Bad Bromance

Hey everybodyand welcome! I'm kinda new here on fanfiction, but I've been a long time reader. This is my first story ever to be posted, so please be kind (cowers in corner), but I'm open to any constructive critism. To a degree, mind you... anyway, hope you enjoy this fic.

Disclaimer: The Skulduggery Pleasant series and it's characters belong to Derek Landy and HaperCollins publishing.

Even after all this time, he still found it hard not to stare at him. But then, could any creature ever deny themselves the opportunity to feast their eyes upon such a magnificent being? It was no wonder then, that this man before him was Zombie King.

Or was it that this woman before himwas the Zombie Queen?

Things had truly gotten far too confusing lately for Thrasher to keep up with.

One thing he was certain of, however was the greatness that made up the very soul of the man, uh, person, in front of him.

Even before the brain transplant into his new female body, back when the Zombie King had still been a stinking, decaying reanimated corpse that bits were slowly falling off of, Thrasher had still thought that Vaurien Scapegrace was the most perfect person he had ever met. From the beginning, Thrasher had always felt that there was something special about his master. But it was something he could never quite place; every time he tried to pin the thought down it would just slip out of his clumsy grasp.

And it was only now, sitting in this dim medical bay, staring at the Zombie King, that he was finally able to catch this troublesome, wily thought that had eluded him for so long.

He was in love with Vaurien Scapegrace.

This fact, despite the sheer gravity of it, did not completely surprise Thrasher. After all, had not some small corner of his mind known this little piece of crucial information all along? Had he not often stared at his master, in the way he was now, many times and thought to himself that there might be something more going on here?

Well, he certainly wished that there was something more going on between the two of them. Thrasher could not recall ever being this smitten with another person. Back when he was still just Gerald, pretty much all his attempts to marry or settle down with anyone had gone pear shaped. His last girlfriend had broken it off with him after dating for two years, only shortly before he was turned into a zombie.

He was an absolutely hopeless romantic and a complete idiot, she had told him as she left, and that he was going to die alone. Well, she had gotten the last part wrong. After all, Scapegrace had been standing right next to him as he died. So technically, he hadn't died alone.

Thrasher sometimes liked to fantasize that the reason Vaurien had turned him as his first zombie, and then gone on to make him his second-in-command, was because he felt a similar feeling that tugged at what was left of his guts when he looked at his underling. Thrasher doubted that this was the case though, and knew that Scapegrace was most likely not as in love with him as he was with Vaurien, but still, a man could dream! Couldn't he?

Thrasher was lost in such thoughts, staring off into space, when a sweet, familiar voice suddenly brought him back to reality.

"Thrasher, you idiot, what are you staring at me like that with your mouth open for? Yes, I know I'm hideous, but you don't have to keep reminding me!" Scapegrace said, a hint of bitterness in his tone as he scowled at Thrasher the best he could with his new, female face.

Thrasher realised that during his daydreaming, he had been staring at his master. Again.

"Oh no, master! You're not hideous! In fact, I think that you are a very beautiful woman!" Thrasher quickly stammered, the words tumbling out of his mouth. Scapegrace merely shot him a look of annoyance.

"I appreciate your efforts to make me feel better, but you are a terrible liar, Thrasher." He sighed and they both went back to sitting in silence, with Vaurien continuing to stare blankly at a wall and Thrasher now looking down at the floor in embarrassment. Outside the medical bay door, sorcerers were hurrying past, getting on with their relatively normal lives. Well, as relatively normal a life as was possible when dealing with magic.

Thrasher threw a quick glance at his master before returning his gaze to the floor. It upset him when Scapegrace was upset, and he desperately wanted to make his master smile again. He hadn't seen him smile for a long time now.

A wild idea suddenly popped into Thrasher's head, and before he could stop himself, he was asking Scapegrace perhaps the last thing that either of them would have ever expected.

"Say, master, after Doctor Nye lets us out of here, would you maybe, um…you know, want to go get a coffee with me?"

Scapegrace whipped his head around to face Thrasher in surprise.

"What? Did you just ask to get some coffee with me?"

Thrasher blushed for the first time in years. He had to admit, he did miss some things about being a reanimated, rotting corpse.

"I mean, it's just that we haven't eaten or drunk anything for a few years, and I just thought…" he trailed off when he noticed the weird look his master was giving him.

"Thrasher-" Scapegrace begun, but was cut off by his second-in-command.

"Oh, you don't like coffee? Well maybe we could get some tea then, or, um…" he blurted out, before shutting his mouth as abruptly as he had open it. Scapegrace was staring at him as if he was seeing Thrasher in a whole new light. An unspoken awkwardness seemed to hang in the air around them suddenly.

"Thrasher," Vaurien said quietly, "I don't really like coffee or tea."

Thrasher looked away from his master, feeling like the biggest idiot ever. Although everyone always called him one, he had never felt this much like one before. The day dream of him and Scapegrace sharing the same feelings for each other flashed across his mind again. He tried to suppress the thought, to lock it up in some dark recess of his brain, but it kept coming back and tormenting him. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

He had to tell Vaurien his true feelings, he had to do it now or else this secret would continue to torture him for as long as he lived. Yes, it was now or never.

Thrasher raised his head and cleared his throat.

"Scapegrace, there is something I need to tell you." The person in question, looked over at Thrasher again, the use of his real name surprising him. Usually, Thrasher just called him 'master'. Today has just been full of surprises, he thought as the other man, or only man, continued.

"Now, I'm not really sure how to tell you this exactly, so I'll be as straight forward as I can." Thrasher paused and took a deep breath, gathering his courage.

"Vaurien Scapegrace, I am madly-"

His sentence was rudely interrupted as Doctor Nye barged into the medical bay with another patient.

"Move out of the way, you idiots, I've got a patient here who desperately needs medical attention." Nye said in his odd, horrible voice as he elbowed Thrasher off the table where he had been sitting and dumped the new arrival on it.

"Why are you two even still here? Have you not got better things to do than hang around a medical bay? I'm not running a social chat room here." The doctor growled in annoyance as he rummaged through a draw of surgical equipment.

"Uh, the only reason we're still here, Doctor Nye, sir, is because you told us we couldn't leave until you'd said so." Thrasher told the odd creature nervously.

"Did I really? Well, I'm telling you know that you can leave, so get out. I have to cut this man open." Nye said, as he got out a scalpel.

Both ex-zombies didn't need to be told twice. Doctor Nye was not a thing to be messed with, and Vaurien and Thrasher left the medical bay as quickly as they could.

It wasn't until they were in the Sanctuary's foyer did Thrasher realise that he hadn't gotten to tell Scapegrace that he loved him after all.

The Universe hates me! I'm never going to be able to tell him now, he thought miserably as the two of them took a seat near the administration desk. They would have to hang here for a while, until Vaurien figured out where they were gonna stay now with their new, human bodies. It was obvious the ice cream truck just wasn't gonna cut it anymore, and quite frankly, they had nowhere else to go.

Just like me feelings for Scapegrace, Thrasher thought, when he heard his master say something.

"What?" he asked dumbly. Vaurien looked irritated at having to repeat himself.

"I said, you idiot, that you never finished what you were gonna tell me."

The end…for now?

Will there be a sequel? Maybe, depending on if you guys want one or not. Review (please?) and you can have a slice of cake.