A/N: I should probably go back to my homework and write my little mini paper for this Wednesday. But…I won't.
Oh, and I'm enlisting you guys to help me make my pairing/scene Wheel of Time songs, since I do not likes the current "Soundtrack." Review and bring it up. And no, this is not (a somewhat transparent attempt to garner reviews) off topic. Of course not. Me, off topic?
Anyway.
Tuonness. First, a little explanation. I see Tuon as being very mature in some matters, and very worldly wise about a lot of things, but totally naïve when it comes to love. I think that she does love Mat, and that she is really confused about what to do about that. Hence, this ficlet. Tuon does some thinking at night.
Now I'm going to go write the next chapter of Love is Blind. Or something.
Me, do something?
Of course not.
::giggle madly::
Listening to Selucia's snores, Tuon was finding sleep elusive.
She was considering Matrim Cauthon, and it was he, oddly enough, that deprived her of the pleasure of sleep. She twitched and rolled over, and at last made up her mind. She needed to walk.
The cold air hit her like a slap in the face. Goosebumps rose on her bare legs, and she considered going back inside to put on her robe, but part of her welcomed the chill. The ground was cold under her bare feet. The sky was full of stars that swirled in patterns of creamy white in the indigo void. She imagined them reflected in her eyes, going on forever and ever, and felt dizzy. She brought herself forcibly back to earth, steadying herself against a tree. Then she moved away, walking into the spilling, liquid night.
She ran her hand through the now familiar fine stubble of hair. As a young girl, she had wondered what it would be like to have hair. Now that she had it, she found the stuff itchy, bothersome, and unbearably uncomfortable.
Tuon shook herself. She was avoiding the topic at hand. Acting like a child trying not to do a chore. Pretending she did not know why she could not sleep, did not know why she was here. It would have been so much simpler if she had liver, and loved, as other women did. Tuon had never seen a boy or man who had interested her. For a very brief time she had had a pillow friend, but it did not last. And now that she was facing life as she never had before –
She was terrified.
She felt like she was spinning out into an endless abyss, a space like the sky, flying past stars and moons, fighting to grasp at something, anything real. What she felt was surreal and strange, like holding a shattered piece of moonlight, and yet more real than anything else she had felt before. She felt as though she had stumbled upon something at once terrible and wonderful, something frightening, and strange and exhilarating, yet almost familiar…all her foundations, all her sureties and beliefs about life, had been yanked from under her feet, and now she was walking in the dark with pitfalls waiting to swallow her whole into their blackness with every step.
Tuon realized now that she had been living her life in the shade, had never really faced the real world, and now she had stumbled onto a strange reality that seemed somehow impossible. She did not know how to fight back, how to avoid the traps surrounding her. Matrim Cauthon, Tuon mused, had snared her body and mind from the moment she'd first seen him – dirty, ragged, and uncouth. He had fascinated her, drawn her in, piqued her interest.
And now, no matter how she squirmed and writhed to avoid it, he had captured her heart.
And part of her had stopped trying to escape. Part of her did not want to escape.
Light warmed her face as she emerged into a circle of firelight. Matrim was sitting there, gazing into the crackling flames, holding a drink. She flinched with surprise and was suddenly very conscious of her bare legs. He did not look up. "Hello, Tuon," he said tiredly. "What are you doing up?"
Tuon sighed and sat down stiffly. "I couldn't sleep." The fire was warm and soothing, the crackle filling the spaces between them.
"Me neither."
They were both silent for a long while, their only company the hum of the fire, dancing and reminding Tuon that she would only live for so long – maybe it was better just to live life, to face the reality, no matter how frightening or terrible it seemed to be.
Slowly, ever o slowly, Tuon slid her hand across the space between them and slipped it into his. After a frozen pause, his hand closed around hers, tightening and smoothing away all her fears, taking her somewhere new, somewhere frightening and exciting.
Taking her into reality.