Author's notes: This fic is not connected to my other fic, 'Falling Slowly'...It's not a sequel, since this one's another take on Len and Kaho's final moments together. Plus, Len and Kaho show more restraint here (count me in too). In my other fic, I made them a little more proactive (especially Kaho) in the relationship dept.
For my convenience :p the names system is the western style, so Len and Kaho call each other by their given names and not "Tsukimori-kun"... "Hino"
Disclaimer: I do not own La Corda d'Oro in any way or form.
Summary: Kaho meets Len at the train station to give him a gift before his departure.
Memento
Hino Residence
Kaho flung her scarf over her shoulder and ran down the steps to the living room. From the landing, she could see the downstairs had taken to a jungle. Holly and Christmas lights twisted on the floor like vines making their path around the many boxes. Knickknacks and glittering ornaments toppled over each other on the couch, arm chairs and table.
She squeezed through the tight spot between the landing and a large box of Christmas decor. The only uncrowded area in the living room was the corner where her sister, who would inevitably transform their home into something out of a magazine, was busy emptying a desk drawer.
Kaho sat on the couch's arm, lifted her knee and tugged at the laces of her boot. She stood and slowly looked behind her shoulder. Her sister hadn't even glanced her way."Onesan, I'll be going out now," she said barely above a whisper.
"Oh no, you're not," her onesan finally spoke. "Not til you're done helping me."
Kaho pressed her palms together as if praying to a megami, "Please Onesan," she pleaded. "Please will you allow me? Please, just this once? I promise to help you out tomorrow...I...I need to go..."
Her sister shook her head from side to side and smiled mischievously, "I'd like to see you try to pull that box of decorations on your own." Her sister pointed to the box that was at the foot of the steps. It was also against the front door, blocking Kaho's exit.
It can't be that heavy, can it?...What to do...Sneak through the back door? Is Okasan home? Kaho frowned, she didn't think she could enlist the help of her mother. Okasan would insist that I stay...She probably helped onesan carry that huge box...
"Will you hand me those," her sister called her attention.
Beside Kaho were three figurines made from copper sheets. Each had a copper cone for a body and a flat circle suspended from the cone for a head. Two stood to the height of her knee and the third and smallest one was sleeping soundly in a drawer.
"A manger?" Kaho asked. Her sister, an art major, enjoyed decorating for the holidays. Every Christmas there were new decorations, some store bought and others her onesan had made by hand. And every year, after Christmas, we lose more closet space...
"We're adding it to the collection...If you put a light underneath those you'd see it shine through the curlicues I punched through the copper sheets" her sister answered. "This size drawer would be better," she said to the object in her hand. "And we still have the holly...and the candy canes...and..." The list kept growing.
Her sister had permission to decorate the living room, the kitchen, the walls of the upstairs hallway and even both bathrooms, but the outside was off limits except for a few Christmas lights. Maybe, because her sister had accumulated so many, it was hard to choose which decorations to use.
Kaho took off her jacket with a sigh and hung it on the coat rack. She was going to help her sister decorate. If they worked together, they'd get things done more quickly and she might still have time to scour the department stores.
"I'll stay Onesan."
"Good. You can sit over there and the wipe the albums I took out from the drawers. They're kind of moldy."
Ok. Menial tasks first. Kaho nodded her head as a show of compliance.
Her sister continued, "I'll start with the holly, and you can tell me if it looks ok from where you're sitting." Her sister sidestepped some Christmas lights to reach her. Grinning broadly, she wound holly around Kaho's neck, "Thanks for volunteering to help."
Kaho smiled nervously, "Ok." She lifted the stack of albums from the floor and tossed some snowmen back into a box to make room for herself on the couch. The first album from the stack was white and gold. Wiping its face with a clean rag, she read the engraved lettering. "Our Wedding", it said.
Her parents' wedding album; she flipped through the pages and lingered on the photo of her mother in the traditional Japanese wedding gown.
When I get married, will I be wearing the Japanese wedding gown?
She imagined herself in a veil. What would my wedding dress look like...I don't want a train. An empire waist? Will a tiara look nice on me? Gloves?
Aside from the lack of a train, she had no specifications.
As long as the groom attends...
There was the image ofLen smiling tenderly near the altar. Wha...
She buried her face in the pages of the album. No!No!No!No!No!It's too early! Her cheeks was unable to get his face out of her mind.
And I still don't know what to give him. Len was taking the train to meet his parents at the airport. She had realized only when she had woken up this morning that she had not prepared; she was going to see him off but she didn't have a gift. A scarf? But handmade is better...I wish I could think of something...
"Kaho,"her sister pulled the holly off Kaho's shoulders, "you're being weird...face down on the album like that. I'll have to report this to Okasan."
Kaho sat up straight and smoothed her hair. Her sister leaned in next to her, "Okasan looks lovely in the photograph doesn't she?"
"Yes," Kaho agreed. "She looks very lovely."
Her sister nodded, "I like weddings..." She threw Kaho a mock glare, "You better not get married before I do."
Kaho remembered whose face was at the forefront of her mind just moments ago."I...I won't be getting married anytime soon..."
"When you get married, I can be the one to give you your 'something borrowed'"
"Something borrowed?" Kaho repeated.
"Something borrowed, something blue, something old, something new," her sister chanted for her. "But it's fine to have only 'something borrowed'. It's the wedding tradition in our family anyway."
The lack of response was a cue to start explaining, "'Something borrowed' is an item that's supposed to bestow happiness to a bride about to enter her new life. A happily married woman lends you an item to bless your marriage...I should receive something from Okasan...And like I said," her sister grinned, "you'll be receiving something from me."
Oh. Speaking of gifts,Kaho didn't have one for Len.
Something borrowed...something that would bestow happiness...
*
*
At the train station
Len was waiting on a bench only a few feet away from where he would board. It was quiet enough for him to hear his own thoughts, which wasn't any different from what he'd grown accustomed to; it was usual for him to hear himself think when he was alone. Solitude meant time to plan and, of course, practice. He preferred it that way, being alone was how he'd been able to improve his playing to his current level.
The empty train tracks allowed him a view of the park. The trees, almost bare of leaves, were reaching out to an orange sky that would soon be subdued by dark blues. Sighing deeply, he leaned fully against the bench and buried his hands in his pockets. The silence seemed to stretch across the station— and to places infinitely farther than the eye could see.
Last night she'd asked him if they could meet before he left. She'd asked to see him off. And he'd told her yes. Before he returned her to her seat, he'd agreed— she would be the last person he sees before he leaves.
"It's still here..."
He removed his glove and dipped his hand into his pocket. Slowly, the dainty thing he'd failed to give came into view. He lifted it to his face, regarding it with a pensive look.
It had been a spontaneous decision. He hadn't imagined himself window shopping, let alone making a purchase, but here it was— the item in his hand. The owner said she wanted him to have it. "It's free" She'd said. "For you, it's free"
He was sorry he agreed to take it. He felt guiltly. The owner had been so kind, and seemed so sure. It was as if he ruined her expectations. If he had tried to give it, what would have happened? Neither had he been in a similar situation nor had he pictured himself in it.
Would I have told her?
How was that possible when he still wasn't sure how to begin? Would it have mattered if he had said something?
Maybe, he shouldn't have hesitated. He should've given them to her, even if, of the two of them, only he'd know what they mean.
*
*
Yesterday evening, an hour before the ball
Len was headed to the ball. He was going there directly. There would be no pit stops. He wouldn't vacillate. He knew he'd been walking more slowly since he saw the shop but he told himself he would pass by it. He expected he would be on his way as soon as he'd arrive—and he was right. The shop was already closed.
I'm too late...
Len blinked. Barely out of that thought, the shop's owner peered at him from behind a now open door. She was an old lady with a round face and kind eyes.
"I," he began, "do you sell corsages?"
"Over here," she answered, calling him into the shop.
She showed him the display, "We have a few left..."
He scanned for something that would grab his attention. Roses, he guessed, were a favorite. Are girls really fond of roses... He wondered if she liked them or if she had another favorite.
"Seisou is having a ball then..."
He turned to the shopkeeper, "Yes, how did you know obasan?"
He was wearing a coat over his formal suit. He supposed it was easier to guess what he'd be attending, but how did she know which school he came from?
"Many of my recent customers are students from Seisou." Her eyes crinkled at the corners when she she smiled, "They bought corsages for their girlfriends too."
Of course, he realized. His classmates would have bought...He paused. His case was not the same because he was not buying for his girlfriend.
The old lady saw his face turn red, "You're blushing,"
He hadn't caught what she'd said, "I'm sorry?"
Obasan looked as if she was contemplating something. She held on to his sleeve, "I know how I can help you make your choice. Wait right here." She turned around and walked briskly to the backroom, shutting the door behind her with a click.
Len surveyed the shop while waiting.
Roses...Carnations...Chrysanthemums...Hydrangeas...Tulips...Daisies...
I know barely more than their names...
He sighed. Likewise, very little about girls...
He didn't know much about either girls or flowers—only that girls liked flowers. He lacked interest in girls and had been that way as far back as he could remember. He'd told Hihara-senpai and Tsuchiura that he'd never liked someone.
It's not likely that I ever will....He quoted himself, though it was a thought that he hadn't shared. It was his secret— he couldn't imagine himself with anyone.
A corsage...
When did he start to spend more time with her? No time at all since that admission.
He'd made time to tutor her. They practiced together and he'd corrected her mistakes to help her improve. He remembered he'd been so surprised, and strangely delighted when he saw her in one of the practice rooms that one early morning. She'd already been practicing before their schoolmates arrived for class.
Two days ago, her hard work had finally paid off. He'd congratulated her after she'd succeeded in gaining Saotome-sensei's approval and she'd smiled and said she couldn't have done it without his help. He remembered that he'd shook his head in reply, he'd played his part but it was her determination and attitude that had changed Saotome sensei's mind.
"It was you, only you," he'd told her.
Saotome sensei had accepted her. When she'd told him the news, he'd been genuinely glad. He was sure she'd learn much more under Saotome sensei's tutelage. She deserved to be his student. He hoped that one day more people would be gifted with her music. He was looking forward to that. He was eager for the day he'd be able to hear her play at her absolute best.
But there was something else. Mixed with the appropriate feelings was this—it didn't work well with being happy for her.
He had fulfilled his promise to her. He had looked after her for the competition and now he was sure she would be in better hands. He'd told himself that he shouldn't worry about what would happen. Even if he was going away, there'd be others who would make sure she would be all right. Therefore, he'd rationalized, there was no need to be so concerned. He was leaving, and she would be fine without him. 'She won't need me', he'd said to himself.
She won't need me. It had been and still felt like taking a hit between the eyes.
But I..I stilI...
He turned his head at the sound of a door opening. I want to be there for her...
The old lady walked to her side of the counter and motioned him to move closer. "These usually aren't available," she spoke softly, as if sharing a secret. "But for you, I will make an exception." She appeared to lay something on the smooth surface of the counter. When she lifted her hand, small white flowers were underneath.
"Lilacs..." the old lady trailed off. "Ah, I can never read anyone wrong. You are a sincere young man..."
Len thought she'd spoken as if she'd seen a confirmation.
Noticing Len's folded brow, she wanted to shift his focus, "Ah, your girlfriend...I'm sure she's a wonderful girl..."
Len shook his head and smiled. "She's not my girlfriend," he answered. "But yes, she is wonderful." If it were possible, he would have introduced her to the shopkeeper. Maybe, she'd see...
The old lady nodded as if to show her approval. She smiled when she spoke, "Do you know what these flowers mean?"
*
*
Kaho stepped out her front door wearing a look of determination, there was no way she'd miss what little time she had left with Len.
Two days ago, she'd cheerfully told him about Saotome sensei's decision to tutor her. The Sensei called it a 'change of heart' and she'd told Len about it. She'd wanted him to be the first to hear the news.
She'd been smiling at him but when he'd turned to face her, something in his expression had made the smile drop from her face.
"You won't be here to guide me..." the look had pulled the words out of her.
"Saotome sensei will take care of you, " he'd said plainly. "You won't be needing me."
You won't be needing me. She couldn't explain why but she'd felt something twist inside her when he'd said those words. There was nothing she could reply.
Or so she thought...
She'd zipped past the houses and was running uphill like she'd been training for it. Len was, inevitably, leaving her. Saotome sensei would be taking his place as her tutor.
The more she thought about it the more it hurt. It wasn't like having a new teacher replace her old one. It was different. Len meant more to her, and, it seemed, she needed him more. Now. At this very moment.
He wasn't someone who would be walking out of her life, she told herself. She would remember him, keep him in her heart always. She would need him—always. She would long to be with him. She would die for wanting to be with him. She was going overboard. And she was crying. Already? I thought I was going to last a little longer.
She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I want you to take care of me..."
How she wished she'd told him then. It was his shoulder she wanted to lean on and his hand she wanted to hold.
Len...
She was running to him but in her mind she was re-tracing her steps, going back to when she first met him. All the bittersweet memories helped make her way. And she was glad for them. Glad for this feeling that had set her free. Free to chase after a future that had more in store for her than she'd imagined. For so long she'd been praying for so little and maybe she'd been foolish not to have wanted more. But now—now she would do everything to reach them. Those big dreams.
I want it all, Len...
*
*
Len passed his thumb over the deep blue ribbon which secured the Lilacs. He'd tied the ribbon himself on the shop owner's insistence.
The blue contrasted perfectly with the white, and the flowers, he thought, suited her. They were delicate, lovely and fragrant.
"The first emotions of love," he repeated what the old lady had told him.
"Len!" Kaho announced her arrival with a shout and the clap of heavy footsteps descending on concrete. At the sound of her voice, he hastily slipped the corsage back into his pocket.
"Ah, I'm sorry," she was trying to catch her breath. "I wanted to arrive earlier..." she trailed off.
He made room for her on the bench, "No, it's ok," he said. "You're on time."
She sat on his right. "I...I have something for you."
Something for him? "You shouldn't have," he said automatically.
She held out her hand, "This is for you."
Len's eyes grew wide. In her open palm was something he knew was precious to her.She'd surprised him before and now she'd done it again. "That's...You're giving that to me?"
"Yes," she confirmed with a steady voice.
The string of her violin, the golden string he had fastened during the fourth selection glistened under the light. "It means a lot to you,"he said without looking at her. "I...I don't think I can accept it..."
Her mouth opened slightly. It was why she wanted him to have it. It wouldn't be worth giving if it wasn't so important to her. She bit her lip, "I value it like...like I do you."
That had caught his attention. He searched her face.
"It's brought me so much and it's brought me here, with you.I'd like you to keep it until..." She met his gaze, "Until we meet again. Someday, I ...I just want us to meet..."
He didn't know how much he'd wanted to hear those words until she'd said them. She'd just told him her wish, and it was the same as his. Now that he knew, he couldn't have prepared himself for the emotion that was welling up inside him. He swallowed the lump that was in his throat.
"It's only fair that I give you one of mine."
"Hm?" She blinked and watched as he placed his violin case on his lap.
"I'm giving you one of the strings from my violin."
Her eyes were wide and her mouth was slightly agape. "You would?"
"Yes," he said as he began to work on his promise.
Kaho blushed. Dropping her gaze, she opened her palm to take a long last look at the string Lili had given her. Lili, I hope you understand. She glanced at her companion. I want to meet him again...If I could somehow be beside him...Lili, someday I will have the string back. But til then, this belongs to him...
"Kahoko"
She lifted her face to his. "This is for you," he said.
She took the string from his palm and placed the golden string in its stead. She closed his fingers over the string and looked up at him. She knew he would treasure it.
He smiled and she imagined her face turn a brighter red. She let go of his hand and distracted herself by placing the string she'd received in her handkerchief. She looked over to his side, "What are you doing?"
"I can't play with one string missing."
He began to fasten the string in place. When he had finished, he placed his violin in its case and removed it from his lap onto the bench.
"You're going to..."
"Yes..." He let his fingers glide over the case beside him. "Whenever I play, I will think of you." He turned to face her, "I will play for you..." She won't be in the audience but he would imagine her there, imagine her expression, her smile. If he'd keep her in his thoughts, he believed things would...fall into place.
"Len..." Her arms were ready to reach up but she'd folded them onto her lap and looked away; she wanted to wrap her arms around him. "I....It's a promise Len," she held the hankerchief over her heart, "someday, I will return this to you."
He smiled,"And I will return yours to you."
The first emotions of love ...
"I have something else I want to give you," he said with a smile.
He felt for the ribbon of the lilacs in his coat pocket and gently took out the corsage. The dainty flowers had not wilted but looked as fresh as they did the day before.
He would tuck away his heart and save it for her. When next he would see her, his love would be like the lilacs in his hand— his feelings unchanged.
"A corsage," she whispered. The Lilacs were so white they glowed.
She felt as if she'd glow too. A corsage from Len...
"These are for you," he said. He pulled the sleeve of her sweater and tied the lilacs around her wrist. His hand lingered on hers while he inhaled the heavenly fragrance, his eyes were still closed when he spoke, "I'd meant to give you a corsage the day of the ball...I..."
She watched his face as he tied the corsage around her wrist. With his hand in hers, her heart beat faster. He looked so beautiful.
"...Lilacs...I hope you like them."
She was still gazing at him when their eyes met. She blinked. For a moment she didn't know what to reply. "Yes...I do. They smell so sweet." She smiled at the flowers, "And they're from you so, of course, I will keep them."
He shifted their hands so they could be palm to palm. He wanted to know if she'd remember."Your hands are small..."
"You told me that once before," she answered. With a faint smile on her lips, she repeated the reply she'd given him that day, "If I compare mine to yours, of course it would be smaller."
This is just how things are supposed to be. Palm to palm.Connected.
She imagined lacing her fingers through his. If I do, I might not let go... Instead, she returned her hand to her lap.
Trains always arrive on schedule...
The rumbling of the tracks had signaled the end of their meeting.
"Your train is here."
"Yes it is..."
They stood together, their eyes still on each other. What should I say...
"Take care Len."
He took a moment to tuck a stray wisp of hair behind her ear, "Take care Kahoko." Take care. It was as if they would see each other again tomorrow. He was scanning her face. His hand was poised beside her cheek. He didn't want to move.
They shared the same thoughts. She wanted to just stand there and stare at him. She wanted him to stay with her , if only for a little longer. She shut her eyes and pressed her cheek onto his hand, "I'll miss you..."
His lips parted and he smiled. Closing the short distance between them, he leaned his forehead against hers. "I will miss you too..."
*
"Goodbye Len," she whispered as he entered the train. She watched his back while the automatic doors closed. No, not goodbye...
Running forward, she shouted his name, "Len!" From behind the closed doors, he turned to face her.
Her legs followed the moving train and though the tears poured, she didn't take her eyes off him. "Do your best Len!" She shouted at the top of her voice. "And don't worry about me," she waved cheerfully, "I'll work hard! I'll keep practicing! And I will never ever give up!" She would chase him and not grow tired.
It was immediate: he was out of sight.
*
The train took him away speedily. Outside his window, it began to snow. He leaned his head against the glass and watched the snowflakes fall. He wondered if he'd see her again...
On a street in Winter...
Snow on her red hair....
In a park, the scent of lilac blossoms engulfing them, or on a path bordered by trees with vibrant autumn leaves...
Someday, he would meet her again— whatever the season, wherever the place may be, in Vienna or otherwise— someday they would be together. Len closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Like two vines growing on the same large oak, their paths would cross again; their lives meant to intertwine.
*
Kaho hadn't entered the house. She'd been waiting, standing outside for some minutes now, watching the glowing lights of the Christmas tree through their front wiped her eyes on her jacket sleeve, "Stop sobbing Kahoko..." she said to the corsage Len had given her. She was going to walk in and hope that her family wouldn't notice she'd been crying.
She stopped in her tracks. "Snow..."
White snow. She marveled at the season. A single snowflake had landed on a Lilac petal.
She opened her hand to catch the first snowflakes. The white confetti dove lazily onto her palm, and an idea tugged at the corners of her lips, making her smile. She looked up at the dark sky. On that day...
I'll be carrying Lilacs to the altar.
*
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Fin
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I wrote this fic for the holidays, so I'm really glad it made it on time. Yeah, despite myself and my "finish...not finish?Finished? Am I going to finish?" – blah.
Notes/promotion for La Corda...
Manga references:
&. Chapter 33: Hihara asks Len if he's ever had experience or if he's ever liked someone. Len of course replies, "Never been interested"
&. Chapter 56: Yup. It does happen. Len goes to school to get a head start on practice and finds Kaho beat him to it. :) No, they're not competing to see who clocks in the most hours...anyway... Len gets to see how determined Kaho really is.
I think, when it comes to dedication, they're on equal footing.
&. Chapter 54: The part about Len promising to take care of Kaho happens in chapter 54. I so love that chapter for that scene...
Len: If you're really that determined, I'll make time to help tutor you. I'll take care of you, so I hope you don't give up.
:) I really really love this scene. It was the touch, when he said I'll take care of you, not I'll help you.
&. Chapter 54: Is also when we first meet Saotome sensei, who also taught little Len in the fourth grade (that was shown in a special chapter on Len). Kaho asks him to teach her but Sensei refuses. He tells Kaho that she's mistaken about her right to say she deserves anything but Kaho, in true Kaho fashion, doesn't let his words get to her. She tirelessly chases him around the campus and eventually Sensei agrees to tutor her. However, the condition is she has to win a prize in a certain competition.
** Note: Saotome sensei hasn't accepted Kaho yet and I have no idea how that'll happen but hopefully things will work out. I have total faith in Yuki Kurei-sensei ;) But since this is an "ending scene" fic...I had to tie up a few things on my own, so there. In this fic's timeline, Sensei has agreed to tutor Kahoko :)
&. Chapter 57 : In that chapter...Len says: "One day, no matter where it may be...we may be able to meet each other" But he cuts off at one day, and the rest he says in his head so Kaho doesn't know what he meant to tell her. In this fic, I just made Kaho mirror Len, but unlike him she doesn't leave anything out :)
&. Chapter 44 : Len fastens the golden string before Kaho performs in the final selection. Actually :p the manga says E string and not golden string. In the anime, it is clearly the golden string and the setting is in Minami Music Shop and not the dressing room backstage.
&. Chapter 56: The palm-to-palm moment at the end of the chapter. Len says: "Your hands are small" and Kaho replies: "Well if I compare mine to yours, of course it would be smaller."
Game references:
&. Len's Ballroom scene in the Corda 2 game: he gives your character a corsage with deep blue flowers.
&. The CG of Len's departure looks like he's about to board a train...(or maybe a subway car, not sure).
Other:
&. Lilacs really do mean "The first emotions of love". It was the Victorians who assigned flowers simple messages.
Kaji's first name, Aoi, is Japanese for Hollyhock...Hollyhock means "Ambition". If I'd assign flowers to the other Second Year La Corda boys, to give to Kaho... Tsuchiura's would be Jonquils which mean "Return my affection", and Kaji's Peach blossoms, which mean "I am your captive"...
All the info on flowers I got from a book called "The Language of Flowers".
&. There are Lilac trees in Japan. The fluffy, white flowers blossom til the end of August. They're the longest blossoming lilacs but I guess they won't be available for the ball. My explanation for why the florist had them is... she did say "these aren't usually available" and it's the flower business' job to find a way....Or...
Ah...do you believe in magic? ;)
&. There's this wedding superstition I read about which kind of connects with the scene where Len takes out the lilacs from his pocket. It goes like this: A bachelor picks up in the early morning a flower with the dew still on it. He has to keep it in his pocket for 24 hours. If, after those 24 hours, the flower is still as fresh as it was when he picked it— this is a sign that he will have wedded bliss. Hm, it kind of fits, though not perfectly... no dew, not morning...
TMI (Too much information)/Overkill:
&. Did you guys know that Ave Maria is a wedding song? Yeah, it can be played during the wedding march... I was looking through my parents' cds and there was this 1950's love songs compilation...there's a song from one cd w/c goes: "While sweet voices sing Ave Maria..." I swear...the song's title is "The Wedding"....huh...
Hope you enjoyed reading ;) Cheers and Happy Holidays!