I wrote all of this on my phone and honestly I'm actually proud of the outcome. Just a short little one shot to tie us over. Let me know what u think please I may continue
Annie's heart broke into pieces all over again every time she heard his voice. Her heart was quite literally broken all the time due to who knows how many things.
It could've been the scar tissue from when Lena shot her, the drugs reaction that Eyal gave her, a virus she had contracted. The condition was without a doubt worse with all the stress and turmoil she had put her mind and body through the last 4 years.
Myocarditis.
The word rattled in her brain way to much. Annie used to define the world, control what she did, and push the limits. She thought "limit" was the most un useful word ever. She used to be a badass with no care in the world except get the job done no matter what. She used to trust with a open heart, and worry about liars later.
Now her body had limitations. Her brain could charge on, but sometimes her body couldn't catch up. It's like an internal race to see who will win. Her body or brain.
She knows continuing to push her hearts limits will only make the condition worse, that she can't do that anymore.
Trust is problematic, while the only person she fully trusts is herself she must learn again to trust others to help get because she used to be able to get stuff done on her own, now more than ever she need people.
Emotions.
Another word she can't seem to get rid of.
As much as she knows emotions shouldn't be allowed into the field. Emotions are part of life, and her life is the field.
She remembers something from a lifetime ago. "There are people that need the field, or there are people where the field needs them"
For the past 4 years she had considered herself the second, but now she realizes that she's turned into the first. Which is terrifying. The field doesn't need her or her failing heart, but she as a person needs the field because without it she is nothing.
She thinks she likes Ryan the way she thought she liked Ben, and Simon, but every time she talks to HIM she remembers what love is and it crashes down on her like a ton of bricks.
For now she will continue to live her life like this. Trying to numb the thoughts swirling in her head, and block out the worries of her heart, try to erase the emotions in the back of her mind but she knows that soon there must be
Change.