FITTING IN

(Stargate fanfic)

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM/UA, Showtime/Viacom, SCI-FI Channel, Gekko, Double Secret Productions etc. and all the powers that be, not me. No copyright infringement intended. This story is written for fan entertainment only and no money has exchanged hands. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted anywhere without the authors consent.

Summary: Each member of SG-1 tries to find their place on the team and bond as they go out on their first real mission to another world. But something goes wrong. Post "The enemy within".

The SGC 02.21 a.m

It's odd, he thought as he walked down the deserted halls of the SGC. He really liked this place and the people in it. But it was an odd feeling coming back. So much had changed in the year he had been gone. The facility seemed to run smoothly like a well oiled machine and to think this hole thing had consisted of only a gate and a room when he first left. Now there were actual teams, mechanics, soldiers everywhere, doctors and scientists. He had only been back for a few weeks since Jack came and dragged him home, but he already felt a strange peace with the place, his homeworld and his role in it. Of course there was a big emty space in his chest where his heart had used to be. The place where Shau'ri had been. But she was gone now. Taken from him without mercy and forced to live the rest of her life in captivity within her own body. NO! He dismissed the thought. He would not let that happen. They would find both her and Skaara and they would all live happily ever after as a family. They had to. He thought of Kawalsky. About the first mission. How exited everyone had been despite of the obvious fear they all had shared too. He smiled at the memory of Kawalsky. The last words he had said before they had left Daniel on Abydos and returned to Earth. "Thanks Daniel". He had actually pulled it of. He had figured it out, the way home. How he had doubted he could. So many doubts. But what an adventure it had been. He wouldn't trade it for anything. Eventhough Shau'ri had been taken he didn't wish he had never opened the stargate. Then he would never even had meet Shau'ri. But he wished things had happened differently. Why had he left her by the stargate when he had just learned of the new threat from Apophis? Why? So stupid Daniel. So careless. So wrapped up in false security. In a way he had trusted Kawalsky and the rest of the soldiers who had remained, to take care of her. Ohhh yeah, thats clever Daniel, he thought. Like they would have a chance if Apophis dicided to surprise them with a couple or thousands guards. Think Daniel! THINK! Kawalsky was dead and how he had suffered. Daniel would miss him but not as much as Jack would. He quessed that Kawalsky's death was the reason Jack hadn't come to see him yet. He could understand that. He and Kawalsky had been friends a long time. He suddenly smiled as the memory of Kawalsky yelling and shoving him to the ground surfaced. That temper. He and Jack had had so much in common. Almost like they were brothers and in a way he quessed they had been. Brothers in arms. He could only imagine what hell Jack was going through right now. But he knew better than to contact him. Jack would come to talk when he was ready.

"Hi there", a tired voice pulled him back to reality. He looked up surprised that anyone else was there this time at night.

"Oh...hi Captain Carter".

"Please, i thought i told you to call me Sam like everybody else", she said.

She smiled. She had a warm friendly face, he thought. He didn't know her that well though. They had only first met a couple of weeks ago on Abydos, but he knew she was bright. The sudden thought of Abydos brought back memories of Shau'ri. They way she used to dance in the warm sand, the way she sang when she cooked. Her smile. Sam and Shau'ri had very simular smiles. He forced the memories back and tried to concentrate on the present before he got to emotionel.

"Yeah...sorry Sam. You can call me Daniel".

She nodded her head at that.

"Daniel it is...again".

That's right, he thought. He had already told her to do that on Abydos...but it seemed like a million years ago. They walked a little in silence.

"So...", she said.

"So".

He didn't make any effort to keep the conversation going. He liked to upserve people from a distance at first. Watch them and try to figure them out before actually talking to them. But Sam had no intention of letting him off the hook just yet.

Okay, she thought. He is not a talker. She found it a little strange that someone like the Colonel and Daniel would be friends. They just seemed so different. The Colonel couldn't seem to stop talking and he thought in military guidelines. He would do anything to achieve his military assignments just like any soldier would, even if it meant innocent casualties. She had been in war herself and she knew casualties were sometimes acceptable to achieve the main goal. Daniel was the opposite. He never gave up on the peaceful approach. She felt a sting in her heart at the thought of all the future mentally nightmares Daniel would experience if he didn't change his point of view. Innocent people were going to die in this war and the quicker he accepted that the better. Daniel had a sweetness to him. An almost childlike innocence. He was mostly shy and quiet but he cared so much for people and discovery. She turned to the younger man next to her and for a moment she was astonished by how handsome he actually was. Those blue eyes were really something.

"Where are you going?", she asked and continued. "It can be a little difficult to find your way in the mountain at first. Actually the reason I came out here was because i noticed you passing by my door three times within the last twenty minutes. Are you lost?"

He looked confused.

"Um...I...no...I wasn't going anywhere in particular. Just walking about thinking. It's not like I have a place to go other than the cafeteria and sleeping quarters".

"What? You know you have been assigned an office a week ago right? The Colonel was supposed to tell you".

"An office? Um...no...nobody told me".

"Well, i quess he must have forgotten. He has had a rough time lately...with Kawalsky and all", she said.

Of course she was almost sure that was not the reason the Colonel had avoided Daniel but she didn't say anything.

"I guess...it must be hard...he and Kawalsky...well...he was a good man", Daniel said.

"Yeah...i never got to know him like you and the Colonel did...but i somehow knew he was alright. The memorial service was beautiful."

"Yeah..."

They didn't say anything for at least a minute. They both felt it. The loss of someone great.

"Um...about the office...?"

"Come with me and i'll show you where it is".

"Thanks Sam".

As they walked Sam dicided to touch lightly on the subject of Shau'ri.

"So how are you coping...i mean with what has happened to Shau'ri and...um everything?"

He stopped and took a deep breath. He had to stay calm now. He didn't wanted to have a nervous breakdown in front of her! Stay cool and collected. You can do it Daniel. Don't cry. Don't cry. Just don't cry!

"I'm...coping", he managed to get out without sounding to shaky. He could feel his eyes water but forced the tears back.

But Sam wasn't blind. She could see he was near the breaking point and felt stupid for bringing up the subject. For being so selfish. She felt like she had to say something comforting. Even if she didn't fully believed it.

"Thats good Daniel...and we will find her...even if we have to seach each and every planet in the universe one at a time...we will find her and bring her home".

He just smiled. It was a grateful smile. Maybe there had even been a thread of hope in that smile. She hoped so. But there was so much sadness in his eyes. They reached the elevators and the elevator came to a stop on level 19 where they got off. There had been no words uttered the hole way. It was beginning to get creepy. They were not at that stage in their friendship where there could be comefortable silence between them yet. It was like he was a ghost, a shadow, like he wasn't really there and some part of him had been left on Abydos. This was not the man she had first met. The man who had laughed with them and kissed his wife with such passion while they sat around the fireplace. The man who had observed the love of his life and the people of Abydos with eyes full of love. She had to talk to the Colonel about this. She stopped beside a door with a brand new nametag. It said Doctor Daniel Jackson on it. Then she observed him as he opened the door and walked inside. As soon as he saw the books and artifacts his face lit up.

"This is great", he said and began to study a vase with weird writings on it.

"Ohh wauw...Sam...have you seen this...", he let his fingers stroke the vase gently and picked it up for futher analysis. She didn't have time to answer before he continued.

"It's like abydonian mixed with creek and latin...and oh...it that german.". His eyes got big. "Sam...it's amacing!"

She couldn't help to laugh a little, but quickly supressed it. Never had she seen a man go totally nuts over a vase. It was adorable. There was the man she had first met. The man with sparkle in his eyes. Now if Daniel would just let him stay a little while she knew that face could light up the hole SGC. But it was not likely to happen. At least not yet. It was to soon.

"Glad you like it. It was General Hammonds idea to ship all the found artifacts down to you. He thought you might appreciate it".

Daniel didn't even look up. He was in another world mumbling something about latin being the backbone in most languages, not only on Earth, but in the whole galaxy. Quietly she sneked out the door and left Daniel alone with his precious vase.

Colonel Jack O'niells office 02.46 a.m

Jack was half asleep across his desk when he heard a knock on the door. He was not in the mood for visitors. He did not want to see anyone. Not today. Not on the day of Kawalsky's funeral. Go away, he thought. But the person knocked again and he capitulated. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was way to late for visitors, he thought. And that meant it could only be one person. That damn "miss know it all".

"Come in Carter", he yelled.

The door opened and Sam stuck her head inside.

"How did you know it was me Sir?"

"Because you're the only one, like me, who doesn't have a life outside this place".

She smiled and revealed those white teeth. He couldn't help to smile back despite of his dark mood.

"So...what do you want...you woke me up you know."

"Sorry Sir".

She didn't look sorry at all he noticed. Then she came all the way in and sat down in the chair in front of the desk. Ohh great, he thought. She only sat down if it was something that was gonna take a hole lot of his time. He waited for her to begin. She didn't say anything for a few minutes and he could feel himself getting impatient.

"Any time now Carter".

That got her attention.

"I'm sorry about Major Kawalsky...i didn't know him that well but he was a good man Sir".

No no no no. Don't go there Carter. Not today. It's to soon, he thought.

"Yes he was...".

"If you ever need to talk Sir".

"I know...thank you".

She smiled at him and he smiled back. On some level he was glad she cared. It showed she had a heart. But he got the impression that there was more to her visit than Kawalsky.

"Anything else Carter?"

She hesitated and was about to drop the subject but decided againt it.

"It's about Daniel", she finally said. She sounded unsure about how to tell him what it was she had come to say. She waited for a response and he could tell this was important to her by the way her eyes locked with his. Those blue eyes. He tried to imagine all the knowledge behind them but couldn't.

"What about Daniel?", he asked a little more cold than he had planned. Daniel was another subject he wasn't in the mood to discuss.

That was not the answer she had expected. He could tell by the way she looked at him. She leaned forward.

"Um...maybe it is none of my business Sir, but have you talked to him at all since we came back from Chulak?".

"You're right...it's none of your business Carter".

That wouldn't stop her and he knew that.

"Why are you ignoring him? I thought you guys were friends?

We are, but it's complicated. Nothing is ever simple when it comes to Daniel, he thought.

"We are not friends. We never really were. He is a geek."

Right Colonel...that military facade is not fooling me, she thought.

"He saved your life on the first mission to Abydos! You have to talk to him. You owe him a least that much."

"Stay out of it Carter...and thats an order!".

She lost control of her emotions. How could he take Daniels situation so lightly? She could feel the anger raise inside her and had to get it out or she felt she would explode.

"He has been here for two weeks now. Maybe if you went to see him you would see how much he is hurting. And with all due respect SIR...it was really not nice of you not to tell him about his office. I took him there myself about half an hour ago...now you know where he is".

"For cryin out loud Carter..."

"Goodnight Sir".

She got out of the chair and left the office in a hurry. On her way out she sent him something that could only be considered as "the look of shame". She had been really rude, he thought and had made him pull rank and he hated to pull rank. But she had been right. He had ignored Daniel ever since they got back, didn't really know why or maybe he did. And since Hammond had just annonced this morning, that Daniel had been assigned to SG-1 on permanent basis this was just as good a time as any, to let Daniel know. He looked through some papers on the desk and found what he was seeking.

"Level 19 of course...the scientist floor", he mumbled to himself as he stumpled with sleepy legs towards the elevators.

Daniel Jacksons office 02.50 a.m

Jack stood outside the door. He had been standing there for about a minute now. Just looking at the door and the nametag. Not knowing what it was he wanted to say to the man on the other side. What could he possibly say? It was his fault that Daniels family had been taken. Daniel was no soldier, it was not his fault he couldn't stop them. But Jack was. He had been in black ops forces for gods sake and yet, he had not been able to stop that god damn snakehead from taken Shau'ri or Skaara. He was angry at himself. He had failed and Daniel, not to mention Shau'ri and Skaara were the ones who had paid the ultimate price. And what about Kawalsky? He had lost many comrades over the years...that came with the territory...but somehow he had always thought that he and Kawalsky would make it back together. He felt a deep pain as the memory of Kawalsky's death surfaced. His liveless body in the gateroom. His head half gone. NO! Kawalsky had died on Chulak. As soon as that snake had entered his body he had stopped being Kawalsky.

He knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked again. Still no response. He turned around to walk away but changed his mind. He had to do this. Slowly he opened the door and popped his head inside. It was dark. Only a small lamp on the desk was lighting up the room. He thought it was strange cause Daniel had very poor eyesight.

"Daniel?", he called out.

Nothing.

It was then he noticed a shadow lying across the desk. He went closer at realised it was Daniel and that he was sleeping. Just like Jack had been. He smiled at that. Maybe they had a lot more in common than he thought. They could both sleep everywhere it seemed. He went closer. Stepped carefully not to break any of the artifacts covering the floor. What had he been doing? Playing domino with his ancient toys? Daniels head rested on his arms and his glasses was about to fall of the top of his nose. That hair, Jack thought. The exactly same colour. Same length. No...don't go there Jack! He is not a child.

"Daniel? Daniel, wake up", he said in at soft voice and he suddenly realised it had been the same voice, he had used with Charlie.

He took a quick step back surprised by his own realisation. No. Daniel and Charlie were not the same. It's just a stupid haircut Jack. Millions of people have it. It's nothing special and you can't avoid every child or young man with that haircut the rest of your life. So deal with it. He couldn't deal.

He looked around and found a plate that looked a little less important than many of the other artifacts. Then he picked the plate up and smashed it with a loud crash on the floor. Daniel woke instantly and looked around to figure out where the noise had come from. He shoved his glasses back in place as his eyes rested on Jack. They looked bloodshed and tired. He could had sworn it looked like he had been crying. The thought made him uneasy.

"Jack?".

Daniel sat himself up and then looked at the smashed plate on the floor in terror.

"Yeah it's me...were you sleeping? Sorry, i didn't know."

Jack looked anywhere else than at Daniel and hoped he didn't see right through him. Daniel had a spooky ability to do that sometimes and he hated it. He hated that Daniel knew what he was thinking even before he knew he was thinking it. But this time it seemed he was to tired or maybe distracted by the plate in pieces on the floor.

"Jack...do you know what you just broke?", he said still looking in disbelief on the smashed plate.

"Um... a plate?".

Daniel rolled his eyes at that statement and Jack hid a smile.

"Not just any plate Jack...this is...it was...it's...".

He stopped himself when he saw the blank expression on Jacks face and decided he was way to tired to discuss this now.

"Ohh nevermind...but can you please promise to be more careful next time?".

Phew...the plate had not been that important after all, Jack thought. He had made the right choice. Because he really didn't wanted to get into an argument about a stupid old dusted plate with Daniel right now.

"Sure...sorry.", he said.

"What do you want?"

Strait to the point. Ok, he could do that.

"I just came here to tell you that you have been assigned to SG-1 on permanent basis and that means you are going to have to learn to follow orders. Think you can handle that?"

"Really...yeah...sure Jack...i can take orders from you". If they make sence, he secretly thought. " But i'm not military. I am a little surprised Hammond gave permission...? Wasn't he mad at me for staying on Abydos?"

Jack gave him a smirk and that made Daniel feel weird. He wished Jack would explain it to him, but it seemed he didn't have a clue either. Hammond had probably taken pity on him and approved it in a weak moment.

"Ohh yeah...he was severely pissed off. Mostly at me, i think. Did you know he actually threatened to turn me in for not following orders?

Now Daniel was smiling too. He got it now. They were joking around. Jacks way of lifting the tention in the room and it worked.

"He didn't? But I thought he was such a nice elderly man."

"Yes he did."

Jack gave him a crocked smile and he returned it.

"Well, serve you right. I am happy i'm not military. I can do whatever i want".

"Don't be to sure about that. If you don't behave, i might just tell Hammond you called him old and then he will come down here at take all these nice toys away".

Jack made an akward attemt pretending to be Hammond as he picked up the vase Daniel had worked on earlier.

"Elderly", Daniel corrected. "And you wouldn't!"

"Ohh...yes i would." Jack tried to stand on one leg and balance the vase on his hand at the same time while Daniel nervously looked on.

Then he made a gesture to dropping the vase, but caught it in mid air. Daniel let out a sigh of relief.

"Ok ok, i'll behave. Now step away from the vase and don't touch my stuff".

His stuff, Jack thought. It sure hadn't taking Daniel long to get owner feelings about a particular office and the "stuff" in it.

Jack put the vase back in it's place on the floor and they both laughed. This really wasn't that bad. Eventhough this was exactly what he had been afraid of remembering. That Daniel in fact was an ok guy...for a geek.

Jack found a chair under a ton of stuff and sat down next to Daniel.

"So...how ya doing? Feeling at home yet?".

Like he didn't know the answer to that.

Daniel smiled on the inside. He knew the drill. It was so typically Jack to try and cover it up when he cared about somebody. He always made sure never to get to close to people. Maybe because of what happened to Charlie.

"I'm fine", Daniel lied.

Jack was for most times just as good at reading people as Daniel ever was and he knew Daniel wasn't being honest with him about that, but he wouldn't push him into a corner. Maybe he was afraid that Daniel somehow would drag him in there too.

"Well...okay then...that was all i wanted to know. You know...Carter was really getting on my case about you".

"She's a real know it all, isn't she?"

"Exactly, thats what i thought".

"I figured as much. Women".

"Women", Jack reapeted knowenly.

Then they sat in silence for a while. Both of them caught in their own distant memories. Jack about Sara and Daniel about Shau'ri.

"She used to dance in the sand, you know", Daniel suddenly said. "Even at mid day when the sand was the hottest, she would still dance. Don't know how she could stand it. I tried it once and she laughed when i took refuge in the shadow of the tent. She called me a yuroa".

Daniel didn't catch Jacks eye. He was imbarressed he had opened up. He knew it had been underway a long time, but to Jack of all people. Why Jack? Maybe because he knew loss. He knew the feeling better than anyone. Maybe because they had never stopped being friends.

"Yuroa?", Jack asked. He didn't look a Daniel either. He couldn't. The guilt was to much. But he could listen.

"Chicken", Daniel translated.

"Ohh...well...there are worse things to be called."

"I guess".

The silence fell over them again but then Daniel got to the subject Jack had had so much difficulty reaching.

"It wasn't your fault", he said and looked Jack strait in the eye.

Jack looked away first. Yup, there was that corner he had mentioned being caught in earlier, he thought and felt really uncomfortable. Now he was doing that spooky looking through you thing again and it was god damn annoing. He would have found his way there himself when he was ready.

"I know".

"No...you don't". There was so much determination in his eyes as he continued.

"Jack please...this is me...it's Daniel you are talking to. I helped you defeat Ra. I know what you had decided to do back there. I know Jack. I talked you out of it remember. We were a team for a while. Just the two of us and we made it through hell together. No matter what you might believe now...we WERE friends and still is. You can't deny we have that connection."

Jack didn't deny anything nor did he look up and Daniel continued.

"You can talk to me...about everything...you know that. Just as i KNOW that you blame yourself for everything that goes bad with people you care about. You had no chance of stopping Apophis from taking Shau'ri and Skaara...you couldn't possible know he would show up...and I'm sorry about what happened to Kawalsky...but it was not your fault either...he knew the risk Jack...and he died the way he wanted...defending his country."

Jack still didn't say a word. But at least he looked at him with a knowing expression and Daniel knew he had hit a soft spot. Then Jack got up and walked to the door. But just as he opened the door he turned to him with a look Daniel couldn't quite figure out.

"You talk to much...", he said and then he exited the office closed the door and left Daniel with only his thoughts to keep him company.

Daniel wasn't surprised by Jacks reaction. He had done exactly what he had decided not to. Said to much to fast. Pushed Jack into facing his feelings. He himself would probably not have known what to say either. He had to give it time and not try and force anything nomatter how much he wanted Jacks friendship and needed someone that understood him. He and Jack would start this new adventure on the same foot. On common ground. They had both lost someone they cared deeply about to the goa'uld and that made their bond stronger. Together they would reach their common goal. They would destroy the goa'uld and get their revenge or they would die trying. Together. As friends.