The door slammed shut as Sara ran into the locker room. He had done it again. He had promised her the world and then told her to live without it. Only one person in the world could make Sara feel this angry and upset, Gilbert Grissom. How she loved that man nobody knew. But she did. She loved him so much that she had practically built her life around him. Sometimes she thought that he loved her too but he shattered her dream every chance that he got, with or without realising it. This was one of those horrible times. She had offered herself to him and he had very brusquely refused and cut off her advances. She had opened herself up to him and he had blatantly refused to play. Her life was hard enough without her heart being constantly crushed on a regular basis. Not this time thou she thought to herself.
"You know what screw the bastard. He doesn't deserve me." She didn't hear Catharine come into the locker room.
"What bastard?" she asked. Sara nearly jumped out of her skin in surprise. She so desperately didn't want to answer her question but Cath was a skilled interrogator even if it wasn't her field of expertise. Men were most definitely in her field of expertise thou so Sara figured a second opinion couldn't hurt too much.
"Oh shit, Cath I didn't hear you come in. I was just venting."
"Sara I'm not an idiot. And I have almost perfect hearing so spill." She smiled at Sara.
"Just this guy I used to like." Once she started it was almost impossible to stop, "he tells me I'm beautiful and then pushes me away, calls me honey and doesn't talk to me, says he needs me but tells me to get a life. It's like I'm not good enough for him but he doesn't want to be lonely so he keeps me on his hook. What the hell is wrong with me?" Tears were forming behind her eyes but she wouldn't let them fall, not at work, not where Grissom might see. Catherine knew who she was talking about; she knew there was only one person in the world that could make this made and hate herself this much. Catherine didn't want Sara to know that she knew so she let her vent.
"Sara girl, listen to me." Sara nodded, "tonight or the next time you see this 'guy' you tell him how you feel. You tell him that he doesn't have the right to keep you on the hook. You tell him that you love him but if he doesn't feel the same way to let you go. Tell him to let you go because what he is doing is cruel and unfair on you. And from what I heard you say he doesn't deserve you. He sounds like an arrogant prick that needs to get a life instead of destroying yours." Sara was astonished at what she was saying and went back to defending him.
"He is not a bad guy Cath; actually he is the most amazing person you could ever meet. He is sweet and kind..."
"And a bastard." Catherine cut her off, "Sara he is destroying you. You look like you haven't slept or eaten in days, and don't tell me it's the job. Your mood is all over the place one minute you're happy as a clam and the next you are yelling at your boss, slamming doors and swearing in the locker room. Your work is slipping and you need to get over him."
Sara knew she was right but she loved him too much to just give up on her love all together and move on. She knew that everything Catherine had said was all too true but she had to try at least one more time. He resolve to not cry was shattering and a tear escaped her eyes
"Cath, I think I love him. I can't just give up all together. Not if there is a chance that he might love me." Another tear ran down her cheek. Catherine, who was standing by her locker at this point walked over to Sara. She sat on the bench next to Sara and put her arm around her. Sara leaned into Catherine and cried silently into her shoulder. Small sobs racked Sara's body and Catherine made soothing noises to try and get her to calm down. Looking down on Sara Catherine only saw a little girl. A lost little girl, crying for the attention of anyone. Sara sat up and whipped the tears from her eyes. Catherine reached down her top and pulled out tissues. Sara laughed.
"What else do you keep down there?"
"You mean besides the kitchen sink." Sara laughed again, "Just tissues and..." she reached down her top again, "condoms." Sara snorted and laughed so hard her lungs hurt. Catherine smiled and laughed at Sara's attempt to calm herself down.
"Ok Sara if you love him as much as you think you do give him one last chance. Just one and see what he does. But before you do anything else tonight you might want to apologise to Gris, you yelled at him pretty bad." The two women stood and hugged each other. Catherine watched Sara leave the room. Sara retraced her steps back to Grissom's office. She would apologise and then tell him everything. It was nice to have an excuse for going to see him that didn't have the whole lab thinking that she would do anything for the man. Walking the halls of CSI Sara realised that their argument must have been heard by the whole lab as most lab rats looked up from their work as she walked past. She was nearing his office and could see him at his desk reading something off the computer. She walked up to the door and knocked. He looked up and for a moment his shinning blue eyes met her. In that moment she forgot the purpose of the visit. She forgot everything Catherine had told her.
"Sidle what do you want?" Grissom asked coolly. Sara closed her mouth and swallowed. Her mouth was very dry. He used her last name. It could only mean one thing; he was mad.
"Grissom I have to talk to you." He just nodded and added
"Well you wouldn't be here unless you wanted to talk." His comment was ruthless and she felt her heart drop.
"Privately." He stood and closed the door behind her.
"Private enough?" he asked as he returned to his seat.
"Gilbert, you cannot keep doing this to me it isn't fair on me or you."
"What am I doing Sara?" 'Ok he is back to using my first name. That's good', thought Sara.
"Don't play dumb with me Gilbert. I'm not an idiot you know."
"Sara would you just tell me what this is about and then I can get back to work." His callousness hurt her and she could feel the anger rising in her chest. Tears welled behind her eyes at the thought that his job was more important than her or anyone else. He was always going to put everything ahead of her, and she knew it. She couldn't change him and he would never let her off his hook. So she had to let herself off it.
"I can't play this game anymore Gilbert. I quit. You will have my resignation in the morning when I come to clean out my locker." She spun on her heels and walked out of the office. She left the door hanging and as soon as she was out of his eye range she broke into a run and headed for the car lot. Tears started running down her face as she waited for the elevator. Grissom was still in his chair processing the unthinkable. He had lost her. Completely lost her, well not completely. He figured that if he could catch her in time he might be able to change her mind. He raced out of his chair and ran down the halls of CSI. Sara heard him call out her name. She looked at the screen that told you the floor the elevator was on- B2 and she ran to the stairs. Grissom saw her race down the stairs and followed calling her name.
"Sara! Sara come back and just talk to me." He yelled down the stairs. She stopped running and looked up at him. He ran down the last two flights of stairs and stood in front of her baring her exit. Tears ran down her face.
"Oh Sara, don't cry honey." He said compassionately as his hand went to wipe away her tears. She swatted his hand away angrily
"This is what I mean. You act like you love me and then you ignore me, and you know what I'm totally over this."
"Sara I didn't know that you felt that way."
"Oh that is complete and utter bull shit. Don't you dare stand there and say to my face that you didn't know that I loved you." He went silent, she went silent. She knew that she should feel exposed after her confession but she didn't. It felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest. He started to say something but she cut him off.
"Listen to me. Just listen to me for a minute. I love you. I have loved you from the moment we met in San Francisco. I uprooted my life in San Francisco to answer your call all the way here in Vegas. For the last five years all I have done is think about you. You flirted with me and then acted like it never happened. You told me that I was beauty and then acted like you never said it. I can feel you staring at me across the room while we eat with the others and at crime scenes. You think that it is inappropriate for us to be together and you are scared shitless that if you open yourself up to me I might not like you for you. I can't handle it anymore. You love me, and I love you. But you can't open yourself to me so I am making it easy for you. I am leaving Grissom and there is nothing you can do or say to make me stay." She pushed past him and ran out into the car park.
Grissom was bewildered. She could read him better than anyone else in his life. And he had broken her. She had left him behind standing in the stair well looking at the place where she stood just moments before. He heard her car drive out of the parking lot. He forced himself to walk back up the stairs. He reached down to his waist and paged everyone to meet him in the break room. When he reached the door to the lab he paused for a minute to collect his thoughts and decide on what to tell the team. Most of the lab would have seen him chase Sara through the halls and wouldn't be surprised if they heard some of their argument. So basically he was rationalising. The one thing that Sara told him that really hurt, he was to rational. He should have taken her into his arms instead of letting her run out to the parking lot and leave, but he rationalised that it would be better for them both if she left. They could never have worked. He was her supervisor and she is subordinate. He pushed the door open and walked to the break room. Half the lab stared as he went by but he ignored their glances. He reached the break room and his team were sitting around a table. Catherine was sitting furthest away with her face set in a frown, nick was sitting next to her talking to Greg, who was sitting on the opposite side of Catherine and Warrick was sitting in the chair closest to the door not saying anything. All eyes went up when Grissom walked into the room.
"Sara quit." He heard a chorus of shocked silence throughout the room.
"What the hell did you say to her?" yelled Catherine as she stood up from her chair.
"Yeah boss man." Greg said echoing Catherine's disgust.
"Grissom why did she quit? Did she give you a reason? Is that why you were running after her?" asked Nick.
"I can't lie to you guys. Sara left because of me."
"I repeat my question, what the hell did you say to her?" Catherine asked, fuming.
"Catherine..." he started but he cut her off.
"I sat with her crying in the damn locker room. I gave her the courage to tell you how she felt and you did what? What did you do?"
"Catherine..."
"This is getting slightly repetitive Gil."
"I don't know what to tell you." He said to their disgusted faces.
"Just tell us what went down man." Warrick piped up.
"ok." Grissom replied. Grissom told them everything from the yelling match in his office to Sara's flight. He told them what she said. He told them that she told him the she loved him and that he couldn't open himself to her. He told them about her tears and the way she yelled at him and left.
"Grissom." Said Catherine softly, "How did you not know that she was in love with you."
"I knew that she liked me, but she went out with that Hank guy and I thought she was over me."
"She never got over you man. And she was right you know you do love her." Everyone looked at nick as he said this. "What? You all know it. He watches her work and talk and walk and everything else she does."
"Yeah Nicky I know but..." started Catherine
"No he is right I treated her wrong. I knew she loved me and now she is gone." Tears threatened to overflow his eyelids. "she is gone and she is never coming back."