6-year-old Cooper patiently awaited the arrival of his new baby brother, along with his father.
"Daddy, how are babies made?" Cooper asked, clinging onto his beloved father's arm.
A flustured look came across Mr. Anderson's face. "Um... You'll find out when you're older."
"Well my friend Lisa from preschool says it's when a daddy puts his peepee into the mommy's peepee and pees inside of her!" Cooper said, eager to share his knowledge with his father. Instead of looking pleased, as Cooper had expected, Mr Anderson got even more flustured. He had no idea how Cooper managed to pick all this stuff up... Even before preschool, he went around sharing his "knowledge" with everyone.
"Um... I... Yeah... Kind of..." Mr. Anderson said, tugging at his shirt collar.
"Daddy, will my new baby brother be gay? He should be gay for another gay boy and they can be all fluffy and cute together!" Cooper said, his 6-year-old self not realizing, one, how loud his voice was, and two, how adult his topics of conversation are.
"Coop... People can't control who they like." Mr. Anderson said, trying to remain vague in his explanations.
"Well, that's good. Because I like Lucky." Cooper said, pointing at a random area, which was another one of his bad habits.
"Who's Lucky?" Mr. Anderson asked, slightly scared of the answer.
"The leprechaun on the cereal box!" Cooper screamed. Not in an angry way, in a hyper-child way.
"Coop, inside voice." Mr. Anderson said. He gently moved Cooper's hand down. "And pointing is rude."
"But DaAaAaAaAd! I'm trying to be-" As he raised his hand to point again, Cooper accidently hit his dad in the eye.
"OW FUCK, COOPER!" He screamed out, holding his eye.
"Sorry, daddy." Cooper shouted. "And 'fuck' is a bad word."
"DON'T SWEAR. JUST GO TO SLEEP." The AnderMen had set themselves up in the hospital waiting room while Mrs Anderson was in labor. Mr Anderson had wanted to go back with his wife, but she had wanted him to care for Cooper, who was a very high-maintenence child. Cooper made a pouty face at his dad, but he WAS tired. So the young child curled up in a tight ball and fell asleep on the soft waiting room couch.
Cooper was awoken a short while later by a doctor.
"It's a boy!" The doctor said excitedly. He led Cooper and his father back to the hospital room, where Mrs Anderson was gently cradling her newborn baby. The child had deep amber eyes and was one of those babies who came out of the womb with a full head of hair, in this case, thick curly black hair.
"OH MY GOD IT LOOKS GAYYYYY!" Cooper shouted when he saw his new brother.
"Cooper!" His dad said sternly.
"I think his name will be GayBob BowtiePants!" Cooper said, smiling at the baby. Even though Coop kept calling his new brother gay, he DID love the child. But not in a creepy way. Partially because Cooper was only 6 and didn't know about the 'creepy way' yet.
"I was thinking something along the lines of Blaine. Blaine Devon, maybe?" His mom said softly, smiling at the infant through her exhaustion from labor.
The AnderFam took the new baby to the AnderHome a while later, after all the post pregnancy shit was over with. Cooper followed his parents into Blaine's new room. As soon as they left, Cooper climbed the bars of the crib and smiled down at the sleeping child.
"I'M GOING TO LOVE THE HECK OUT OF YOU, BLAINEY!" Cooper shouted, waking Blaine up with a loud cry. Both AnderParents let out an exasperated sigh, and Mr Anderson went to Blaine's room.
"Cooper. Let your brother sleep. And please, STOP YELLING!" Mr Anderson dragged Cooper out of the room.
"But dAaAaAaD!" Cooper protested. "Let me love the baby!"
"You can later." Mr Anderson dragged Cooper to his bedroom and had him put his pajamas on and then go to bed.
"I don't wanna sleep, Dad!" Cooper said loudly. He threw his Teddy Bear at his dad's face. "You bitch!"
"...What did you just call me?" Mr Anderson demaded.
"A bitch! You're a bitchy whore who's dick is so full of STDs that it makes Mommy explode whenever you guys fuck!" Cooper didn't fully understand what his words meant, as he had simply picked them up off a TV show.
"Don't use that language." Mr Anderson said. "And go the fuck to bed."
"DaAaAaAd! For the gazillionth time, 'fuck' is a bad fucking word!" Cooper threw a rock at his dad, but missed.
"COOPER ANDERSON WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ROCK?" His father yelled, angry at the fact that his barely-toddler son read throwing rocks.
"My pocket." Cooper said, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Just..." Mr Anderson left the room before he could say anything else.
Cooper sat in bed, talking to himself until he fell asleep.