Arachnophobia

Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!

Episode:- Counter Culture Blues

Pairing:- Jean/James

Rating:- T

Achieve:- . /group/lewisffarchive/

Summary:- "Stop laughing it's not funny just get rid of it. If you love me you'll get rid of it instead of turning my actual real phobia into a joke."

Author's Note:- James's little comment about being Arachnophobic in counter culture blues was too good a source of amusement to pass up so I sat down to write something around it and this is what came out! Enjoy and reviews would be lovely.

"James are you going to be much longer? You know we can't arrive at the station together and I have a meeting with the chief constable at 8." God isn't it supposed to be women who take forever in the bathroom? In over twenty years of marriage I never had to fight for the bathroom in the morning, a year alone since that fell apart I could use my own shower whenever I wanted. Now though with almost two years into our clandestine relationship with him spending more and more nights here instead of at home I'm starting to think converting my walk in closet into an en-suite might be a good idea. Don't get me wrong normally he's a quick shower and out again sort of guy but today he seems to have decided to take root in there.

"I'll not be long I've just…Never mind I'll be out in a minute." That didn't sound normal, now I'm worried there was a definite edge to his voice there I could hear it loud and clear.

"Are you ok? Are you ill? I know your boss can be a bit of a bitch at times but she'll not bite your head off for not coming in today. She might even make you soup and make it all better later if you get out of the bathroom so she can get to work!" Comedy that's the way to go. At least it's keeping the atmosphere light and not showing how concerned I actually am. In all the time we've been together he's only ever been ill once and it sent me into a complete tail spin. He had flu but I managed to convince myself within the space of one working day that I was going to call by his place and find a corpse. I'm generally I very level headed, sensible woman but somehow where he's concerned all of that deserts me." James answer me you're really worrying me now."

"I'm not ill honestly, two minutes and I'll be out you go start the coffee machine going and by the time you get back I'll be out and I'll make breakfast while you get ready."

"OK but I'm serious if I'm late for that meeting I'll hear about it from his lordship then I'll not be in a good mood for the rest of the day and you and Lewis will know about it!" I've actually paused waiting for the characteristic sarcastic reply about how they'll ignore me anyway or just stay out of my way but it's not coming. There's definitely something wrong and he has five minutes that's how long it will take me to go down and put the coffee on to get out or I'm going in.

I'm standing in the kitchen listening for signs of movement in the bathroom above my head but there's nothing. The only sound in the house is the bubbling of the coffee. Right enough of this if he's not ill then there's something else going on and I intend to find out what.

"James I'm coming in this is getting ridiculous I know something's wrong I can tell and you're starting to scare me."

"No don't seriously Jean I'm fine don't come in!" What the hell?

"Don't tell me you've suddenly come over all modest it's not like I'd be seeing anything I haven't seen before and could call up from memory. I didn't hear you complaining about me being in there on Sunday morning when we showered together actually complaining was the last thing you were doing!" Enough I've had it I'm already half way through the door and I can't believe what I'm seeing. He's standing in the corner of the shower eyes full of panic with no water running and his complexion is the colour of milk!

"Jean I said not to come in I…." I don't know what's going on but if I was worried outside the door when I couldn't see him I'm off the scale terrified now.

"You look terrible James what's going on you can't tell me you're not ill you're white as a sheet. Let me get you back to bed then I'll call the doctor maybe it's…"

"No! No honestly it's not that I'm fine I'm not ill it's…. damn this is embarrassing."

"Just tell me, whatever it is we'll deal with it we always have before I love you and you're scaring me what ….."

"It's that!" Now he's being obscure, my morning just gets better and better for Christ's sake. He's pointing at the corner of the shower tray as I walk toward him terrified of what I'm going to find. What could possibly have scared him so much that he can't…..oh my god….no way!

"The spider? That little tiny spider is the reason you've scare the blood crap out of me? All of this for a spider?" I can't decide whether to laugh or scream!

"It's not tiny it's bloody massive. I hate spiders I'm properly arachnophobic and that isn't tiny it's huge!" It really isn't it's about the size of a ten pence piece and it's not exactly attacking him or anything. Laugh that's what I've decided to do screaming has lost out to the fact it's all hilarious. "Stop laughing it's not funny just get rid of it. If you love me you'll get rid of it instead of turning my phobia into a joke."

"Ok, ok." Two squares of tissue, some serious cringing from him and two minutes and spider-gate is over with a single flush of the chain. "Better now?"

"Yes thanks, sorry I know it's stupid and I know what you must think of me a grown man paralysed by fear because of a spider. You must think I'm such a wimp not exactly the manly image I…" I've had enough of listening to him burble on about the damn thing he's adorable when he's embarrassed and standing around looking at him completely naked is doing indecent things to me.

"I don't think you're a wimp and I do think you're very manly but why don't you show me again just to prove the point?" I've slipped my robe off and joined him in the shower turning the water on.

"The chief constable?"

"I won't tell him if you won't"

"You're meeting you said you'd be late." God if he listened to me so closely when we're in work both our lives would be a lot easier.

"I'm multi-tasking, if you stop talking and get on with proving your manliness I'll be on time and we'll both have had an enjoyable start to the day." He hasn't needed telling twice as the water flows over us and he lifts me toward him pinning me against the wall. This is definitely the way to start the day and if all it takes to do it is a spider maybe I should find some more for the rest of the week!