A/N: So...I started writing this forever ago because the story wouldn't leave me alone and I just never had enough direction to share but I think I've worked something out. Hopefully, we won't have the gag inducing quality of fluff that occurred last time, however, this should stay on the lighter side of the spectrum. I swear I won't kill anything...except maybe a dog or a fish. I'm open to your ideas and thoughts, especially since this is the first chapter so if you want to see something or want me to stop or want me to kill that dog then let me know and I'll see what I can do. Enjoy-
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Medisin
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The lingering stares received as she slowly pushes the metal cart around the grocery store are not lost on Addison. She looks down at Carson, sleeping peacefully as always and then secures the warm blanket around her feet again while the skewed tires squeal pitifully drawing further attention to the duo. Part of her is fully aware that this is hormones and that this is the natural way of things but the other part of Addison kind of wants to scream until her throat is sore just for kicks, just to see how it feels. She would have done it in the car on the way here if she wasn't in fear of her daughter popping her blue eyes open and joining the party. She casts her glance downward as another mother, one laden with two little boys in the basket part of her cart, looks directly at her and then peers in at the infant.
"She's adorable." The woman mentions, in passing, but still slowing down enough for a conversation to occur. Addison can't but think that this would not be happening if she was in New York, people are not best friends for life with random women that they meet in stores. "How old?"
"8 days." Addison replies, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear, wishing that the shiny floor would swallow her whole.
"Well, she's a keeper." The woman grins and continues her journey for paper towels and light bulbs. Addison wasn't aware that giving her back was an option, not that she would, but the thought is entertaining enough. She keeps the smart retort to herself and pushes the squeaky wheels a little further down to retrieve the flour Izzie's list says she needs.
That incident marks the forth time she's been stopped and while growing slightly agitated that she isn't making any head way and the fact that Carson will have to be fed again sooner rather than later and they both seriously need a nap, she's still kind of pleased; beaming with pride that people don't think her baby is a scrunched up little prune of pink skin and teeth-less gums. She takes a deep breath, looks down at Izzie's perfectly legible print and ambles forward.
Sugar, vanilla, yogurt, lettuce, flour, Derek's gross cereal, eggs and bread finally loaded into the car she climbs behind the wheel and shuts the door softly. She can hear Carson beginning to stir and the option of trying to breastfeed in the car without any form of cover is sounding less appealing by the second. That comfort level with the whole process has yet to be attained. She used to think she'd just be a natural at the whole thing but life has proven her wrong once again. She jams the key in the ignition and prays that they can make it home before the crying sets in. Weaving through light traffic, she takes mental inventory of the other things she'll need to start bringing with her when they go out. All told, she's not sure she can fit it in one bag anymore and certainly the prospect of going out with three kids and all of their things is not something she is ever going to be looking forward to.
It's funny how life changes.
Derek twists the combination on his locker waiting for it to inevitably stick. He wiggles the latch and pulls up until the old welded metal can take it upon itself to be opened. Once inside, he roots around the bottom under all the spare scrub caps with ferryboats, sailboats and other water machinery until he finds the photo. It was taken just before Carson was born. Addison hated it immediately when Izzie showed them but Derek thinks it's a rather perfect example of who they have become in the last year. Collin isn't looking at the camera, certainly distracted by something shiny somewhere, and Carter is busy trying to put a florescent orange ball down the front of Addison's shirt as she reclines lazily on the couch having long since given up on her personal space because children, especially theirs it seems, don't acknowledge the concept.
He grins brightly looking at the crazy circus that is now his life. His fingers trace the twins and land on his wife's messy red hair. He's not sure he can do this. A year ago, he turned down the position of chief for various reasons. His world was falling apart in front of his eyes, Meredith refusing to acknowledge him, fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up, and screwing up his interview with the board. He didn't deserve the job then and he knew the only reason he got it was at the behest of Richard. Richard who no longer trusted Preston and who would have never in a million years given Mark chief. Which left Addison. He'd only ever gone up against her for Chief Resident and it was a foolish idea to even play along then because she swept everyone and did a brilliant job that one year of her reign.
He watched the way Richard was seemingly grooming her. Bringing her out onto the floor to direct traffic when she very well could have been up in the NICU doing something more practical, something that was better related to her training. It was apparent to Derek that she was a least a threat in the running. Instead, she scurried off to California three weeks later after refusing to talk to anyone about her reasoning. He tried to speak with her, tried to understand but ultimately it was clear he was not a part of her life any longer and that her issues were not for his ears especially since, he has come to realize, he was the root of most of them anyway.
As he shoves the picture back under his soggy lunch he realizes how very little he knows about what happened to Addison in those few short months. They've gotten busy again already and things are falling by the wayside and he didn't see it. There's no way he can take the physical and emotional toll as well as the time demands of running this surgical ward and still be the father and husband he wants to be.
He wouldn't even want to try.
"Look Derek, I know you're upset-" Richard struggles to eek out as he pushes himself up against the pillows in his hospital bed.
"You didn't even ask me Richard. I'm a little more than upset." Derek replies calmly and slips back into the chair he left a little over an hour ago.
"I don't have any other options Shep. I'm old-"
"You are not. You're fifty-eight Richard."
"Let me finish a sentence." He takes a long draw of air. "I'm old. I've been doing this a long time and I'm tired and I'm sick."
"You aren't. I got it all this time. You're going to be just fine."
"While I admire your skill and self assurance I have a feeling that this is only the beginning for me and I want Adele. I miss my wife and I want to go home Derek. I can't do that and be Chief. It's not an option."
"Why didn't you give Addison the job?" Derek blurts out, rubbing a few fingers over his pager.
"She's on maternity leave. I need someone right now and while I'm sure Addie would gladly come back in and pick up the slack she shouldn't have to. I don't want Addison running this hospital. I want you. I picked you."
"Before. Before…now. Why me?"
"You were the best man for the job. Simple as that." Richard pulls the oxygen tubes out of his nose and flings them to the side.
"Man." Derek repeats. "Man for the job."
"Oh no. Don't you dare interpret this incorrectly Derek. You were the best person for the job. Addison wasn't…she wasn't in…you know what? It's none of your business. It was my decision and it wasn't biased or discriminatory in any way shape or form."
"I wasn't insinuating that."
"Yes you were. Don't barge in on your boss and imply things that you don't know anything about. You want to know why Addison didn't get the job then you ask Addison. She can explain it better than I can." He fiddles with the IV in his hand and looks down at the mandated blue blanket over his legs. "Next Tuesday will be my last official day. I'm having the paperwork drawn up as we speak and I expect you to pull out of this sullen teenager attitude and be the surgeon I know."
Derek sinks his head into his hands. "What if…I can't do this? What if I lose her again?"
"You won't. You got a do over Derek. You've learned your lesson."
"I've been home twenty hours in the last week, you know that? Twenty Richard. I can't expect Addison to put up with that…and my kids…I don't want this. I want to be a dad not a father. I want to play catch and learn Russian so I can understand what they hell they are always babbling about and I want to be home the first time Carson laughs or crawls or walks…and I can't do that and be Chief."
Richard sighs, knowing full well from the beginning that this was going to be a hard sell. "You don't have to do it the way I do it. Make the position your own Derek so you can be home when she laughs. I wouldn't want you to miss that. That's not why I'm giving you this…You will change this hospital for the better. I have faith in you. I know that you'll do this the right way…not my way."
Derek pauses, falters a little because he never thought of changing the way the hospital ran. When Collin Marlow marched around with a ten-year plan all Derek had was a promise. A promise that he would do his damn best but now he sees that his best doesn't have to be working nineteen hours a day and micromanaging things. "You think I can do this?"
"If I doubted it I wouldn't have given it to you." Richard smiles.
"Ok." Derek nods, coming to terms with the idea. Perhaps the dream is achievable on both ends.
"Ok."
"But if this burns to the ground-"
"I'll be the first person behind you with a broom."
"And if Addison kicks me out-"
"Then I'll make sure Adele has the couch ready for you."
"Ok." Derek smiles. Maybe he can do both.
"I knew you'd see it my way." Richard watches as Derek stands, looking thirty years younger, full of childish energy. "Give Addie my love."
"Will do." That is as soon as he figures out a way to tell her. Now there's the tricky part.
Some people would find the fact that the twins are covered head to toe in sticky frosting and flour absolutely adorable. Addison finds it stressful. She looks over as Izzie dabs some of the thick mixture on Carter's nose and listens as he squeals with glee. She has no sweet clue what she is going to do when Izzie has to return to work, maybe throwing herself in front of the train tracks and begging and threatening will have to happen. She's simply not seeing how this woman can leave her house for good without it exploding as soon as she latches the front door closed.
She's pulled from the inner demons reminding her that she is supposed to be the "do-it-all" mother not Izzie when Collin screams, "Mama!" And jumps up and down on his chair until she sees that his nose has been adorned the same as his brother's.
"I see." Addison tries to smile and ends up cringing. Bath time is going to be a blast this evening and wishing for Derek to come home and help seems to be futile lately.
"Addison?"
"Hrrm?" She replies distracted as Izzie throws another tray of sugary cookies into the oven and sets the timer.
"You seem...Do you want to go take a nap or something? I can handle these guys and Carson appears to be down for the count." Izzie's head tilts toward the swing in the living room that lightly sways with one sleeping infant.
"I'm okay."
"I know." Izzie nods, "But maybe a nap could help you feel more okay. Besides the boys and I have a special surprise planned for you...so we need you to go upstairs for a while anyway."
Addison's eyes glaze over intensely while thinking about it. Certainly turning down a nap on whatever day is somewhat unintelligent but she's also slightly curious as to what Izzie has up her sleeves. Every day for the last week it's been something. She is literally the woman of the house and the thing that Addison can't understand is that she doesn't seem to mind. She cleans with a smile, she chases filthy children with a grin and she changes diapers like there is no horrible smell emanating from them. Addison admires it, wishes she had that sort of energy inside her but she doesn't get the drive behind it all.
She never thought her dream life could be so unrewarding and lackluster. "How do you do it?"
"Do what?" Izzie asks with yet another graceful smile. She snags the cookie batter out from Collin's adventurous hands and replaces it on the counter behind the island as if it is merely an afterthought. Everything looks effortless.
"You are so good with kids, I just- how do you do it?" Addison scrubs her hands over her makeup-less face and waits for the fountain of information. If someone would just tell her how to do this she'd put good money on being the best at it but she can't figure it out for herself.
Izzie shrugs, "I don't know. I like kids." She digs a finger into the batter behind her and carefully licks it clean while thinking, "I guess...I used to watch kids at the trailer park where I grew up all the time, like when their moms had graveyard shifts- we were a family. You have to kind of band together and I was the oldest one in the bunch so..." She trails off leaving the most important explanation behind- she raised her mother. Essentially, her mother needed a mother and out of necessity Isobel rose to the occasion, she's always been good at that. "Why?"
"It's nothing. I was just curious." Addison tries to smile as she watches her boys slam the flour dusted cookie cutters onto the counter and bang away happily as the sound carries through the room.
"You're doing an amazing job, you know that right?"
"Yeah. I-I...no. You think?" Addison bites down on her lip hard. It was one thing when it was just the screaming, squealing twins to run after and even then she had back up but throw a newborn into the mix and chaos occurs. They're each good and quiet in their own right and sometimes even the boys together are mild when playing and obviously all Carson ever does is sleep but for some reason the dynamic of all three of them doesn't mesh together well enough and it leaves Addison wondering if it ever will. Her children need to be compatible or she will die. There's no way around that.
"Yes." Izzie begins to rinse the empty bowls and measuring cups in the sink before loading them into the dishwasher, "I think you are doing a fantastic job and frankly when I get home at night I am exhausted." She dries her hands before ruffling the twin's dark locks, "These monsters would tire anyone out and I get to go home and recharge for the next day. You not so much so..." Izzie lightly pushes Addison away from the boys, "you should definitely take me up on this nap thing. Take them while you can, they're a precious commodity."
"You're going to be a wonderful mother." Addison says quietly as she's led from the room by Izzie's hand on her shoulder.
"Thanks." Izzie closes her eyes briefly and savors the compliment. As much as she ever wanted to be a good surgeon and a good doctor, she wants to be a good person more. She wants the relationships strong not only her cutting skills and she's always admired Addison for just that. The flaming red hair beside her honestly makes her believe day in and day out that there can be a balance. That she can be both a surgeon and person who is involved with their patients. "Boys say goodnight to mommy, she's going to take a nap."
"Nigh-nigh!" Collin screeches and his brother flails both arms in a two handed wave.
When Addison finally managed to untangle her legs from the cool sheets nearly three hours later she found her house spotless, her children clean and Izzie soothingly rocking Carson as she became increasingly distraught by the lack of food in her stomach. Rubbing her eyes, Addison readjusts to the light in the lower half of her home and smiles her first real smile all day. Naps are good. "Hey."
"Hey, I was just about to wake you."
"I should have set an alarm but I think I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow." Addison stretches her arms out for her daughter and relishes the feel of holding her for a second before sliding onto the couch and lifting her shirt to get to work. She's long since given up on caring about whether or not Izzie wants a free show because she likes to be able to see her daughter's face from time to time. Something about bonding, she can't really explain the feeling, but it is one of the rare times where she feels at ease with breastfeeding. A split second here and there where she can ignore all the noise and just breathe easy.
"See, told you naps fix everything. Sometimes you just need someone pushing you along." Izzie reclines against the fabric, letting her back adapt to the new position and trying not to stare too oddly. It is completely normal, not that she had the opportunity to try it out for herself but having a conversation with someone who is nourishing a small infant is something different entirely. It's awkward only in that it should feel odd and it really doesn't.
"Were they good?"
"Angels." Izzie deadpans and smirks.
Addison lets out a slow chuckle and strokes her daughter's cheek for a second. "How'd the cookies turn out?"
"Golden brown and delicious. You want me to go grab you some?" Izzie speaks just a touch louder when the babbling of the moderately entertained boys at her feet picks up. Soon they'll be off running down the hallway or trying to flush another block down the toilet but for this thirty seconds they are content to just run dump trucks and plastic cement mixers over Izzie's bare feet.
"No, no. I'm good."
"You have to try at least one. You helped bake them. It's a rule."
"It's not a rule and I'm attempting to stay away from unnecessary sugars."
"Uh huh." Izzie nods knowingly. Women and their bodies. She stands anyway and dashes into the kitchen catching the attention of both toddlers who follow at her heels. She returns and places the perfectly baked sugar cookie on Addison's leg only to find that the older woman doesn't toss it back at her or feed it to the boys.
"You're trying to keep me fat."
"Please." Izzie shakes her head, "We are not even having this conversation. You're gorgeous and you know it, now eat your cookie and shut up."
Addison looks over at her meekly, doing her best impression of Carter when he wants something he's not allowed to have, "Can I have some milk?"
Izzie's eyes roll before she can stop them, "I suppose."
"I'm home!" Derek shouts, drops his keys onto the hook by the door and toes out of his shoes only to hear teary screams coming from upstairs. He careens his neck, letting it pop and stretch before he climbs the steps and heads to the sailboat themed bathroom. "Hey." He smiles looking in as Addison, drenched nearly head to toe, tries to get the soapy mess on top of Collin's head rinsed out before he can move and get it in his eyes.
"Hi." She mutters, scooping up more water with her hand and gently shielding the little boy's face as he tilts his head back.
"How are my boys?"
"Cranky, tired and dirty." Addison snaps as another wave of water comes up and hits her shirt from Carter's water toy. They've tried everything. Puppets, toys, joining their children for bath time. Nothing works. They simply hate water...and have a goal of pushing it all out of the tub and onto the floor.
"You know just how I like them." Derek closes the lid of the toilet, sits down and watches for a moment. He at least made it home in time for baths. His daughter is probably asleep which is unfortunate because if he wakes her trying just to hold her Addison will scream about schedules and then all hell will break loose and he really doesn't want to go there again. He misses his baby girl but Addison hasn't been Addison lately and this new version isn't someone he wants to cross.
"You could help you know."
"Oh...right." Derek tugs off his blue sweater and unbuttons his white collared shirt.
"I didn't mean get in the bathtub."
"I thought you liked me naked, I seem to remember several instances-"
"Derek-"
"I don't want to get all of my clothes soaked like you, alright?" Derek finally pulls his other arm free leaving him in a white undershirt and his jeans. "Now where are we?" He stretches out his hands, flexing his fingers like he is about to operate and focuses entirely on the task in front of him.
"This one is almost clean and that one is not clean at all." Addison points, directing who is who and instructs Derek to just rinse Collin off and get him out of the tub and dry.
"What did you guys do today?" Derek asks after a few minutes of rubbing the towel over his son's head as he laughs at his silly father. Sometimes the best games are ones that don't involve traditional toys.
"Grocery shopping, Izzie made cookies, the boys chased Graham around the backyard and that's about it. Exciting."
"You made cookies?" Derek asks poking Collin's bare stomach. He watches his son grow confused but he laughs anyway and babbles something incoherent that sounds like "kachat". "Ready for bed?"
"Nigh-nigh."
"Yes. Night night." Derek smiles and slings Collin over his shoulder like a caveman.
"Derek don't get him all riled up again!" Addison shouts as they leave the room. She sighs loudly and then turns back to the task of getting Carter cleaned up and ready to sleep.
Two fresh diapers, two sets of footed pajamas and one bedtime story that no one listened to and Addison didn't even bother to finish lands the pair back downstairs on the couch, Derek with his reheated dinner on his lap and Addison fighting to keep her eyes open as she scans the words of an article she could swear she's read before somewhere. She twirls the frame of her glasses, giving up on seeing the fine print below her nose and inhales deeply. She knows it will pass. The insecureness, the newness of the situation. She just wishes it would hurry up and happen. Patience has never been her strong suit. "So how is Richard?"
"Good." Derek nods and looks over at her giving SportsCenter a break.
"Anything new happen at work? Yang slit someone's throat, Callie kill Mark?"
"Nope." Derek grins and offers a forkful of his lukewarm spaghetti. He watches her mouth inch closer closing the gap, "Hey Addie?"
"Yeah?" She replies after chewing and swallowing.
"Why didn't you take Chief?"
"I wasn't aware that it was offered to me." Addison untangles her long legs and turns herself to recline against the arm of the couch, tucking her feet under Derek's thighs as he squirms slightly at the touch. He's always hated the way her feet tickle him even when she doesn't mean to.
"No...I mean before you left for L.A. When Richard was going to retire."
"It wasn't an option. Richard wanted someone else who I presumed was you but-"
"It wasn't me that he wanted. Well, it was but it wasn't the right time."
"Ok." Addison smiles and lets her eyes slide shut.
"What did he say to you?" Derek asks minutes later after finishing off his glass of water and pushing it onto the coffee table.
Addison stills for a moment trying to remember the words she could never truly forget, no matter how many times she wanted to in the course of those few short months. You either need a new job or you need a new life- she went out and got both proving them all wrong. She didn't need a new job or a new life. She just needed direction, love and support to make it all bearable again. "Nothing important. It wasn't for me, turned out to be better this way anyhow." She lets a puff of air out of her cheeks deep in thought, "Where's this coming from?"
"I was just thinking."
"About?" Addison presses. Derek is rarely without reason, even if it is a ridiculous one. It's one of her favorite things about him.
"We never really talked about what you did in L.A." Derek shrugs and twirls his fork around again, scraping together some more of Izzie's dinner. He knows it is Izzie's because it isn't burnt and it has more than just sauce and noodles- usual trademarks of his wife's handy work.
Addison scrunches her nose remembering the whole thing much clearer than she liked to. "I tried to get all Zen, walked on the beach, spent an unreasonable amount of time thinking about Seattle, and delivered probably about ten babies."
"Why'd you leave?" Derek lets his plate come to a rest on the coffee table that was holding his sock covered feet a few minutes ago and then turns and reaches out for Addison's calves to give her a nice massage while they talk. Part of him feels like doing something nice while the other part wants to make sure she doesn't try and run away from a conversation she evidently doesn't want to have.
"Leave L.A.?"
"No Seattle." Derek clarifies and pushes a little harder into her skin.
"Oh..."Addison moans unintentionally when his thumbs press into her tight muscles, "Hmmm...I left because...there was nothing here for me. All I had was my job and the rain and it wasn't enough for me anymore." She sits up and flips around on the couch so he can put his hands to good use on her shoulders. "So I packed up and moved on."
"Did Richard tell you why he didn't pick you?" Derek asks out of curiosity. His mentor made it seem like there was a good story behind the reasoning.
"No." Addison lies and shakes her head, "He just thanked me for applying for the position and told me that someone else was chosen." She closes her eyes for a minute while her husband tries to work out a few of the growing knots in her neck, "I really wanted that job." She smiles nostalgically. Maybe she wanted it for the wrong reasons, maybe she placed too much importance on it or maybe she just let Richard see that too well but she's always wanted to be Chief. Head of her own department is fine and impressive but she wouldn't be herself if she wasn't always reaching for the highest goal out there.
"Would you have stayed if he gave it to you?"
"Yes." Addison admits quietly, just barely loud enough over the low hum of the television. "But then we wouldn't be here and this is worth not getting the job."
"Yeah." Derek nods and presses a kiss just behind her ear, "That it is."
A good ten minutes slips by both preoccupied with their own thoughts before Carson's cries from across the room shake them back to reality. "I got it." Derek jumps up.
"She needs to be fed." Addison explains watching Derek slowly sway in an attempt to settle his daughter down while she fights him and tries to suck on the yellow blanket he wrapped around her a few seconds before.
"I know. I just miss her a little." He relinquishes control and hands over the baby just as her face grows a vibrant shade of red. He seems to have done more to upset her than calm her but it was worth the few minutes of bonding. Derek settles in next to Addison's side and strokes the fine red hair on Carson's head as she finally latches on and begins to nurse. "I took-" Derek starts and then stops himself. This is too good a moment to be ruined by a work announcement.
"What?" Addison looks over at him imploringly. She knows her hearing is starting to go, what with all the shrieking she has heard in the last few months, but she's almost positive that that sentence wasn't finished.
"Nothing, it's not important." Derek mutes the volume on the television, instead choosing to sit in the quiet with the two most important women in his life. "Can I burp her?"
Addison rolls her eyes, "Yeah...hey, you can even change her too here in a few minutes I bet."
"You know what I mea-"
"Yes I did." She cuts him off, "And thank you. I would appreciate that."
Derek doesn't reply and simply falls into a trance waiting until it is his turn to be useful. After nearly an hour they finally manage to get settled upstairs. Derek spits the minty toothpaste from his mouth and crawls to the bed, checking the alarm clock on the way down. He rolls over, rubbing his feet together, trying to warm the cool sheets as he goes, and faces his half asleep wife. "Night Addie, love you."
"Love you too." She murmurs and then wiggles her way under Derek's chin when he tries to tug her closer. Generally they sprawl out separately, years of marriage breaking way from the need to be huddled together while recharging but from time to time (more often since marriage number two Addison has found), whenever one or other needs it they have been known to cuddle. She doesn't know what occurred during Derek's day because he claimed nothing interesting happened but for some reason he needs this tonight so she is more than happy to oblige even though she'll probably end up kicking him off of her in an hour.
"Derek, I'll be gone for four hours tops. It's just consult." Addison retorts angrily jangling her keys in her hand impatiently.
It's been three weeks since Derek officially took over as chief and he still hasn't managed to tell her yet. He knows it's growing worse by the second and arguing with her on this issue seems ridiculous but he can't really risk anyone saying anything to her. So far, she's been wrapped up in the family bubble taking the kids to the park with Izzie and attempting to make his lunch everyday, and the smile that is finally back on her face after endless days of hormone readjustments is not something he wants to lose. She's just got back to really being her bossy, witty self and Derek is not ready to upset that balance, even provided she greets him with congratulations.
This changes everything and he's happy with the way things are right now. He'll tell her sooner or later, it's just that right now later sounds like such a better option.
"It's our day off Addie. I haven't had a day off in weeks and I don't want to-"
"It's not my fault that Richard is out Derek and that you haven't scheduled any time for yourself to be off-"
"Addison-"
"She's been my patient-"
"How has she been your patient when you've been on leave for over-"
"If you would stop interrupting me-"
"Well, maybe if you would stop interrupting me-"
"Derek!" Addison nearly shouts and bends over to pick up Carter as he pulls on the hem of her knee length skirt. She hasn't dropped all the baby weight and she's certainly not happy about the fact that her hips are never going to fit into the right size again but it's enough not to be stressed about it anymore and with Izzie's help she is able to take Graham out for a nice walk/run every afternoon while the boys eat their snack and play until nap time. Exercise does wonders for her bored mind. Maybe one of these days she'll be able to take Callie up on her sunrise yoga class. Her friend at a growing thirteen weeks still swears by it. "She's been my patient since 2004. When she had her first child. Their son, Jackson. Then I delivered their daughter, Hailey, in 2006 via an emergency c-section and now- now they're having twins and I'm not letting anyone else touch her when I know exactly what I am doing."
"Someone else could-"
"It's a TTTS case Derek, you know as well as I do that I'm the only one in the hospital that can handle that-"
"That's not true-"
Addison twists her heel into the rug by the front door and pulls her son's warm hand away from her dangling earring for the hundredth time today. "I'm going. I'll be back. End of discussion."
"Fine." Derek growls and knows he has no reason to get angry with her other than his own stupidity. She's a fine surgeon, an amazing doctor and he knows that sitting at home for the last four months has been killing her. "Go."
"Thanks." Addison retorts sarcastically. "Izzie is off today so don't bug her ok?" She clenches her jaw when he pretends to pay attention to the infant in his arms instead of her voice. "Ok Derek?"
"Yeah, great. Whatever. Have a nice day."
"I'll be right back. What is your problem?" Addison's voice takes a frustrated tone and she finally loses it just enough to put Carter down and urge him toward his blocks four feet away. She has no idea where Collin is but assumes that they'll find whatever disaster he has made sooner or later. These are the highlights of her days now and she can't understand why Derek won't just let her have these few hours to feel like a normal human being again. She needs this.
"I don't have a problem. I just wanted to spend the day with my family who I haven't seen- my whole family." He corrects when she tries to butt in.
She stomps forward, half touched by his desire and half annoyed that he is being such a four year old about her finally getting back to work, even if it is only one case, and presses her lips to his gently. "I'll be back shortly."
"Ok." Derek resigns the good fight and begins praying that she doesn't run into anyone with too big of a mouth. God help him or there will be a tornado looming on the horizon before he can figure out to evacuate.
"So she's going to be okay right? And the babies, they're good?" Lisa's husband Wes squirms in his seat, his hand tightly laced with his wife's.
"They're all going to be just fine. I'm going to go ahead and schedule-" Addison pauses when she hears screams in the hallway that sound too familiar, "I'll schedule the procedure-" She stops again and strains to hear the wailing from behind the closed door of the patient's room.
"Is there something wrong?" Wes asks nearly jumping out of his seat trying to remember if he asked all the questions they had written down on a loose piece of notebook paper last night when Lisa couldn't sleep.
"No, sorry. I just thought I heard something." She shakes her head, trying to get back on track. Her mind has gone out of line too many times already during this consult and she's starting to look slightly unprofessional, and she really doesn't want the gossip to start before she's even really fully back. "Anyway, as I was saying. I'm going to go ahead and schedule the procedure for tomorrow- oh wait, no not tomorrow." Derek works tomorrow and she promised Izzie she could have two days off in a row this week which is doubly important since Addison needs to get used to Izzie being gone. Two and a half weeks left and counting. She tries to ignore the cries from a little ways off for as long as possible while flipping through the chart to see if Lisa can wait a few days, "Will you excuse me for a second?"
Addison doesn't wait for a reply from her patient and slips out of the room without seeing their heads nod in strange approval. Ten feet down she sees her daughter near frantic in the arms of some light blue scrubs with a face she knows has to be new. "Hey you!"
The blue scrubs look up and fidget uncomfortably. Addison stalks forward, her heels clicking on the tile mercilessly and she may have been seriously underestimating her presence lately because this kid looks like he is about to wet himself but before she can reach her destination both of her sons rush forward, dropping each other's hands (something they've made them start doing I public so they don't get lost or taken unless the kidnapper wants two for the price of one, which she's certain they would not).
"Mama!" Collin squeals with delight, "Up!" His arms stretch into the air and without thought Addison carelessly swings him onto her hip and snuggles him closely while the more cautious of the two, Carter, finds a safe haven behind her knees.
"Who are you?" Addison demands.
"Steven, Moser. Dr. Moser. Miss Addison-" He stutters and hesitantly looks down at her name tag. Certainly the snippy tone of her voice and the white coat are not going to mean anything good.
"That's Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd to you. Now can you tell me what you are doing with my children?"
"Watching them." He says softly and holds Carson out to her as a peace offering.
"How did you get them?" Addison says slowly, annunciating everything as if she is speaking to one of the twins. She sets one child down mid sentence to take another, who clearly is in need of either a nap, a snack or a fresh diaper...or all three. She ignores the blatant staring from the nurses and other staff who have seen nothing of her daughter or her in well over a month. She doesn't have the time to deal with them just yet. Maybe later. Heaven knows she won't get out of here without being stopped by a few people and secretly she enjoys it.
"The Chief told Jen to watch them but them Dr. Bailey needed her on an endoscopy so then Nurse Debbie had them but she had to take lunch so now I have them," his voice drops to a low quiver, "and I am really glad you're here because I do not know what I am doing."
"Word of advice Steven," Addison winks, "Never tell people in this place you don't know what you are doing unless you are certain you're about to kill someone. Then tell someone and tell them quickly."
"Right." He nods.
"How long ago did...Chief?" Addison stutters sensing something very wrong.
"Chief Shepherd. He's in OR 3 I think. Said he had some kayaking buddies coming in with head trauma. I didn't get in on the case, he took O'Malley." Steven pauses nervously, and understandably so, "If you could put in a good word for me...I mean let the Chief know I did alright with his kids...I'd appreciate it. I kind of need all the help I can get."
Addison swallows the froth trying to come up and smiles when she looks at the squirrelly kid in front of her. It's not his fault. "I'll see what I can do."
"Thanks." He bobs his head in appreciation and begins to walk away.
"Dr. Moser, one more thing."
"Yeah?"
"Where's everything else?" Addison looks around at her kids. There's no diaper bag full of toys and cheerios, no cute little extra outfits just in case of an accident of leakage issue, no carrier for Carson. Just kids who seem angry and scared of the big, bad hospital.
"What?"
"Is this all Nurse Debbie gave to you?" She gestures toward her children.
"Yeah." He shrugs, "Maybe Chief has the stuff in his office...you could check since you know him and stuff."
"I'm his wife." Addison verifies for the young man, "And a double board certified neonatal surgeon who happens to work in this very hospital."
"Right, that's what I meant." He shuffles his feet over the shiny tile waiting to be excused.
"You're excused..." Addison fights internally for a second and then gives in, "and thank you for watching them, that's not your job and not what you're here for so I appreciate it."
"Not a problem. I gotta go before Dr. Bailey-"
"I understand." Addison sets him free and shifts a fussing Carson onto her shoulder hoping that she'll be quiet enough for the next ten minutes so she can finish her job and figure out what in the world was so great that Derek came in on the day off he wanted to so badly. She grabs Carter's hand who reaches out for his brother's immediately and then they slowly train back toward Lisa's room catching the weary eye of many who dare not disturb the gradual movement. Once inside she opens a few drawers with one hand and finds some makeshift toys so the boys don't get bored while she tries to finish up. "Sorry about that." Addison apologizes and pulls out a spare blood pressure cuff and haphazardly tosses it to the ground like she's feeding hungry lions. She roots around a little more until she's satisfied that they have enough to stay busy. "Ok where were we?"
"Are these yours?" Wes asks staring at the twins on the ground, who to Addison's displeasure are dressed exactly identical, she's not sure why Derek makes it harder on himself.
"Oh yes. Umm...that's Carter on the left and then Collin and this," she rubs her daughter's back, "is Carson."
"You've been busy." Lisa smiles, "May I?" She points to Carson and Addison instantly and somewhat gratefully hands her over.
"She misses the kids. We've only been gone two days and you would think she'd want a vacation." Wes tries to explain for his wife who has now drawn up her knees and planted Carson over them so she can have a good look at the baby. Oh what Addison would give for a vacation- even if it included surgery.
"How old?" Lisa gestures to the twins.
"27 months."
"Last time we saw you-"
"They're from Russia. We adopted." Addison elucidates, hoping to get off the subject sooner or later before one of them bursts into tears or inadvertently melts down causing her severe embarrassment. She listens to the toys slap against the floor with a clenched jaw and forced smile as her patients coo and make funny faces at her grumpy daughter and then she clears her throat. "So I'm going to go ahead and schedule the operation for the day after tomorrow if that's alright with you guys."
"Sure." Wes agrees easily, eyes never leaving the baby in his wife's lap.
"Good." Addison nods. "Ok, so I'll put you down for eleven a.m. on the fourteenth and I'd like to keep you here just to be safe so we can make sure everything is being monitored."
"Sounds good Dr. Montgomery." Lisa replies in a higher pitch voice than normal.
Addison purses her lips and tries to think of a way to get her daughter back. Maybe she should just truck the kids around all of the time, they seem to help. She scratches a few more lines into the chart, out of habit and procrastination and then returns it to the end of the bed. "I will see you guys in a few days." She smiles and waits and waits for them both to catch on.
"Oh, gosh, sorry." Lisa hands Carson back with a timid smile, "Got a little wrapped up there."
"It's alright." Addison's head swings around as she finishes her sentence to find Derek entering the room, very fresh from surgery, his scrub cap not even untied yet and she can swear that his hands are still damp. "Hi."
"Hey." He grins and then plops down in a chair on the left hand side of the room as the boys clamber to show him their new toys.
Addison mentally weighs the benefits of dragging her family out of the room minus introductions just to save time and to grill her husband but then gives into her polite side, "Lisa, Wes this is my husband Derek Shepherd. Derek this is Lisa and Wes Bryant."
"The TTTS case?" He questions knowingly with a charming smile that makes Addison want to knock out his front teeth.
"Yes."
"Nice to meet you both." She waits rather impatiently as they exchange words for nearly ten minutes before Derek finally gives in and pulls himself from Lisa's bedside. "I was just stopping by the grab the kids, I'll go get their things out of my office and I'll wait for you in the parking lot, ok?" He steps in and kisses her cheek lightly, stealing his daughter in the process, and then turns to the door.
"Actually I'm done here so I'll come with. See you both on Sunday."
"Looking forward to it." Wes laughs and resumes his spot in the uncomfortable furniture next to his wife.
"Come on boys." Addison pries the various medical supplies out of the sticky hands and lazily throws them all on the counter for someone else to deal with before following Derek into the hallway.
"If you need to stay, it's ok. We can wait." He offers.
"I really was done and I'm more than ready to get these guys out of here and down for a nap." She ruffles Collin's hair and he looks up inappreciatively before touching the top of his head. "And then you can explain to me why they are even here." She says softly with a sweet smile plastered to her face. "So let's go." She starts toward the elevator, leaving Derek behind with his apprehension and worries. He knew it was a bad idea to keep all that stuff in his office but he was in a hurry, it was an emergency, and he wasn't thinking rationally.
He places one foot in front of another slowly buying time before he'll have to led her to a new office on a new floor. Maybe he can come up with some way to get out of this. "So I've been using Richard's office." Derek clarifies and pushes Addison's hand away from the panel and proceeds to press in the correct button as the machinery jumps to a start.
"Ok."
They twist through the maze of scrubs to find the door shut and locked just as he left it. He snags the key out of his pocket and twists the handle hesitantly. Here goes nothing. Dashing inside, he tries to gather everything at a lightning fast pace so she won't have time to catch on. "Ready?" He asks, heavy bag slung over one shoulder, his daughter now fastened into her carrier.
Addison fingers the nameplate carefully trying to choose her words. Dr. Derek Shepherd, Chief of Surgery. It makes sense now. The late hours, the ridiculous weeks of work, the lack of Richard talk. She doesn't know how she missed it. Instead of speaking and saying something she'll regret, because underneath the overwhelming feeling of betrayal she is actually proud and happy for him, she picks up the metal and spins back around with her eyebrows raised into the question for her.
"That's just something they had made up. I don't know what they were thinking, it was a joke Add." The words flow freely and Derek's nearly forgotten how easy it is to lie to her, but not quite. He knows he's lost when she sets the title back down and slides it to where it was living before, desk less dusty in that area as a clear indicator of where it should go.
"Don't." She warns. Derek hangs his head in defeat and adjusts the bag that's attempting to fall to the ground.
Knowing he's a malnourished child equipped with a wooden sword in this fight he keeps his mouth shut and his eyes steady on the floor until they've managed to herd their children back into the elevator and are truly alone. Then it happens. The question he can't really answer without making the mess more widespread. And the only thing worse than trying to come up with a way to structure his answer is the wretchedly hurt voice she uses to ask him about life's newest development. He hasn't heard her use it since right after moving to Seattle, in the dark nights at the trailer, where neither could ignore that everything was wrong.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
A/N: Forgot to add that all title and cut text credit still belongs to The Classic Crime.