Summary: What if Kira was replaced by my OC Jolie in 'Our Man Bashir' and her brother Kyle replaced Sisko? What if when they tried to restore their patterns, two of them were put back wrong? What if because of a holosweet malfunction, Garak and Bashir had had to be beamed out as well? Body-swap, of a sort.

A/N: This came to me the other night as I lay in bed unable to sleep and in the morning I wrote it down. I will continue this if you will PLEASE REVIEW! They give me ultimate charge to write! Please give this story a chance, according to my friend EnviousBakemono, thanks to her help, the later chapters are better. As you have guessed, I have already written some more they just need proofreading. Though if I don't get any reviews, I may loose interest. I could probably update daily depends on how long it takes to edit and how may reviews I get. (The title is an inside joke.)

Disclaimer: I do not own star trek DS9 or any of it's characters. I am simply borrowing them for a short time, they will return intact, hopefully.

Chapter 1: Bashir the Indian Banshee

"We are losing them!" Came Odo's voice over the loud noise of he transporter failing to re-materialize them.

"Keep trying!" Sisko said in return.

"I've lost one of the brain patterns! It vanished!" Said the Star-fleet chief of security.

"The transporters are failing!" Odo yelled at the other security man.

Later in sickbay

My eyes were groggy and refused to open for a short time. Eventually they opened to bright lights above my head. I sat up too quickly, and immediately fell straight back down. That's when I noticed something was wrong.

My eyes flew back open in an instant and took in my surroundings. I was in sickbay, sitting on one of the patient beds. Behind me I herd the voice of Kira.

"You all right?" It wasn't the normal sweet tone she took with me.

"Um, yea." My eyes slowly widened at the voice I heard come from me. I looked down at a site I could never have expected. My hands were larger and darker then my own. That's why I knew they were not mine.

They were Bashir's.

"WHAT!" I screamed, shocked at my discovery.

"Calm down Doctor!" Kira tried to stop me from getting up and running in repetitive circles pulling my-, wait no, Bashir's, hair out.

"KIRA!" I yelled at her.

"Julian? What's wrong?" She asked in a concerned voice, not getting it.

"I AM NOT JULIAN!" I screamed at her.

"What? I think you should lie down Doctor." She kept trying to calm me down, but I didn't want to.

"I am telling you, I am not Dr. Bashir!" I spoke clearly and tried to make sure she understood.

"Wait, hang on... if you are not Julian, then who are you?" She asked. Maybe she had finally gotten it.

"I'm Jolie!"

"Jolie? Oh dear...we were afraid of this...."

"You knew this was going to happen!?"

"Well, we weren't sure. Garak and Bashir couldn't get out of the holosuite, so we had to beam them out as well. Because of ongoing repairs, the Defiant could only do one beam out, so we had to beam them with you five."

"What holosuite? Never mind, there are more important things to worry about." I started to go over what she had said.

"Wait, if you had to use the Defiant..... that means the transporters on the station aren't working, and now the Defiant's too, then there is no way to fix this anytime soon."

The horror of what was going on hit me. Not to say I didn't like Julian's body.... I'm just didn't think I was going to like this.

But I didn't know the full extent of what was going on.

I herd Julian groan and I searched the sickbay for him. Kira continued to tell me to sit down but I wasn't listening. If I was in him, I wanted to know where he was. I came to the bed in the center of the second room, on it, was my body. The long golden hair spread out. I looked at my somewhat short, skinny body that lay there motionless, lifeless.

"Kira?" I questioned her.

"You're in a coma. There's no brain activity....."

"Then where's Bashir?"

"We think we may have lost him in the transport."

"But I just heard him a minute ago!" Then realization hit me. If I was in his body, how could I have heard his voice, there was only one way.

"Oh no. Kira, I found Bashir." I sat down and placed his hands over his eyes.

"What?"