"Thanks."

Summary: I didn't know she liked K-pop. I didn't know she liked Toy Story. I don't know how this grudge began. I don't know why we can't start talking again. I just don't know why I can't approach her just to say, "Hi." God, I suck.

Just something to say, to someone I know. I don't wanna hate her. I wanna talk to her. But that chance was long gone since third grade when I couldn't step in with the conversation with a few of our friends. Now I'm left out, and I kept making friends and losing them every two to six months. But thanks for the memories (everyone). Thanks that you were my first friend. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to be your friend, for three years. Here's small Thanksgiving gift to someone I knew, and ever since third grade, talked to.

If you deny the fact we were friends, why do we have pictures of ourselves getting along in kindergarden? Why does your dad know me? Why did you invite me to you birthday party? I doubt I'd dream for an entire 4 years of my life like that. I doubt I'm in a hospital, in a coma, for who knows how long. I know I'm not, because I'm writing. You don't usually write in a dream, where nothing makes sense but the mind itself.

I still don't understand why you ditched me on your birthday party. Why did you invite me in the first place? I don't understand why we stopped talking. I don't understand why we can't talk. I really don't understand why you didn't wave to me when I waved to you in our fifth grade english group. Am I too embarassing to hang out with now? Just because you're popular?

I hate you sometimes. I don't know why, I really care to know. But that's only because I want our old relationship back, because now we pass by each other and act like there was no relationship, like we were strangers, when we were the best of friends when we were at our younger ages. Talk to me again, I just want to be friends again. The reason I don't talk to you is because I don't want to be humiliated when you don't answer back, or do, but ask me, "Who are you?" I want you do make the first move, because you're out of my league to be my friend now, it pains me to just walk away and glare behind your back for hating you when I don't have a reason to. I don't wanna glare to you!

God, I wish we could just talk again, or even just wave at each other to remind each other that we can still be friends despite the miles that separate us.

I'm working on just about 3 small fanfictions meaning, one chapter fanfictions right now. Be patient for ongoing fanfictions. No such thing as Charas here, though I might have the idea for Guardians (with fairly different situations). I'm listening to Audience For One by Savior Against, matches with the story a little. And I'm listening to Until The Day I Die by Story Of The Year, I don't know any relation to the story, but whatever.

I planned to write one other story, but I guess that will have to be late. -.-"

Happy Thanksgiving.

Yeah, I can still remember the day we met. I was dressed up in my abnormal attire of a girl's. Deep violet hair, scrolling all the way below my hips, I was made to wear a skirt every day of that stupid undeserving non-exsistant life of Fujisaki Nadeshiko, and the claimed twin of Fujisaki Nagihiko, my real life and exsistance. My hair, always tied up in my mother's ideal fashional way. And my outfits, always in a way that never showed my real self.

Then in fourth year of elementary, I met a girl, pretty bubblegum pink hair. Spicy attitude, cool looks. Just one of the ideal looks of a popular in our school. Me being one of them, but dressed more of a girl, beautiful, respectful, and nice. Ideal good girl, ideal 'hot' girl. Ugh, those words burned my mouth.

Back to her, she was the most popular of the season, throwing me off from first. I'm not angry, honestly, I'm glad. Glaring at that school board was getting old. Hinamori Amu. Interesting person that girl.

Each year, we looked through the student records, recording who was neccessary of being the second Joker throughout Seiyo Academy history, even if we were the eleventh generation of the Guardians. They had to have perfect grades, good citizenship, no criminal record of any sort, popularity, creativity, and of course, the tendancy of helping many out and planning. Only surprisingly, there was finally one, Hinamori Amu. And we weren't going to let her go, even if she denied the being of a Joker.

"Hinamori Amu, please report to the Royal Garden," the school speaker said, right before te school morning started.

"Where the hell is the Royal Garden?" she asked with attitude.

"Allow me to assist you. I am needed there as well," I spoke up, standing beside her seat before I led her to our special little garden.

We explained to her, everything. We had some unbelievable things to tell her, like fighting with the company, Easter. As we swore that we'd be stars someday, or just successful. They, of course, laughed, after seeing our firstly poor auditions. Stuck-up companies, you know? (But wow, we were naive.)

She, however, didn't find anything amusing about being a star. But, that didn't stop us from getting her into our school-known club. Like we said, we weren't going let this opportunity pass up.

A year passed by and she'd accepted the fact of being a Guardian. Now accepting this and having to get along, we, the two of us, were the one of the best friends, almost inseperable. But I had to keep this secret to her, the fact that I was male. She, who knew me as Fujisaki Nadeshiko, had no clue I was really Fujisaki Nagihiko.

Another year passed, and I couldn't keep the fact that Fujisaki Nadeshiko was a false exsistance towards her anymore. The guilt would've killed me if another few years passed. Developing a crush on your best friend that believed that you were female, hurts. Tadase, and the former Jack, Kukai, helped arranged everything (Once a Guardian, always a Guardian!). I called for her the few minutes after they finished setting up everything, well or at least helping me do what I should've done.

I dressed up in soldier-like cargo pants, a sleeveless blue shirt that extended to my pockets, saying "Who, me?" in huge letters with a stick figure pointing to itself. I had a long coat to my thigh and a long scarf. This outfit was off-limits to what my mother believe in order to look like a female. And she was right.

"Hi Nadeshiko!" she exclaimed from a few yards away. Nadeshiko, what a weird feeling to it now.

"Hi, Amu-chan," I spoke in not my 'usual' voice.

"Is there something from with your voice? You sound extremely different," she said concerned.

"There is nothing wrong with my voice," I spoke. "I just never spoke in this voice to you before."

She had a strange face on, I knew it. "You sound like a guy though!"

I looked up. She saw many changes. I wasn't wearing what I usually did. My hair was down, I was wearing a shirt that looked more belonging to a boy. My face looked more of a male's because of it. Not to mention, my voice was complete different. "Why do you look like a boy? I bet you'd be a great crossdresser." I am.

"I am," I spoke. "because I was able to deceive you of the womanly figure I had on for over two years."

"What are you talking about Nadeshiko?" Amu spoke.

"It's not Nadeshiko, it's Nagihiko. Nagi for short," I spoke up. "my male name."

"Are you serious? Are you really a boy?" Amu stuttered. "How can I be sure?"

This was the downfall of this event of our life, "Do you want proof?" I said, making the x sign above my chest, and grabbing my shirt cuffs.

"What kind of proof are you going to give?" I lifted up my shirt. She, seeing my (muscular, anyone?) chest, was embarassed. "Pull your shirt down!" I could've shown her my Adam's apple, but it's more amusing this way. Even Kukai and Tadase agreed, and Tadase wasn't the type! "Boys will see your chest!" Or maybe I should have shown her my Adam's apple. I shook my head and pulled on my scarf, showing my Adam's apple. "Oh my god, you're a boy!" she shrieked. I for a long time, I had to calm her. After all, she kept hypervenilating.

"I'm still the person you knew, just in a different gender," I said. "Trust me, I didn't crossdress for my own fun."

"This is weird.."

"...'Nadeshiko' will move tomorrow, and Nagihiko will transfer."

Sure, everything went smoothly, but then middle school was closely approaching at maximum speed. Did you notice I said 'then'? We drifted apart. Best friends in our late elementary years, drifting friends in middle schools years, then distant people in our early high schools years.

Trust me, it didn't feel good. We hung out in middle school, that's true. But as the years went by, we were separated from everything, though we were from the same class, we had completely different schedules, both in school and out. When I had free time, she had to go home to take care of Ami and study. When she had free time, I had dance rehearsal. We go through completely different schedules now. It was like we weren't destined to be friends for long. The only class we had together was English. Nearly every project, we were separated. Every time we were grouped together, there would be a lingering feeling of uneasiness. She became close with the others she had a project with, and me, the same.

Now, in high school, we pass by each other and talk to our friends, without saying a single word to each other. It's so distant, it's not funny. I don't remember why I was angry at her. Maybe because we weren't friends anymore? Or maybe it was because she never did anything when we spoke. Who knew. I just couldn't stop glaring at her back. And I could't stop helping myself from drowning in jealousy because of her new friends that took her away from me, and anger, sadness, and depression because she was far from me now, physically and mentally.

Then today, I see that her facebook profile. Her favorite music was K-pop (B2ST, FT Island, 4Minute, and Brown Eyed Girls). I realized I didn't know her anymore. She used to like rock, and japanese pop, and especially RnB. Her favorite movie was Toy Story, so like her, but I never knew. She was more popular than she was in fourth grade. I didn't know that.

All in all, I didn't know she liked K-pop. I didn't know she liked Toy Story. I don't know how this grudge began. I don't know why we can't start talking again. I just don't know why I can't approach her just to say, "Hi." God, I suck.

But if she's reading this, what I'm typing on my long ass blog, then read this Amu.

Maybe, one day, we could just stay in a room together and reminiscence about when we were the best of friends. Maybe, one day, we could talk with just a little guilt and timidness. Maybe, one day, we can be friends again.

Maybe, one day, we can talk for hours on the phone, talk like nothing was wrong. Maybe we could we be more than that.

But, look. Thanks for being my best friend. Thanks for understanding that I had to crossdress for my parents. Thanks for understanding that we both had very messed up parents. Thanks for the memories. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to be your friend, for complete three years until middle school. Thanks for always staying by my side. Thanks for never giving up on me. Thanks for giving me your all. Thanks for being my crush.

Yeah, and guess what. Thanks for being my everything.

Oh hey! It became an Amuhiko. Lol. Obviously, this isn't a blog, and obviously not everything that happened between Kim and I was in here, but you understand right?

Yeah, Kim, if you're reading this, you better get this message. Because I don't wanna keep this grudge on. Being my best friend at that age, with no friend but you, you were my everything. Please talk to me again, just as a friend. I can't even stand to press that little button on Facebook that said, "+1 Add as Friend".

Pah! I bet you wouldn't even read this! I'm talking to myself. I bet you wouldn't even care!

When I die, I hope you get a notice and wish you had a chance to talk to me. When I get somethingg infectionus or disease like, I hope you will wish me well. If I live, I hope you can come up to me and just say, "Thank you." But I know my place, that's why I won't die trying.

(Yes, I have problems.)

Readers, thank you for reading this. Review if you want, it's not like thirty people that I know will care. Should I have the other side of the story (AKA Amu's side)?