Author's Note: This is an alternate ending to Mockingjay. If Katniss had chosen Gale instead of Peeta and then looked back on her decision and regretted it. Hope you like it! Lyrics from song I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES OR THE LYRICS TO THE SONG "I NEVER TOLD YOU" BY COLBIE CAILLAT.
I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, yet I was wide awake. It had been tens years since the rebellion, ten years ago I had married Gale, ten years ago was the last time I saw Peeta. It hurt to think of him. His last words to me had been 'Obviously, you're happier with him. And Katniss, I would never get in the way of your happiness.' Then he had kissed my forehead, turned and left. I never saw him again. I remember the memory as if it was only yesterday.
And now as I tried to sleep, all I can think about was Peeta.
I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe.
What had I done? Was the choice I made the right one? Every day I asked myself that, for ten years. I thought about my children. How could I leave my children like that? Yet they knew, they knew that Peeta and I had something once…and I'm sure, I'm sure that every now and then they doubted my loyalty to their father. But I couldn't blame them, I even doubted me own. Oh, Peeta. I sighed. I miss you so much. I thought. I regret my actions now. I loved him and watched him walk away, I never told him the three words that would have made all the difference. And now, now I regret that more than anything.
But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I must held it in
And now I miss everything about you
I can't believe it, I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you
Tired, yet unable to fall asleep I walked to the window. I looked across the street to Peeta's house in Victor's Village. Some say he still lives there, others say he left the District. I look at Gale's sleeping form. I sigh. I slip on a robe and fuzzy slippers and walk outside and across the street to Peeta's door. I knock, no answer. I knock again, still no answer. I slink down against the door. Without him, my life feels empty. For tens years I have dealt with this feeling, but I will not deal with it for ten years more. Without him, I feel no sense of belonging. Without him, I never feel myself.
I see your blue eyes every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me
But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in
I fell asleep against the door. In the morning, I woke to see Gale's gray eyes staring down at me. "What are you doing?" He asked me looking disgusted.
"I-I was just…" I tried to explain, but I couldn't.
"Why?" Gale looked hurt now. "Why are you leaning against his door?"
"Gale! I don't know, okay? Sometimes in life things just don't make sense! My life doesn't make sense!" I screamed at him running off.
I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't love Gale, not in the way I thought I did. Not in the way I loved Peeta. Not in that way. Oh Peeta, what are you doing to me?
And now I miss everything about you
(Still you're gone)
I can't believe it, I still want you
(And I'm lovin' you, I never should've walked away)
After all the things we've been through
(I know it's never goanna come again)
I miss everything about you, without you
But I never told you what I should have said
No, I never told you, I just held it in
I ran, I didn't look back when Gale called to me. I didn't even look back when I heard the upset cries I my children, no I didn't look back. I needed to be alone, I needed time to think. I ran into the woods, I climbed up a tree and sat there. I could hear Gale down on the forest floor with the children looking for me. But I stayed up high so they couldn't see me. What was I doing? I honestly didn't know. All I could think about was Peeta and how much I missed him, and now, it had driven me to this.
And now I miss everything about you
(Still, you're gone)
I can't believe it, I still want you
(And I'm lovin' you I never should've walked away)
After all the things we've been through
(I know it's never goanna come again)
I miss everything about you, without you
I dropped down to the forest floor to find myself looking into the clearest blue eyes I had ever seen. I saw my own shocked expression reflected in his eyes. I was staring into the face of Peeta Mallerk.