Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual.
Elliot's POV
Another case. Another child's body lying cold and lifeless behind a dumpster. Another perp still roaming the streets in search of his next victim. Me and my partner are the only ones left in office, and neither of us has said a word in over an hour. Children cases are the worst for both of us, especially when the details are almost too much for even us to bare. Its just past eight, and we are completely drained, both physically and mentally. The phone next to me rings, shaking both of us from our thoughts and forcing me to let out an exhausted sigh. Olivia and I share a glance before I pick it up.
"Stabler" The voice on the other end shatters my heart and I immediately become aware. Its Elizabeth, my youngest daughter.
"Daddy" She cries, sobbing so hard I can barely make out her words. "Daddy, you need to come home. Somethings wrong with mom, shes not breathing." My heart stops, face drains of any and all color. I can feel my partners worried eyes on me, but I cant meet them. I cant breathe.
"Lizzie, sweetie. Its going to be alright, I'll be there as soon as possible" I reply in a rush, my own voice faltering as the words come out. "I love you. I'll be there soon" I promise before hanging up. The phone doesn't even reach its cradle before I'm grabbing my keys and jacket as I stand up.
"El?" Olivia's voice is soft but panicked as she stands from her own desk.
"I gotta go. Somethings wrong at the house, I'll talk to you later" I reply, reaching the doorway as I'm almost running to the elevator. Luck seems to be on my side as the elevator doors open once I arrive to them. Not even caring whether the other person got in or out, I step inside and press the ground level button repeatedly until the doors close. The sound of my daughters terrified voice ringing through the phone replays itself over and over until I'm on the brink of tears. "Somethings wrong with mom, shes not breathing." She choked out between sobs. It feels like an eternity passes before the doors in front of me finally open and I am sprinting towards the parking lot to get to my SUV. This is nothing, everything will be fine, I repeat to myself while I shove the keys into the ignition and drive off as quickly as possible. As soon as I am out of sight of the precinct, however, I find myself stuck in traffic. I hate living in New York, I think to myself. That's when it rings through my mind again. Shes not breathing.Kathy. My wife, the mother of my children, isn't breathing. Kathy is lying there with no air in her lungs as my children stand around, terrified. Once again, my heart stops before starting up and beating fiercely against my rib cage.
The twenty minutes that pass before I'm able to get to my house feels like a million lifetimes, and I soon find myself turning onto that familiar street. The sight before me knocks the breath out of me, and my head begins to spin. An ambulance is parked just outside my house, its back doors open while two cop cars are parked in front of and behind it. Neighbors stand on the sidewalk and in their doorways as I pull in and rush out of the car.
"What the hells going on?" I ask a nearby paramedic, my voice faltering once again.
"Sir, who are you?" The man asks. Before I can answer, I hear an all too familiar voice.
"Daddy!" Elizabeth cries out, jumping from the front step of our porch with tears streaming down her face as she runs toward me. Pulling her into my arms quickly, I feel the knot in my stomach grow and get tighter.
"Baby, whats wrong? Whats going.." I trail off once something over my daughters shoulder catches my eye. A gurney is being pulled out of my house slowly by two young paramedics. The sheet is pulled all the way up. A broken, confused Dicky walks slowly behind them carrying his younger brother, Eli. Long, blond hair is hanging over the sides of the gurney as the men pull it into the ambulance. I don't breathe for a long moment, and my daughter continues sobbing in my arms.
"Sir, is this your home?" I hear a voice ask from a few feet away. After a minute, I turn in his direction and nod numbly.
"I...Yeah, this is my...That's my wife" I speak softly, my voice is rough but breaking. Dicky soon joins us, and through the corner of my eye I can see Maureen exit the house slowly before making her way over as well.
"I'm so sorry sir. It seems to have been an overdose. We were already far too late when we got here, so there was nothing we could do." The officer explains, removing his hat.
The rest of the night is a blur. Police question me and my children, being patient with us as we all deal with the grief. After almost two hours, the ambulance and the police leave and I'm once again left with my family. Silence fills the entire house as my children and I take in all that has happened, and contemplate what lies ahead. My phone rings endlessly, but I ignore every call. I already know its Olivia, and I just don't have the strength to deal with that right now. Tears stream silently down each of our faces as pictures of Kathy with all of us hang around the living room and all through the house.
A knock at the door brings me from my thoughts, and I slowly drag myself towards the door. Opening it, I see my Captin standing before me with a somber look on his face. He knows. Olivia knows. I wouldn't doubt that everyone else in the office knows as well.
"Elliot" Don says gently, his voice filled with sympathy and pain. His eyes are full of concern and understanding. He's been here before, he knows how I feel. "We heard about what happened, and we're all devastated. Olivia has been trying to call you, but understands why you wont pick up. She told me to let you know that she is there for you whenever you need her, and she knows why you wont pick up" He explains softly. "Take some personal time, son. Be with your family for a while. As of right now, your on paid leave. And that's an order. If you need anything from any of us, we're only a phone call away, Elliot. You know where to reach us" His kind words help, mostly because I know that he's been through this as well. The only difference was that he never had children by his side.
Nodding softly at him, I look at the ground as I whisper a "Thank you, Captin" and slowly close the door. Dragging myself back into the living room, I find my kids in the exact same positions they were in when I left. Glancing at the clock, I notice the time and sigh softly as I run a hand through my hair. "Alright guys. I think its about time for bed." I say softly. Its the first time any of us have spoke since the police left. "Its been a long day, and tomorrow will most likely be longer. I think we all need some sleep".
One after another, Lizzie, Dicky who still has Eli in his arms, and Maureen all begin to slowly walk towards me with the same pained expressions on their faces. I hug each of them tightly and kiss them before letting them go to their own rooms. "I love you guys" I call out before they all separate.
I hear a faint "Love you too" from each of them before the sounds of their doors clicking shut leaves me to the silence. I stand alone in the living room for a moment longer before forcing myself to go upstairs to our bedroom, now my bedroom. Upon opening the door, I'm immediately hit with Kathys familiar scent and it once again brings tears to my eyes. As they roll silently down my cheeks, I change into a pair of sweats and I'm about to climb into bed when I find an envelope hidden under the covers. My jaw clenches as I hesitantly open it, tears now streaming down my face.
Elliot,
First of all, I want you to know that this is not your fault. None of this is. I've been unhappy for a very long time, and it is my own fault. You and the kids have been nothing short of amazing to me for so long, and I'm truly blessed to have found you, my love. But after we got the first separation, I fell into a deep depression that I never let anyone in on. The only one who knew was Kathleen. I don't want you to feel like you have failed me in any way, because that is certainly not the case. You were a saint to me Elliot Stabler, and I never really showed you how much I truly loved you. I'm sorry for doing this, for leaving you and the kids like this...but I feel I have no other choice. You will be fine without me, all of you will. I know it. And please don't mourn me, I want you to feel no grief over my passing. All of the children are getting similar letters, all hidden in their blankets just as this one was, so I know they will all understand. Don't worry about telling our sweet Kathleen about me, she got her letter last night and now knows exactly what has happened. I love you very much, Elliot Stabler. You gave me the best 23 years of my life, and the five most beautiful children in the world. I know you will move on to do incredible things without me, and always know that I am looking down on you, smiling. Take care of the children and yourself, and tell Olivia that I'm sorry about the ice cream incident. She'll understand what you mean. I don't regret a single moment I spent with you, and I hope you feel the same. The best thing you could do for me is to not blame yourself for my decision, and to live a full, happy life. I love you.
Kathy.
By now, I'm lying in bed with the paper clutched in my hands as I read over my deceased wife's final words. Tears roll down the sides of my face as I fold up the small letter and place it on my dresser, praying to fall asleep. My prayers are soon answered as I feel my consciousness slipping away, and see Kathy's face one last time.
A/N- What do you guys think of the first chapter? Its a lot different from my usual stuff, but I wanted to try something new. Reviews help me write faster, so please give me some feedback. Chapter 2 will be up shortly, but like I said, reviews help me go faster.