AVATAR: Revisions
[AN: Avatar: Revisions is about my changes in the Avatar series. I revise some parts in the show that I was disgruntled/bothered with and collect them into one fanfiction. It may not amuse you, it may not make you laugh, but I need a laugh once in a while, and why not share it with you?
So, here it is. AVATAR: Revisions.
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. This fanfic is a disgrace to the cast and crew and is only for the probable amusement I may get out of my readers.
Book 2, Chapter 1: The Avatar State :: Conversation About the Tides Between the Captain and Azula
Captain: (the captain rushes over to Azula after her men exit the deck) Princess, I'm afraid the tides will not allow us to bring the ship in to port before nightfall.
Azula: I'm sorry, Captain, but I do not know much about the tides. Can you explain something to me?
Captain: The tides are rough and cannot allow us to port.
Azula: Do the tides command this ship?
Captain: Uh, I don't understand...
Azula: You said the tides won't "allow" us to bring the ship in. Do the tides command this ship?
Captain: I'm referring to how the tides are roughing it out there. Are you not familiar with the art of personification? And in some sort of ways, yes, the tides do command this ship.
Azula: And if I were to have you thrown overboard, would the tides think twice about smashing you against the rocky shore?
Captain: I don't see why it can't. Nature is hard to predict.
Azula: Well then, try to worry less about the tides and worry more about me.
Captain: Screw that.
Azula: What did you say?
Captain: Yes, Princess. I will pull us in immediately. (captain walks away) And I'll make sure the tides will smash you instead.
Book 2, Chapter 17 : Lake Laogai :: Zuko Lets Go of the Blue Spirit
(Iroh spots the Blue Spirit/Zuko at Appa's holding cell.)
Blue Spirit: Uncle?
Iroh: So, the Blue Spirit. I wonder who could be behind that mask?
Zuko: What are you doing here?
Iroh: I was just about to ask you the same thing. What do you plan to do now that you have found the Avatar's bison? Keep it locked in our new apartment? Should I go put on a pot of tea for him?
Zuko: That would be a good idea. He seems to be a little thirsty.
Iroh: AND THEN WHAT???!!!!!!
Zuko: (gets so startled that he drops his broadswords) Holy shit!
Iroh: You never think these things through!
Zuko: All I wanted was some tea for the bison!
Iroh: This is exactly what happened when you captured the Avatar at the North Pole!
Zuko: But he didn't want tea!
Iroh: You had him, and then you had no where to go!
Zuko: Must you point that out?
Iroh: (shouting angrily) Yes!! If his friends hadn't found you, you would have frozen to death!
Zuko: But... yeah, you got me there...
Iroh: Is it your own destiny? Or is it a destiny someone else has tried to force on you?
Zuko: Okay, wait a minute. How did we get from giving Appa some tea to destiny?
Iroh: I'm begging you Prince Zuko! It's time for you to look inward, and begin asking yourself the big questions. Who are you? And what do you want?
Zuko: I already told you what I want! Tea!
Book 2, Chapter 8: The Chase :: Katara vs. Toph
Katara: So, Toph, usually when setting up camp we try to divide up the work.
Toph: Hey, don't worry about me, I'm good to go.
Katara: Well, actually, what I'm trying to say is, uh, some of us might fetch water while someone else might set up the fire pit or put up the tent. Even Momo does his fair share.
Toph: Katara, I'm fine. I can carry my own weight. I don't need a fire, I've already collected my own food, and look. My tent's all set up.
Katara: Well, that's great for you, but we still need to finish.
Toph: I don't understand. What's the problem here?
Katara: Never mind.
-
A couple hours later...
Katara: Hey, Toph. I just wanted to apologize for earlier today. We've all been stressed out and getting on each others nerves, so, I hope you understand.
Toph: Yeah, you do seem pretty tired.
Katara: I meant ALL of us.
Toph: Hey, you're the one that's tired. I'm okay. I've been sleeping whenever I got the chance.
Katara: Maybe if you thought about others, we'd be able to stay the same. But all you've been thinking about was carrying your own weight. Gee, it sounds a little hard by what I see on you...
Toph: What is THAT supposed to mean?
Katara: Oh, nothing, I just thought if you did some excercise from time to time, you wouldn't look so bulgy.
Toph: EXCUSE me? I'm the one that's been running around and saving everybody's butt all the time.
Katara: And you could learn a thing or two about shaping those glutes...
Toph: WHAT?!
-
Well, that's it for now. Just let me know if you want me to continue...