Title: Of lust and love (A Small Steps, Small Words writing exercise)
Author: Ripki
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character(s): LE/SS
Words: 344
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When James annoys her, when she tires of this life, when she knows their fairytale will not have a happy ending, she thinks in secret, half-guilty, half-ashamed – what if – what if she had accepted his apology? Heeded his call? Returned his desires?
She was – is – anything but oblivious. She knew how he looked at her – so intense, so wanting, raising her flesh, making her heart beat faster quicker, flushing her hot – one word and she could have had him.
But she was a good girl, she was fifteen, she was everyone's friend, she was responsible. The school sweetheart, level-headed, bright and rational. She did not want those things. She was not supposed to want those things. Only later and with the right boy.
(His eyes watch her darkly, wanting
in her dreams
follow the movements her body makes
sometimes in her dreams (only sometimes not very often no)
his long fingers, smudged from black ink, tracing her skin
writing spells mysterious patterns
leaving traces, fingerprints, marking and taking
no words from either of them but sounds
quickening of breath, sliding of sheet
dark eyes wanting
furiously watching over her dreams)
And now she is a new wife and maybe, someday soon a mother, and there is no room for second guessing, for treacherous thoughts, for disturbing dreams and what if?
What if she had said just one word? And taken him for herself with one word. Branded him to herself as surely as another had probably (certainly) marked him later. Claimed him as her own just because she could. Because she had the power.
She had always known she had that power. Sometimes, when she was tired of being the good girl, everyone's friend, the one who always did the right thing. Sometimes, she would plan how she would sneak from her bed, from her dormitory, from her house. Have adventures of her own. Raise a little hell.
Sometimes she dreamt (dreams) how she would have the courage to love the wrong man.
But she never did.
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