That Kind of Girl

by Warmal

Lilo recounts the time she's spent feeling a pain. A pain from wanting to be with someone that she can't be with. As well as truly figuring out, what kind of girl she is. One Shot.

I'm not that kind of girl.

I tell myself as a look into my mirror.

I'm not that kind of girl.

I tell myself every moment I'm with you.

I'm not that kind of girl.

I say whenever someone asks how I am.

I can't be.

Every day I find myself brushing my long black hair as I look at the picture of you on my desk. It's only morning and I can already feel it creeping up inside of me. Looking for an escape, I start wandering around my room. Our room. But there is no escape. You're everywhere. On the walls, in the things we've collected, on your little cot. There is no escape. I find you in every little thing in my life.

Why? Why do I have to feel like this?

I brush at my hair more furiously, feeling the pain as it pulls through knots and tangles. I hope the pain will help pull you out of my mind. However it doesn't. It never does. Then my brush breaks, and I remember that this happened on that day too.

It feels like forever since we first met. It's been just as long since I've ever felt a hug so warm. Even though you were only using me at the time, I could feel the love and care that I would soon find in you. To think, that what I felt then would soon become this. Maybe I would have been more careful. Careful with what I did, what I said. I wasn't though. I slowly began walking this path only a few short years after we met. I didn't know it at the time, or maybe I just didn't want to believe it. Now here I am. Hopelessly in love with the friend that's stood by me for so long.

I count the years that I haven't told you as they pass by. To think I'd reach seventeen and still the words haven't passed my lips. Some of the greatest support has come from the ones who I was scared to tell the most. Nani knows. Victoria knows. They try to encourage me to be true to myself, to my feelings. Every day I get a little help from them. For a while I found comfort, knowing that Victoria and I were the same. Watching from afar, not able to be with the one we love. Soon she was able to work up the courage to ask Keoni out on a date. I was so happy for her. But I couldn't help but feel that nagging voice at the back of my head.

I'm not that kind of girl. I tell myself as I feel the nagging voice in the back of my head. The one that asks why she can be with the one she loves and I can't. I'm not jealous of my best friend.

I grab a new brush and finish getting my hair ready for the day. Though I don't know why I bother. It's the weekend, and I never see you on the weekend. How do two days feel so long? You've only been gone a night and I'm already like this. Reaching the kitchen, I see the smiling faces of our family. During breakfast, your empty chair seems to grow in size. Your absence is felt by everyone as their eyes dart towards it. No one says a word, knowing how it makes me feel. Nani gives me a sympathetic look, but knows there's nothing we can do. Instead, I smile and pretend like nothing's wrong. Like my heart isn't currently tearing to small pieces as I imagine what you're doing with her.

"Are you sure you're too busy?" I ask Victoria for the final time.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Lilo." Her voice crackles over the phone. "Keoni's been planning this date for a while. It's pretty close to our anniversary."

"I know." I say disappointed. Stinging inside at the idea of her going on a date. "It's just…"

"It's the weekend." Victoria said with understanding.

I stay silent, wondering if I really sound as pathetic as I think I do.

"Maybe Keoni wouldn't mind if I reschedule…" She offers. She's trying to be supportive but I can hear the hesitation in her voice.

What am I doing?

"No." I say, trying to sound as cheerful as I can. "I'll be fine. It's just a couple of days. You go have fun with your boyfriend."

"Are you sure?"

I try to ignore the eagerness in her voice. "Yes I'm sure. I'll stay home with Nani. We haven't spent any sisterly time together lately."

"Well if you're sure." Victoria finally hangs up the phone.

The sound of the click echoes through my head. Slowly, I return the phone to its receiver, glad that Victoria doesn't have to see the look on my face. She had always been supportive of me. I couldn't possibly ask her to cancel her anniversary date with Keoni. What kind of friend would I be if I did that? A horrible one, and I don't want to do that to her. Just because I'm not happy doesn't mean I can drag her down with me.

Finding Nani and David on the couch watching TV, I think for a moment about asking her to spend some time together. I stop once I see David gently give her a kiss on the cheek. The way she then looked at him brought a huge smile to his face. If any two people in the world were meant to be together, it would be them. No question about it. Through all the craziness this family has brought, he has stuck with us. I always say that if we had crashed Jumba's ship by any other surfer they probably would have freaked out. Not David. As always he kept calm and rolled with things.

So why can't I roll with this?

I feel myself burn inside at their display of affection. They don't even know I'm here. I love them to death, but I can't help but feel like this. I want what they have, and I can't have it. Before I destroy the moment, I reconsider spending time with my sister. It wouldn't be right to act selfish out of anger or jealousy. Just because I'm not happy, doesn't mean she can't be.

I'm not that kind of girl. I remind myself as I leave the room. Nani is the most amazing sister in the world. She was so accepting when I told her I love you. I expected scorn, or to be told it was a mistake. Instead, she just smiled gently and rubbed the back of my head. I was so young, yet she knew what I felt was true. She had seen it many times herself. I then saw the smile flicker. The same flickering smile I saw in Victoria.

She and I both knew what would come of my feelings. I had waited so long to tell her because I felt like if I did, I was sealing my fate. My fate to this. To constantly wanting but never having. Though thinking back, it wasn't telling her that sealed my fate. Nothing could have changed my feelings. The only way I wouldn't feel like this is if we hadn't have met. And I would never wish for that.

I thought it would be okay. I lied to myself every night.

"You'll get over it."

"Today's the day it won't hurt."

"Tomorrow will be better."

"One day things will work out."

No matter what I told myself. No matter what anyone told me, it never changed. It always hurts and always will hurt. To see the one you love in the arms of another. It boils inside of me. I want to lash out. Want something to end this pain. I sound pathetic. I laugh as I start walking towards our old treehouse. I sound like the girl in all those teen romance novels I hate.

I know I don't need a boy to complete me. If I was with you, it wouldn't change who I am. I am Lilo Pelekai. The strange girl that everyone made fun of… Until I met you. You didn't think I was strange, or odd. We were the same. Lost in this crazy world, all alone until we were found. We were so close people thought we were attached at the hip. Now I've never felt so far from you. What happened to us?

Our treehouse looks like what I think our relationship now feels like. Over the years it's become rickety, though it looks fine and holds as strong as ever. I'm glad we ended up putting a roof over it. The things we left in here, while a bit worn and torn, have survived the many years of weathering. All these memories still intact. When you're finally gone, will these still be here? Will I still be finding you in every little part of my life? Slumping down, I stare at all the things we left up here. Some toys, a few crayons, but most importantly drawings. I shuffle through a couple and feel a small smile form on my face.

Why did we stop coming up here? I ask myself as the memories start bringing tears to my eyes. The bitter sweet saltiness begins to sting at my eyes. I know why we stopped coming up here.

Continuing to shuffle through the memories I hope we still share, I can't help but think about you more. I don't care that it hurts anymore. This is the only time I get to spend with you anymore. Even when it isn't the weekend, I hardly see you. I deny it with all my heart, but my mind knows that one day she will finally take you from me for good. Will I say anything? Will I stop you? No. I'm not that kind of girl.

Suddenly, I feel like I hear your voice not too far away. Looking over the edge of the tree house, I see you heading up towards the house. Did you come home early? I wonder as I already feel my heart begin to race. Did you come to me? Hurrying over to you, we meet right by the front door. You were only inside for a few seconds.

I can see now that you're not staying. You're holding the keys to the buggy loosely in your hand. Where are you going?

When you see me, you stop and smile. "Hey, Lilo." You say in the most beautiful voice.

I don't think you realize how much you make me melt. I get lost in the sweet sound, one that I heard just last night, but already missed so greatly. You have the cutest expression on your face as you tilt your head. I figure you must be wondering why I haven't replied yet. I begin to blush as I realize that I've been standing here, lost in your eyes.

"H-hi, Stitch." I say, wondering when it got so hard to talk to you. "Where are you going?"

"Meega and Angel going for a drive." Your words shatter my heart more than you could ever know.

As if on cue, I hear Angel call out to you from somewhere below the stairs.

"Meega be right there, boojiboo!" You call back.

Why? Why is she your boojiboo? Why isn't it me? Why hasn't it ever been me? I stopped hanging around Angel just so I wouldn't have to hear that word anymore. It always cuts through me. But I don't say anything. I just listen intently as you explain your extravagant date with her.

I hang on every word. Imagining what it'd be like if it was me instead. I wonder if you'd be just as excited if it was with me instead. After all these years, you must realize my feelings for you. All the hugs, the cuddles, and the kisses I've given. I've told you a few times that I love you but you don't say it back the same way. Maybe I just missed my chance. That one chance I should have taken.

As you finish telling me your plans, I see that Angel has now made her way to the stairs. She's clearly getting impatient. I feel heat grow behind my ears as she says to hurry up.

No.

Let me have some time with him.

Don't take him from me.

Just the very sight of her reminds me of the day you came home crying. It was another weekend, long ago. You had just left to spend time with your Angel only a few short hours ago. When you came running through the door. No one knew what was wrong. I had spotted the tears trailing down your face and ran to catch up to you. When I finally reached our room, I found you sitting, hunched under the desk. I crawled under with you and asked what was wrong.

"Angel cheated on meega." You said between sobs. "Meega found her flirting with Kixx. And then she kissed him."

You were heart broken. And I felt sad for you. I never told you, but I was happy. I knew she didn't love you the way I did. I could never do that to you. You asked me what you should do. And I wanted to tell you to leave her. That she did something unforgivable. I wanted to tell you that she doesn't deserve you, that you should be with someone far better. But you're my friend. And I'm not that kind of girl.

Instead, I'm nice and supportive.

"It'll be okay." I say, rubbing your back. "You should talk to her. Maybe it's a misunderstanding."

We soon decided to give your heart some rest. I never left your side. I make you laugh and smile, and for a moment I begin to think maybe this is our chance to be together. After a bit of Elvis and some coconut cake, you start feeling better. Then it happened. A knock at the door. I open it to find a clearly disheveled Angel. She takes one look at you and begins to cry.

You're not fooling anyone. I think to myself. However, after I let you two talk. You take her back. She admitted to cheating on you but said she was genuinely sorry. You're so nice. You'll forgive anyone. But would you have forgiven me if I told you she would do it again? Would you have forgiven me if I slammed the door in her face? I wanted to so badly.

I feel some tears start to fall down my face as I remember that night. I let you go, hoping you'd come back to me, but you didn't.

"Are yuuga oketaka?" You ask me, seeing me begin to cry.

Angel calls again before I have a chance to answer. You look down at her, then back at me. Clearly torn.

"I'm fine." I lie. To you. I never want to lie to you. It hurts almost as much as watching you go off with her. "You have fun."

You ask me one more time. I love how much you care about me. And wish it was just a little more. I want to hold you, take you away. I want to be with you more than anything in the world. I lie again, saying I'm fine. I can't take you from the one you love. No matter what she does, I can't do that. She's still my friend too. You told me a while ago that you thought she might be cheating on you again. I figure that that is what this date is for. But you don't know for sure, so I don't say anything.

"I love you." I say, hoping my feelings reach you.

"Meega love yuuga too." You say with a worried smile. It looks like you're about to say more, but you don't. Maybe I just imagined the look, but I thought there was a slight flicker in your eye as you told me you loved me.

Either way, my true feelings didn't reach. I watch as you turn away and begin down the steps. Each movement you make starts to tear at me inside. So much hurts me now. But I won't do anything.

I'm not the one who will ruin my friends date with her boyfriend.

I'm not that kind of girl.

I'm won't be the one to stop my sister from being with the one she loves just because I'm unable to.

I'm not that kind of girl.

I certainly will not be the jealous 'other girl' who tries to steal someone's boyfriend.

I'm not that kind of girl.

But now here I am. Watching you descend the stairs towards your Angel. What about me? I'm the one that asked for an angel. And when I did I got you. You're my angel and I love you. I want to be with you. I can't stand this pain of not saying anything anymore. I bound down the stair, two at a time, calling out to you.

I am that kind of girl.

You turn to me, shocked as I trip and begin to fall. With a reflex I haven't seen since I was a kid, you catch me as swiftly and as gently as ever. Your strong arms hold onto me, and I already feel safe with you.

"Please don't go." I whisper, letting the tears run down my face. "I love you. I really, really love you."

You smile greatly, and I feel you hold on tighter. Angel gasps in shock at the bottom of the stairs, but I no longer care. I hold onto you as tight as I can. Not willing to let you go.

I am that kind of girl.