Beautiful Disaster, a friends fanfic

I don't know how I feel about this story really...I want to like it, I really do, but it didn't turn out the way I hoped, and that bums me out...maybe after a few more reads I will grow to like it...or I will hate it...eh, it doesn't really matter, I'm still gonna post it nyaha! This is a sequel of sorts to 'Quasimodo' although I'm sure it would work as a standalone. The song used in this is 'Beautiful Disaster' by Kelly Clarkson, which is very heartbreakingly depressing...I'm not sure if all of the lyrics match the story, but it's so pretty! I also reference 'Sick Cycle Carousel' by Lifehouse a couple of times, mainly because it is one of my fave songs! Squee! So please read and review and I promise I will do some chapters of something soon...I'm still having a lot of trouble...oh, and while I'm on that, if I seemed slightly grumpy in my author's note for Smoke and Mirrors, I'm sorry, I was having a bad time...so please read and review and I love you!

P.S. This deals with major angst and is a very sensitive subject, especially with fans of Matthew Perry I'm sure...but just remember I love Matt, and this subject matter saddens me greatly...

I do not own friends/actors/characters/Kelly/Lifehouse, but I do own the fact that it is my mum's birthday today...if anyone asks, she turned 21, right? Right...oh and also a very happy birthday to David Schwimmer for yesterday...I love you my baby!

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
Lord, it just ain't right
Lord, it just ain't right

Another drink, another pill, and she couldn't look anymore.

If only he knew what he already was.

If only he could see what the world could in him.

If only he knew he was beautiful.

But he didn't and she couldn't look anymore.

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

It had started as such a little thing, and they couldn't have seen what was to follow.

Who could have imagined it would have lead to this?

A little weight dropped, then some more, then so much more and she could hear him in the bathroom.

They knew and yet they didn't do anything. They couldn't do anything, because they didn't know where to start.

And before they could even begin to think of something, it had happened.

The beach incident.

The pills had come, and then the drink, and now she couldn't look anymore.

Because, in a way, she knew it was her fault.

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Baby, hold me tight

He locks himself in his room, and they try to get him to come out, but in a way are thankful that he doesn't.

What would they do? Where would they start? Would she tell him?

Tell him that she lied; that she would love to have him as hers, but that wouldn't be happening any time soon.

What was once beautiful, would now be a disaster, and she couldn't cope.

She was selfish, but as he slowly killed himself, she couldn't cope.

And she definitely couldn't look.

They try to help him now, knowing that it has gone on too far.

If he goes on, they will lose him, never again to see his face.

A face that was once so beautiful, but is now shattered.

Where did he go, she wonders.

But she knows that her thoughts cannot save him; nothing can.

He is too far gone.

Only a miracle could bring back the beauty.

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He's damned himself with it all, and what was once magical is now exposed.

Nothing more than a shell as he drowns in the nightmare that is reality.

He's heaven and he's tragedy; frayed at the edges and barely holding on.

She longs to sit outside his door and hear his slow intakes, barely breathing anymore. It's a noise that she should hear in her ear each night as she closes her eyes, but she can't seem to save him, and he continues to fall.

Not thin anymore, because that is not the word to describe him, no where near extreme. Skeletal, heartbreaking, devastating; they are the only words.

Where there was once laughter, there is nothing but tears, and she knows that she still can't save him. If she did, her world would collapse around her like a fallen building, not that it hadn't already.

He needs her, but he can't accept her, and she can't accept him.

They would be beautiful together in another time, but not in this time.

It would be nothing but a disaster.

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

The dance continues for an eternity; a sick cycle carousel that never ends.

She knows that now, and she realises that he agrees.

They've both waited so long, but she can't take him like this, and he can't be beautiful without her.

Shame lives in her eyes because of this, and it is printed across her face, but still she cannot help him.

She's selfish and she's killing him, but there has to be another way.

As long as they both hold on, she is desperate for that to be true.

But in her heart, she knows that the carousel will never stop to let it's passengers off, and they will keep spinning around until one of them is forced to leave.

She wonders who will be first; him or her?

The carousel spins.

He's beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster