i know you need to ask of me
i know you need to ask of me
but i...
but i...have no more
i have no more answers
i have no more answers
i have no reasons why i lived that way
i have no more feelings
my eyes no longer cry
i've lost my tears
here i stand
all of me before your eyes
no more lies
no more lies
just me
pure me
just me
real me
-black tape for a blue girl, i have no more answers
*****
You want me to say why I did it? Why I picked up the whip, why I became Kaizer?
I can't.
I can tell you about my brother, about Osamu, about his death. I can tell you about the voice, the e-mail, about finding the digital world, about losing myself in the role, in a construct.
It's not enough.
It can never be enough.
Because, when all was said and done, I did it. *I* did it. I just...I just did it. That's all. And I'm sorry, but I don't think that I'm sorry enough.
Because I did it. Because I wanted to.
And because I can't say that I wouldn't do it again.
I think I enjoyed it, in a sick way.
I think I miss it, even though I don't.
I hurt beings. Living creatures.
And I enjoyed it.
I'm sorry.
Digimon, I'm sorry.
Chosen children, I'm sorry.
Wormmon, I'm SO sorry.
Daisuke...Daisuke, I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry I can't answer your questions. I'm sorry, really.
But...I can't.
Because I have no excuses. There ARE no excuses.
So you sit there, and you look at me with those eyes...they're sweet eyes, but they kill me...and you ask, "Why, Ken?"
And I can't answer. I look at my hands so you can't see my eyes...see how dry they are, even when I should feel like crying...and so I don't see you, and I whisper, "I'm sorry."
And I sit here, cold, without my shades, my whip, my mask, and I try to speak from what I tried to forget...try to let my emotions pour out so that you can see, you can understand...but all I can say is, "I'm sorry."
And it's not enough.
I can't even cry, Daisuke. Do you know that? I'm past the point where tears can make a difference. I'm just here.
And I'm sorry.
A hundred, a million times, I'm sorry. I'd fall to my knees and chant it like a mantra if I thought it would make a difference.
Om mani padme hum.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
It doesn't change anything, Daisuke.
I can't answer your questions.
Please, forgive me.
If you have forgiveness to give.
*****
Om mani padme hum is a sacred Buddhist chant. Say it if you're feeling down, it's good karma.
The black tape for a blue girl song is on "Remnants of a Deeper Purity." They're a great band, if you've never heard of them. Very melancholy and sweet. I love them.
i know you need to ask of me
but i...
but i...have no more
i have no more answers
i have no more answers
i have no reasons why i lived that way
i have no more feelings
my eyes no longer cry
i've lost my tears
here i stand
all of me before your eyes
no more lies
no more lies
just me
pure me
just me
real me
-black tape for a blue girl, i have no more answers
*****
You want me to say why I did it? Why I picked up the whip, why I became Kaizer?
I can't.
I can tell you about my brother, about Osamu, about his death. I can tell you about the voice, the e-mail, about finding the digital world, about losing myself in the role, in a construct.
It's not enough.
It can never be enough.
Because, when all was said and done, I did it. *I* did it. I just...I just did it. That's all. And I'm sorry, but I don't think that I'm sorry enough.
Because I did it. Because I wanted to.
And because I can't say that I wouldn't do it again.
I think I enjoyed it, in a sick way.
I think I miss it, even though I don't.
I hurt beings. Living creatures.
And I enjoyed it.
I'm sorry.
Digimon, I'm sorry.
Chosen children, I'm sorry.
Wormmon, I'm SO sorry.
Daisuke...Daisuke, I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry I can't answer your questions. I'm sorry, really.
But...I can't.
Because I have no excuses. There ARE no excuses.
So you sit there, and you look at me with those eyes...they're sweet eyes, but they kill me...and you ask, "Why, Ken?"
And I can't answer. I look at my hands so you can't see my eyes...see how dry they are, even when I should feel like crying...and so I don't see you, and I whisper, "I'm sorry."
And I sit here, cold, without my shades, my whip, my mask, and I try to speak from what I tried to forget...try to let my emotions pour out so that you can see, you can understand...but all I can say is, "I'm sorry."
And it's not enough.
I can't even cry, Daisuke. Do you know that? I'm past the point where tears can make a difference. I'm just here.
And I'm sorry.
A hundred, a million times, I'm sorry. I'd fall to my knees and chant it like a mantra if I thought it would make a difference.
Om mani padme hum.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
It doesn't change anything, Daisuke.
I can't answer your questions.
Please, forgive me.
If you have forgiveness to give.
*****
Om mani padme hum is a sacred Buddhist chant. Say it if you're feeling down, it's good karma.
The black tape for a blue girl song is on "Remnants of a Deeper Purity." They're a great band, if you've never heard of them. Very melancholy and sweet. I love them.