Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail nor the characters mentioned in this story. I do not hate Lisanna or portray her to be some evil character emerging from the dead to break apart the NaLu ship. If it may seem as though she is being portrayed in that certain form, know that this is a story and the characters will not be 100% acting as though they are in the Anime/Manga.

Two Hearts Broken Into One

Athazagoraphobia:

The fear of being forgotten, ignored,

or being replaced.

They were childhood friends, and we were not. They were a beautiful crimson red in the colorblind world, and we were not. They were everything I could only hope to be with him, everything I wanted to be with him. Yes, he was mine, physically but not mentally. He was here but at the same time he wasn't. Maybe the way he looked at her was only in my head, only something I saw because I wanted to see it.

But it wasn't. They shined above everything else, because together they were meant to be. And although he would never admit it to me, it was obvious who he loved.

I love Natsu, but he does not love me.

I've spoken to Levy a few times about this, asking for her personal opinion. She'd say the same thing that anyone else would. "Don't worry Lucy, Natsu loves you." And she'd say it in the kindest way, the smile on her lips believing the words that escaped but her eyes showed the truth. Because she saw it too. Levy knew what was happening, she knew that he wasn't completely mine and that he may never be completely mine. But it was okay, wasn't it? I had to believe that everything was okay because he was mine. Right?

Natsu was mine and nothing was going to change that, because he had yet to admit his real feelings and it always feels as though he didn't even realize they were there. Or that he knew they were there but he didn't want to hurt me.

Lisanna wasn't to blame for any of this. She was merely a reminiscence of his childhood, something he could never forget. She was there for him through everything. And when she died it was although he turned into a completely different person. I wasn't in Fairy Tail at the time, but I've heard the stories. I could never have been there the way that she was.

And when she came back he glowed and was so happy, the kind of happy that I hadn't even seen in him when he told me that he wanted me. But I was there for the time after. Through thick and thin I stayed with Natsu, I did whatever I could to help the team at the time, even if I wasn't the strongest person there.

Maybe that's why it hurt so much. The longing stares turning into laughter and late night walks. I never thought that anything would really happen, that anything like this would happen. They grew closer and all I could really do was hope. Hope that it wasn't something big. Hope that it was just friendship and catching up. But it wasn't.

It was realization. Realizing that they belonged together and all I am and will ever be is Lucy. Best friend Lucy. Never lover Lucy, never I'm-going-to-marry-you Lucy.

Just Lucy.

And it hurts. Because as Natsu and Lisanna grew closer, Natsu and me grew apart. It started off small, just the occasional misunderstanding of what I spoke when he would look at her. But it grew quickly into more. Into, "I can't go on a job with you Lucy because Lisanna already asked me." And from there it went to coming home late or sneaking out early in the mornings, to not saying hello to me at the guild when I walked in. To looking at her with such love and affection in his eyes that I couldn't help but hope he would leave me for her.

Because it would hurt less if he left me now than if he left me later. And this went on for months and months and at the time I thought that everything was going to be okay. That soon we would be together again and so happy, but that didn't happen. When we were alone it was as though Lisanna didn't exist, as though he had forgotten about her because he would look at me with almost half of the love in his eyes as he would look at her. I longed for those moments. I never wanted them to end because those were the moments I didn't feel sad anymore. But those moments left just like everything else did. Just like everyone always does.

I got too attached because in the end it hurt me more than I would have expected it to and I always blamed myself.

They looked at each other like they were lovers, like they should have kissed and made love and laughed in bed together but instead they were friends. They looked at each other with "what ifs" and "could haves" and hearts full of regret because I didn't want to let go. I was selfish. I didn't want Natsu to leave me and maybe that was why I was okay with everything that happened.

The day it happened was something I would never forget. I never anticipated this to happen but it did.

I sat at the guild with Levy, speaking on the same issue that I've had since I noticed the first sign.

"You don't understand Levy!" I groaned, laying my head against the cold table-top. "Help me understand then Lu-Chan!" She replied in the same tone I had previously used.

Even if it wasn't meant as a joke it made me chuckle, realizing that Levy was my best friend and she would never judge me. I slowly raised my head up from the table, pursing my lips in thought. I opened my mouth ready to try and explain it in a way that she would have understood but hesitated.

"Levy, his mind is like a library, you know? I want to read all its books," I didn't know where exactly I was going with this, but I hoped she would somehow know what I meant. "And I started reading them and getting caught up in all the amazement held within each story. But I moved too fast and suddenly I realized that all those books weren't about me. They were about her." I let out a shuddered laugh, the meaning behind my words hitting me like a brick.

He meant everything to me.

All Levy did was stare behind me, either not daring to look me in the face or looking at someone. I turned around out of pure curiosity, but the only thing I felt was sadness when I looked into those green eyes of his. "Hey Lucy," was all he said.

I didn't know if he heard what I had said but if he did it could explain what had sparked the courage inside of him to actually tell me how he was feeling. A week later, Natsu had asked me to meet him behind the guild and I did, because I had yet to believe that anything was actually wrong. I thought things were okay between us because he wasn't acting so distant lately. It could have just been me who didn't see it as much but it really seemed as though he wanted to be with me.

But that was just a lie I told myself.

"Look Lucy, I don't know how to say this but.." He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous sweat breaking across his features. "We should break up."

And those words hit me so hard that I felt as though I couldn't breathe through the sob building up in my body. Because although I expected this, I wanted this, it left me broken. It left me alone and wanting an explanation, to know what I did wrong. All that I ever did was love him and give him every part of me but in the end I was left alone.

"It hurts when you realize you aren't as important to someone as you thought you were." I muttered, looking down and closing my eyes in a sad attempt to stop the tears that were forming.

"C'mon Lucy, you understand. It's all you talk about.." I could hear a hint of sadness behind his words, but I won't let that control me.

I shook my head and looked up at him, the tears streaming down my cheeks and I could visibly see him flinch as he looked at me. "I.." My voice shook with anger. "It's okay if I'm not the girl of your dreams or the one you wake up to at night. I just want to be the girl you think about twenty years from now when you're staring at your morning coffee, wishing that you hadn't poured so much milk into it because now it's creamy and resembles my chocolate brown eyes." I pushed past him, not waiting to see his reaction.

Months went by at the time and I was slowly beginning to feel like myself again. Natsu and Lisanna dated, though it didn't last long. The reason was unknown to me considering I hadn't spent time at the guild for a very long time. It took a pep-talk from Levy to make me think that maybe it was time to let this go. To go back and see all my friends.

I didn't think that getting out of bed that morning was going to be easy because it never was. Waking up and actually doing something was so hard when your heart was in pieces and all you could do was watch and hope that one day it'd be put back together. Walking into the guild was refreshing, smiling was refreshing, laughing was refreshing. I felt a bit of pain in my heart when I saw Natsu but I looked away and continued to laugh with Levy and Wendy.

I missed them and I let some stupid boy stop me from seeing them. But that didn't matter now because I was with them again and I didn't want him to ruin it.

I didn't hate him, but there was a dislike for what he had done to me. I never understood what really went down that day, the day he broke up with me. Maybe I never will. Whatever happened to make him want to leave me that day, to be so perfectly fine the entire week then suddenly do that, was left a blank in my mind. It was something I didn't want to find out either.

Because I thought that we would be together forever. Or that whatever we had would last so much longer than what it really did.

I love him, but he does not love me.

And I don't ever think that I'll fall in love again. Everyone has there one chance at true love and I think that mine got fucked up in the process. Mine was a one-sided deal that would never turn into something more. Something meaningful. I dreamed of marrying Natsu, of growing old with him, watching our children become adults and have their own kids. To go on more adventures. But I can't see myself doing that with anyone else.

I can't imagine falling in love with someone that isn't him. They will never make me laugh the same, smile, make me feel wanted and cared for, they will never fit the empty space like he did. Because they will never be him.

It's just that life doesn't work out that way. I never thought that it'd be the last time because you always think that there will be more. That you'll see each other again in the morning and have more moments with each other. You never think its the last time until it is the last time. You think you have forever but you don't.

I do not love Natsu, and he does not love me.

Sooo what'da think? Too dark?

It hurt my soul writing this for my smol bean but I was so into it that I finished writing this in no time. I can't wait to write more honestly!