What If It Makes You Sad At Me; by TBMH. I am pleased to say I'm back, but I'm still unsure about what to do next. Any help/suggestions? This one is for a request by a very special jellybean nugget! (note: Not username, but it sounds pretty good.)
THE SONG THAT INSPIRED THIS AND IS MENTIONED: What If by Safetysuit
Quick Note: And it all began with a piece of paper and Luke's stupid hand writing.
Luke, for some unfathomable reason, had instantly became attached to me. Don't ask why, for I ask myself that every single time. Hello, everyone, my name is Gill Hamilton. I am the best friend of an insane goof off, or at least HE is best friends with ME. I didn't ask him to 'play' or 'talk', he just stopped what he was doing and decided to strike up conversations with me for no reason. His excuse? "You seem sad." Yes Luke, I am very much sad. I'm even sadder when you dropped blue dye in my hair, and even more sad when you wore my shirts after breaking into my house at ONE IN THE FUCKING MORNING.
I felt something hit my hair, and instantly became annoyed. Luke sat behind me, and gave a thumbs up when I turned with a glare. He had followed my rule pleasantly, 'no talking'.
I unfolded the piece of paper that fell into my lap and read it over as well as I could, and interpreted whatever I could from that piece of shit he calls hand writing.
Hey Gilly-willerkins! How are you over there in your big-boy chair?
Luke, I'm busy. Is there something you want? Scratch that, I don't want to know.
I threw it back at his head and it made a plop there. I grinned in my satisfaction. Little did I know, it all began with a piece of paper.
Buh-hut Gilllllll! I miss you.
Why. I'm four steps ahead of you, walk over twit.
No :3 YOU come over HERE.
Dummy.
That's Mr. Awesome Cool Amazing Super Dummy to you, Gilly-willerkins.
Don't call me that. It sounds un-manly.
Well it's okay if I do because I make everything sound manly.
… I really don't know what to say to that.
Tell me your happy.
Why?
I wondered what was up the idiots sleeve as I tossed it back once more. I realized I had enjoyed this stupid little game of notes, and Elli noticed. She smiled and I glared at her, but suppressed a smile. Luke's face read over it and twisted into a frown before picking up a pen and beginning to write. It took a while, and I never noticed I was staring at his tanned face until Elli coughed.
Because when you're happy, I noticed your smile is beautiful and I like that. I like it a lot, but I don't want to tell you a lot of the time because I—
It was cut off and I tried to find out what was up.
Yoooooou… what?
I told you I like when you're happy.
No, the ending idiot.
Nothing. It's nothing.
I worried. Yes, I know, Gill Hamilton being WORRIED for someone other then himself. I must admit, as much as those words stain my throat pungently and sit there like a cough I was worried for that loser.
Tell me. It's okay, what do you want?
What if… what I want makes you sad at me?
I don't know.
I answered the question honestly. What would I do if what he wanted made me sad? I'd try to find a meeting point along the line, or I'd deal with it, but I never saw Luke like this. He seemed colder, timid, backwards. He looked confused for a while.
What if it takes your breath and you can't hardly breath? What if… what if it makes the last sound the very best sound?
I don't have an answer for that. We'll see when you tell me, yes?
Not yet. I don't want to ruin this.
I was confused and irritable. I became irritable about things I don't understand; it's one of my terrible habits. That, and staring at my ceiling wondering what the stars look like through my roof. I wanted to go up to the roof and look at them, but my father would never allow it. I gripped my fine tip black pen in my hands and cursed under my breath, I could feel his eyes on me. I could tell Elli was curious, I could tell she wanted something to tell her friends. My fingers ran over the dents his pen had pushed into the paper and trailed my fingers over the paper in thought.
If it makes me sad, I'll find a way. If it takes my breath, then I'll find a way to breath. If it makes the last sound the very best… I'll survive. And hey, I promise, whatever it is won't change us.
A thought in my head whispered things to me. I thought of him liking Angela, my mortal enemy (who I actually liked a little bit), and he was upset it would hurt our friendship if he chose the enemy. I thought he didn't want to be friends, I thought I would be alone soon. I thought, I thought, I thought. I could hear the page scribble under his hand and I contemplated running far away. I don't know why, I don't understand why. I guess things like that happen sometimes.
Gill you're my best friend. Don't leave me.
That…. Was it? THAT WAS WHAT I WAS WORRIED THOSE 13 SECONDS? I wanted to wring his throat out but I clenched my fist and began to write back.
I'm not idiot.
Gill… What I'm about to say is hard, and don't show anyone else! Got it?
Sure thing idiot.
Elli got up and started to pack her things. I wondered why she was leaving, and then she explained it fairly simply.
"It's closing time. You guys were passing notes and goofing off the entire time." She winked at Luke and I wondered why. Were those two a thing?
"See ya Els." Luke waved goodbye goofily.
"You two seem like you're really close. I never saw Gill look away from his papers and look that happy before. Good job, Lukes." She said before turning away and shutting the door.
Gill, what if I were to tell you that I loved you?
I sighed.
That's not uncommon. You're my friend, friends say that a lot, right?
No, I mean… love you. Like more then a friend. Like… a crush?
Is that a confession?
His face contorted into a smile and he began to write.
I love you, Gill Hamilton.
Taking one look my heart grew cold. It was unexpected. I thought it was a joke, how could I let him down?
I scribbled something on the paper and threw it back. Getting up hastily so I didn't have to see his face, I left through the door and tried not to look back.
Inside, Luke nodded knowingly and put the paper in his pocket before getting up to leave as well.
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I love you too, you fucking retard.
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