The Things Drunken Nobodies Do

HopelesslyxXxLost

This is complete and utter crack. I got bored one day and decided to draw Zexion in a wedding dress (why, I have no idea…) and then I got this idea and…yeah, you get the picture. One more thing: THIS IS NOT A ONE-SHOT! OMG!

Summary:Zexion was usually careful when it came to alcohols, but what happens when he makes a tiny little mistake? Absolute crack. Mainly MarZeku, but with other pairings.

Warning: Umm…my weird sense of humor, drunk actions, cross-dressing, yaoiness…odd pairings.

Pairings: (Oh boy) Marluxia/Zexion; one-sided (and temporary) Xemnas/Zexion and Demyx/Zexion; Akuroku; one-sided Saïx/Xemnas; Xigbar/Demyx; and some other random hintings I may of have dropped in here.

Disclaimer: The day I own Kingdom Hearts is the day Disney makes a rated R, gore-and-blood-filled, scars-poor-children-for-life movie involving Mickey and his friends.

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No one knew who came up with the idea. It was most likely Axel or Demyx…or it could've been both. But, since the Nobodies of Organization XIII were bored out of their nonexistence, they decided to have a Get-Drunk-And-Have-Fun party once every new moon (the original plan was to host the party on Full Moons, but VII's habits decided to crash the party…). However, they should've known problems would show up, like at their latest party—

It started out normal enough. Zexion had cooked enough food to last days and Luxord had obtained –coughstolencough- both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, separated for good reasons. The only flaw in this system was that nobody was supervising the drinks. So if someone was to accidentally switch the drinks, then no one would notice.

Xemnas was having a pretty dandy time, watching fellow Nobodies (namely Luxord) get hopelessly drunk and do entertaining things drunk people do (Like mistaking XI for a hot chick and flirting shamelessly). He allowed himself a few drinks, enough to get slightly dazed, but not nearly enough for him to start acting like little children. Everyone was too busy to notice the shadowed figure approaching the drinks table and, in a moment of pure breathtaking smartness, switched the 'Alcoholic' and 'Non-Alcoholic' signs. The figure snickered sneakily and slipped back into the group of Nobodies.

"Hey, where's Zexion?" Roxas asked nearly an hour later. He had kept to sodas (because of his age) despite Axel's attempts to get him drunk. The entire group was silent within a moment's notice. As boring as Zexion was, he would never leave the party before it was over. He was nice like that. But, as the Nobodies looked around the room for the Cloaked Schemer, the emo-ish man was gone without a trace.

"This isn't right. He doesn't like being the first to leave a party," Vexen said, sipping his third Pepsi. He refused to get drunk in front of people, because the last time he did…

Well…let's just say he scarred the younger Nobodies for the rest of their non-existent lives.

"HEY YOU GUYS!" An unmistakably familiar voice shouted cheerfully from the stairs. Twelve heads whipped around in surprise. Had they just heard Zexion YELL? So enthusiastically? The scenery in front of them caused Luxord to faint (though from alcohol, shock, or both is uncertain), "Holy mother of…"

Zexion wore something resembling a mix of wedding dress and a princess dress. A red rose was sewn into a band of white cloth around the Nobody's shoulders. The dress had a pink top, an yellow band at the waist. There, the pink fabric separated to cover a poofy white dress-skirt-thing. The outfit was completed with matching pink gloves, a light-blue veil with an yellow headband, white stocking, and black dress shoes. A slight tinge of the same sakura color was on the man's cheeks, indicating he was drunk.

"Oh MY GOD! Marluxia shrieked, "MY PRINCESS DRESS!" He grabbed a random drink off of the table and gulped it down in misery.

…

"Who wants to MARRY ME!?" Zexion asked, whipping out a bouquet of purple flowers. Luxord, who had woken up during Marluxia's emotional break down, fainted again.

The room was silent. Xemnas massaged his temples, willing the headache away, "Be honest…who gave Number S—"

"I DO!" a masculine voice declared from the back. Marluxia grinned sheepishly, "I'm already dressed for the occasion!" He now wore a dark, dark blue tux with a pink bow tie and white gloves. A single pink rose was tucked inside the breast pocket.

"When did YOU get dressed?" Xigbar questioned, "Here? Now? Sick, dude!"

"Ya think!? I had to WATCH him get dressed!" Larxene yelled angrily, then shuddered at the memory. She wandered to the drinks, taking an 'Alcoholic' drink.

"I'll marry you!" Marluxia repeated.

"Absolutely NOT, VI and XI! No one is to get married!" Xemnas's voice boomed in the room. Zexion and Marluxia looked at Xemnas with the gaze of two lovers being separated, "Oh boy…"

"No worries, Zexy-dear! We shall run away and get married elsewhere!" Marluxia struck a dramatic pose.

"Oh MARLY!" Zexy—err…Zexion sobbed dramatically. The two began a cliché slow-motion dash towards each other.

"I don't think so, flower-boy!" A voice, this time of Demyx, shouted. IX ran up the stairs at an alarming speed (considering the two were moving in slow-motion), grabbed Zexion, and proceeded to drag said man away from XI, "He's mine, bitch!"

"MARLY! HELP!"

"ZEXY!"

"This is one hell of a party," Roxas whispered to Axel, who nodded in response.

"I need a soda…" Xemnas groaned and took what he assumed was a Mountain Dew and swallowed the cupful in one gulp, "Ugh, tastes like beer…?"

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! We don't need Xemnas getting drunk, now do we?

So, what do you think? Should I continue? No? Well, too bad, 'cause I'm finishing this whether you like it or not! -insert evil laughter- Ahem…Review, please!