Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, and I certainly didn't come up with the IM format. Chuck belongs to WB, College Hills, and NBC, and the IM format was the creation of the amazingly talented ne71.
A/N: So I after the last installment of the Adorable Psycho saga, the great ne71 asked me if I'd be interested in doing a version of Adorable Psycho in the same format (the IM format) of his hilarious, and incredible fic Chuck vs. the Emoticon. Well, I was very much interested in doing just that. In fact, you'll notice that I've even used the same IM handles that he used in his fic. But who would crazy Sarah talk to? I wondered. Well, eventually it came to me, and I wrote up the first version of this. To put it mildly, that version sucked out loud. So I went to my good buddy MXPW, author of the incredible Chuck vs. The Double Agent, and asked him how I could make it suck less. Well, he came through for me, like he always does, and in the end, I think I finally have a product that is worth publishing. Once again, a big thanks goes out to ne71, and MXPW, for the idea, and the help respectively, and I hope that all of you will enjoy the product of those contributions, and of you know, what I've done, haha. I do ask that you please review and let me know what you think. Thanks!
Adorable Psycho Meets the Emoticon
swalker218: Casey?
jcasey1980: Walker. How's the Knoxville?
swalker218: Meh, it's Knoxville. It was good to see my sister, though.
jcasey1980: So, what's the body count?
swalker218: Only 1! Chuck will be so proud of me.
jcasey1980: He might be more proud if it was zero. He's kind of a puss that way.
swalker218: Yeah, but what are ya gonna do?
jcasey1980: Make him man up.
jcasey1980: Or stop killing people. Either/or.
swalker218: I'll take it under advisement. I'm just ready to get home.
jcasey1980: You don't say.
swalker218: ?
jcasey1980: What *do* you do with yourself when you can't stalk the nerd?
swalker218: I don't stalk him.
swalker218: How is he?
jcasey1980: He hasn't talked with you?
swalker218: Of course he has. I'm asking *you* how he is.
jcasey1980: So I'm supposed to take over your stalking in your absence?
swalker218: It's not stalking.
jcasey1980: Keep telling yourself that.
swalker218: Casey…
jcasey1980: January 3rd. Chuck takes a dancing lesson, to impress you, I might add. The instructor, an attractive brunette, later that night goes missing, only to wash up on shore a week later, the victim of multiple stab wounds and a shaved head.
swalker218: Wasn't me.
jcasey1980: Sure…
swalker218: What? No one can prove that I did that.
jcasey1980: No, but the "He's mine bitch!" that was craved into her chest was a pretty good indicator.
jcasey1980: But even so, February 13th, woman leaves the Buy More and receives a broken arm from, I quote "A tall, well…not tall…well, tall if it was a woman, about average if it was a man. But it was an honest to God ninja!"
swalker218: Yeah, that was me.
jcasey1980: And tell me again why this poor woman received a broken arm?
swalker218: I didn't like the way she looked at Chuck. She was sizing him up. Still, I wouldn't call that stalking. Any girlfriend with the same training I have would have done the same thing!
jcasey1980: March 18th. Chuck orders delivery. After the delivery girl smiles at Chuck after receiving a nice tip, and she departs your hotel, you insist that instead of eating right away, that Chuck go for a drive with you. You then proceed to run down the delivery girl and force her car off the road and down a steep embankment.
swalker218: Road rage is not stalking
jcasey1980: No, but that's not the end of the story, is it? So then, you climb down to where the woman's car has come to a rest and shoot her.
swalker218: She was really bad off after the wreck. I was just putting her out of her misery. I should get a medal or something for my actions.
jcasey1980: That's not how I remember it…
swalker218: Well…sometimes delivery girls turn out to be Fulcrum agents. Remember Lizzie?
jcasey1980: Right. Because that girl made a major move to acquire the Intersect…
swalker218: Listen! You can keep listing stuff all day, but you're just avoiding the point!
jcasey1980: Which is…?
swalker218: Well, it's twofold now. The first part is I'm not stalking Chuck. The second part is you need to tell me what he's been up to.
jcasey1980: He's a big boy, Walker. He can take care of himself.
swalker218: Taking care of him is *your* JOB!
jcasey1980: And taking care of your insecurities is not.
swalker218: I'm not insecure.
jcasey1980: Yeah?
swalker218: I'm not!
jcasey1980: So if I were to tell you that there was a new Nerd Herder who Chuckles was personally training, you would have no issue with that?
swalker218: Of course not.
swalker218: What's he like?
jcasey1980: She.
swalker218: I'm sorry?
jcasey1980: Tiffany Marie Rose. 5'7", 112 lbs. Born January 12, 1987. Brown hair, green eyes. Graduated December, 2009 from Cal-Berkeley with a degree in Electrical Engineering & Computer Sciences. No blemishes on her record. Not even a parking ticket. Checks out completely. Oh, and she's not bad to look at.
swalker218: Wait…she was born in '87?
jcasey1980: Yeah? So?
swalker218: When did she enroll in school?
jcasey1980: Fall of '05. Why?
swalker218: Hah! So it took her nine semesters to earn her bachelors?
jcasey1980: Six. She spent two years helping build villages in Africa or something before coming back to complete her course work.
swalker218: Shit.
swalker218: So why is Ms. Humanitarian working at a Buy More?
jcasey1980: Something to do while she applies to grad schools. Least that's what she told Chuck. Seems like a nice girl. Makes sense Bartowski would take her under his wing. Seems like his type.
swalker218: So what? He's taking her to do off-site work?
jcasey1980: Among other things.
swalker218: What other things?
last message sent at 2:38:09
swalker218: CASEY! WHAT OTHER THINGS?!
jcasey1980: Sorry, got pulled away. What were you saying?
swalker218: What other things are Chuck and this hussy doing together?
jcasey1980: She's not really a hussy. She's a nice girl.
swalker218: CASEY!
jcasey1980: They had lunch together today.
swalker218: Chuck didn't tell me about this…
jcasey1980: Huh, imagine that.
swalker218: Why wouldn't he tell me about that?
jcasey1980: Hmm…let me think. Either he was trying to keep it a secret from you, or he didn't think it was a big deal, and he knows you're crazy and jealous.
swalker218: Why would he keep secrets from me?
jcasey1980: The crazy jealous thing? Or, you know, maybe it's because you haven't talked to him today because you've been busy bothering me.
swalker218: Casey, be honest with me. Are they sleeping together?
jcasey1980: Ack! Dammit, Walker. I swear if you bring up Bartowski's sex life to me one more time, I'll shoot him *and* you. This does help to prove that you're *not* crazy and jealous, though. *rolls eyes*
swalker218: Fine, I won't bring it up again.
jcasey1980: Thank you.
swalker218: You still didn't answer my question, though.
jcasey1980: I thought we were past this?
swalker218: Casey? Please? I have to know. Are they…involved?
jcasey1980: *sigh* Walker, it took over two years for Bartowski to get into *your* pants. Chuck's known this girl for two days.
swalker218: Well, I guess that's true…
jcasey1980: And you're, well, you.
swalker218: What's that supposed to mean?
jcasey1980: Heh.
swalker218: What?
jcasey1980: I've seen your personal file, Walker. Larkin was just the tip of the iceberg. If Bartowski couldn't get *you* in bed in a timely fashion, what are the odds he is going to woo some random girl he just met? Hell, you've bagged more broads than he has.
swalker218: Are you calling me a slut?
jcasey1980: In not so many words…
swalker218: I am NOT a slut!
jcasey1980: Which is the motto of sluts the world over.
swalker218: I'll have you know that other than Chuck, I haven't been with *anyone* in over three years.
jcasey1980: What did I say about bringing up Chuckle's sex life?
swalker218: You brought it up!
jcasey1980: No, I brought up *your* past…experience.
swalker218: Casey?
jcasey1980: Yeah?
swalker218: Please don't tell Chuck about that stuff. You know, about the guys…and girls I've been with.
jcasey1980: I'm pretty sure he knows about your past.
swalker218: Why would he know?
jcasey1980: I might have told him.
swalker218: Why would you do that?
jcasey1980: Were you going to tell him? He deserved to know what he was getting into.
swalker218: Okay, a fair point. But stop distracting me! We need to focus our attention on this new threat.
jcasey1980: Tiffany is not a threat. It's a non-issue, Walker.
swalker218: Oh yeah? And did we think Jill was an issue?
jcasey1980: Point taken, but this is different. Bartowski can handle himself now. Oh, and then there's the fact that he isn't sleeping with Tiffany.
swalker218: So you're on a first name basis with her now? If you're so fond of her, why don't *you* show her the ropes at the Buy More?
jcasey1980: Not my department Walker.
jcasey1980: Huh, the happy couple just got back from lunch.
last message sent at 3:02:26
jcasey1980: Walker?
jcasey1980: Walker? You still there?
swalker218: Sorry, I was busy.
jcasey1980: Doing what?
swalker218: Trying to kill her with my mind. Listen, Casey…
jcasey1980: What's up?
swalker218: Can I ask you a favor?
jcasey1980: I'm not going to kill her for you.
swalker218: That's not what I was going to say!
jcasey1980: ?
swalker218: Okay, fine, that's exactly what I was going to say. Please?
jcasey1980: Not gonna happen.
swalker218: I can make it worth your while….
jcasey1980: Heh, does Bartowski know you've been going around offering to make things worth the while of other men?
swalker218: Casey…I promise you'll like it…
jcasey1980: Oh yeah?
swalker218: Totally. I could give you something you've only dreamed about…
jcasey1980: Okay, my interest is piqued. What ya got in mind?
swalker218: So, I was riding around earlier, and I saw a gun and knife show, so of course I went in.
jcasey1980: I'm listening…
swalker218: When what to my wondering eyes should appear…
jcasey1980: Don't be a tease Walker.
swalker218: but a M1918 Browning Automatic Rifle, World War II issue, mint condition. Now, it wasn't for sale, but I talked to the guy…
jcasey1980: Walker?
swalker218: And it can be yours as soon as I get back to LA, for the low, low price of one dead brunette bitch from Cal-Berkeley.
jcasey1980: You're not playing fair.
swalker218: Please? Partner?
swalker218: Casey?
jcasey1980: I'm thinking.
swalker218: Don't hurt yourself.
jcasey1980: Very funny. OK, if I do this and I get caught, I'm ratting you out to Bartowski. I don't need the General giving me crap for killing innocent civilians.
swalker218: You won't regret it, Casey. So, do we have a deal?
jcasey1980 signed off at 3:47:51
nrdhrdr01 signed on at 6:05:02
Nrdhrdr01: Sarah?
Nrdhrdr01: Sarah?
Nrdhrdr01: Sarah, if you're away, you really should put up a notification.
swalker218: Sorry, had to finish doing something. What's up, Chuck?
Nrdhrdr01: You're not back in LA are you?
swalker218: Of course not.
swalker218: Why would you ask?
Nrdhrdr01: Huh. OK, well, um, this is kind of awkward, but I had a co-worker disappear, and if you *were* here, I thought you might know something about it.
swalker218: And why would I know something about it, Chuck? Have you been having relations with this woman?
Nrdhrdr01: How did you know it was a woman?
swalker218: Just a guess. By the way, if you see Casey, tell him I have the package he requested.
Nrdhrdr01: Will do. God, I hope nothing bad happened to Tiffany. She was such a nice girl.
swalker218: Was she now?
Nrdhrdr01: Sarah, I can hear the jealousy in your tone through the internet. Which is both impressive, and kind of scary.
swalker218: And what reason would I have to be jealous, Chuck?
Nrdhrdr01: None. I mean, she was a sweet girl, but she wasn't interested in *me* at all.
swalker218: Chuck, you never think girls are interested in you, until it's too late and they're trying to make a move.
Nrdhrdr01: Trust me, this one *definitely* wasn't interested in me.
swalker218: ?
Nrdhrdr01: Let's just say…I'm not her type.
Nrdhrdr01: In fact, I'm thinking you're more her type.
swalker218: Oh.
Nrdhrdr01: Yeah, she's out and proud.
swalker218: Oops.
Swalker218 signed off at 6:16:13
Nrdhrdr01: Sarah?
Nrdhrdr01: Sarah? Where'd you go?
A/N: So? What did you think? I look forward to any feedback you may have. You guys are awesome. Peace.