So, in my first published Star Trek foray, I swapped Sarek with Amanda. Everything else hasn't changed, really. I made up a planet and people, but that's for a plot device and they really don't matter.
There's little sexual references or naughty words, but more than a hint at K/S slash. Just so you know. Oh, p.s. I never mention S/U so assume that never happens. The rest is self-explanatory.
Enjoy! (And review!)
Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.
-Unknown
God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
-Jewish Proverb
When Amanda Grayson, his human mother, accepted his invitation to spend some time together on Earth and take an official tour of the USS Enterprise while he was on shore leave, he almost thought he felt a pang in his chest similar to what would be the feeling of panic.
In all of his calculations, he hadn't anticipated her decision to actually accept his, more of a courtesy he had to admit, invitation. She hadn't ever before even expressed an interest in all of his previous other sympathy-invitations. Which made it completely unprecedented and almost wholly illogical since she knew he considered shore leave inefficient at best. Perhaps he simply forgot to take in the depth of the loss of his father, Sarek, and how it would therefore affect her more vulnerable human nature.
But he couldn't refuse her now. For one, he simply did not have an acceptable amount of time to compose a reply in which she could rescind her plans, seeing as she was already leaving New Vulcan. Secondly, she was his mother. It would be beyond rude to do anything but welcome her in her suffering state of being. Especially considering he sent the invitation in the first place however half-heartedly. There were only two responses she could have given: yes or no. Probability dictated that there was a fifty-fifty chance of either result. And she had clearly, but illogically, responded in the affirmative.
Approximately 138.4 hours later, he was beginning to re-think his initially accepted conclusion. To take a phrase from Doctor McCoy, she was starting to drive him out of his Vulcan mind with her incessant mothering-for lack of a better term.
The first three days had seen her as pleasant company on Earth. They stayed primarily within San Francisco for its agreeable temperature and significant number of available vegetarian dishes in nearly every restaurant. She asked relatively unobtrusive questions about his life, personal relationships aboard the Enterprise with a keen interest in the Captain especially, and he replied in kind with inquires about her well-being and work with New Vulcan. Out of consideration, they both did not mention Sarek specifically.
He had saved the tour last as it would be much simpler to arrange her passage back to New Vulcan out of the docking area there than to shuttle back and forth and once more to their final destination. But once he introduced her to the Enterprise, something changed. He noticed the first signs when he showed her around the Observation Deck. She was becoming mute, pensive, and less animated. Her speech patterns became shorter and more infrequent. When she did speak and smile at him, the wrinkles by the folds of her eyelids did not crinkle like they usually did. Nor did her eyes shine with the ever-present gleam he usually saw there. In fact, if he had to make an informed guess, it would seem as if she was preoccupied with something on her mind.
Spock assumed she was tired and promptly cut out 32.6 minutes out of his intended full-tour program to retire sooner to his quarters. His mother had been silent for 42.1 minutes before and remained a further five as he collected her luggage for her.
"Spock?" He immediately straightened as he stood and patiently waited for her to finish her thought. "I don't want to leave you here alone,"
He almost sighed with relief. He was dealing with a mother's reluctance and wariness instead of a more serious affliction. It had not escaped his notice that, for a human, his mother was not as young as she used to be. "Do not fret, Mother," he said as warmly as he would allow to calm her nerves. "There are over 400 crew-members whom will be aboard this vessel with me by 0600 tomorrow. If you are referring to and concerned by seemingly lack of close friendship, I assure you, the Captain and the good Doctor keep me quite engaged."
"Oh, Spock," she said, shaking her head and smiling sadly. The crinkle and shine appeared to have returned slightly. "You are more in need of a mother's love and care than I thought,"
He was stunned momentarily by her non sequitur use. "Mother, I do not understand your meaning,"
"You need me here to look after you again. Sarek's death has hurt you, Spock," She reached for his face and Spock remembered the last time she had done so as he awaited the Science Academy's acceptance or refusal. He shied from her hands almost as much as he did from her words and squeezed her wrists once again.
"I am fine," he insisted, dropping them.
"If you will not accept me as your mother, perhaps you will accept me as your guest," she countered after a pause.
"You will be abusing your Ambassadorial rights if you do so," he reprimanded gently.
"Then do not let me," she whispered softly and he bowed his head. Since she was still grieving, albeit in an unorthodox and misplaced manner, he could only allow her to stay.
This proved difficult. If he were human, he would describe the day as mortifying. She awoke five minutes later than he did at 0400, in order to fully prepared for his shift before the Captain could see him as anything less than impeccable, and somehow stayed a small step ahead of him.
He sat up out of his trance, proceeding to stretch the stillness away in his limbs, and neatly removed himself from his bed. He blinked a few times, testing the alertness of mental processes with a quick question about relative physics at warp speeds. Just as he was about to lean over and straighten his bed, his mother called out to him. "Don't forget to make your bed, Spock,"
He continued as he was intending, ignoring her hovering, and then strode the bathroom for a quick shower. As soon as he stepped out of the sonic washing, he heard Amanda tell him to "comb your hair, Spock". He hadn't even stepped outside the door before his mother began to instruct him again. "Get dressed, Spock" and so on.
To make matters worse, she followed him into the mess hall. Thankfully, it was only 0425 and no one was around as of yet.
She quirked an eyebrow at his replicated meal choice. "You should eat something other than plomeek soup, Spock," she said softly, choosing the exact same thing.
"I find plomeek soup to be the most correctly replicated meal of all the Vulcan dishes. Nevertheless, I will endeavour to adapt to more variety if that pleases you, Mother," he said in an attempt to mollify her sudden need to correct him.
She smiled and said brightly, "Thank you," He only nodded and wondered if this meant a return to normal.
If he weren't a Vulcan, he would have been startled by the cry of "Spock!" not coming from his mother. As it was, he found himself greeting the unexpected Jim Kirk at their table.
"Captain," he said with a dip of the head. "I did not think you would be present this early,"
"Yeah, well, what kind of Captain isn't there beside his First Officer to greet the Enterprise's crew back on? Shameful, really," His eyes seemed to dance with something mysterious hidden behind them as he grinned.
"Indeed. It would reflect badly if you were not there," Spock agreed. He paused only a moment when it seemed his Captain had not noticed the presence of his mother. "Would you care to join my mother and I for a meal, Captain?"
"I think I would. Why, Ambassador Grayson, I didn't receive proper notice that you would be joining us," he glanced at Spock quickly. "How long are you planning on staying, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Please, it's Amanda. And only as long as I'm needed," she gave a covert glance at her son as well, shaking Jim's offered hand. "I hope that doesn't cause any trouble,"
"Not at all, not all all," he said smoothly. One would think he almost had this planned with his apparent ease and readiness. But Jim always was known for his charm. "I'm sure the Enterprise is more than happy to welcome you aboard. We have plenty room-"
"Yes, I saw. Spock offered me a tour,"
"Did he?" he slid his gaze back to Spock's. "And is this part of the tour, Mr. Spock?"
"I'm afraid not, Jim," he intoned softly. He caught curiosity in blue eyes.
"Hmm," he muttered, before turning back to Amanda and eating his selected apple. They continued enough small talk without him that he could tune them out and eat his meal in quiet. He was beginning to relish Jim's timing and graciousness as he would have not been able to keep his mother's attention on something other than himself this long; it was a pleasant reprieve.
However, it appeared neither could Jim completely. "Oh, Spock," she said and he froze, trying to spot anything that he was doing "wrong" or should be doing. He could find no such thing."You have a little...don't worry, I'll get it," she licked her napkin and reached across to dab at an invisible speck on his chin. He think he may have started to blush once Jim laughed at his horror.
"Oh, no, Amanda," Jim said with fake horror and Spock immediately glared at him. "I think he's got some on his cheek too, over there," he elaborated with a point.
"Here?" she asked, the offending napkin brushing lightly over his right cheek.
"No, more to the left, right about-yes, there!"
"I think that's enough, Mother," he said quietly, shutting his eyes to the sound of Jim's chuckles.
It was 0615, his shift, and both Dr. McCoy and his mother were aboard the Bridge for no given reason. But Spock knew. Jim must have told the Doctor about his mother and the Doctor came to observe the interaction. There could be no other explanation for his thinly hid glee. And his mother would no doubt fill his quota.
"Sit straighter, Spock," she said first as he looked over his console. He sat perfectly still.
"Spock, what are the readings on planet Spirat II?" Kirk asked, turning in his chair towards him.
Spock hesitated, watching his mother carefully, and slowly stood up to stoop over his instruments. "Spirat II is a Class M planet with an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere similar to Earth. Breathable, but with 25% more oxygen. It is not necessary for life support. Records show that it has harnessed warp technology quite effectively despite it being in the middle of a civil war-"
"Thank you, Spock," Jim said with a touch of a grin, turning back to the screens. "I think we are all clear on our orders for this mission, there's no need for a history lesson,"
Spock stiffened. Their interactions were hit-or-miss at times. This was, obviously, one of the later. "Indeed, Captain," he said mostly to the floor.
"You should look people in the eye when you're talking to them, Spock," Amanda said softly. Spock breathed deeply.
"Of course, Mother. I apologise, Jim," he said, making sure to lock eyes with blue orbs.
"There's no need-" Jim began, his eyes starting to darken and his words quick and sharp.
"Don't use such an informal tone with the Captain while you're on duty, either, Spock," she said a bit more harshly. Spock sighed out loud this time.
Jim coughed. "Anyway, Uhura, tell Scotty to prepare for a landing party to beam down. Sulu, you have the Conn this time," his cool facade broke for a second, seeing Sulu cheer in a broken-hearted Chekov's face at the helm. It was some sort of amusing game the two now played, betting on which of them would receive the Conn. So far, even Spock could not discern a logical pattern for Jim's choice. "Spock, Bones, you're with me. Amanda, would you care to join us?"
"I would be honoured," she said simply.
"Captain," Spock began this time on their way to the turbo-lift. "I do not think it is wise to-"
"Spock, don't argue with your superior," she chided instantly. Jim narrowed his eyes and looked away as Spock glanced at the floor, unwilling to continue his comment.
"I think I'm going to like having you around. Besides Jim, you're the only one who can shut him up. And even Jim will let him go on for ages," Bones said to his mother. A sudden idea came to him and he smirked. "Maybe you should tell him to sit down for a physical. He's the only one on this entire ship I haven't seen for a full one, and that includes Jim too," he laughed to himself.
"Spock, you should listen to the good Doctor," she said, quite aware of the circumstances involving her son and the Doctor.
"That's what I like to hear," he grinned as the doors swished open. Jim had a small smile on his face now, so it wasn't all in vain.
But he really only doubted his conclusion when she continued to fuss over him in front of the party they were supposed to be negotiating a treaty for.
"Come, let us eat before business," the Priest, Nonga of the Kutlus, invited. He gestured to the middle section of a long table that had seats emptied for them. On the right were the remaining Kutlus party. On the left was Ster of the Ninkas, and his party. Aside from the slight tension in the air, the two warring factors were very civilized with each other in close spaces.
"This is my kind of negotiating," Jim enthused, clapping his hands together. Somehow, his mother took the seat on his right when he and Jim sat on the side with only two chairs open. He was of the impression that something else unexpected was going to happen.
He was right. But it came after the piling his plate for him, cutting his food for him, an attempt at feeding him, wiping his face clear of non-existent messes for him, and all-around critique of his mannerisms. Luckily for the landing party, both the Ninkas and Kutlus found it amusing if their laughter was anything to go by. Still, he helplessly caught eyes with Jim and tried to convey his sincerest apologies.
Jim frowned for whatever reason, however, apparently not understanding. And then, in a fluid move, he downed his goblet of wine, Spock's and reached across to finish Bones' accompanied by the Doctor's indignant squawk. He sat very still for a moment and even the Spirat natives regarded him with wide eyes and shock. He later discovered it to be because no one had ever been able to function on more than two servings in one sitting. Three was assumed as a suicide attempt or mark of insanity.
Jim shivered and slowly gained a smirk. "'S a vera good drink ya'guyses have. Terriblee non-thirst-quenching, though?" he half-asked, half-said as if confused by what he meant to say. He frowned suddenly. "Bonesy, get the Doctor, tell him I not feeling so wellsy anymores," With that, he immediately slammed his face on the table. Bones and Spock stood up just as quickly while everyone else gasped in horror.
"Jim!" Bones scrabbled for his diagnoser and Spock watched him and Jim closely for signs of...something. He wasn't quite sure what he was looking for specifically. Perhaps something to indicate life. "Spock, he's had an allergic reaction to whatever's in the drink,"
"Oh, Bonesy," Jim sighed, regaining consciousness. "'S okay, I feel great. In fact...I wanna dance!" he started to climb onto the table and began to dance to his own music. "Dah da, daa da! Uh, uh," He took off his shirt with two dramatic hip thrusts to each side and threw it over to one of the females.
"Jim-Captain, please!" Spock pleaded, reaching for his sashswaying superior. "Get off the table,"
"I don't think he's doing any harm, Spock," his mother said, smothering her laughter and hiding her smile.
Spock wasn't sure exactly what propelled him, but he looked at his mother shortly, almost defiantly, and then picked Jim off and stormed off to help McCoy in the interrogation of Nonga.
"I swear," Nonga looked from the Doctor to Spock and Jim, who was doing a questionable form of dancing up against Spock that diverted 57.89% of his brain functions to remain in control of his actions. "The only drug in the drink is a mild sedative. It relaxes the mind and lowers inhibitions. It is a custom to use for its truthful properties. That is all!"
"What plant does it derive from?" Spock asked, peeling Jim off his side for the moment. The Captain was remarkably insistent on making contact with his body in that infuriating grinding way. "I could find a specimen for you to create an antidote for and take Jim away to clear his mind at the same time," he spared the man in question a severe glance but he just smiled innocently back doing that...that thing he was doing.
"Good idea," Bones nodded.
"Lutna. It is a red flower, with yellow petals. But the roots are what you need," Nonga said, pointing down a path. "We find them there,"
Spock inclined his head as he exited, gripping Jim by the elbow lightly to prevent as little emotional transfer as possible. Jim sighed, hugging Spock's side again as his First Officer walked them uncomfortably. "Captain," he said into blonde hair. "You must remove yourself from me,"
"I like you, Spock," he said suddenly. But he did remove himself and began to walk on his own.
"I am pleased to be held in your esteem," he said, exhaling deeply once he could sort away all of the thoughts and imprints he pulled out of the human. He would meditate on them further at a later notice.
His Captain giggled, it was the only accurate way to describe it. "No, silly, you're supposed to say 'I like you, too, Jim',"
"I like you too, Jim," he repeated with a faint smile when he wasn't looking.
"Aha! I knew it! I knew you had a heart, Bones didn't believe me," Jim did another little dance. Less sensual and exotic in nature this time which Spock was grateful for.
"May I remind you that I was merely repeating your words, Captain?" he said, raising an eyebrow and deciding not to comment on the 'heart' aspect.
"You can't fool me, you said it on your own volition. No trickery was involved, no-sir-ee! You like me, you really like me," he said breathlessly, eyes gleaming. Jim laughed shortly.
"Oh, look, Lutna!" And he bounded away to take a long sniff out of the Lutna plant. "Smells like that drink they made," he said dreamily.
Spock peered at it over Jim's shoulder and pulled it up along with its roots. He ignored Jim's scandalous cry of "Spock! You're hurting the poor, pretty plant!" and separated the plant from its roots. "I do believe, Captain, that it is precisely because this plant is the drink's main ingredient," he said dryly.
Jim sniggered and linked his arm through the space between Spock's elbow. As the contact was spared by his uniform-shirt, Spock allowed it with a mild frown and proceeded back the way they came. "Bones also said he didn't believe you had a sense of humour inside any of your bones," Jim whispered softly after a moment.
"That could be because the so-called sense of humour does not originate in any species' bones. But I am, after all, not a doctor, Jim. Simply the Science Officer," he lowered his voice as well and slowed their steps. It would take them 2.57 times longer at their current pace to return.
"See? I knew you had it in you. You must've in order to put up with me all these years," Jim rested his head on Spock's shoulder and sighed. Spock tried not to stiffen. "And you are more than just the Science Officer-" his voice was dangerously quiet and Spock was almost certain he did not want to hear the rest of that sentence. His heart was beating too irregular to justify any sudden and unwarranted truths that might spill from Jim's soft pink lips.
"Yes, you are right. I'm the First Officer, as well," Jim resisted his attempt to speed up, a dead weight on his arm that he could easily plow through with. But Vulcan strength be damned, he did not. He stopped and swallowed as he studied his Captain's ruffled face, angry and frustrated at his lack of control over speech and thought no doubt.
"No, dammit, Spock! That's not what I was going to say, and you know it," Jim's voice, too, was angry and frustrated. The hand reached out to cup his cheek, but this time, he did not shy away. He swallowed again.
"James, please, I cannot bear to hear it-" Spock disapproved of the low rumble in his voice that caved to the emotional aspect of this conversation.
"Cannot bear because you don't want to hear it, or because you won't let yourself feel it?" His voice returned to a soft velvet, abrasive because of his exasperation but beautiful for his depth of insight. Spock had to look away from those earnest blue eyes.
"Don't make me answer that," he settled on, the words as rough as the sound of his voice.
"Spock? Is that you?" Spock froze at the sound of his mother, pushing his Captain away from him and standing as straight as possible. He managed to catch Jim's furious scowl morph into a grin more commonplace on a drunk and grew suspicious.
"Mother?" he eventually answered because he was sure to receive another reprimand of "It's rude not to answer someone, Spock" if he didn't.
She appeared from around the bend that the thin, hollow trees covered. "I thought I heard you," she said, glancing at both of them. Spock stiffened as if she could somehow tell everything that happened by a single glance. But then she frowned. "Spock, you know it's rude of you to take off without a word like that. You're lucky you have me here to clean up after you. Once the Captain has regained his functions, they are all ready to sign the treaty and become a part of the Federation,"
Jim stumbled in front of Spock, seemingly laying a hand on Spock's shoulder to regain his balance. "Oh, no, you misunderstand Missuses Graylady-"
"Grayson," Spock corrected without a blink.
"Yeah, her," he waved with his other hand. "You see, Spock, here, was just making sure I was okay. It is his solemn duty to take care of me so I can take care of him-and our crew," he added as an after-thought.
"He's quite good at it," Jim smiled sweetly up at the Vulcan and slid his hand down Spock's arm lightly enough to make him shiver. Spock closed his eyes and fought off these new sensations. "We should give you a raise. Doncha think you deserve a raise, eh Spocky?"
"Captain," he said in a monotone, opening his eyes again. "Your point?"
"Oh, yeah, see," he spoke to Amanda but his eyes were solely on Spock, burning with a bright intensity. And vice versa. "I get into a lot of trouble, as I'm sure you'll believe, but I can always count on him to clean up after me. I see, now, where he gets that from. But that's why I love him so," Spock couldn't help the quiet puff of gasping air that escaped through the minute space between his lips; it was a natural escape for a natural and vital living process. He just wasn't sure if it was in response to Jim curling his fingers into his and locking them together as he spoke, or the deep, musical vibrato of his tone as he spoke.
"Spock!" His mother gasped more audibly in her human shock. "You never told me about...this,"
"I didn't see how I could," he whispered to Jim.
Jim broke their gaze to address her. "It's my fault, ma'am. I told Spock not to tell anyone," He looked back at Spock. "You two have a lot to talk about, I'll just get out of your way," He pressed a kiss to Spock's cheek, taking the roots out of Spock's other hand and walking away with a pleased hum.
There was silence following him for a long while. Spock looking at the ground, rapidly trying to process his thoughts and emotions and seal them behind doors of logic. Amanda spent the time reviewing their scores of conversations about Captain Kirk, scrounging for details and clues.
"All this time," she began slowly. Spock picked his head up to look at her. "I thought you would never let anyone into your heart besides me. You could not have a Vulcan mate that way because they despise half of you and do not allow themselves to feel so freely. But you would never settle for a human either because you had not accepted that half of you," She shook her head and smiled. "I was wrong, it seems,"
"I do not think 'let' is the most appropriate choice," Spock argued.
"The heart wants what the heart wants, Spock," she choked on a happy sob. "Oh, Spock, you've grown so much and I'm so very proud. So very proud of you," She enveloped her son in a hug that Spock allowed.
"What would Father think?" he asked in a very raw, timid voice. He lowered his face into the dip of her neck and shoulder blades, applying pressure in squeezing her back gently.
"Sarek always loved you. He only wanted you to be happy, Spock," she paused and disengaged herself. "Are you happy with him?"
"Jim is the most stimulating human I have ever been in the presence of. His mind is most dynamic-" he cut himself off at Amanda's sharp, knowing look. "Yes, Mother. Very happy indeed." He allowed himself a brief smile.
"In that case, I should go. I can see you're in good hands," she said softly. "May you both live long and prosper."
It took Spock two weeks and seven hours to gather his resolve to confront Jim. Two long weeks of meditation, awkward encounters on his behalf, and an intense struggle inside himself between the realms of his two halves. Granted, the words he shared with his mother provided great aid, but it, in itself, was not a panacea for the crux of his problem. No, it lay far beyond that.
All his life, he struggled to keep in check the emotions that ran deep inside him from both his sides. His Human nature fueled their drive, flushing them quicker to the surface. His Vulcan nature lent them an immense strength, a well of seemingly almost limitless proportions. Even at a young age, he knew this to be the source of much misery to come. And so, he threw himself into a dedication to knowledge in the hopes that something could enrich him, enlighten him to a path where it would not be a struggle to live every day.
He found only one such way: kolinahr.
But he was sentimental and the thought of feeling emptiness after having lived with such abundance was a horror beyond all horrors to him. He could not give up what made him unique. He would not allow himself to grant victory to those who pursued him with hatred in their hearts. He was Spock; half-human, half-Vulcan, and so he would remain.
He chose a hard path to live by. Honouring the Vulcan code forced him to work harder than the others to learn control. He was tormented always despite his clear intelligence and ethics. He grew to resent his emotions, hate them and fear them and deny them. He pushed them away, kept them hidden and eventually it worked. Logic was his only solitude, a haven for his mind to retreat to. He latched onto it more fiercely than any Vulcan ever would. He became the perfect Vulcan they wanted in the face of adversity and still they spat at him.
So he chose Earth. Here, they tolerated him at best and hated him for his cold indifference at worst. It was almost exactly the same. But there were differences. Those that hated him made it clear and did not hide behind used phrases from their parents, each "fuck you" was fresh and new from their own individual experiences and perspectives. And the few that tolerated him expressed their opinions just as efficiently, telling him exactly why the humans could not relate to him down to his choice in certain words and phrases. Even fewer were those that understood him in a friendly context. And yet, it was something he had never found on Vulcan. Earth had its redeeming qualities and Spock was nothing if adaptable.
As for Kirk, Jim made him feel like a child again. Lost and confused, bewildered in every sense and bombarded with feelings he had no idea to deal with or was capable of dealing with. When he felt the briefest stirrings of anger, Jim made him furious. Where he would be mildy satisfied, Jim made him feel warm and pleased. When he would have known a tingle of worry, Jim made him terrified. Where he would be at comfortable ease, Jim made him feel accepted and loved.
Deep, strong emotions warred inside him because of Jim's influence and he did not know how to conduct himself with their reappearance after all these years. It was as if Jim had dug up his buried secret and threw it in his face, demanding him to accept it. This was not easily done. It was a complete reversal of his life.
And it took him two weeks to come to a compromise. He would acknowledge the existence of his emotions with the decorum accepted for a Vulcan, but for Jim, he would allow them to exist-as had always been the case with him, with or without his approval.
The seven hours were wondering when Jim had these emotions and how-why he had them. He simply couldn't fathom it. Jim was an excellent specimum of the human species, he could have anyone. Why him? Especially when they had such a rocky start.
And then he remembered the looks, sly with that curling smirk that reached deep into his shining blue eyes when he thought Spock wasn't looking. He remembered the challenging smile, daring him to speak his mind when he was looking. He remembered the soft words, teasing him or goading him into a response. He remembered how relaxed he was in their quarters playing chess, all the secrets he spilled about the stress of the job. He remembered the accidental touches, feather-light for months before they solidified with courage. He remembered the looks coming back whether or not he was looking so openly that Uhura was glancing at Spock. He remembered the way Spock slowly became the sole center of his universe that only the Enterprise interrupted. He remembered the way Jim never noticed his mother. He remembered the eyes that always lit up with a secret flame when he saw his First Officer.
So he knew when. But why? That he still could not reason out.
Spock caught up to Jim in the Observatory Deck when the bright stars could be seen as streaks of light passed by at Warp speed. "I wondered when you would finally ask. Bones so owes me twenty credits for this; he thought it would take you at least another five days," he sighed, twisting his body so he could lean against the railing and still face Spock.
"It was funny, at first," he continued to drawl, without any coaxing from his First Officer. "To see the great Vulcan-stiff and stoic you-get all flustered in horror and disbelief with your mother riding on your case. But she, unintentionally of course, undermined you, our chain of command, and our mission with it and that's when I had to do something. Plus, I couldn't stand to see you in any non-Bones-or-me-induced misery. And it was obvious that she just wanted to make sure that you had somebody to look after your health, to care for you and to love you, so I just played the part," he shrugged. "You're welcome, by the way,"
His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and it ventured out to lick his lips. "But the drink-?" he rasped.
Blue eyes sparkled at him as he told his well-rehearsed story. "So there was a little buzz that encouraged honesty, big deal. I just pretended my allergies got the best of me and played it up. You know, it was quite fun and our Spirat friends seemed to enjoy it. Big happy ending, yeah?" The eyes were taunting him, just as his lax body lying against the rails was betraying him. Jim was waiting for the killing blow to crush his hope.
"What about everything you said?" Spock asked, advancing a step forward. The distance between them was approximately fourteen and a half inches. Jim made an attempt to appear as if he was reclining more against the rails as evidence of his devil-may-care attitude instead of a manifestation the increasing feeling of vulnerability he was feeling.
"I don't have an eidetic memory. I don't remember everything I said," he said too quickly not to be defensive.
"Then as I do, let me paraphrase a few of your words," Spock found it hard not to smirk at the flash of understanding pass in those blue eyes. "You are more than just the Science Officer, it is your solemn duty to take care of me so I can take care of you and you're quite good at it. I get into a lot of trouble, but I can always count on you to clean up after me. That's why I love you so,"
He paused and appeared to look thoughtful, while inching even closer to the on-edge Captain. "Excellent words for our vows. I suggest you try harder to remember them," Jim released a nervously-relieved laugh and then punched him in the shoulder.
"You big jerk!" he scolded at Spock's slight curling of the lips. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
He quirked an eyebrow. "Consider it payback for all of the "Bones-or-me-induced misery","
Jim collapsed into his chest. "My god," he said, muffled. "We've created a monster,"
He looked up and grinned a classic Jim Kirk. "I love you," he said.
"I take it you will remember speaking it this time?"
"Spock," Jim said huskily, drawing himself up. "Do shut up," he continued, meeting their lips. Spock allowed the contact for 2.7 minutes, shuddering at the pleasant feeling flowing through him.
"Jim," his voice begged, rough and gravely. "I must ask that you cease, for the time being,"
"Why, Spock?" he moaned throatily, pressing kisses to his neck now.
"Indeed, that is the question I wish to be answered," he murmured, finding that the only safe volume for control. "James, please."
He sighed and pulled away a good two inches. "Okay," he adjusted his shirt and then looked deep into his molten eyes. "It's the fire in your eyes, the passion you can't hide. It's your hands, how delicate and sensitive and yet so strong and capable they are. Just like you," he grabbed them and kissed his knuckles, shivering at the violent gasp Spock made.
"It's your ears, how exotic and hot and green they are," he reached up to bite them gently, bring a flush of green there and his cheeks as well. "It's your eyebrows, how they say everything so effectively. It's your mind because you are just so damn amazing and unique and brilliant like a thousand stars. God, Spock, give me a reason not to love you and maybe I can believe that this is all real!"
"I think that is...sufficient," he whispered, fingering the hands that still held him. "I do believe there is a more pressing matter. I need to assure you that this is quite real,"
"I think I have a few ideas," he whispered back, grinning mischeviously.
The next morning, after a long night of assurance, Jim pretty much skipped down to the cafeteria grinning like a fool with an-almost smirking Spock a step behind him.
"Bones!" he chirped loudly, plopping into a seat next to the Doctor and pressing a great big kiss to the flustered man. "Am I so happy to see you!"
"Jim, I can almost see the exclamation marks you're using. Do you mind if you tone it down just a little?" he asked completely irate this early.
"I apologize, Doctor," Spock said, taking the seat next to Jim and giving him a quick Vulcan kiss. Jim beamed even brighter. "I believe that is my doing,"
"Your doing?" he repeated, baffled.
Spock passed Jim his tray of replicated breakfast he selected and Jim extended two fingers in thanks. Spock's lips twitched long enough for Leonard's eyes to widen as he touched them briefly in response. "Good god, Jim! You and the hobgoblin?"
"Yeah," Jim nodded dreamily, stirring his spoon around in his cereal. "Isn't it great? I sure did love our assurance last night," his voice dropped huskily. McCoy rolled his eyes and moved to a seat across from the lovebirds and Spock blushed deeply.
"Captain, I do not think it is wise to proclaim such things so openly. We must maintain propriety in front of our crew," he said in response, picking up his tea.
Jim pouted and Bones swore the Vulcan melted a little. "But, Spock," he whined outrageoulsy. "There's hardly anyone around this early and I just got you after spending years pining for you. Can't I show a little affection?" He fingered the rim of Spock's ear and watched as his mate's grip on his cup tightened.
"No," he still said sternly.
Jim deflated and crossed his arms. "Who says? I'm the Captain, it's my ship!"
"Starfleet Regulations," Bones cut in wisely. "Now, I know it's hard for you, but at least try to act grown up, Jim,"
Jim almost gave his CMO a raspberry but thought better of it. And then he continued to think better of it. "Oh, no," Bones murmured to himself, seeing the cogs whirl in his brain as his smirk grew. He pretended to give in and sigh, biding his time for the right moment. Unfortunately for Spock, the right moment had more of an audience.
Jim glanced at his calm First Officer, checking him and then back to his food only for a second before looking back and donning a concerned look. "Why, Spock, you seem to have a-no, let me get it,"
Spock immediately froze and mechanically turned his head to see Jim licking his thumb with quite the evil grin on his face. "Captain," he swallowed. "Please desist in your attempt,"
"What attempt, Spock?" he looked sufficiently confused and guileless, if he were anyone but James T. Kirk or if Spock was not Spock. "I'm simply trying to get a little smudge of something off you."
"Jim, please," he whispered, shutting his eyes and gripping the edge of the table as he felt his Captain move closer ever so slowly. It was almost painful to experience. "Do not come any closer lest I be forced to harm you,"
"You wouldn't harm me," whispered a breath into his ear. Spock would deny doing so, but he squeaked and ran behind Bones.
"I'm not going to do you any good against Jim, hobgoblin," the Doctor huffed, ignored once again.
"Captain," Spock warbled somewhere an octave higher. "If you do not stand down, I will be forced to withold sexual favours from you for a month!"
Jim stopped in his predatory descent in shock. "You wouldn't!"
"Do not test me," he warned, sounding slighty more like normal.
Jim sighed but nodded. "Fine. I'm sorry it led to this, I know better than to use your mother like that,"
Spock gratefully walked towards him. "Indeed I would hope so,"
Jim smirked a little and blinked at the stationary crew members in the room. "I believe you can all resume now. There's no more fun to be seen here," he said without looking at anyone other than his blushing again Vulcan, shaming them into muttered whispers and activity. "So, about our little incident..."
"It does seem illogical to hide what is already known," he conceded.
"Sweet!" Jim collected a Vulcan kiss to celebrate his victory, and won a small smile too. "Oh, and you really did have something on your face this time," he stretched to lick a corner of his lips and then turned out the doors. "See you on Bridge, Mr. Spock!"
Spock touched the freshly moistened area with his fingertips and felt a great desire to faint out of mortification.
"Please tell me you got all of that, Chekov," Sulu pleaded as he sat down with his tray.
"Do not worry, Meester Sulu, I have got ewerything on this dewice," he waved his recorder for proof and grinned. "It was made in Russia, so you know it's good,"
"Fantastic," Sulu grinned back. "This is so going to be sent to everyone on board the Enterprise,"
"Affirmiteeve," Chekov agreed.