There's nothing left. Only ruins here and there.

Is this all that surprising? I think no. I think I've known something like this would happen one day.

I just don't want to admit it.

I kept telling myself I would get through everything. I said that when I was half-dead with famine, I survived. I said that when Krakatau explode, I survived. I said that when the tidal wave swallow poor Aceh, I survived. And I said that when I thought the world was about to end.

I didn't survive.

And here I am, in the middle of the last bit of my land. From more than thirteen thousand islands in Indonesia Archipelago, only half of Sumatra and crusts of others left. I barely survived when the bomb finally knocked Java out. I lost my 'family' one by one. Maluku, Sulawesi, even Bali…

I can't even see their souls. I can't see spirits of deceased nations or states, only countless human souls in agony.

Now, here I am in the ruins of my brother Palembang's house in Sumatra, tending to the survivors. Most of them are dying. I don't even know if keeping them alive is worthy. It's as if I'm prolonging their suffering, for now I know it's no use telling myself everything will be okay.

I heard Palembang calling me, asking if he mixed the potion right. That kid never gives up, does he? If he hadn't nagged on me till I helped him taking care of the survivors, I would have ditched everyone and jumped into the ocean. Why? Because I have nothing left anymore.

Not long ago Japan, China, Thailand, Nepal, and some others came, leaving this log to me. They seemed to be okay and I was glad to see them. However, I kinda wish they had never come. It would have been easier for me.

They couldn't find idiot Malaysia. I should be happy. There's no more idiot who kept stealing my stuff. No more jerk who kept claiming my lands. No more annoying freak who kept insulting me. I hate him. I should be happy if he's gone.

But I'm not. I'm not happy at all. It's true he is freaking annoying, but he's my brother. There were times when we could rely on each other. If he were here, things could have been easier.

I can't believe I just wrote that. But hey, I guess having your home blasted into bits changes people.

And Netherlands, that freaking tulip head, is dead. Yeah, he's dead. Apparently one of the bombs broke his dam and the sea just poured in, making him the new Atlantis.

I thought he could NEVER die. I thought someone stubborn like him would never die.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I cried. Mark it, I cried over THAT Netherlands. And I thought I'm over him decades ago.

Shit, now I'm crying again.

The ghosts are screaming in my ears right now. They sure love to approach people crying in sadness, so they could cry together, lamenting over their misfortune. I wish I could tell them to go away. Seeing them, the ones who died with the people I loved, only adds up to my misery.

I wish I there had never been a war. I wish the world had stayed the way it was before. I wish no one had died.

All of those wishes are impossible.

I wish I were dead. This one is more likely to happen. If I were dead, I could be reunited with everyone. If I were dead, I could be nicer to Malaysia. If I were dead, I could say sorry to Netherlands for telling him I hated him over and over. If I were dead…

I must have gone crazy. I've never been one who meddles with the past. I've never bothered with things that can't be changed… Until now.

I know I shouldn't say things like that. I shouldn't even think about dying. I should be doing things like helping to rebuild the world or something like that, so one day, when the one that's lost is found and the one who's sleeping wakes up, they'll find that the world has revived from its downfall. But is it even possible? I don't even want to know anymore…

To Netherlands, I know it's too late, but I love you. I told you a million times that I don't, but deep down I really really love you. I was just too proud to admit that I've forgiven you for what you did. I don't blame you for it anymore, you had to do it for your country. Wherever you are now, either in heaven or somewhere where dead natios go, remember that I still love you.

To Malaysia, I hope they'll find you someday, then we can fight again like before. I miss you.

To my other siblings who didn't make it, I'm sorry for not being nicer to you all. I'm sorry for taking you guys for granted.

For now, I'll do what I can do, but I won't hope anymore. I'm going to let fate have fun on her own. Go ahead, mess with our lives and our feeling. Do whatever you want until you're satisfied, and then, set us free. Set us free so we can hope again.