DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Supernatural (Castiel, The Winchesters, etc.). Their infinite awesomeness is only (C) to Eric Kripke. But, however, my OC Esther is included in this.

R&R pls.

Prologue

The first thing that hit her mind was the drums.

They weren't just throbbing, or slightly hitting. They were pounding on her skull, as if something was trying to break in, make its way inside her brain and brand it. What? Where? Who? She couldn't even open her mouth and speak, the throbbing, the terrible, terrible banging, it was so loud, that she had to put her hands to her ears in agony.

"Please", she cried, "make it stop. Make. It. Stop."

But it wouldn't. That overwhelming rhythm, it filled her brain, making her jerk and twitch at all sides. She couldn't handle it. It was so dark around her. So compressed. What? What had happened? The last thing that she could remember was … Zachariah. Oh Lord, Zachariah, that terrible look in his eyes, the hand that reached for her, and then … blank.

You failed us. His voice echoed in her head, loud as sirens. You failed. You did not complete the task. You failed. And now, you shall fall.

"No. No. No. Anything but that. No.", she thought. Then another thought crossed her mind – it's too late for that now. Way too late.

As she could feel her Grace being taken away from her, the drums got louder, and suddenly she started to free fall, down, colors of all sorts flew through her, as if the whole universe had just flown into a spoon and injected itself into her eyeballs, for a minute, she could see all the shades of the world around, above and below her. The drums had suddenly died out, to a fairly unrecognizable sound, that just kept reminding of itself somewhere in the back of her head.

"Does it always feel like this when you fall?", she thought in disbelief. She was actually liking the experience, God save her soul. "Did Lucifer feel like this when he fell? Did …?"

She felt the drums quicken and get louder, but she couldn't understand why they did this. Did … did the thought trigger it?

"… did he feel like this?"

All fear, doubt and pain, that she was feeling right now, all the shame from what Zachariah had told her, all the guilt was replaced by one single, yet so powerful thought, so insignificant to others, still so strong for her.

I am going to see him again.

Even though the fury of the universe was all around her, she still managed to smile. But then, suddenly, pain made it's way to her. She let out a piercing scream, because she felt as if a giant ball was on her back and it was digging and digging it's way through her flesh. It was too late, when the actual events hit her.

Her wings. They were ripping off her wings.

Feather by feather, each one going off with an enormous amount of pain, her most precious thing was slowly taken away from her.

And right there, she swore. She swore to Heaven, Hell, God, the Devil, whoever was listening, she made a vow, that she never forgot.

I will get my atonement, and then all of you will suffer.