemed unlikely to hold truth. She was desperate to protect the others, so she had to try, even if it was hopeless. When she arrived alone, as requested, these two were waiting. She saw no mark to indicate he was being controlled, so he was likely here by his own choice, here with that person. What had he said his name was, the boy with three marks on his forehead? Inugami Mikoto, yes, the dog Atavist. Yet, here the two were, together. That, she was sure, could be attributed mainly to her misdeeds. What happened to him in this life, she had no idea at all, but she knew she was one of those things. Forcing him to be someone he no longer was each and every day would have caused him trouble, if not pain. She had been leaning on him so fully, this other Soushi, not even considering how it would make him feel. So desperate to ease the horrific anguish in her heart, perhaps she had caused him to suffer. Being forced to behave as if he loved her would be difficult, trying to play a roll of someone else. Perhaps he also hated her because, for all her seemed love of him, he must have known she only loved him because he looked and sounded like his former. It would have been difficult to endure. Little things he had said in this life now jumped out, burning in her mind as signs she should have seen.

Oh... Soushi... being sorry would not help now, would it?

If she were a little stronger, perhaps things would be different now, but she just did not have it in her. Facing that most terrible past was so far beyond her capability she could not even calculate it. She needed this person so badly, needed him to pretend for her so she could make believe those memories were a lie - That past, that ending she could not face, was why she leaned on him. The pain and grief was so much more than she could stand. He was the only thing that could chase it away, even a little. Pretending was the only thing that kept her from throwing herself off the top of Ayakashi Kan. She loved her Miketsukami-kun so much, more than anything, more than life. Having him snatched away was far worse than a thousand deaths.

Even now, her knees quivered, fingers barely able to hold her weapon, stomach instantly threatening to expel anything she had eaten in years at the simple familiarity of that strange boy's face -That boy that killed the person she loved, she hated that face. He sat in the tree as if watching a show, smiling, as if it was all nothing to him. Did he not understand the agony he caused everyone all this time, or did he not care? Everyone suffered so much because of him, but it did not matter to him. He looked indifferent before as well. The flashes of memories all too clear made her tiny body tremble under the weight of them. Again, and again, and again, she saw it, that last battle playing behind her eyes without permission.

Soushi's clone hovered behind her, never moving, but still blocking her from an escape. There was no need for him to do so, she had no plans to run. The presence was so familiar, yet it felt so very different from the one she knew in another life. So many times, this same form had come to rescue her, but it was here for a different purpose now. It made her want to die just thinking about it... living in a world in which his true feelings for her were hate rather than love. There were so many times she prayed for just one more second to see him again and tell him everything she never had. Before her last life ended, she begged anyone that could hear her for the chance to see him again. When she prayed for that, this was never how she expected it to be. But either way, she had already lost her chance once again.

Miketsukame stared at her, not bothering to smile, but seeming controlled as always, "Ririchiyo," He pointedly left off the 'sama' she was so used to hearing, as if out of spite, "I have been instructed to take your life." Those words slipped off his tongue like honey, so threatening, yet oddly calming.

A small, weak, pain tinted smile crossed her lips as the cool metal of her weapon slid off her fingertips to thump against the ground, "Yes... I already know. I have no intention of fighting you."

She came here to fight the dog Atavist, not Soushi, never him. She had thought she might learn something or be able to take out the strange boy... but if her opponent was to be this person...

His blue and gold eyes flitted to the dropped weapon at her feet in slight surprise, but returned cold to lock with hers, "Do not think that surrendering will alter the outcome. I am afraid I will not show you mercy."

Her lashes fluttered together as her eyelids closed for a moment to block out the cold image, "Do not take it as a request for mercy. It is simply my choice." With pain winding tight barbs around her heart, she opened her eyes again to look at him, "It is the least I owe you... and all I can give as payment for this life as well as the last. This time it is my turn."

The chill of his expression softened slightly, the downturn of his brows lifting just a little.

He said nothing, so she continued softly, "Perhaps, with me gone, you will finally have a happy life." Unable to look at him any longer, her eyes dropped to the ground, "I told you once that if you stayed with me, you might be hurt. I always wondered if I was the reason... If I had never come into your life..."

She could not finish, the old guilt from the previous life choking her. Something in her always wondered if she had stayed away from the people she grew to care for, if their lives might have ended differently. Perhaps something in her own history cursed everyone she came in contact with, as she always thought it would. There were secrets in her family, secrets she would never know. How many lives had she ruined by her mere existence? When she was around, others ended up suffering, if not by her words, by her nature. If she had stayed away from others rather than seeking her own happiness, perhaps the ending would have changed. If she had been less foolish and afraid, maybe she would have changed something.

With her here, the others would come eventually, just as they did the last time. However, if she ended this quickly, perhaps the strange dog Atavist would leave, missing the others. Perhaps this would bring an ending different from the last. If she could accomplish that, she would leave this earth happy. There was no way for her to match that boy nor Soushi's strength, so she had only one option. Some part of her was sure that she was the one that person wanted, for whatever reason. Out of everyone, she was the only one that had not come back a little older, or a little younger. What her connection to these events were, she did not really know, but there were things to indicate she was part of it. If she obeyed, there was a slim chance things could change. Maybe it was unreasonable to think so, or maybe it was her own selfishness, not wanting to watch an ending like the last. Either way, this was her choice, the only thing she had to give.

In the end, nothing would sway her from this. She came here knowing what was to happen. She came here to beat everyone else by as much time as she could. To die here was expected, but for her executioner to be her lover had not been. Regardless, she was here because it was all she could do and all she wanted to do. This was what the Miketsukami of this life wanted so she would give it to him. Coming alone was originally to prevent he and the others from being caught in trying to save her as they did Karuta. Now, with him here, it only made her more determined. Soushi gave up his life for hers, so it was time she paid the debt. If he wanted her life, she would gladly give it.

Ririchiyo felt the clone move in close behind her, hands moving to her shoulders in a gentle touch she had not expected. Her eyes did not move from the ground but she could feel the real Soushi coming even before she saw his sandaled feet, white hakama swaying as he moved. Likely as a precaution, he placed one foot over her fallen blade, grinding it into the ground. Her heart fluttered, un-shed tears threatening to build as every fragment of her soul withered. Even now, her heart only longed for the chance to see him again, to say everything she had foolishly never said. Regret, that was the only word she could come up with to sum up everything as she thought over her life. Everything was full of regret for things she should have been brave enough to do.

At this moment, she should have been feeling fear, but she was not. This was more like a relief than anything. Finally, she was paying him back, atoning for what she could not repair. It felt peaceful despite the sheer agony in her heart. Never, she would never get her Miketsukami-kun back. He was gone, and she did indeed mourn him. In the last life, she mourned herself to death, not that she regretted it. Without him, she did not really care to live anyway.

The tiny girl was pulled from her thoughts when a much larger hand cupped her waist, jerking her against his chest. The gasp of surprise only served to give her a fresh intake of his smell, something she always loved dearly. Her body relaxed in the embrace she remembered so very well. The feeling of this familiar touch nearly undid her resolve not to cry, but she managed to keep the welling tears from spilling as she looked up into his face, a face so familiar, yet different. Without thinking, she reached up to touch the pads of her fingers to his soft cheek.

He did not pull away, but he did not lean into the touch as his former would have, "Shirakiin-sama," That beautiful voice spoke her name softly, "do you have any last requests?"

Her violet eyes took in what she knew would be her last look at him, "Yes, just one."

"What is it?" Soushi was nearly cradling her tiny frame now.

Her voice was timid as she spoke, "Please, let the last thing I see be your smile?" Perhaps it was selfish, but she wanted to see it one last time.

His blue and yellow eyes blinked a few times before a familiar, gentle, loving smile engulfed his face, "Of course, Ririchiyo-sama."

She felt a horrifically sharp pain before she tasted blood, but in spite of it all, she returned his smile. Her vision began to cloud with darkness as the pain swallowed her whole, but she kept her eyes on his face. She tried to say a few last words like: "I'm sorry, Mike" and "Please find happiness" but she was unsure if the words ever passed her lips before all she knew was blackness, and then nothing. Perhaps in the next life she would get it right this time, and not fail everyone.

As the band of friends sat at the table, the chatter went about as it always did. Kagero was dominating the conversation with his usual vibrato, his characteristic laugh filling the air. He was so loud that no one really noticed Zange had fallen suddenly silent, staring off into space. His fingers wound tightly into the neck of his shirt, body hunching over slightly. The eccentric Hyakume looked ill and pained, expression twisting as his eyes squeezed shut, as if seeing something he had not wished to.

Karuta was the first to notice as she stared at him with penetrating eyes so dull, yet so sharp that nothing really escaped her. She reached over to poke Renshou in the arm to draw his attention as well. At first the oldest, tanned, tattooed men did not seem to follow her wordless promptings, but caught on quickly as he looked over the red head. His generally lazy, bored expression turned to worry.

"Yo, Zange, you alright?" He leaned over the table slightly to get a better look.

Natsume's only answer was to fold in on himself further, muttering more to himself than anything, "Not again... not like this..."

Even Kagero had stilled, watching as the red head jumped up, rushing in a mad dash for the door, "Hey, wait!" He called out, cape swishing around him as he jumped out of his chair to follow, "What happened? What's wrong?"

That was one thing about Kagero, for all his boasting and harshness, he was softer than he let on. He could always be counted on to rush ahead, always the first to move, even if he did not know what would be waiting for him. He would jump to protect someone even if pumping meant he would be the one to fall. No matter how dark he behaved, he did his best in his own strange way. The seer Atavist knew more about him, and that soft side, than anyone else.

"Riri-tan..." Zange, paused, leaning heavily on the door before moving forward again, not waiting as the others rushed to follow. He already knew what they would find once they arrived, and knew it was already too late, but he had to go anyway. For all his seeming coldness and good time nature, he really did care deeply for his small band of friends. He knew the workings of fate better than most, but that did not stop him from wanting to change it, wanting a happy ending.

This vision had come too late, and he knew it. That sweet, awkward, delicate little girl was gone, but it made his need to go to her no less vivid. He saw it all, which made it so much harder to know he could not change it. For all these powers, he was useless, and he hated it so much. Did Sou-tan even know what he was doing anymore? Did he not realize how precious that girl was to him? Why did it always have to be like this? Why? He could sense the fear in the others as they rushed to catch him. Still, he could not stop just yet. A big part of him just wanted to run and never stop. But, of course, the future he was running from would always be in front of him... in front of all of them.

AN: This is not a spoiler or anything if you are up to date on the manga. It's also kinda AU... more like a little thing that came to my mind the second I read that line at the top and read those pages. This was what I saw happening after I read 25. I mean, did you SEE those last pages! I don't think I'm right or anything, it was just the story that came to mind at the time. I don't predict this happening but I had to get it out of my head, so I wrote it out. This ending would be just like this manga though, always totally destroying the readers heart, hopes, and dreams!
Also, I kinda think Soushi is the extreme yandere type to the point of, if the person she loves now is not him, she won't live to love anyone. He's so obsessive, you know! I love him to pieces though!