PAST PERFECT

NOTE:I own nothing here, claim no rights to anything, and am purely borrowing. This is a re-submittal of a story I wrote with my cousin a few years back. Re-written to fit in more, and because it needed doing.

Ch.1

"Warrick, I hate to ask you this again, but could you watch Linds' a while? Her cold is worse. I have to go with Brass on a run, Mom's out of town, and . . ." Catherine sighed, exasperated.

"Sure. No problem. I'm just finishing up some paperwork." Warrick set his mug down, and pushed his chair away from the break room table.

"Thanks. I really appreciate this. You were my last hope." She smiled at him appreciatively.

Sara winced at this last sentence as she sat silently across from the two of them. She wasn't sure why the statement offended her, but it did. She wasn't even an option. When it came to kids, the rest of the crew seemed to think Sara was some sort of ogre, despite the fact that she had shown on several cases her ability to deal with them just fine. Sara stood, pushed in her chair, and left the room without receiving or giving so much as a nod. Her head ached, and a new wave of nausea mixed with hunger swept over her yet again. She made her way to the locker room to retrieve her bag, pausing to look at the photo taped carefully inside the locker door. The beaming smile of a little girl stared back at her from a happier time. Sara pulled the photo down, and absentmindedly caressed the image. Her stomach lurched to protest it's emptiness.

"Hey. That your niece?"

Catherine had managed to come up from nowhere.

"No." Sara shoved the photo into her bag, and left the room and Catherine behind her.

Catherine's eyebrows shot up as her colleague rushed past. What was that all about? Catherine wasn't one to enjoy a mystery. Curiosity demanded answers. Who was the child in the photo? Sara could be a true oddball. She shook her head, and walked out to meet up with Warrick in the parking lot.

"Hey, Warrick? Does Sara have any brothers or sisters?" Catherine handed Warrick the key to her place as she spoke.

"She has a brother I think. Why don't you ask her?" He snagged the keys, and headed for his own car.

"She had a picture of a little girl in the locker room, and she hid it when I asked her about it. Kind of weird don't you think?"

"Could be anybody, Cath. I've learned with Sara that it's best just to ask her if there's something you want to know. She won't tell otherwise." Warrick winked, and got in his car.

Sara walked out of her apartment building into a light misting of rain. From the dark clouds rolling in, she could tell it would be pouring within the hour. She decided to walk anyways. It felt good to feel the dampness against her burning cheeks. The cool rain seemed to somewhat sooth the sting of her drying tears. Tomorrow would make ten years exactly. If she closed her eyes she could hear, see, and smell the jubilant little life that had been her daughter. And now…How could she ever think about going through that again? She stared straight ahead as she walked towards the common park that separated her apartment complex from the sprawling suburbs. She was quite certain she looked like a fool walking slowly in the now pouring rain. Taking a seat on a park bench, she looked skyward, letting the rain wash over her. She ran a hand over her face to wipe her soaked hair away from her eyes.

"Sara?'

"Damnit!" Sara jumped.

"Sorry." Catherine and Brass stood beneath an umbrella looking quite concerned.

"Is your crime scene in the park?" Sara knew she probably looked nuts sitting alone in a park in the pouring rain, but she really didn't care.

"'Bout a mile up the road in the burbs." Brass grinned. "What? The shower at your place broken?"

Sara gave him a small smile.

"I just needed to go for a walk. It actually feels nice." She hoped her answer would satisfy them. Brass, at least, seemed to accept it.

"Hey, Brass? I'll catch up with you in a sec, ok?" Catherine gave him a glare that told him to shove off.

"Sure. Here." He flipped his collar up tight, and handed Catherine the umbrella before walking back to his car alone.

Catherine took a seat next to Sara.

"You wanna talk about it?" Catherine held the umbrella over them both.

"Not really. I'm fine. Just pulled too many doubles this week."

"Right." Catherine wasn't buying it, but wasn't sure if she should press the matter. Sara could get on her nerves, but she didn't dislike her so much anymore. "Who was that little girl in the photo?" Catherine hoped Warrick was right about how to get information from Sara.

Sara took a few deep breaths. After several more moments of silence, Catherine feared she had broached a subject that was off limits.

"I don't want to end up as a good piece of gossip for the locker room." Sara bit her lower lip, trying to keep back tears. She hated crying alone, and certainly didn't relish the prospect of having Catherine see her break down. Grissom had been the only one she had ever cried openly in front of. Grissom. What was she going to tell him, if anything at all?

"I like to dish as well as the next gal, but I can also keep a secret." Catherine noted that Sara was shivering. She picked up her cell phone. "Hey, Jim? . . .Yeah. That'd be great." She closed it again, and tucked it back in her jacket. "You wanna grab a coffee across the street?"

Sara looked straight ahead.

"Sure." She stood, and headed towards the café with Catherine walking close behind. They got a small booth in the corner away from the windows.

"Grissom and I stopped here once after a case." Sara remembered that time warmly.

Catherine nodded. She wondered if Grissom even noticed how pale Sara seemed to have gotten over the past few months.

Sara pulled something from her jacket, and handed it to Catherine across the table. Catherine recognized the picture from the locker room.

"She's a beautiful little girl." Catherine smiled. The child had a wide grin on her face, light hair, and piercing dark eyes. If she had been a brunette, Catherine would have sworn it was a picture of Sara as a child. "Who is she?"

"My daughter." Sara's voice cracked as she spoke.

Catherine's eye shot up.

"Your daughter?" She couldn't believe it.

Catherine couldn't quite wrap her mind around the thought of Sara Sidle as anyone's mother. She had always given the impression that she didn't like kids.

"She died about ten years ago." Sara stated it matter-of-factly, but she hadn't actually spoken these words before to anyone. She wasn't sure she felt right saying them now to someone she'd only shared a few beers, and a working relationship with. She thought she'd tell Grissom some day if the time was right, but when is it ever the right time for something like that?

Catherine felt like she'd been smacked. She wasn't sure what to say for once.

"I'm so sorry, Sara. What happened?" Catherine couldn't help it as she felt tears threaten to fall.

Sara cleared her throat. She wasn't sure if it was the rain, or her emotions that caused the scratching feeling in the back of her throat.

"Lori was at childcare. She'd just turned three the day before. I was at work as usual. My friends always said they'd take care of her, but I insisted on something more structured where she could learn, and be around other kids." Sara winced at the guilt that was still so raw. She took another deep breath. "I got the call while I was working at the coroner's office." Sara shook her head.

Catherine wanted to comfort her, to say something, but she could tell Sara needed to get the story out.

"They said she was out in the play yard with all the others one minute. The next she was gone. She was taken right from under their noses." Sara's voice broke. She sobbed, wiping her face with her napkin. "They wouldn't let me near the case." She nearly hissed the words, the resentment still very evident. "All I could do was wait. Days. I waited days for anything. A ransom letter, a phone call, anything. I had to wait a week till they found her."

Catherine handed Sara a tissue from her jacket. Never in a million years would she ever have suspected this, but then, what did any of them really know about Sara? While most people loved to talk about themselves, Sara's usual line of conversation was the latest fingerprinting technique, or the case of the day.

"She was beaten up so bad." Sara covered her face with her hands. "They. . .hurt her." She couldn't bring herself to say the words. "She was in a coma for three weeks. I was with her every day. I honestly expected her to wake up every single one of those days until she passed away."

"Sara, I'm so sorry. Here." She put down money for their bill, and stood. "Let's get out of here."

Sara nodded, wiped her eyes, and followed her out. Catherine wished she had some magical words to say that could make everything better, but this was beyond her realm of experience. She could only imagine the horror of losing a child. Having almost lost Lindsey, she couldn't imagine life without her. No wonder Sara kept everyone at arms length.

"Does Grissom know?" Catherine asked.

"No. I don't know that he would know how to process this. It's not a bug, and he can't fix it."

Catherine wasn't about to argue that point. Still, she knew Grissom would want to know. Despite the wall these two seemed to have thrown up in past years, Catherine knew there was still something there between them.

"Did they ever catch who kidnapped her?"

"No. It's a cold case back in Frisco." Sara stopped outside her building. "Cat, thanks. . .for letting me spill my guts."

"No, no. I'm glad you did. I can't imagine holding that in all these years." Catherine looked around suddenly aware that she had no mode of transportation.

"You need a ride back?" Sara noticed the look.

"You sure? I could stay if you want."

"Thanks, but I'll be fine. And I'm guessing you'll need to rescue Warrick by now." Sara gave a half-hearted grin as they walked to her car.

Ch.2

Catherine took a breath before entering her home. All she wanted to do was give Lindsey a huge hug. She couldn't get the conversation she had with Sara out of her head. Sara was a mother? And, not only that, she had suffered the worst kind of loss Catherine could imagine. As she was about to enter, the door flew open causing her to jump.

"Hey, Catherine. Thought I heard your car." Warrick smiled down at her. "Tough case?"

"The worst." Catherine smiled, and looked past him at her daughter. "How was she?"

"Good! Only tried to sneak out once. You owe me!"

"Deal. Thanks again." She gave him a hug as he left, and grinned at the sight of Lindsey sending text messages from the couch.

"Hi, Hon. Sorry I'm late again." She gave her daughter a big hug, causing them both to giggle.

"What was that for?" Lindsay acted disgusted, but was happy to see her mother home.

"I just love ya, kiddo." Her voice almost caught as she winked at her daughter, and headed into the kitchen. Things had been rough for them both in recent years. Losing her father, and now a grandfather she had only rarely seen, Catherine worried what this was all doing to her daughter's life. Still, they had each other, regardless of whether they wanted to occasionally rip each other's hair out.