Disclaimer: Inuyasha...not my property.

"You've always got to behave yourself, okay?"

"Mama wants you to be a good boy."

"You should never forget the things I've told you."

Inuyasha had been hearing these phrases, and phrases like them, from his mother often lately. As though he was going away somewhere. But whenever he asked...

"Of course not, honey, Mama would never send you away. I love you."

But the look in her eyes always made him clutch his teddy bear tighter. However, he never thought to ask if Mama was going anywhere. It had never crossed his mind.

Lately she had been hugging him tighter. Been holding his hand much tighter, with a grip as though she would never let go. It scared Inuyasha just as much as it made him happy.

"Mama, is something wrong?"

She smiled at him and it became obvious that something was wrong. Something that, as a six year old, he could not have really noticed. Short attention span and all. She was pale, so very pale.

His eyes widened and tears formed. "Mama..?"

She wiped his tears with a tight smile. "You know, I love you so much. And I always want you to behave yourself. Please, be a good boy from now on."

"Mama?"

She held him tightly before coughing painfully. Inuyasha's nose prickled with the scent of blood. His mother's embrace went limp. And then all went black.

"MAMA!"

Before I Die

Quietly, Inuyasha set the table. He always did as he was told, without a word. He hardly ever made a sound. And it was always with that same expression. Cold. Dark. Lonely and depressed.

It pained Kikyo's heart to see him that way. Not Inuyasha. Someone as cute as him should be smiling. Should always be smiling.

But she has never seen him smile, not outside of pictures. He didn't smile the day he was brought to the orphanage, and even now that she had taken him out of it, he still wouldn't crack the smallest grin. It hurt her so much. It hurt her so very much.

He looked up at her once the task was done. Expressionless yet Kikyo knew he was waiting for praise, for confirmation of the goodness of his deed. He needed that, he needed that for it to be okay. For everything to be okay.

She broke into a grin despite her pain. She enveloped him in a warm embrace. "You're such a good boy. It must be so hard."

Inuyasha's eyes teared up and sobbed bitterly into her shoulder.

...

"Kikyo onee-chan! Look, I got a hundred percent!" he displayed the test with deep pride.

He smiled more often now. It made Kikyo so proud, so happy. She laughed, "Good job, Inuyasha."

He gave her a gap-toothed grin as she ruffled his hair affectionately. Good job. He's just so cute. She beamed, "Looks like someone deserves a reward! Wanna go for ice cream?"

Inuyasha jumped up and down in excitement. "YES! THANK YOU ONEE-CHAN!"

Kikyo laughed, "Why are you thanking me? You're the one that earned the ice cream. Now c'mon, let's go." She looked at Inuyasha and felt her heart warm up. Look at happy he was. A few years ago this wouldn't even seem possible.

He had come so far from the little boy who'd never speak. And Kikyo was so glad that she had helped him on that journey.

...

Kikyo found herself staring at Inuyasha more often now. He was starting to grow so handsome. She blinked and blushed. And then freaked out even more when she realized what she had done.

This certainly wasn't right.

She'd been looking after Inuyasha for seven years. She'd been watching over him as a sister, or even a mother. Right?

But why had her thoughts lately wandered away from that?

This wasn't right. Kikyo smacked her cheeks. Regardless of what she was thinking or feeling, Inuyasha was only thirteen. He was still a minor. And she was almost thirty. How could it even cross her mind?

"What's wrong with me?" Kikyo whispered harshly.

Inuyasha blinked, pausing in eating his ramen to stare at Kikyo. "Kikyo onee-chan?"

Kikyo looked up at Inuyasha and smiled. It was so fake, she knew he could tell.

It was bothering her to be called 'onee-chan'.

And when she realized that, it bothered her even more. Because she really didn't deserve it.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, his golden orbs searching hers.

Kikyo struggled not to blush. She used to think he was cute. She still did. But now... now it wasn't a different kind of cute.

And she was so ashamed.

"No," Kikyo answered, deciding to push her feelings back down. Soon enough he'd be going to high school. He could move out then and then she wouldn't have to deal with these evil feelings. "Don't worry about it," she replied in a soft tone. "Finish your ramen."

He stared at her for a few minutes, uncertain, before obeying. He sighed as he ate, staring into the noodles and soup. Kikyo onee-chan is starting to look paler and paler.

"Mama? MAMA!"

Inuyasha swallowed hard. He looked up at Kikyo one more time, dead seriousness in his eyes. "Are you sure there's nothing wrong with you?"

Kikyo blinked, completely oblivious now. "Yeah, I'm positive. Like I said, don't worry and eat."

...

As Kikyo tucked Inuyasha in, she wondered why he still let her. And why she still did it. He wasn't a child anymore. Well, he was only thirteen. But he was starting to get too old to be tucked in every night.

"'Night Kikyo onee-san," Inuyasha replied as he turned onto his side and tried to shut his eyes.

"'Night Inuyasha," Kikyo replied sweetly.

"I love you," Inuyasha added.

There was panicked moment of hesitation. Kikyo's face turned a bright scarlet. "I l-love you too..." She lowered her head in shame as she walked away from the sleeping Inuyasha.

Tears fell down her cheeks. She felt so disgusted with herself.

How could she have fallen for him? And like this?

...

Inuyasha was surprised when Kikyo shoved him down onto the bed. "Kikyo o...onee-san?"

Kikyo looked at him with such pitiful eyes, her cheeks a light pink. "Please, please just call me Kikyo."

Inuyasha blinked, face turning red. "K-Kikyo?"

And suddenly her lips smashed on top of his. Inuyasha was surprised and confused. What was going on?

Kikyo pulled away abruptly, her hands clutching tight fistfuls of his shirt. She looked away, growing more ashamed of herself by the minute. What was wrong with her? "I love you Inuyasha."

"Huh?" Inuyasha replied. That wasn't answering any of his questions.

"Not the way you think, Inuyasha," Her fists clenched even more, "I've... I don't know exactly when it started but I... I think of you as a man, Inuyasha." Her brown eyes burned passionately into Inuyasha's gold.

He was startled and confused. His heart was pounding. "Ki-Kikyo o-" Her lips smashed on top of his again, only this time her tongue forced entry into his mouth.

Inuyasha was growing more confused by the minute.

Kikyo pulled away again. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. But there's just one thing I want to do before I die." Before repeating the deep kiss. Only this didn't time she didn't pull away after a few seconds. This time she didn't stop.