Disclaimer: Definitely not mine.
Summary: Seven years later, she finally gets it. Angsty MerDer-ish.
Author's Note: This is completely un-betaed and un-proofed written in like 30 minutes. I got the idea in the shower. I hope you enjoy it. It's a nice break from the 4 days straight I've been studying for my first law school exam – Torts.
Meredith has been staring at a piece of plain lined paper for 30 minutes now, not sure how to begin.
Flashback – 6 years ago
"Come on, Mere, one last push," Izzy says with a huge smile
"I can't," Meredith answer, sobbing.
Derek looks into her eyes. "You can, Meredith. For our baby girl."
Meredith pushes one last time and the room is filled with the loud cries of a baby girl. The nurse wraps her in a towel and hands her to Meredith.
"Hello Rachel Ellis Shepard," Derek says, holding the baby's hand. "Your mommy and I love you very much."
"I love you, Derek," Meredith says, breaking eye contact with her beautiful new daughter to look at her husband of a year.
"I love you, Meredith," Derek says, kissing her forehead.
End of flashback
"Mommy, whatcha doing?" a little voice asks, coming into the kitchen.
Meredith picks up her daughter and places her on her lap. "Baby girl, what are you doing up?"
"Faith couldn't sleep," Rachel says, holding her stuffed bear out to her mom, "So whatcha doing?"
"Mommy is writing a letter to someone she hasn't spoken to in a very long time."
"How long?"
"Longer than you've been with Mommy and Daddy."
"Wow, she must be OLD!" Rachel says, her eyes wide.
Meredith laughs, "She's not too old."
Rachel lays her head on her mom's shoulder, thumb in her mouth. "Whatcha writing about?"
Meredith kisses her daughters head. "Grown up stuff, munchkin. How about I tuck you and Faith back in, with a glass of water? Do you think that would help her sleep."
Rachel nods, fighting off a yawn. Meredith fills up a glass and leads her daughter up to bed, tucking her in with a kiss goodnight. Meredith goes back downstairs to work on the letter.
Flashback – 1 year ago
"Derek, it's her 5th birthday. Why do you have to go to work?" Meredith asks, sitting on the bed.
Derek continues to rush around the room, trying to get ready because he's late for work. "I'm sorry, Mere. I couldn't get anyone to trade shifts with me. I promise I'll try to get back before she goes to bed."
"Alright," Meredith says, not very happy, but taking what she can get.
She follows him downstairs where Rachel is playing. "Say goodbye to Daddy, Rachel," Derek calls from the entryway.
"But today's my birthday, Daddy," Rachel says, pouting.
"I know, princess," Derek says, picking his daughter up, "But Daddy has to go save some lives. I love you very much, and I'll be home to tuck you in and read the birthday story."
"Promise, Daddy?"
"Promise, princess."
"Yay," Rachel says, giving her Derek a hug and a kiss before he puts her on the floor.
"See you tonight," Derek says, placing a kiss on his wife's forehead before leaving.
---- 12 hours later ---
"She waited up for you until she passed out about 30 minutes ago," Meredith says as Derek walks in the front door. Derek jumps, hearing the voice come from the darkened living room.
"I know. I'm sorry. We just got slammed."
Meredith gets up and walks over to where he's putting up his coat. "Sorry isn't good enough for your daughter who just cried herself to sleep because her Daddy broke a promise to her."
"Meredith. I can't help how long surgeries run," Derek says, tired from his long day. "Can we discuss this tomorrow? I'm exhausted."
"I'm a surgeon, Derek. I get it. But I'm a mother, first and foremost. You didn't see her crying, Derek. Your heart didn't break into a million pieces," Meredith says, her voice breaking at the end.
Derek wraps his arms around Meredith. "I know, baby. And I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to her, and I promise this will not happen again."
Meredith shakes her head, hoping this time he's right.
End of Flashback
"Hey honey," Derek says, coming into the kitchen and dropping the perfunctory kiss on Meredith's forehead. "How was your day?"
"Good," Meredith says, covering up her letter.
Derek notices the papers as he grabs a juice glass. "What are you doing?"
"Working a letter to someone I haven't talked to in years. I have something important to tell them."
"Alright, well, I'm off to the hospital."
"But you just got home 2 hours ago," Meredith protests mildly.
"I know, but Burke's out because Taylor and Morgan have the flu. Someone needs to stay home with them."
"Where's Cristina at?"
"Burke sent her in to work a shift because she's driving him crazy at home," Derek says with a laugh. "He says she's trying to control everything."
"When will you be home?"
"Tomorrow night, hopefully, maybe day after tomorrow. I love you," Derek says, rushing out the backdoor.
"Love you, too," Meredith says, softly as the door shuts.
Flashback – 2 days ago
"Hey, you're home. What time is it?" Meredith asks, rolling over to see her husband climbing into bed.
"It's 4 AM, go back to sleep."
"I need to get up anyway; my shift starts in an hour. You're taking Rachel to school, right?"
"Yeah, and you're picking her up from the Burke's at 5:30 right?"
"Yeah," Meredith says, climbing out of bed to hop in the shower. "So where are we going out to dinner tonight?"
"Can't," Derek says, setting the alarm clock. "I work til midnight."
Meredith comes out of the bathroom with her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. "Derek, have you looked at a calendar?"
"Yeah, today's the 12th…oh shit! Our anniversary!" Derek smacks his forehead.
"Oh shit is right," Meredith answers, rolling her eyes.
"I'll see if I can trade with someone," Derek says, starting to fall asleep.
Meredith ignores this and hops in the shower so she won't be late for work. Derek's passed out when she gets out.
"Happy Anniversary," she whispers to herself as she drops a kiss on her sleeping husband's forehead. They hadn't spent more than 3 hours a day together in at least a year. One of them was always working.
--- at work a few hours later ---
"Hey baby. I can't find anyone to switch off with me. Will you settle for a lovely, sorta romantic dinner in the cafeteria?" Derek ask, putting on his charm smile.
Meredith looks at him, unable to stop her eyes from rolling and her grin from spreading when she sees the 2 dozen roses in his hands. "I think I can do that."
"7 PM. Burke said he and Cristina would take Rachel out to dinner with Taylor and Morgan."
"I'll be there," Meredith says with a smile as Derek walks off.
"Those are beautiful flowers, Dr. Shepard. Any special occasion?" Haley, a nurse, says coming up to Meredith. "Here are the labs you wanted."
"Thanks Haley. And it's our anniversary tonight. 7 years."
"Well, congratulations," Haley says with a smile. "I hope Eric and I will last as long and be as happy as you and Dr. Shepard are." Meredith smiles at Haley before walking off to talk with her patient.
---- Cafeteria, 8 PM ----
Meredith had been waiting an hour for Derek. One of the nurses said he got called into surgery at 4 PM, but the procedure had ended at 6:45. He wasn't answering his cell or pager.
"Sorry, I'm late. I was doing paperwork, and time just slipped away," Derek says, surprising Meredith out of her thoughts.
"It's okay," she says with a smile. "You're here now."
They get their food and begin to eat, talking about Rachel and their patients. About 15 minutes later, Derek's pager goes off. "Dammit, it's the ER," Derek says, looking at it, "Kid was hit with a baseball. I gotta go."
"Alright," Meredith says, also standing up, "I'm going to pick up Rachel. We'll see you at home."
"Love you," Derek says, placing a hasty kiss on her cheek.
"Happy Anniversary, Derek," she calls out, trying to keep the waiver from her voice. He waves to her from behind as he rushes off. He never actually wished her a happy anniversary.
End of Flashback
Meredith looked the letter over once, knowing she didn't need to reread the short statement. She wrote the address on the front of the envelope, sealed and stamped it. Now she had no reason not to send it. She placed it in the mailbox the next morning on the way to a very important appointment.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA
A week later
Addison Montgomery picks up the letters on the floor inside her Brownstone. She was more than glad to be back in New York City for the past 7 years with her life finally on track the way it was meant to be. She finds a letter postmarked from Seattle with no return address. She hasn't heard from anyone in Seattle san Richard and Adele since she left. She calls out to her husband with no response, so she settles down on the couch to read the letter.
Dear Addison,
I bet you never saw this coming, but I wanted to tell you one thing. I get it. I get why you did what you did with Mark. While I don't agree and wouldn't do it myself, I get it now. And I get I have to end this charade from what I saw with you two. I can't be 2nd to something I can't compete with. More than that, my daughter doesn't need to be 2nd in her father's life. So thank you for teaching me, even though I didn't see it. I hoped things would be different, but people never really change. They may seem like it, but deep down, you're always going to be the same person.
Sincerely,
Meredith Grey-Shepard (soon to be ex)
"Babe, what is it?" Alex Karev says carrying over their 5 year old daughter, Melanie.
"Something I actually hoped wouldn't happen," Addison answers with a sad shake of her head. Alex walks into the kitchen to get a drink for their daughter, knowing his wife will tell him later. "I'm sorry, Meredith.," she says, quietly to the empty room before going into the kitchen.
Author's Note 2: There it is. What do you think? This isn't a Derek-bashing fic (shocked, I know). The problem I see with Derek is that he will always be a workaholic and he doesn't seem like the type to work hard on relationships in the long run. So yes, that's what I'm seeing because he reminds me of people I know that are very much like that.
Comment please – they feed my soul and I'll need happiness after I take my exam from 1-5 PM tomorrow. Thanks y'all.