Thought I'd upload this before going to bed ˆ ˆ

It's a sort of oneshot I wrote. It highly influenced by the song Tomorrow by Avril Lavigne. If you search the lyrics, maybe you'll catch some similarities XD

I'm not a big Avril fan (I barely even listen to her), I just told myself I'd put my Ipod on shuffle and write a oneshot based on whatever song came on ˆ¬ˆ

I listened to this song for a good two hours... I am so sick of it now~!

Pff, anyways, I didn't have time to re-read this, so sorry if the writing is a little crude. It's just too late.. I'm too tired to re-read it let alone correct it.

Also, sorry for all the goddamned drama! Like what, is every fic I write gonna be some soap opera?

No.

This song just wasn't very happy, hahaha~!

Anyways, if this story gets enough feedback I might right a short sequel with smut. =w=

But only if it gets enough feedback. It's not really good... I think.. considering I wrote it at 2am, but who knows! Maybe readers will like it =¬=

DISCLAMER: I DO NOT OWN DRRR! OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS... I don't own Avril either, in case you were wondering.

Edit: I've corrected a few silly mistakes =w= A few... hah... bullshit... THERE WERE SO MANY! ; W; I'm almost embarrassed XD

Room 1315 is not unlike any other in this depressing establishment. Painfully white, eerily quiet and reeking of disinfectants, it certainly doesn't gain any brownie points for comfort or even originality. An open window lets some light into this stuffy cell and that's about the only comforting thing this room has to offer.

Nonetheless, I haven't left this dungeon for a few days now. The reason is quite simple, believe it or not. You see… Shizu-chan hurt himself and I can't bear leaving his side. I've managed pretty well, living off cheap hospital food and sleeping alone on a foam mat, considering I don't deserve to share a bed with my blonde after what I've done. Of course, if he were aware of my sleeping on the cold, hard floor each night, he'd be sure to protest… But hey, what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him.

However, I can't deny that this is turning into too much. I can't hold all this in much longer. The stress alone has drastically lowered my appetite, not to mention I can't remember the last time I had a proper conversation with someone other than my semi-conscious idiot of a boyfriend. Most of those conversations were one-sided.

Sighing, I inch ever so slowly closer to Shizuo's bed.

He just has to know, my possibly deluded conscience whispers.

Who knows what he'll do to himself if he doesn't learn the truth soon…

The truth… I don't want to face it. It's painful. Shizuo… You must deal with this pain, this betrayal… I'm sorry, I don't care if you're ready for this or not, I have to tell you. I realize this is unreasonable and unfair, but most things in life are. Just please know that I didn't ever want to hurt you… Please…

"Shizu-chan… Are you awake?" I painfully choke out. Damn, my throat is dry.

I wait a few seconds only to gain a muffled snore in response. Ah, he's still sleeping… Maybe I should wait until he's awake for this. It is a bit too much for a sleeping man to comprehend… Hnng… Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure I want to wake him… I don't think I'll be able to confess with the weight of his intense stare gazing into my very soul. Maybe I can try to bring him into a semi-conscious state and tell him. Gently squeezing his hand to let him know I'm there, I decide not to stall any longer. This has to be said sooner or later, so I might as well get it over with. I just hope he can feel the compassion in my hand as it caresses his and the remorse in my voice as I pull away the curtains.

"Why does it have to be like this? You're so unpredictable, always doing what I least expect. I knew you were strong, but honestly, this is something completely different. You lost everything… Everyone you love, dead. How can you live like that? It seems impossible to me," I mutter. I can't bear to get straight to the point. Instead, I'll start with what we both know and tell him what only I know once I've built up some momentum. Hopefully it'll hurt less that way.

"I want to believe your lies… I crave the foreign sense of security. But Shizuo, you fucking attempted suicide! You're damn lucky you're strong, or that poison would've been the end of you. Hell, you're barely alive as it is! If only you could see yourself, tubes penetrating your pale skin, unconscious on a cold hospital bed.

I'm sorry, but I can't even believe anything you say anymore. You say you love me, but that's obviously a façade. If my feelings for you were mutual, you would have told me… You would have told me how you felt."

I could've helped you.

"I've lost my faith in you. If you can't trust me, then what's the point to this relationship? Don't give me false hope that you may love me, even if just a little bit. It just makes it that much more painful for me to accept the truth.

Heh, when I think about it, all you've ever told me was false. All the 'I'll kill yous', all the 'I love yous'…. Lies. Don't even try to deny it, Shizu-chan. After all, you are in a relationship with me. Me. The flea. The very same person you claimed to hate with a fiery passion mere years ago! Don't you remember telling me you wanted nothing to do with me in high school? Well, that was the same year you lost your virginity to me… Willingly, I should add.

Based on that alone… I know I shouldn't believe you during those special moments when you wake up from this drug-induced slumber and tell me everything will be alright. You're probably just jinxing your own death, Neanderthal.

But still, I try. I can't do anything but that! I love you too much not to. I want to believe every word you mutter, every tear you shed! If only I could… Just for today, I don't think I can let your sweet face melt my heart. I won't allow your diming honey eyes or your beautiful, calming voice to break through my outer walls, rendering me to mush. I can't believe you now. Last time I did, you got yourself into this… this mess! Maybe you'll get better… Maybe I'll be able to trust you once more. Just not today… surely, you won't realize what you're putting me through so soon.

It may be a little selfish of me, cruel even, to neglect the idea of listening to my depressed lover. Sure, I'll be able to hear him. Hear the words he says… But I won't even try to comprehend them. I will not listen for fear of overanalysing something and breaking my own heart. "

My own heart… No… That's not right. This isn't about me.

"I'm sorry, Shizu, I just… Don't know how to feel. . Hell, I don't even know how I feel.

Your brother died alongside your parents at gunpoint during small family reunion. The only reason you lived was because I asked you out for supper that night and you stupidly, naively agreed. I know you think you could've protected them, but not even you can survive a bullet to the head. I know you think this is all a coincidence, that they wouldn't have died if only you hadn't gone out with me, that it's your fault they're dead… I'm glad to lift that weight off your shoulders. However, I doubt you'll thank me for it," sighing, I gather the strength to let it all out and prepare myself for the hard emotional blow I'll surely receive once my love is well enough to form full sentences.

"See, I was in on all this. The guys who killed your family had a grudge on you, obviously. They came to me for info. Seeing as we were together at the time, is it really a surprise I refused? However… I grew concerned for you and decided to do some casual research on them. It was last minute when I found out that they were going to kill you. There wasn't any time to hire a hitman or gang to take care of those filthy bastards who murdered people you care for!

So, I called you on a date. Completely innocent, yet unbearably devious. See, I knew that the killers would substitute your death with the death of your family if you didn't show up. They didn't care who was killed, as long as they got revenge…

I also knew there was a good chance you'd just beat them and shrug it off as if it was nothing if you had been there. What made me call was the fact that there was also a chance that they succeeded in killing you… A-and I was too scared… To selfish to take that chance, even though I can now see… You would rather die trying than leave them helpless. A-and I'm so sorry for not understanding that… Because if I had known then… I would have told you. I would have told you about the killers and helped you save yourself alongside your family… Or die trying. I'm so, so sorry. You have every reason to never forgive me." I shudder. Tears are now streaming down my face. How pathetic. No one should need to see me like this… I'm a quivering and whimpering mess. I just can't help but remember how you looked when I found you on the floor… How scared I was… that day, I lost all longing to hide anything at all from you.

The day I almost lost you… It woke me up.

"Shizu-chan, I understand now! I understand how painful that must've been… But… You still lied to me. 'Everything will be alright, Izaya. I just need some time'. Bullshit. You fucking attempted suicide! You LIEDto me!

If you want to kill the culprit so bad, then kill me! It's my fault, not yours! Don't kill yourself over this! Literally! I'm the guilty one here… I caused this mess like the flea I am… Heh…

I guess this means you didn't lie after all. In the end… you really do want to kill me, don't you? I'm sorry I couldn't be a good boyfriend. I'm sorry I didn't trust you when I knew I could... I'm sorry for being so selfish.

Even now, I'm sorry. You're my everything… the thought of losing you scared me… But… I wasn't aware of how painful losing you really would be until it almost happened… and knowing it was entirely my fault… m-made it hurt so much more," I choked out.

Useless.

"This is more similar to sobbing than it is to talking," I whisper. "I need to let something out before allowing you to hear my voice again. I know you hate me… But please, let me hold onto you. Just for a bit, just until the tears fade,"

Pressing my head into his chest and squeezing his hand, I cried. I felt ashamed to soak his clothes in salty liquid. I felt ashamed to have sinned so terribly. I felt ashamed for not loving him as much as I could have.

Shizuo's free hand slowly reached up to caress the back of my head and upon contact, I was overcome with a mixture of utter horror and comfort. Now I knew he was listening… Waiting…

Wiping my eyes, I didn't change my position at all, my words muffled as I began talking into his warm body.

"I can't even imagine how that must've felt. I haven't ever particularly loved my parents or siblings. Most likely, that has something to do with the neglect I received at a younger age. But finally having you in my romantic life, finally having my impossible dream come true… It's gotten me to open up. It's helped me discover my family isn't as horrible or gruesome as I once believed.

I'm starting to like them and it's all thanks to you," I bear a short-lived smile, pausing for a few seconds before going on. "But I still can't compare losing my family to how much it must've hurt you to lose yours.

I'm so sorry… If I could redo everything, I would. I'd make it so I was never introduced to you that day. I wouldn't send so many gangsters after you. I wouldn't have given you a bad reputation and ruined your chance at a peaceful life. I wouldn't have let anyone dear to you die… I wouldn't have tricked you into believing you're a monster… Shizu-chan… You're the most human person I know. If anyone's a monster, it's me. "

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.

"Please, don't force yourself to be with me… Don't trick yourself into believing that you'll hurt anyone you care for… You're too sweet for your own good. Heh, maybe eating all that sugar has its effects… Shizu-chan… If anything, I don't deserve you.

All this time we've spent together… I've never told you. I've never uttered the three words you say so often. The three words that tear me apart each time they reach my ears. The only reason I've never spoken them… Is because I would be telling you the absolute truth and exposure makes me uncomfortable… But Shizuo Heiwajima… I love you. I've been in love with you since day one and my feelings for you are so intense it hurts. And I'm sorry for making you go through with this."

"Izaya…"

My scarlet eyes shoot open at the sound of his voice.

"Don't…"

Shaking, I clench the sheets covering my loves body. He must hate me now. That sinister thought runs through my head over and over again like a mantra. He must not want to be with me anymore… And that's perfectly understandable. I should leave him be.

"Shizu-chan… I know you must wanna break up with me now. It's okay, I understand. You can hate me again… Don't confuse yourself with thoughts as ridiculous as you loving me… You never did. We each know that. But no matter what, Shizu-chan, I love you. Goodbye."

Eyes brimming with tears, I leave room 1315 too soon to hear Shizuo mumble one last thing… One last thing…

I smiled to the nurse, thanking her for her service as I was discharged from the hospital. Crumpling the piece of paper on which the number to a recommended psychiatrist was written, I felt a warm bubbly feeling sprout in my chest. I had stayed in the hospital a good month after Izaya had stopped visiting me and had had a lot of time to think. Getting out of the hospital, I took a deep breath and smiled, soaking in the sunshine. Eager to have a long walk for the first time in heaven-knows-how-long, I stretch my under-used muscles and head on my way to a certain shopping district.

During my month of basically solitary confinement, I came to realization: That month I spent without Izaya was the loneliest of my life. That may sound stupid considering I didn't see anyone else either, but I know it was his absence that made me lonely.

I admit, I was furious to find out he had lied about everything. Hell, I'd have hurled my bed at him if I had the strength. I couldn't help but believe him when he had told me it was his fault, but… If I had never gotten into a brawl with the wrong people, the whole situation could have been avoided. I couldn't place the blame on Izaya… He might've saved my life. Maybe I would've been killed alongside my family if it weren't for him. I can't help but still be upset he hadn't told me sooner, but at the same time, I should be happy he even told me at all.

I'm not sure I've gotten over the death of my family. It was unbearably hard for me to accept they were gone. Luckily, I had a sort of epiphany in the hospital. I realized that if my parents and brother were still alive, the last thing they would want me to do is kill myself. They'd want me to be happy. That's when I realized the only person who can make me happy is… heh… well, the flea.

That's why I'm going to forgive him. Don't get me wrong; he's not getting off scot-free… Hah, not in a million years. He's going to have to make up for what I've lost.

Grinning, I walked up to a shop I had heard of on several occasions. It was supposedly a top-notch store for the type of goods it sold. I couldn't help but smile as I pushed the door open and entered.

I was exited to see Izaya again and tell him, truthfully, that I love him and everything will be alright.

The next day, Izaya received a phone call from Shizuo, where the blonde stated that if what he said was true and that he would always love him no matter what, then they were to meet near a lakeside park just out of town. Izaya, loyal to his word arrived at the place Shizuo specified, expecting to be faced with an enraged man upon arrival. He was baffled to be encountered with a smiling Shizuo in a nice white blouse and slacks, having abandoned his usual glasses and vest for the time being. Sparks flew, tears were shed, kisses exchanged. And then, they lay there, not doing anything in particular as the sun set over the horizon.

"So… If you didn't call me out here to scold me… And… You said you didn't want to be my boyfriend… then why did you call me out here?" Izaya asked, honestly confused.

I smiled, rolling onto my side and looking into his eyes. "Heh, I thought you'd never ask."

Slowly getting up, I grabbed Izaya's hand and ushered him to do the same. Staring into his gorgeous crimson eyes and wrapping my arms around his waist, I kissed him deeply, ravishing his mouth with my lips and tongue. I felt his arms grip the back of my shirt as he kissed back fervidly. I was reluctant yet eager to pull away from the passionate display and get down on one knee. I pulled a little box out of my pocket and stared at the wonderful man standing before me.

"Izaya… Would you marry me?" I asked, a slight blush creeping its way onto my face.

My lover and possible fiancé stood there, mouth agape.

"I know it's a little sudden, but I love you and that's really all that matters. I lost one family already… but you… us… we can be my new family," I smiled, standing up once more to face my love, opening the little jewellery box and extracting a ring.

A tear streamed down Izaya's cheek, and I wiped it off with my thumb.

"Yes… I will. I want to. Lets spend our lives together, Shizu-chan!" My fiancé declared, tears of joy now pouring from both eyes. Captured in the intensity of the moment, I found myself crying too. I probably wasn't the luckiest, but I was most definitely the happiest man alive.

Wrapped in each other's arms, we kissed innocently yet powerfully, entranced with each other's taste and feel. As our kissing escalated into something more erotic, we groped and panted and moaned sweet nothings and when the sun was fully set, we each knew that no matter what happened, we would always have each other.