It wasn't meant to be like this
By
Hannio
I wasn't ever meant to have feelings, It wasn't the way I was brought up, I was brought up to fight and defend my people, to kill others for the good of Freeza. My father, having been killed by Freezer, he took me in and later on tried to kill me.
My life has always been violent, I've had to be hard to surivive. Weak people don't survive in this world, nor do Emotional people. The strong are the ones without this problems of what is right and wrong they do what they want when they want. That was me. That is still me.
But things have changed and they'll never be the same. I know that deep down. I may not want to admit it but I know it. I'm not the same person any longer. That's impossible instead I'm so much more stronger because I've had to be.
I was always the strongest. No one could ever beat me, I was the Prince of all Saiyans, but then I came to Earth, to me it was just another wasteful planet which would be mine for the taking, I just never counted on Kakorot. He beat me. For the first time in my life I knew the bitter taste of losing and I hated it with a passion. I vowed to myself that I would be stronger than him. I had to be stronger than him because it was all I knew. To have him beat me was a disgrace for me. even now that need still burns brightly in me and I doubt it would ever stop. It's almost a constant reminder on how things were.
It's not just Kakorot that drives me to be who I am. There's Bulma. That God Damn woman drives me crazy, she so stubborn and bad tempered, never gives up no matter what. In some ways she's like me. I guess that would be what I fear the most. She can relate to me, almost dig into me and find out stuff which I want to keep hidden. So I snap at her. Lose it when she gets to close. The more that is known of me the more weaker I become. I can't afford that to happen. I must be stronger, if I'm ever going to protect her. She's gotten under my skin and I don't know what to do. It wasn't suppose to be like this, I was never meant to care about my eventual mate. She was meant to just be an object, almost something to be discarded. So why can't I do that now. Why can't I walk away.
Then there's my son Trunks. Two of them, the older one from the future and my son now. The younger one does nothing but gets on my nerves always screaming. Never shut up and always with Bulma. He just stares at me with his big blue eyes that have the same directness as his mothers. He's too young to train. So what am I meant to do with him. I not a proper father. I know I come across as uncaring and maybe I am. It isn't my fault though. It's the only way I know how to be a father. By being hard on him and being uncaring then he'll harden and become strong enough to survive in this world. I already know what he's capble of, I've seen his future self. I even know that he is more powerful then I am. He tried to hide it so not to wound my pride but I knew, and it did hurt that he was stronger but at the same time deep down there was a sense of pride. He had become all I hoped for, he was strong enough to survive.
I know that I'm not what Bulma deserves, I know that Trunks should have a more caring father. I know that I should forget about Kakorot and live my own life but there is nothing I can do, it's the way I was born and it will be the way I die. We all know that and now all that is left to do is to pray my family survive to become stronger that's all I can give them of myself. but I have to live with the knowledge that my life was Never meant to be this way.