Sounds Normal, Really
A GW humor Fic
Dedication: This was a challenge from Kidishcaresh, and it's an early b-day present for her... so... Hugs, girl... I'm sure this doesn't need to be stated to know it's for you!
Disclaimer: Um... The cat is mine. The fish is mine. The cake is mine. Melody is mine and Kidi-chan's. And pretty much everything else isn't mine.
Summary/warnings: Um... Fish, kittens, cakes, and Relena ruining things. Wufei's birthday party goes wrong. Sounds normal, really. Unabashed humor.
~0~0~
"Are you sure about this?" Melody questioned, looking at her boyfriend of three months, Heero Yuy, as she stepped up onto the porch of a very big house.
"It's my birthday," he pointed out. "Would you miss my birthday?"
She frowned up at him. "It's not even really your birthday."
"But it's my birthday party," he informed her. "It's actually only Wufei's birthday. Me, Trowa, Duo... we don't know. And Quatre's is close enough that he doesn't really care. It's easier for all of us to just have one big celebration. Think of it this way... I only have to attend ONE party, instead of five."
"Hmm," she hummed. "You have a point. Plus, I guess it's sort of a New Years celebration, too, huh?"
He nodded. "It is. It's just a big party with my friends... and, I guess you could call some of them my family. Is it bad that I want you to meet them?"
Melody couldn't help it. She melted. All he had to do was tilt his head and look at her. Not even really any look, but just look at her. She'd spent ages trying to decipher the many looks and grunts of Heero Yuy, and thought that maybe she was getting pretty good at it. Right now, even though his face was pretty blank, she could read his eyes. He would, if she asked, turn around and go take her somewhere else.
Which, she thought, was why she didn't ask. She took her hand, and gripped his with it; a small gesture, but one that gave both of them strength and comfort.
She lifted the corner of her mouth in a smile, and reached out to push the door bell.
"Bring it on," she muttered.
~0~0~
"ALRIGHT! WHO GOT MY BOSS DRUNK!"
Duo was standing in the doorway watching as Lady Une tried her hand at flirting... with the clownfish in the living room aquarium.
"Ah... well, you see..."
Duo glared at Zechs, who abruptly shut up... due as much to Noin's hand over his mouth as to the ferocity of Duo's glare.
"No harm, no foul," the black haired woman grinned.
Duo frowned, but turned away. "As long as she sticks to flirting and doesn't try to take the relationship any further, we'll be fine."
Duo turned around and went off in search of his significant other. And perhaps another drink. He had a bad feeling he'd need a lot of liquid courage to make it through tonight.
"Duo! Have you seen that lover of mine! I can't find him anywhere," Quatre sighed, stopping right alongside Duo.
"Living room," Duo replied.
"What's he doing in there? He hates the living room..."
"Hilde brought her cat," Duo supplied. Quatre nodded sagely, and waved his thanks before rushing off. Duo sighed, even as a hand descended into his vision.
"Drink? It's a double," Wufei said, clinking the ice around the glass.
"You, love, are a God," Duo praised, snatching the drink away and downing the liquid contents in one gulp. "Any chance of another of those?" He questioned.
Wufei chuckled. "Maybe. Although perhaps we should slow down. I could have sworn I saw Lady Une kissing the glass of the aquarium..."
"That's not the alcohol... well, at least not the alcohol in you. I dunno... ask Zechs and Noin. I think it's their fault.
*ding, dong*
Duo sighed. "Doorbell... I'll get it. Quatre's probably been absorbed by now..."
Handing his empty glass back to Wufei, he left to go answer the door.
The petite little blond, hand in hand with Heero Yuy, was only vaguely familiar. He knew she worked at Preventers. A secretary or something. So...
"You must be Mel," he nodded. "Heero. You're late. Une is making out with a clown fish, Zechs was behind it, and I think Quatre may have been absorbed by the utter bundle of cute that is Hilde's cat... This is not going so well."
"Hn," Heero grunted. "Sounds normal, really."
"Unfortunately... and you know how these things normally go."
Heero nodded. "Right. Let me go find Quatre, he'll be instrumental if we can save him."
"Try the living room," Duo said. "Just be careful that you don't get sucked in, too. That cat is really, really cute. I barely escaped with my sanity. I'm just glad I'm allergic..."
"Mission accepted," Heero muttered, and tugging Mel along behind him, he headed for Quatre's living room.
Only to stop and stare at the sight of Trowa and Quatre gathered closely around little Marimeia in her wheelchair. Marimeia! Who invited a child to a party where there would be drinking, and most likely a few Public Displays of Affection. What was going on here?
"It's sooooooo cute!" Quatre gushed. "Look at it's whiskers!"
"Whiskers? Look at the eyes! It's the most adorable cat I've ever seen!"
Cautiously, Heero let go of Melody and crept closer, until he could look over Mari's shoulder. Then... he blinked.
It was teeny, and a fuzzy gray that looked softer than down. It's tail curled around it's cuddled up form on the girl's lap, and it's ears twitched ever so slightly even as clear golden eyes observed the world around it. Ugh, it was cute, from it's itty bitty paws to the tiny silver bell hanging from it's pink collar.
"Awww. That is a cute kitty! What's it's name? Is it yours, little one?"
Heero nearly groaned as Melody appeared in the group, scratching the kitten's ear.
"No," Mari smiled. "It's Ms. Hilde's. And her name is Kimi."
Heero sighed, and turned away. There was no saving these three right now. The little kitty had her claws sunk in them deeply.
"Marimeia, why are you here? Surely your guardian does not intend for you to stay at this party?"
"Oh, no. Ms. Relena and Ms. Dorothy are coming to pick me up soon. Mama Une couldn't find no one else to watch me tonight."
Heero sighed. "I thought my boss was intelligent? She invited Relena... here! This is NOT going to end well..."
"QUATRE! HILDE'S SET THE KITCHEN ON FIRE!"
Heero- and everyone else in the room- gasped and spun around at Duo's scream.
"NOT MY KITCHEN!" Quatre yelled, scrambling from the room.
Duo, standing just outside the living room door, almost fell down laughing. "Just kidding, Quat. But you gotta admit... it got you moving and broke the kitty's spell!"
Quatre almost sank against the wall, supported only by Trowa. "Duo... I could kill you right now."
"Yeah? I'd like to see you..."
*ding, dong*
Duo groaned. "Not the damn doorbell again. I'm not getting it this time."
"You're gonna pay for that prank, Duo Maxwell," Quatre growled, then launched himself.
Heero cast a glance at Duo and Quatre practically rolling around the floor, wresting, then sighed. "Looks like someone else will have to get it," he said, walking towards the door.
Only to find it already opening, Melody's hand on the handle.
"Hello. Can I help you?" She asked, face to face with two blond women.
"Hi," one of them said, Melody flinching at the garish pink dress she wore. "I'm just supposed to be picking up Marimeia. I hope I'm not.."
The woman looked around, the lights, streamers, drinks. "You're having a party?"
"A birthday-cum-New Years party," Mel shrugged. "If you'll just wait here, I'll go let Marimeia know you're here..."
"HEERO!" The woman screeched, launching herself past Melody in a flash. Melody, startled, looked to see the woman glomp her boyfriend.
It was at that point in time that Quatre, Hilde, Duo, Trowa, and just about everyone in the house came through into the one room, Duo and Wufei supporting a cake between them, lifted above their heads so that they could make it around the foyer table.
It wasn't that big of a cake. A simple round one, iced white with balloons and streamers and confetti.
"Heero, Melody... we're ready to cut the...Relena?" Quatre blinked at the woman. "Dorothy?"
"Heero!" the woman in pink cried. "You were having a party and didn't invite me? But, but..."
"Hey, lady, hands of what's mine," Melody snapped, finally realizing there was a crazy broad hanging off of her boyfriend's neck. She took Relena's arms and forcefully unwound them from Heero.
"But..." Relena blinked. "Heero's mine. He wouldn't be seen with some short, two-bit, flat-chested little..."
"ENOUGH with the names," Quatre growled, having enough of Relena already. It might have been annoyance, and it might have (okay, yeah... it played a part) the alcohol, but Quatre stepped up nose to nose with the pretty (awful) in pink princess. "I've had it up to here with you Relena. This is my party, me and Duo and Heero and Wufei and Trowa. NOT you. You don't barge in here and call my guests and friends names, especially when you weren't invited. Now get out. I don't want to see you in here for another moment!"
Looking back, it might have been an accident. Or... it might have been done on purpose. Perhaps it was a combination of things. Trowa had his hands on Quatre, trying to turn the blond around, calm him down. Dorothy was between a pissed off Melody and a shocked Relena, pushing the later away to save her from the former. And everyone else was gaping, wide eyed at Quatre's little outburst. Duo grinned manically and punched a fist in the air with a 'Ye-haw'.This caused the cake to tilt, just a bit. Wufei tried to keep it from falling towards Hilde, behind them, and over-compensated, causing the cake to fly forwards.
The cake exploded in a mass of colored icing as it smashed headlong into Relena's surprised face. Icing splattered everywhere, all across Relena, splashing onto Dorothy, and even a few dollops hitting Heero and Melody.
For a moment, for two, everyone was completely silent. The only sound was Relena's forced breathing through the pounds of cake upon her face. Until three things happened at once.
Hilde and Melody burst out laughing.
Wufei screeched out "DUO!"
And Quatre blinked at Relena. "Aw... what a waste of perfectly good cake."
Hours later, things had settled back down. Perhaps a bit too much. Quatre has sent little Mari and Une- who'd had to be FORCED away from the fish-tank- with Dorothy and Relena. Hilde had taken her cat and left, too. And eventually... the drinks had run freely, until at last, everyone fell asleep.
Heero and Melody- two of the calmer drunks in the house- had settled quite peacefully on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket and each other. There were a few bowls around them- bowls that once held chocolate ice cream. Melody had made a mental note that 'chocolate plus Heero equals HYPER'. Especially when Zechs had convinced him to get up and help him dance to "I'm too sexy for my shirt." Although... maybe she'd changed her mind when her stoic boyfriend swung his shirt around in the air and tossed it at her.
Wufei had latched hold of Duo's braid sometime during the course of the night, and had not let go of it since. They'd fallen asleep at the kitchen table, Wufei stroking the braid. Quatre would later swear he heard Wufei muttering something about 'my precious', but nothing could be proved.
Zechs and Noin were curled together in the back seat of their car- they'd wanted to drive home, but smart Quatre and Duo had hidden their keys.
And when Quatre finally blinked awake the next morning, he was nestled comfortably on his love's chest... until he discovered why he had woken up.
Drip, drop.
Another small splash of cold water splattered on his foot.
As calmly and demurely as he could, he extracted himself from the bathtub, grateful at least that he was still dressed... even if he did have... was that cake?... in his hair.
"Ugh... did anyone get the number of the semi that hit me?" Trowa asked groggily, trying to unfold himself from the small tub. When he had finally gotten his feet under him, he stared, confused, down at the white porcelain. "I'm not even gonna ask," he decided out loud.
"Wise choice," Quatre agreed, staggering down the hall. He'd eat first... then shower. Maybe. He passed the living room... and the comatose Melody and Heero... and continued on to the kitchen.
"And I thought the bathtub was an odd place to fall asleep," Trowa murmured, seeing his friends spooning amongst the... um... dishes, forks, and spoons littered upon the table. And Wufei with his hand still wrapped tight up in Duo's braid, like a life-line.
Quatre stared at the stove... and the mass of dishes on it, along with the remnants of what he assumed had once been the remains of the cake. "Cereal," he confirmed out loud, and turned away from the stove.
"Hey... Quatre?" Trowa called from the other room.
"Yes?"
"Uh... where's our fish?"
~0~0~
Across town...
"Um... Aunt Une?" *poke, poke* "Why's there a fish swimming in my cereal bowl?"
*blinks* "That is the last time I ever go to a party with Zechs and Noin!"
Owari